Possibly Deciding to Stop at One Child

When I had my first I felt the same way. I was so in love with her that I just couldn't image sharing my love with another child. If I had to plan it I most likely would have stopped at one, but luckily I got pregnant with my second. Yes, it is more difficult with 2 when they are young, but when they are older they are each others playmates. My kids (now 11 and 13) are growing up playing and sharing their lives together. I am so glad to know that they will always have each other.

Hi Traci,
My husband and I decided on two. Now, two and a half years later, we have one and DONT want two!!! Unlike you, we are old folks!!!! I think that maybe if we were younger, it might be different,
You can weigh the pros and cons ALL day long....you just have to decide what you can do and afford.
Honestly, if I werent 38 and my husband not 47...things might be different. If we were both ten years younger, we would probably have one or two more. Lets face it...we are not young...and kids ARE NOT CHEAP!!!!
Just consider what you can afford and support.....hopefully, you can have TWO MORE!!!!!

Good luck!!

Margaret :)

I have only one child and for me it was not by choice as I have had 3 misscarriages. When my son was young, he said nothing about it, but now that he is older. He wants to know why he doesn't have any other siblings like all his kindergarten classmates. It breaks my heart.

I had a friend who's husband was an only child and he had parents that adored him. It was when his dad passed away with cancer that he shared with his wife how he wished he had siblings because the responsibility of taking care of his mom's simple request was so draining on him. Helping make funeral plans, etc. Just so you know they were not poor. He would say that he felt like he had 2 wifes and both needing his attention at the same time. What he wouldn't do to have a sibling to share things with. Just a little food for thought from a young boy and older man in his late 30's.

Hi Traci, While I believe that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and that each person has the right to decide how many children they are going to have, since you asked for opinions, i will tell you mine. I chose to have only one child ( It was mostly for selfish reasons for me, I had a bad experience as my episiotomy split open, and it took 6 mths to heal). I didn't have a lot of patience, and my son had very bad colick for several months, and completely wore out 3 adults ( No sleep). After that he was a perfect angel, and just the best child. then of course there were the teenage years, don't know if I could have survived 2 or more sets of those. BUT, my son now about to turn 24 next month, is a wonderful young man, a good friend to his mom, and I would love 3 more of him! The point that I am trying to make, is that even though you may find it hard and tiring to raise more than one, when you are older and they are grown, you will wish you had raised more than one. i now wish I had 3 children, instead of the one. I don't get to see my son as often as I would like, he works 12 hour days, and lives a couple of hours away. i expect it will only get worse when he finds a wife and has his own children. We are very close, but time together is very limited. Think about when you get older, and they are grown. what if your daughter marries a soldier, and has to move around with him, maybe even out of the country, i know you will wish you had other children and grandchildren then. My point is , that it is good to look ahead, beyond the child rearing age, to adulthood. How many people do you want to have around that Thanksgiving table when they are grown? That's my 2 cents worth! Blessings to you.

Dear Traci,

I can give you my perspectives on BEING the only child of an only child...

(1) Very positive - I am "super close" to my parents and I believe that is because I am an "only". Because my mother was also an only child, she, too, was very close to her parents. My maternal grandparents lived in the same city as we did, so I saw them probably five days of every week of my life. My mom and dad did not marry until they were seniors in college and had only one semester to go; then, it was a little over 2 years before I was born (so my mom was 24). Even so, it was as if my mother's mother was a mom with two daughters -- my mom and me. We all had great fun together for many, many years (my grandmother died several years ago, at 92, and my mom will be 80 in May). Like you and your husband, I was very happy being an only child because I did not have any other experience to compare it to.

(2) Mixed/tradeoff view - When I was young, people always commented that I was mature for my age. I think this is because I always had adult companionship. Both my parents and grandparents treated me with respect and encouraged me to express my views on whatever topic was at hand. This was good as it built my confidence and developed a sense of worth/contribution. I did well in school and my confidence translated into a successful business career. In retrospect, I may have missed some "silliness" (ergo, fun) that comes with hanging out with kids. I wasn't a "goody two-shoes" but, in fact, I was "good" because I really did not have anyone older or near my age to serve as a confederate to prompt me to "get into" mischief. I don't really regret missing this, but pretty much throughout my life, I have found that my views have weighed-in on the more serious side. Also, (like all oldest children) everything that I discovered/explored was breaking new ground: there was no older sibling to give me any guidance or rite-of-passage advice. I have been married twice, both times to men who had siblings. At times, I have felt a twinge slighted when they shared childhood "escapades" that drew them close to their brothers and sisters and made for great memories. I have realized that I missed one aspect of joy by NOT having a brother or sister with whom to share both important and non-important things -- even though I gained an awesome relationship with my parents and grandparents. Perhaps that is just a trade-off.

(3) Down sides (?) - Currently my parents are quite independent, maintain their own home, and meet their own needs. But I can tell you that, at 54, with my parents entering their 80's, I weigh every future decision based upon my sole responsibility for their support, well-being and care. I see them slowing down ever so slightly and I am a realist about aging and death. There WILL be a decline in my parents health and independence in the next 10 to 15 years and it could be gradual or happen suddenly (God willing, they will remain healthy and robust as long as possible and to the end). But, even now, I do not want to live more than 6-8 hours drive away, so that if something happens I can be there quickly and check on them often. I have even considered (with mixed emotions) moving closer to them (as in BACK to my home town) BECAUSE I know that, barring sudden death, they will become more dependent on me at some point in the future. I really can't say how having siblings would alter my views, but it change the dynamics. There would be another/other persons involved in decisions. Of course this might mean someone to SHARE THE LOAD (presuming they were willing and engaged, as I am). But it could also complicate things if we did not see eye-to-eye with regard to my parents care; in my family this is virtually unthinkable because we are a loving, Christian family with remarkable loving ties throughout a network of extended family --but I do hear stories of people that are at odds with siblings over key family issues (how sad.)

And then, of course, there is the issue that, no doubt, you have already considered -- that being the uncertainty of physical life that we all face, daily. No one has a guarantee that he/she will see tomorrow. Many people have lived to experience the death of an only child and some have endured the death of several children. So, not to dwell on an unthinkable possibility, I just want to say that this is a primary reason that I am SO THANKFUL that I was brought up in a Christian home and learned at a very early age that there is a loving God Who assures me life everlasting through faith in Jesus Christ. I WILL be at home with my parents and other loved ones, in our Father's house, regardless of who departs this world first.

John 17:3 - "Now this is eternal life: that they may know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent."

Hopefully, my perspectives will help you to think through some of the issues that you are considering. Blessings upon you and your daughter. I hope you will share profound love, mutual respect and enduring friendship, as my mother and I do, for many, many years to come.

