Postpardom Depression Advice

There is a difference in being chemically/medically depressed and being just depressed and feeling down. If you cannot go to the doc at this point, you need to try to help yourself determine which it is for you. It sounds to me like you are just down. If that is the case, you have to try to look at the positives of what you are facing that brings you down. My opinion for what is making you feel down is this: You are blaming yourself for having an emergency C Section. I had one too. I did not get to hold my son until the middle of that night when it was time to nurse him. I was on so many meds that I was out for hours. Sure, I wish I could have held him but the first time for me to hold him was in the middle of the night. My husband was there and got to hold him first and watch them weigh him, show him off to the family, etc That is ok for me b/c he got that chance. My mom made sure to take pics of everything so I could know what happened, she even took a pic of the clock at the time of birth. With my second child I decided that if possible this time (I chose to have another C Section)that I would not choose to take the meds that put me out. I kind of freaked the first birth b/c I felt the tugging and pulling...so I knew what to expect the 2nd time and unless I felt pain I was not going to request those same meds. I told the doc and I told my husband that unless I beg, do not give them to me. I had a different approach to the C Section that time and chose to feel and remember the tugging and pulling. I held my daughter first. I watched her get weighed, etc I remembered the whole thing and was coherrent BUT I did not get the rest I needed like I had with my first birth. As far as not going to college. I did go to college and I am a stay at home mom too. So I am using my degree to stay at home?? I am glad I went but my dream was to be a mom and that is what I am doing. Don't beat yourself up b/c you don't have a degree. Get a job later with who you know and how eager you are to work. You are helping your family by taking care of your child....daycare is expensive and so are those doc bills when your child gets sick from being around other kids at a young age. Be so proud of what you are doing. You will never regret being there for every milestone and knowing that it was you that taught your child.
Recovery is hard from C Section but you do recover and there are advantages to having V birth and advantages to C Section...I don't have hemrroids, nothing came out of my V, no tearing, etc. Each have their own good and bad. The 2nd C Section, by the way, is MUCH easier. :O) As far as not losing the weight, who cares! You had a baby! Do what you can, take walks w/ the baby in the stroller, join a gym if you can, don't be upset over it. We all want a better body but the fact is, I had a baby with this body and other than health reasons making me want to lose weight, you had a baby with that body! Be proud of it. Don't be worried about someone seeing you, you have to learn to look at yourself as a mom now. Not who you were before. You have a different role now, life is different and you should conform to that. Lose the weight if you can but don't stay inside until you do. that doesn't help you lose weight. Join a group and make new friends, get out more. My savior is eating lunch with my friends at least once a week. I love to socialize and that gives me just enough social time to get by. You have to make an effort to view your life in a positive way. You have a wonderful husband and a child! What could be better??? Get up, go walking, enjoy your new life! Dress well for your weight, find ways to like how you look. You can do this if you try. Being happy and positive will help you lose that weight.

If it is chemical and you really are sad and have negative thoughts, get on that health dept waiting list.

Good luck.

You'll get through this one day at a time. Sometimes, one step at a time. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't worry or dwell on the past; just move forward. Try to get more exercise and get out side. Stroll your baby and take him to the park. I know this is easier said than done but "fake it 'til you make it!" You'll meet other people with kids and that will be good for you and your son. Make it your goal to eat healthy; basically cut down on sweets and bad carbs. Just think about how fortunate you are to have a healthy baby and wonderful husband. Go ahead and make your appt. with the health dept. and when the time comes, if you feel you still need it then get on some meds.

babykins - DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS! It took me forever to get someone to listen to me that soemthing wasn't right. I couldn't enjoy my little guy for months and now i don't even remember them! You need to talk to your OB and if they don'tlisten, go somewhere else! Mommying can be SO MUCH BETTER when we dont have weird stuff going through our heads!

I had it and it was the WORST! Give me a C Section with no drugs any day of the week and twice on sundays! All it took to fix this weirdness was a small dose of generic Zoloft and all was right with the world.

My husband wasn't supportive of meds. He's from a "Suck it up and just get over it" kind of family. So i told him frankly that it's either the meds or bachelorhood. But he will be the FIRST to tell you that it was a complete 180. All I had to take was 50mg once per day and I could think straight again.

If you need anyone to talk to or bounce things off of PLEASE EMAIL ME ____@____.com we can commiserate :)

But yes, get help. It can be SOOO much better and there is no need to suffer if you don't have to! (zoloft can help you lose a little weight too :)

Please do seek help if you feel you are depressed. I used to suffer form depression an don't think I would have made it without professional help.

Please try to forgive yourself for the c-section. Your being angry with yourself will not help or change anything. I have had 2. The first was an emergency and the 2nd was b/c the hospital here won't let you deliver after you've had a c-section. I know it hurts not to be the first to hold your baby, but that doesn't mean you love your baby less or that they love you less! You got them here, that's all that the baby cares about! Take it easy on yourself.