Best wishes,
K.

I think the greatest gift you can give your daughter, besides faith is a brother or a sister. Unlike anything you can buy her, a sibling will not only be there for her when you are not, but it can also teach her valuable lessons in life about giving, sharing, sacraficing and responsibility. Children are a lot of work and so very tiring, but so very worth it.

Pray about it! Good Luck.

Dear Traci,
I remember having similar feelings. We had our first baby when I was 34... When he was about 6 weeks old, my husband said (jokingly) "I'll bet we can squeeze in four before you turn 40". I wanted to clobber him..LOL. Well, we HAPPILY have four beautiful children and I did deliver our last baby 11 days before I turned 40. When I discovered that I was expecting our second child, I remember feeling as if I were "cheating" on my son. I loved him so deeply..I did not want to take any of my love/attention away from him. Well, a sibling is one of the most wonderful gifts. An elderly person from our church once told me,"honey, you never regret the children that God gives you...just the ones that you never had"...this is from an elderly person's perspective. I NEVER imagined myself with four children..but we have been richly blessed with two sons and two daughters. Life is busy and crazy (but fun) and I can't imagine life without these beautiful children. Take your time and you will figure out what is best for your family. XOXOXOX

This should be a COUPLE'S DECISION. I've talked to easily a dozen men and women who've told me that the spouse decided absolutely no children, or no more children, and it was heartbreaking to them. (One man told me that he wanted to stop at six but his wife insisted on one more and the 6yo boy was sooo sweet but the father said he would have been fine w/o him--what a jerk.) I'm not a counselor, but I guess people can sometimes just really open up to you when they trust you.

Don't make y'alls decision out of fear: If you had a traumatic birth experience then get help from an online group like www.ican-online.org so that you can rise above feeling like you're pigeon-holed into another bad event rather than a beautiful and safe one. Childbirth trauma is very real and has made many of my friends not want more because thinking that they didn't have freedom, until they got accurate information and help.

Don't make y'alls decision out of guilt: If you're going to be too inconvenienced by raising another baby then don't bring another one into the world. But if there are no past traumatic events, health, or marriage problems, and it really is about convenience, then you can't say it's not out of selfishness, be honest.

Your daughter is probably absolutely adorable some days and you'd love to just freeze this moment and not have anyone/thing disturb it. Or your daughter is really, really tantrum-filled sometimes and you can't imagine inflicting this on yourself yet again. These are the life-changing experiences of parenting! Our kids test our mettle, but it's good for us and for them as they learn independence! We just have to laugh more than we cry!

You and your husband should make the decision together. It's a very big decision, and it will affect your daughter's life maybe more than yours (because she's so young, and you've already lived over 1/3 of your likely years), so you should take that into consideration, too. It's your private business, whatever you decide. Best wishes.

I love that you are really thinking about this and not just having babies cause you like having a baby or miss having a baby.

I know you feel torn, but rest your mind for a little while. Listen to your mommy heart and brain. It will guide you. Be totally honest with yourself and you will have an answer.

Then go to your husband and give him the freedom to tell you the truth about how he feels. Then the two of you can hear your pros and cons if needed.

This is exactly what my husband and I did. It was great cause we both knew our pros and cons and then just sat down and were able to be totally truthful with each other.

We have only one child by choice. I have asked her if she wishes she had a sibling or siblings. She says she was lonely sometimes, but then she would remember she had great friends and loved our "little family".

We sent her to away camps, dance lessons, art lessons and we have been able to attend many events and experience many activities, that if we had two children, we know we would not have been able to afford. I could have worked outside of the home full time to afford 2 children, but then I would have had both in day care and then not be able to be as involved in their schools. We also have a tiny house and there was no way we could afford to add on and we did not want to leave our beloved neighborhood. (this house belonged to my husbands family for 3 generations).

We also have never had a lot of money, so we have been able to live off of my husbands income. As a small family it has allowed us to give our child opportunities we know we would not have been able to if we had more children. She is now about to return to college for her sophomore year and we are so proud of how well she has turned out. She is very mature, very compassionate and has lots of empathy. We have no regrets, because we feel like we have been able to really get to know her.

I really do know that most of our friends have multiple children and all love them as strongly as you love your single child. They all say that you cannot believe how much you can love every child. It surprises them every time. None of them have ever said they regret having more children and the "special surprises".

Whatever you decide, never have regrets. It is no ones business but your own.I would never ask people why they have multiple children.

After reading about people asking about only children, I will share what my husband tells these people. When they ask, "why did you only have one child?", he tells them
"Cause we got it right the first time!" Shuts them up every time.

I felt the same exact way when my dd was 2 years old. I was done. My family looked at me and thought I was done too. I was happy, but had enough on my plate.

You're rushing yourself. Relax.

So many people feel the need to have them close in age which is GREAT but it's not for everyone. It wasn't for me.

A 20 month old is full time---how can you possibly do any more, right? I've been there.

My kids are 6 years apart (lucky to have 2nd at 41 so I know thats not always an option).
I know for some people that gap is too big but I appreciate my youngest and have time and sooooo much less stress.

For me, I feel like I am a better mother because I have more time to focus on my little one. My oldest gets lots of attention and she's my little helper with my youngest.

WAIT--give it time. No need to make a decision right now.

Lastly, on a technical note--talk to your OB GYN. I'm no doc but wondered if she can check hormone levels with you yearly that would correlate with your fertility. I don't know if thats possible.

I don't think it's odd to want to stop at one child, especially since your daughter is only 20 months old. That is an exhausting age.

I understand about being totally in love with your little one. I felt the same way about my daughter. My husband and I always knew we wanted more children, so stopping with the one we had was never discussed.

If you don't feel driven to have another baby, don't do it. Something inside you will tell you if you are ready for another. In the meantime, don't do anything irreversible right now in case your feelings change. That's always possible, you know.

Just enjoy your little one and don't worry about what you "should or should not" be doing in terms of having another. That decision will come easy if you really want a larger family.

Hope this helps a bit.

Traci,
First I must say what a fantastic mom you must be! You are awesome for trying to make a thoughtful decision about this. The bottom line for me is that you need to do what your heart tells you to do. My mother and I are both only children. That makes me an only child and an only grandchild. If ever there was a case for a person to be spoiled and self-centered, it would be me! :) Instead, though, my parents and grandparents worked very hard to instill in me the values of NOT being self-centered, of working hard, and of living a life in service to others. I have to respectfully disagree with the person who posted that adult only-children are self-centered and have trouble sharing. I think it's pretty safe to say that this is stereotyping. I think if we're all honest, we can all say that we know people who are self-centered and plenty are NOT only children. I never had problems with this with my college roommates or now in my married life. If my spouse or parents or dearest friends were writing to you instead of me, I am absolutely confident they would tell you this. I do think it is a good idea, though, to talk to adults that are only-children and get their perspective. As an only child and an only grandchild, not only did I not have siblings, I didn't really have cousins either. But I never remember feeling like I missed out as a child. I think it's really all in how your parents raise you. As thoughtful as you are being about this, I can't imagine that you would be the type of person to raise your child to be self-centered. I believe that it's only when you model self-centeredness that your children learn those behaviors. Best wishes to you!

As everyone has said, it is your decision...I am an only child of an only child, so here is my perspective.

Growing up, being an only child is great! I wouldn't change it for anything. I was nurtured, loved, and I believe I developed into a confident and compassionate adult.

As an adult with my own family I find that it is much more difficult. I am married, my mother (remember an only-child) is not, and my maternal grandmother is ailing. My grandfather passed away a few years ago. Where there were 4 of us, there are now 3 and will soon be just 2. The lack of an extended family really becomes difficult the older you get when late in life issues are broght to the forefront. I am my Mother's only and closest family member. When my Mom can't handle the reality, the burden falls on me - the only grandchild. This is tough and has become quite an issue for me, who is trying to establish my own family and raise my own children. What I am trying to say is that there is a LOT of guilt and a HUGE burden that comes with being an only child.

This is why I recently gave birth to my 2nd child. My husband who is 1 of 3, would have been content with just one. I was adament about having more than one because, people with support, have NO idea what it's like to not have any.

Hey- well, you have no shortage of responses but I will chim in briefly. Avoid the "hard sell" if you can. Don't let anyone tell you how bad it is to just have one child. I disagree with one of the posters regarding self centered behavior as adults. I don't know about you but some of the worst people I have met were NOT raised as an only child. Follow your heart. We have one child. The sun rises and sets on her (as far as I'm concerned). We love having one kid. She has many cousins and friends. She will never be alone. She is a very happy kid every day and that's all that matters.

i decided to stop at one. my daughter is 34 months old and
we have the best times together every day. she is not
spoiled, she is tender and caring and super sweet.
my hubby wants one more, but it is so much work.
he's a wonderful father, but most men only do so much and i
inevitably would end up doubly tired. i'm just not
up for it. i don't want to compromise my health, sanity,
or energy. i want to be all i can be for my one healthy,
happy blessing. i know you'll make the decision that's
best for you. good luck! :)

The first thing that you also need to think about is the money that it takes to have two children. School,clothes,medical, collage, weddings etc. Is this something that you feel that you can do, having a second child will also give your child someone to play with, and to have when she is older to be around like you are with you family. Being an only child can be hard because you have no one to really talk with or be around when you need them, like the lose of a parent etc. This is something that you both need to think about with each other and with yourself. Good luck.

Wow, Traci. I'm battling this one myself these days. I have a few extra battles going on but I think the main question, to breed or not to breed, is the same.

I always thought I wanted a bunch of kiddos and years and years of infertility just reinforced that feeling. Then I had a baby. I love him so very much that I just can't imagine loving another baby so much and I can't imagine dividing my attention, thus taking attention away from Briley.

I ask myself often lately, if I'm perfectly content with just him, who am I having another baby for if I chose to get pregnant again? I think the years of wanting nothing more than having children, a desire so strong that it physically hurt my soul,makes me question whether I am certain I don't want anymore. I think that's because before I had Briley I NEEDED a baby. Now having more children feels like a WANT...and wanting feels selfish.

Briley was born with multiple, rare and serious disabilities. This complicates thing for me because he will always be dependent on us. That is both a good reason to not have more children and a good reason to have another child. Balancing physical therapy, occupational therapy, visual impairment services, orientation and mobility services, pediatrian/neuroophthamolgy/neurologist/neurosurgeon visits and the rest, add in the fact that I am his eyes, ears, arms, legs....well, a minute with a new child is a minute lost on the one I have. BUT on the flip side, only children always talk about how they longed to have a sibling and felt loney throughout life with out one. I wonder if that would be even more so for Briley. When I'm gone, what family will have left? How lonely would he feel? We can't really ask our kids if they want more siblings. We are having to choose for them whether they get siblings though. People with a sibling rarely say they missed out on something but onlies do mention loss when they talk about the fact they never had siblings.

I could question and requestion myself until my face turns blue but for now, just to keep me from thinking about it in bed everynight, I answer myself with this: If I don't passionately, desperately desire a baby, I shouldn't try to bring one into the world just yet. Maybe that will change but until it does, I'm not shopping for new onesies.

That's just my POV in that debate for the moment. Like I said, it could always change, but until it does, that is the choice I'm making right now.

#1, you and your hubby do what you think is best for your family! Having "just" one child is NOT selfish, and that child can still have a very normal childhood! (A good friend of mine is an only child AND was homeschooled, but was so involved in other activities that she was not socially inept at all, and now is a very successful individual!)
#2, I wouldn't write off a 2nd child just yet =) your daughter is still very young and there's no need to rush a 2nd child OR the decision! I say keep your options open! Maybe when your daughter is potty-trained and going to preschool, you will realize that there IS a lot of time left in the day for a 2nd child. There's no reason you can't have a 2nd child 5 yrs after the first! My daughters are 5 and 3 and my husband and I have always agreed we would like 4 children, but the timing just hasn't been right for the 3rd child yet. I had wanted all my kids to be close in age, but I know that even if my youngest is 5 or 6 by the time we have another baby, it will still work out and it doesn't matter what anyone else says is "right", we will do what WE know is right for our family =)

It took me a long while to have my first and while I always wanted more, the doctor told me after a miscarriage and lots of testing, that I would not have any more kids unless I had in-vitro. I talked to a friend who was raised "only" (and who now has 4 children herself) and she pointed out all the benefits of being an only and how her parents made a point of keeping her with her cousins a lot and camps, etc. Since I was 39 at the time, I managed to wrap my brain around "ok, no more" and -of course, you know how this works- I was pregnant within a month. My second was a girl-the first a boy- and it was such a delight to have two. With the third we didn't care what we had, we were just curious as to WHO we would get! My oldest two are almost 4 years apart, the youngest are a little over 2 years apart. If I hadn't had my third at 42, I might have kept having more. They are now 17,13,and 11 and while,yes,they fight- they are also close and get so much from each other's company. For this big decision, I think the best advice is wait to decide. Twenty months is a demanding age- when she gets a bit more independent, you may change your mind. And you ARE young enough to wait on this decision. And if you still decide in another year or two that you don't want another- no harm done- you still only have the one. It's nice that you are thinking about it but to me it would be a non issue. Why do you have to announce whether you are done or not? On a side note, we had a cat that was traumatized by the arrival of our dog. For 6 YEARS he did not come downstairs because the dog is not allowed upstairs. Last fall we found a kitten and after a rocky start- the two became friends and after about 6 months the old cat realized that it was safe to come downstairs after the dog was asleep because the young cat would go up and down stairs and was not afraid of the dog. Recently a VERY old cat wandered into the yard and took up residence, and again we had a week or so of adjustment- not as long as before- and now ALL three cats are waiting downstairs together in the morning for breakfast. Our original cat has learned from having the other cats that the dog is a wuss- something he could not figure out for SIX years on his own. I pointed this out to my kids that even tho you may not want change or appreciate this new person that has come to live in the house with you- give it time- because you may realize they have a lot to teach you.