L.,
You should seek help for your depression. You should also try too look at things positively. You have a wonderful husband and son! You get to stay home and take care of your child instead of sending him to a daycare center everyday. You get to be part of his early childhood, see his first smile, rolling over, sitting on his own, his first sitting to standing etc... A lot of parents miss these things because they have to rely on someone else to care for their children while they are at work. As far as the weight, are you eating healthy and exercising? If you then you will definitely want to see a doctor. Start going out for walks, playing outside with your son, put him in a stroller and walk around your neighborhood. If you have a primary physician, you could try calling them to see if they will give you a prescription for a depression med. If you let them know you do not have insurance they may have cash rates that you can pay. Also see if they can give you a medication that is not to costly since you will have to pay for that out of pocket as well. You can also check to see if your community has a medical day where doctors and nurses volunteer their time and people without insurance that live in the community can receive medical attention and sometimes they also have medications for low or no cost as well. God Bless and take some time to count your blessings!

Having a baby can put you through a lot. You have taken the first step...identifying that something is not right. Go on and get an appointment with the health department and while you are waiting on that see if there is a local church that has counceling program or knows where one is for people without insurance. They do exist, you just might have to call several places. You will be amazed at how just talking to someone will help, but they might also suggest meds. I hope you find someone who can help you. Don't give up...keep searching until you find someone to help you...and your little one.

I'm not sure that what you are describing is postpartum depression so much as being hit hard with the realities of being a first time mom. It can be a real shock to the system when you realize what life is really like after having a child, and that has nothing to do with how much you love your child. The fact is that regardless of how much you enjoy being a mother, there are a million other things that have changed, sometimes permanently, that can be hard to grasp. The weight gain can be one of the biggest blows, especially if you were not big before getting pregnant and expected to be one of those people who would immediately drop back down to your old weight. It can also be difficult to come to terms with the labor and delivery if you feel things didn't go the way you envisioned them going.

I think going back to school is an excellent idea to counter some of what you are feeling. I did that when my first was three months old, and I honestly think it was one of the best moves I ever made. I started with just one class, and it was refreshing during that time to be involved in something that had nothing to do with babies or parenting. That was no reflection on my son, because I was equally glad to get back to him. But the main thing is that it helped me turn my mind on again and away from the things that had been distressing me. (I also had a hard time dealing with the weight gain and a delivery and recovery that were not pleasant. My son was also colicky, and that was very difficult to cope with as a first time mom.) The other things I did were to start a regular exercise routine and change the way I ate. I had always been very active before having kids but never "exercised" (aerobics, weightlifting, etc.). And I had never had to alter my diet before having kids. I was one of those people who could literally eat as much of anything as I wanted to eat and not gain weight. Not so after giving birth. It doesn't have to be a severe routine, either, but daily exercise will do wonders, not only for the weight but also for how you are feeling each day.

The final suggestion I would make is to go out with your husband and leave the baby with a babysitter once a week. Your identity as a wife can often get overshadowed by your identity as a mother. This doesn't seem like a big deal when you just have one little one at home, but over time, and especially if you have more children, it can put a lot of distance between you and your husband if you don't take steps to maintain your husband/wife relationship in addition to your mother/father roles. It's also good for your husband to go on regular dates with you because it helps him remember you aren't just mom/housewife.

Really, the best treatment you can give yourself is to take charge of the things that are bothering you and make changes that will take you where you want to go. You will be surprised how much better you will feel about everything when you tackle these frustrations head on. Best of luck to you!

You should really find a doctor to see ppd is very bad I had it with my first son he was born when i was seventeen i have been on paxil every since he is now 11 years old i would probally have ended up worse if i didn't get some help can you get medicaid or see the doctor that delivered your baby.

Post partum depression can last up to a year after your baby is born.
Your issues
1. thyroid problem
2. unexpected C/S- and this is major surgery, contray to the media stars, who have help. Unpected outcomes can increase depression issues.
3. Never getting enough sleep,correct nutrition or down time can affect you,( Take care of yourself)
4. Exercise
5. Formost you need to get a physical exam it could be a thyroid problem which medication can help, if it is depression then medication, group therapy , exercise can really help.
Dont let this go any longer for your health as well as your family.
God bless you and good luck

Hi L.,

No need to feel heartbroken!

I can relate to you in some ways because I, too had a c-section and high risk at age 32, harmones going crazy; I would break out in big sweats at the thought of getting my baby dress, retain the weight gain and thought that the doctor left a baby inside.hahaha

I want to tell you that it takes time to readjust, and take care of a baby! Maybe what you need is a break from baby, house, and husband. It sure helped me out when my sisters would take my baby for a day.