I'm from a very large family (extended, steps etc...) We were able to have (thankfully) only one child. I think there are challenges with all decisions. My son is now 11 and he has close friends that are like brothers and sisters. He has a ton of cousins. The challenge for me is those lonely days that no one can play. He depends on me a lot since he is so social and its hard. However, there are so many wonderful things about one child. We have a lot of fun a full life and no regrets. Since you are able to have more children (and you are NOT too old), you just need to think it through if you'd regret it down the road. There is just plain guilt in parenting anyway. I think if I had been able to have kids and chose not too, that I'd feel guilty b/c my son has no siblings. He'll never be a natural uncle etc... Guilt will come no matter what, so you need to just decide what is best for your family. Best wishes!

Traci:

Bringing a child into this world is such a gift and it is wonderful that you are thinking about it thoughtfully. My daughter is an only child, although not by our plan, but God's.

At 8 she does not miss siblings as she has no comparison. Yes her friends have siblings, as do her cousins and just about everyone we know. She does have two friends who are only chidlren so she knows they out there too! However, once we realized another one was not going to happen, we began singing the old mulitiplication rock song for 3. (if you are old enough you might remember it. aside from the times table, part of the song goes" man and a woman had a little baby, yes they did, they had three in the family, it's the magic number" and now you those reading this won't be able to get it out of their heads ha ha!!)

She knows are family is perfect the way it is. She is loving, kind and no not selfish. (I also have two adult friends who were only children. Both are very sweet people, though one of them, it's true had a hard time sharing a room in college. It wasnt' so much the dorm room as the bathroom!!! Other than that, she said it never occured to her or bothered her that she didn't have a sibling)

What should you do? Obviously this is something you and your husband must discuss. Don't have a child because everyone says you should or you don't want your child to be selfish. A lot of selfishness is learned, so teach otherwise. Don't have one for a playmate, there is no gaurantee they will be buddies or get along. Don't have one to help take care of you in your old age. How many adults do you know who bemoan the fact they do everything for their parents while siblings do nothing? (because they are selfish or live too far away) And don't have an only child because you want to "give it the best of everything". Your love and the grace of God are what your child needs. Not camps, great vacations, the best clothes, or private school.

Just know this: if God is the model of parental love in that He loved each and every one of us so much He sent his Son, he can surely put in your heart the ability to love one more (or 6 more!!).

We have 4 children. When we started out I never would of thought we would have 4. I really think...once you get thru the infant stage....its just as easy to have more. They keep each other busy with themselves. I cant imagine them not having each other to lean on now and when they are older. I have to say my kids are close. Of course there have been the times when they couldnt stand each other-but it didnt last long.
I have a niece and a nephew who are both only children and because of fate thats what they will be. My niece is the same age as my children and she is almost like a sibling to them all. She is always with us or them with her.
My nephew is only 6 and he is like a younger brother to them. I definately have seen both of them as younger children want to be with their cousins and not alone.
Im just telling you our familys situation-You just do what you feel is right for you!!

I know you've gotten a ton of responses but I just have to add my 2 cents. My dad is an only child. My mom and dad decided to have 5 kids. He was bascially incapable of interacting with us and handling the chaos that comes with more than one kid. He'd always been on his own, with a friend, and in a quiet environment. Also didn't have a clue about people and relationships because he had no siblings. It's kind of the training ground for life and if you're not learning how to interact with others early on it makes it pretty tough for future relationships. My husband understands me so much better, precisely because he had a bunch of sisters! After I had my first I was content at stopping at one, but then later felt there was another one waiting. It's amazing to watch what a difference it has made for my first. She was used to everything revolving around her and everything being all about her (which is inevitable, she wasn't spoiled, just an only child). I have watched her people skills sky rocket as a result. I see her bartering, negotiating, making compromises, sharing, making up after disagreeing, saying I'm sorry, and showering her sister with love. It has really expanded her capacity to love and understand in so many ways which I am very grateful for. They also play endlessly together, which, otherwise, I would be constantly having to entertain her. One thing I do is picture family get-togethers when your kids are all grown up. Do you see one child with a possible grandchild and do you like how quiet that would be or do you want a bigger family circle? You'll know in your gut what's best for you. Good luck and blessings!

I know many people who only have one child. If you do it right, that child can still be very giving and sharing (which is one of the downfalls of being an only child; it's harder to learn). My mom always told me that you will love the children you have. And, if you have more, you will love them just as much and you won't ever regret having more. But, you won't miss what you don't have. I think there are exceptions to that, but for most, it fits. I could have stopped at one too. But, I was afraid I would regret not having more. I have 3 now. My sister would have loved to have children and got married late in life. She has decided not to due to her age. I think she might regret that on some days (don't we all have days like that?), but I think she is content with her decision. You may have days of regret, or longing, or what ifs. Just make the best decision for you and your hubby (he may want another one), and then choose to be content.

i never thought i would have a second child, and the whole time i was pregnant i could never imagine loving another one as much as i do my 6 year old, but now that i have both there is something to be said about the love my daughters have for each other, its not even something i can describe, its like an overwhelming feeling of delirious elation watching my oldest hold my youngest, comparing and contrasting the two, i've never been this happy

one is just fine but don't close the baby oven because your not sure if you could love another as much, you absolutely can, and would

After I had our daughter (difficult pregnancy and delivery) I told my husband no more! I had my daughter and I was content. I couldn't imagine loving another child as much as I loved her. Well, hubby really wanted another one and after four years of discussion, I gave birth to our son. I fell in love with that little boy the instant he was born. I didn't realize the human heart to expand that much. Now, they are 21 and 17. I wouldn't change it for anything!

Give yourself time. You know what is best for your family and if that is one child then its one child. We are lucky to live in a country where we can decide how many kids we want.

Your last three words tell it all "Two very pampered doggies" If you have so much time for the doggies then there has to be another reason for not wanting a second child. I am in my seventies and to this day I think there is nothing worse than growing up as an only child. Something has been missing all my life. When I hear others speak of their siblings I get such a strong sense of envy. I am happily married for fifty years with two grown children and two beautiful grandchildren. My children were cheated out of an aunt or an uncle. Give this decision a lot of thought. Think positive not negative.

I am an only child & i can remember my mom doing EVERYTHING with me & buying me the best. My parents were also able to bless my friends who had BIG families & could not afford to things I could, It was GREAT! AND NOW I have 4 kids of my own & am so grateful for all of them. It's funny cause now i'm the family that can't do everything some families can :)
But our family is very creative & we spend lots of time together having fun. As an ADULT I wish I would have had sibling to fight:) , play & share with. I can honestly say now It makes me sad to think that once my parents are gone that's the end of my family, so now it's very lonely.
AND this is coming from my parents having a combined of 21 siblings, so i have lots of cousins & lots of really GREAT friends...........but it's not Family. So do your kid a favor & have at least one more ( if you want)
Blessed Mom of FOUR!!

I wanted to share my story with you. I am an only child and I absolutely loved being an only child. I was always surrounded by friends, but being an only taught me the importance of valuing friends you could be close to. I am still best friends with the friends I made when I was 7 (and some even younger!) I grew up and married and only child who also enjoyed being an only child. Now we have one and I go back and forth about having another because I always imagined I'd have more than one, but I think about all the wonderful opportunities I had being an only and I really want to give that to my daughter. She's three and already she told me, she likes my friend's new babies but she wants to be my ONLY baby! And that suits me just fine! Good luck with this decision. PS-I've never met anyone who had such a close bond to their parents as my husband and I have with ours.

I think you have gotten some great advice so far:) I was kind of feeling that we could be content with our son because he is so awesome. I guess I could say it crossed my mind that having just him would in some ways be great because we could just be devoted to him and give him everything. But then, when he was about the age your son is now, I just really started wanting another baby. We got pregnant and are now expecting our second in January. I think it is going to be good for him to have someone to play with because he just loves being with other kids and is such an active boy! So I am happy to bring another baby into our lives. One thing I wanted to share, which I hope doesn't come off morbid is that I had one sister. She was my big sister and she passed away in January. Please believe me I am not in any way saying I think anything will happen to any of our kids!! It just really hit home with me how much my presence carried my mom through and how much joy having her little grandson around in the aftermath has helped her. Now that I am pregnant, I will be delivering almost a year from her passing, so we will have this amazingly joyous event at a time that could be so sad. So 33 years ago when my mom decided to have me, she couldn't know what lay ahead. But her heart just led her in what to do. So I think just follow your heart, if you feel your family is complete and your husband agrees, then go with it:) If either of you has an inkling of desire for more, then go with that. Neither decision is right or wrong, or selfish. Best wishes!

Hello,

I could not imagine ever being an only child. I understand that you have the joy of your life ---- your daughter, however, being an only child puts so much on her in the long run. My mother passed away recently, and I could not imagine going through all of that grief, pain, planning for her funeral and decisions by myself. My brother and sister were there also, thank goodness. All three of us made decisions, shared the grief, and the wonderful memories of our mother. I have three daughters now who are the best of friends! At times, they argue, yet can't live without each other. Good luck in your family planning.

My first child was very difficult but I knew I would have more than one. Having two (actually have four now) made life so much easier. For me 2 was easier than 1. Sure it was hard at first because I had a new baby but once number 2 got a little older they played together leaving time for me to get things done. I wasn't always having to entertain one or the other.

Hi Traci,

I used to want a whole houseful of children. I have a 2 y/o and I think we are stopping. I love being able to give her a good life and with other children financially we might not be able to do that. It is not all about money but kids are expensive. I think this is your decision and what ever you do is right for your family. And you never know when God will give you a suprise. :)

I know I'm late in the game--I was on vacation when your post came up.
Anyway, it's totally up to you. There are advantages of each. There are only children who hated their status, and then there is my ex-brother-in-law who was an only child and was very happy about that. There is no way to predict what life will be like with or without another one.

But--I have noticed that the workload changes as kids get older. At 20 months, I never could have dreamed of giving my daughter a sibling. I still needed my private one-on-one time with her. Three years have passed. Now she is 4 1/2. She can play by herself for quite some time. Life is not as exhausting as it was. We are adopting our second child soon (recently received our referral) and I will be able to spend more time with him now than I could have when my first child was younger. So, you never know.

Wait and see how you feel in a few years! (We were the same age as you when we adopted our first, so, yes, we'll have our second at 40. Really not so bad.) At that time, if your feelings haven't changed, then you can be confident in your decision to have one child. But do let your husband in on your feelings now so he knows what's going on.

Just remember that love is not a limited quantitiy item. It expands to fill all the space it can. You have to make your decision, but don't limit yourself to just one idea.

I too was very happy with just one child and was seriously thinking in having just one but I did not. I have two and I AM HAPPY I DID!!!

I won't lie, it is a lot of more work and you get your hands double full but at the same time is double the incredible love that you feel and double the satisfaction.

I never though I could love anyone more or as muuch as I love my first born.... Now I do understand what my mother and sister used to tell me and it is that you love all your children as intensely but each one in a different way.

As the love that you feel for your baby is a feeling that no one can explain or that you can not understand until you feel it, this is the same, the love and happiness you feel with second is only something you can experience and no one can explain.

In onther point to consider. I have a sister and not long ago my father died, it was something that was not expected but He spent a whole month in the hospital, and we spent it with him, having hope that he would recover one day and a set back the following, it was roller coaster of emotions... I am just so glad and gratefull that I had my sister, we were going to the ordeal together, we had each other to talk, to support and even to cry together and NO ONE could understand exactly what WE were feeling.

I know that no mater what in an emergency I will count on my sister.

It is a very personal decision I just talk about me and my experience.

I can just repeat that I am VERY HAPPY that I chose to have the second one. I can not stop drooling about her and I am surprised every day with everything she does. Plus it is much easier and (for me) a lot less estressful.

Good luck with your decision!
M.

We also decided to stop at one!! Both my husband and I are 37 and have a busy 2 1/2 year old. It is you and your husband's choice. ya know? It is amazing though how much pressure you get from others and how much you will hear, "when is the next one coming..." and when you tell them you are done, how surprised they are. I always respect people's choices. If someone wants to have 10, 1 or NONE, it is up to them. I have several married friends who decided to not have any. A choice. People need to respect our choice. So if that is what you decide, there is nothing wrong with it. People will ask you why. I always think it is strange and very personal (unless they are close friends or family) to ask. BUT people will ask so be ready for the "Why not more?" question hee:) Just know kids who grow up without siblings are perfectly normal!!

Before I was with my husband I didn't think I wanted any children. Then when we were together he always wanted 3 and I thought he was crazy. I said 1 at first and then agreed to having 2 because I also thought they should have a sibling. Going from 1 to 2 was the scariest. But you quickly get back into a routine. After the second baby I knew I wanted a 3rd. Now, my 3rd little girl is 14 months and we are trying for #4. If I was younger (I'm 37), I would probably have 6. I never thought of myself as being motherly and anyone else who knows me are all shocked and suprised at how I have changed (for the better). My children are all close in age (20 months apart from each other). They all play so nicely and are best friends. They stick up for each other and are so happy. Of course there are crazy moments but you quickly forget when they do something to make you laugh. I am also a stay-at-home mom. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. I know I am very lucky to be able to stay at home with them and I am truly blessed with my children and my wonderful husband.

Think far into the future... I know that it is especially comforting to have my brothers and sisters to share things with.. ie the death of our Mother.... I think it would be really hard if I had been an only child.... and I know my three children will have one another to lean on when the time comes that they are having to deal with the loss of their parents....

I think it is much the same as a person staying single their entire life... when young... you don't miss having someone else as much as you do when you get older..

It is tough raising children. No one said it would be easy and I went through the same thing as I am sure all mothers do. I just couldn't imagine having another child as I so loved my daughter but I did have another child and am so thankful I did. They were able to grow up together and share and sure they fought every now and then but today they are married with children of their own and they are as close as two children can be. Also when you get older and you start to have grandchildren you are so glad you had more than one child yourself because it is so wonderful to have all these people to love. I so enjoy both of my daughers and they are each different and unique in their own way. I have been so blessed. I know many friends that were only children and they all have told me they wish they had had a sibling but on other other hand they have survived and succeeded in life. Whatever decision you make I am sure you will make the right one for you. I just hope you don't make that decision and later wish you had not. Family is everything and children though tough to raise are such a blessing and bring you such joy.

I can't tell you what do---having more children is a big decision. However, you should be prepared as an "older" mom your chances of having twins is greatly increased. That is what happened to me! Ask yourself if you are prepared to have not just one more but maybe two? Good luck!

Hi traci
You need to do what you think is best or yourself and your family....but, since you asked for opinions here is mine. I am the mother of 12- our family is terribly blessed with 29 grand children and 10 great grand children. I love my children with all my heart- I would lay down my life or any one of them- did they miss out on some things?,.... yes....according to "society" but did they grow up with love- yes...I never felt like I did not have room in my heart for another one to love...... and there is another thing...in our golden years, there is always one of the kids that "wants to take care of us"...we have wonderful, fun filled holidays and the memories are unspeakable. The joy we have from our children cannot be expressed in words. But, there again- some feel smaller families meet their needs. Our children have two or three in their families and they are complete. It is just your preference.
good luck with your decision and blessings

After every child we've been content. After our first child, we thought it would be o.k. if we stopped here, and along came baby two...we wondered if we could ever share our love as completely with the second and it was amazing. Love doesn't shrink like the size of a piece of pie being divided into smaller pieces to give out to more people, the size of the pie increases and there's more for everyone.

I was so surprised with the birth of our 3rd child how excited my husband was that it was a boy, he was truly expecting a girl since we'd had two in a row and was very happy as a father of 2 girls, but there was something about that boy that meant a lot to him.

Our expenses for our children have increased. The food bill is definitely larger. Hand me downs have definitely helped with clothing. We homeschool, so don't have some of the hidden costs of public school, or excessive private school tuition. Shelter...we have 2 kids in a room...they have to get along and work at these skills (not a bad life lesson if you ask me) Getting a larger vehicle was tricky. We outgrew our car with the last child, but still could live within our means with a used Honda Pilot (it'll work til the boys grow. :)

But your talking 2 children...so this isn't really part of your concern.

At 37 you start to think...I don't really want to go through the whole pregnancy thing...or you are desperate to conceive...you're heading towards the peri menopause phase of life and so thoughts like you are having are definitely natural.

So my personal opinion: The best gift you can give a child is a sibling to go through life with when you are gone. Everytime I see my stairsteps playing and laughing together I smile...(now when they're bickering? That's another discussion!)

Life is good!

By now you have received a lot of advice. All I can do to add to this is tell you what I have seen within my family and within my neighbor's household.

There is a 9 year age difference between myself and my brother. It was an adjustment when he was born, but we have a very strong bond and I am fiercely protective of my 6'2" "baby" brother still to this day. I wouldn't change things one single bit.

My children are 3, 5 and 12. I didn't want a huge age difference between them because of what I knew from my brother and I. Well, the first and 3rd are the same age difference...they just have a brother in between. My oldest is a cross between a 3-5 year old, himself, and a wanna-be adult. The 3 and 5 year olds are very protective of each other but still have their times of not wanting to get along. Part of this is the boy/girl thing and part of it is just the stages they are in. I love the fact that they are so close in age and doing so much at the same time. My daughter has learned how to be a girly-girl but her brothers have taught her how to stick up for herself and how to be a tomboy.

My cousin is the only child of an only child. She never knew how to share as well as those with siblings and always felt she needed to be the center of attention...especially as she got older. My Great-Uncle passed away recently and my Great-Aunt is blind now. Because of having only one child, all parental burdens become that child's burdens. In-turn, once that child's health deteriorates, it becomes her daughters sole responsibility to care for her. When my father became ill and passed away, my mother and I worked together from this end and involved my brother as much as possible until we really needed him. I know that my brother will always have my back, just like I will for him.
My cousin on the other hand, has always turned the simplest things into contests between us and now she is dealing with her blind grandmother and trying to move her into the household.

My neighbor has a 9 year old, only child. That girl is as sweet as can be, but feels like she should be the center of attention, loves being around other children but isn't quite sure how to share, loves being at my house because of the kids and has always enjoyed going places with us because she fits in and looks like she is one of mine.

Now, with all of that being said, enjoying your children is what you are always trying to do. 35 is not old, my second child showed up when I was 34 and my 3rd was when I was 36. They are 20 months apart and yes, it is a lot of work, but it is SO worth it. My 3rd was the best type of oops I could have ever drempt of and our lives just wouldn't be complete without her. Sometimes my husband and I will just look at her and her comical ways and just revel in it.

Unless you were to get pregnant tomorrow, you would have almost 3 years between children and that is a good spread. They will always have each other to lean on and you will be getting one into college by the time the first is almost done.

If you search deep down in your heart, you will either find that having another child will complete you OR you will find peace with having just one and knowing some of the only-child complications, will know how you want to raise your daughter to avoid some of these issues.

I just remember thinking how perfect our little family was with one child and then, I got pregnant. It was hard at first to not think of a new baby as being an intruder but, I can tell you now, we wouldn't have wanted to miss life with him. And, as for the work, I believe that after a short while, it was easier with two. Six years later, we had a baby girl. What a joy. I am sure it is different for each family and that it is okay just to have a single child but that if you do have more, you wouldn't want to think of missing that little life. I grew up with a sister less than two years younger than I and I loved that.

I am an only child and am currently raising my daughter as an only child. She is 3. When I see families with two children I think that it is a sweet picture, but Ihave also seen families with one young child and a baby and seen the stress that it puts the mother under. I love my daughter unconditionally and can't imagine having to share that love with another child. I am not real interested in having a boy child and fell if there was another girl I would worry that I wouldn't be able to treat them equally.

I also worry about the expense and monetary stress that having two would put on my family. Some say I am selfish, howerver I often think the large families that can't afford to do all they want with their children are selfish for wanting more children than they can afford.

You are correct.....this is a decision for you and your husband - no other opinions matters.

We are a 1 child household and are quiet happy with our decision. I also toyed with the thought of 2 children - my husband and I both have 2 siblings - but have recently decided that 1 is good for us.

There are plenty of 1 child households in this country and they operate just as well and as dysfunctional as households with multiple children. If you were to have a 2nd one you would love that one just as much as your first and the effort would not be increased by that much.

Good luck with YOUR decision.

I am a mother of an only child and do not regret it at all. I always thought that I would have at least two. I did not meet and marry my wonderful husband until I was almost 35. I had my beautiful, healthy daughter at 39. I had a wonderful pregnancy, great delivery, so those are not the reasons. My husband was an only child and I have two older sisters with a big age gap they are 12 and 14 yrs older than me ( so I might as well have been an only child) My husband and I set down and discused this and we decided that we did not want to raise any more as I would like to be able to give my child the best of everything. I want to send her to private school if that is what we choose, I want to send her to the best college if that is what she chooses. She is in a daycare, goes to church and has neighbor children that she plays with daily so the sharing skills are being worked on daily. MY PERSONAL OPINION -- I have had numerous people tell me we should have another so she will have a playmate and I can have some me time. (sometimes I would love some peice and quite, but I remind myself that I will get plenty when she is 18 or so) It was not worth it to me to have another just to have a built in playmate, that can also be more work with the bickering and fighting. Yes my child does spend LOTS of time with me, but that is a choice I make, she will only be small a short time and want me to play with her one on one for a short time, so I cherish all of those moments.
As lots have stated, it is a decision you have to make, It was a decision we made and some of the reasoning behind it.

If you are happy, then who cares! I sometimes wish I stopped at one.

We stopped at one & it's great. yes people still ask why not more. but we are very happy. Once my sister-in-law had 4 my inlaws stopped asking. I was an only child & my husband had a step-brother. We make sure his is involved with other kids. He is seven.

First what other people do or say should have no bearing on what is right for you and your family. So if one child is right for you and your husband, then that is it. There are pros and cons to having one child, the same as having multiple children. Each child is different and will present different challenges to the parents.

Personally I don't think it's selfish having only 1 child. I think it's selfish having multiple children (like that lady who has 20 and counting.)

Currently we have 1 son, and he is 8 and only recently have we begun talking about another one. I would love another one but my husband is not too sure so it's something we need to discuss more before going forward.

Definitely talk to your husband and see how he feels. You still have a few years if you decide to try again, otherwise I am sure your daughter will grow up to be a well rounded and loved child!

There are pros and cons to every size family. I just want to add that the decision is not just about playmates and future "help" for your daughter (none of which is guaranteed). You need to decide whether or not you would enjoy raising more than one child. Multiple children with a resentful mommy are not going to be happy. It's not just about them, it's about you and your husband, too.

hi there traci.im a mother of two but i know what you mean because for a little bit i only wanted one child then i started thinking maybe that would not be fair so i sit down one day with my husband and we talked about it what he said is i would like to have two childern so i said well we will not do anything to stop it so thats what we did and we said if it happens it was mint to be if it dont then it's ok so a few months went by and i got preg,witch is fine because i got me a baby girl and she is my world 13 years later im very happy i have my two childern,so just talk to your hubby see how he feels and if he wants a nother one then dont do anything to stop it and see what happens from there.i wish u the best have a good day.

There is no right or wrong answer as there are advantages and disadvantages to any family size. My husband has 7 siblings. Many of whom he is not close to. He doesn't feel like he knows his parents as well since there were so many. I stoppped at 2 because I really didnt' feel like I would be as good a mom to more. But, many woman are awesome at that. My good friend has one and I see the pros/cons to that as well.

The only right answer is what feels right to you and your husband! Some siblings are very close and I know families with 2 kids who are not at all. You just don't know. Best of luck.

Traci,

After we adopted our son Byron (at birth) we loved him so much we didn't know if we could love another child as much as we loved him. I could type word for word what you said about your daughter.

Then when we went to our first amusement park and he had to ride his first ride alone while all the other kids had siblings and or friends to ride with, we knew then we had to adopt another child. He needed a playmate and friend.

Two years later we welcomed our second son, Ryan, into our lives. Are there days when I feel overwhelmed? Yes. But then when my oldest Byron tells me how much he loves his brother and wants to protect him, I know we did the ryight thing. He has not only a playmate, but a best friend for life.

Ryan likewise is always telling his brother how much he loves him. Sometimes his big brother is the only one that can calm him down when he gets upset.

Lastly, I have one sister and four brothers, and can't imagine not having my sister. She is my best friend What would your life been like without your sibling(s)?

I hope that helps.

C. B
SAHM of two energetic boys ages 9 and 5 and married to the man of my dreams

For me, 2 was definitely better then 1 because she had a playmate all the time! I agree with a PP, a sibling is the best gift you can give your child. And when you bring a new baby home the reaction you get from "little mama" is just priceless. If you include her in the pregnancy joys and helping with the baby it will give her a sense of pride and love for her new sibling.

Now I have 4 (well, 5 but he died during birth) and I wouldn't have it any other way!

Traci- I totally understand the thought of one child! That is what I thought after 2! Bit the good Lord works in mysterious ways! I say keep an open mind, your daughter will soon hit the "big girl" stage and you are going to miss the baby stage! I am now the mother of 5 ( 2 bilogical and 3 that we are sdopting) I love all my kids in differnt ways but all the same amount..

Hi Traci. We have just one child, but our situation is a little different. I had my son at 32 and my husband and i decided not to try for another until he was at least 3 years old. We waited and started trying when he was about 2 1/2 or so. After about a year and a half with no success, i realized that i was having hormonal issues and went to the doctor. I had to be put on birth control for about a year, and lost that year. Since then, we tried, without success. When my son turned six this year, i decided that that was it. I am now 38, my son is six, and although i would have loved another baby, we are no longer trying. Any child i might have had, would never be his "playmate", because he is school age and not an infant or toddler. Sometimes my heart breaks because he DOESN'T have very many cousins, and those he has live half a world away, due to my brother being in the military. Sometimes, when i think about the future, i worry because i don't want him to be alone. But he is a loving child, he is smart, and although he is a little greedy right now (when it comes to what he wants), he understands sharing, and he is very generous with other kids. He is extremely caring and sympathetic. He is as close as he can be to the cousins he does have, through the computer, and to his friends. He HAS asked for a sibling before, but he has also asked for a "kid", NOT a "baby" (one thing my husband and i have considered is "foster to adopt", a toddler or pre-schooler as opposed to an infant, in the next year or two).
Anyway, i am fine with the whole idea of him being an "only", now. He is the perfect age to do so many things that would be hard with an infant(to me, anyway), vacations to theme parks and such, long road trips, etc. And we are able to provide a little more for him, than we would have been able to, if we had had more children. Plus, and this will sound incredibly selfish, i am lately realizing how much more time i have for MYSELF, than my friends with more than one child. My parents take my son overnight every few weeks, so my husband and i get that time to ourselves. And we have been able to go on weekend getaways by ourselves, which we would not be able to do with more kids, because that would be too much on my parents, who are older.
Ultimately, only you will know whether you can, or want to handle more than one child.

Hi! I'm an only child. I would just love to have a sibling or two--especially when my dad passed away and my mom is not in the best of health. I would have loved a playmate when I was younger. I was determined to have more than one because of this, but like you, I am so in love with my son and just can't imagine dividing my time with him at the moment. The decision is yours and whatever you decide will be the right choice for your family. :).

you should talk to an adult that was an only child. my friends that were only chrilden ( or there siblings were 10+ years difference) are some what self centered people. now getting married its hard for them to share anything, where to eat, the bath room, there bed room. they are selfish people. i love them but its true. hope you and your hubby agree on the number of chrilden this also can be a sticky situation.

It doesn't double it quadruples...but mine are only 20 months apart so the first year and a half were hard, now it is awesome. Everyone's family is different and I would never allow someone to tell me that my choice was selfish...that is totally unacceptable! That said I was an only child and I hated it and swore unless God chose that for us I wouldn't. The other side is so many of my friends complain about there siblings all the time...I guess you never know how it will turn out but from an only child it is a burden to think of caring for your parents in their old age alone?!? You should talk to your husband before you make up your mind, especially if you are changing the "plans". He might help you find your clarity for what is best for your family than people who don't know you at all :o).

Traci,
My husband is an only child. He has missed out on a lot, someone to agree with him that the parents are unfair for one thing! He does not see how to be a team player as he never had to negotiate with a sib for rights or privileges. When his mother was ill, he was her only support system. She too was an only child so they had little family support. He is quite envious of my large family and enjoys them. He was adamant that we would not have only 1. So despite many moves through many countries there are 3. Look at it from your daughter's perspective.
By the same token, my husband is very successful so there are some advantages which acrue to an only.
K.

Hi Traci,
I am a only child. I hated being an only child growing up. I always gravitated to my friends who had more children. I loved all the chaos and never felt lonely with them. Now on the other hand most of my friends loved coming to my house because they did not have to deal with the chaos and sharing issues. So it kind of goes without saying that we always want what we don't have. However, as a young adult I decided I wanted a large family. I had my first child at 25 and my second one at 28, then my mom found out she had breast cancer and within 9 months, she was gone. My second child was only 6 months old at the time and my first child was so close to my mom and she was 3. We both missed her terribly, as my dad. I had my 3rd child at 31 and within 6 months of having him, my father died of cancer also. I was left to raise my 3 young children, clean out my parents home, go thru their things and once again I was dealing with the pain of being an only child with no one else to share my memories or feelings with. I also then lost both of my grandparents and both my aunt and uncle within 6 years of each other. My children have been my life and without all of them I am not sure how I would have dealt with being alone in my situation. My mom was only 53 and my dad was 58, so both very young to be gone. And I was very young not to have them any longer. No one knows what the future holds for us, but I would reconsider and think about having another child for the one you now have and for yourself and husband's future. If something were to happen to either of you, would you want your child dealing with it alone? I know its alot to consider, but I can't imagine what my life would be like without my children. By the way, I went on to have 2 more, one at 35 and one at 38. My youngest one is so much fun to have right now, she is so great, she just turned 13 and I feel like I am a better mom to her than I was with my older ones just because I am more relaxed and really enjoy so much more. When I hear my kids get together and tell stories of how I was with the older ones and how I was with the younger ones, its so funny! I was so much more strict on the older ones...they tell the younger ones how lucky they are to have me now! But seriously, I have not read any of your responses, but I'm sure you will get lots on both sides of the issue, ultimately you do need to have the heart to heart with your husband, I wish you the best of luck, but trust me you will have so much love for any more children you bring into the world and yes its more work, but totally worth it! I hope this helps!

I have known many "only children" both family as well as friends. My dad being one of them. That is the very reason I did not want to have only one child. I have seen first hand what can happen and I didn't want that for my family. I saw extreme selfishness as well as many other negative behaviors on the child's part (even in adulthood) and parents who were overbearing and smothering. I'm sure there are some good aspects of having an only child but I never saw them. Also, when my Grandmother passed away, my dad didn't have any siblings to lean on. He had us of course but I honestly think that if he had had a brother or sister it would have made it a lot easier on him. The entire burden fell on him. Now having said that I definitely believe that couples who have only one child for whatever reason can raise that child in a healthy environment and make sure that they learn all of the important things about growing up. In other words, whether you have one child or several you can have a happy family life. This is most definitely a personal decision but just make sure you are making the right one. My advice? Pray and ask The Lord to show you what you and your husband should decide. He sees the big picture! Ask him to help you make the decision that will be best for all of you, especially your daughter. Whatever you choose I pray for God's best for your family!