I tell ya, it was no picnic. I lost the weight by walking. There is a garment that you can wear to put your body back in shape and that can drop you to 2 - 3 sizes.

Why do you listen to what they say? Call the health dept. and get first hand info for yourself!

Congrats on going back to school. If you need someone to talk to just call me 704 865 21144.

yes get some help im not sure if you are in kentucky if you are look up 7 counties they are normally pretty easy to get in to. ps i also know what its like to not hold your baby right away my daughter was not breathing and had to be in the nicu for a while. it will be ok just get someone to talk to good luck hun and enjoy your wonderful baby!

Make sure your getting proper nutrition and vitamin D. Low vitamin D can cause all of those emotional and physical problems. Supplement D3 is cheap and available at the grocery story. Women need about 2000-4000 IU a day.

You need to go ahead and find a way to see a doctor. But, don't think medication will help. It should be a combination of medication and talk therapy in order for you to feel better fast. Also, you may feel better if you get a job. You'll get out of the house, make some new acquaintances, and have more money. Your son will thrive in a high quality childcare setting. Church ministries are often the best. I was depressed staying at home too.

Get some exercise everyday and find someone to watch your son for a few hours here and there to give yourself a break. It will work wonders for your spirit.

My Naturopathic Physician had me take 6 fish oil pills a day while I was pregnant, to ward off post partum depression. She said it would replace the essential oils in the brain that baby (the leech) would use up. It couldn't hurt now to take them. Consumer Reports says to get the cheapest ones. Sams and Costco have big bottles for about $10-12.

Embrace being a Mom... that is a GREAT identity! Get out and walk with the child and get on a good multi-vitamin with a stress additive. Stress-tabs are excellent. Walking will help weight and depression. You will be doing something for you and your child. Good luck and God Bless.

Yes, talk to your OB, or check your insurance company to see if there is support avail, and or possible help through the Health Dept in your area/ individually PPd support group are available a good resource # is 211 to find a support grp, postpartum.net, ppdil.org. Brook Shields Book "Down came the rain is a good reference. Strollerfit.com/ Stroller stide.com are groups for all new moms who met to walk/ run with your baby (a nice outing for the two of you.

Having experienced it myself with both pregnancies (c-section for the 2nd) I can totally relate. Girlfriend, if you are depressed w/o insurance, get on up out of ur house and walk into an ER. They HAVE 2 treat u & I can tell from your post, u need it! You haven't left your house? Come on--you clearly need help so I commend you for posting. That was your 1st step. No go get on an anti-depressent. Your hormones are all crazy--it happens to the best of us. Once you find one that helps you (I take Cymbalta) you will feel more in control, motivated, less "freaked." It takes awhile for the weight to come off--that's normal too.

Please, don't just wait and find out if you can get an appointment. Just go. (BTW--you should be eligible for benefits--but find out about that later, after the ER.) Do yourself and your baby a favor and get help now.

xoxo R.

Exercise!
That's the best way to get a hold on motherhood.
I was alot like you after my daughter was born.
My Mom put me off of the couch and made me walk.
Once I started moving more my emotions were alot better and I felt much better about my body. It takes what seems like forever to get your body back into shape after childbirth.
Just remember:
** you can do it!
** you are worth it!
** nobody can do it for you!
** you will love being a mother even more when you feel better physically and mentally
Hang in there... prayers with you!

Please please please get some medical help. Post-partum depression is nothing to take lightly. I understand the insurance issue, but believe me when I tell you that this is one thing that is worth it. I struggle with anxiety and depression issues, and I can promise you that the harm that this does to you, your family, and your baby is not worth saving money. So what if it takes a long time to get an appointment? Is that better than not getting one at all?

And going to school is a GREAT idea, you need to get some separate interests. You also need to get out every day, even if it is just for a walk around the block. Excercise will seriously do you a world of good (and I totally hate excercising, so I know this is a tough order, but it really will help). Walking around the block will be great therapy for you, your son NEEDS to have other stimulation than what he can get in the living room, and it's free. Just getting out and getting your own interests will help a TON.

Don't feel guilty over a C-section. The inability to let go of something like this is a commom sypmtom of depression. (I would dwell on every little thing I did wrong, and be consumed by guilt over it for no reason.) It's not worth it, it's over and done. Yeah, looking back you don't have the ideal memory of your birth, but most people don't. I don't, and the reason was so stupid! I started throwing up during the delivery, and was puking when I finally pushed him out. They put him on my chest, and had to take him right off again because I couldn't control it and he would have fallen. But I didn't let that tarnish my current relationship with my baby. He doesn't care! He just needs a healthy happy mommy. And I don't even hardly think about it now.

I hope you share this question and responses with your husband and that he is encouraging you to get some help. Yes, you have taken the first step, and I know how hard that was. You know in your heart you need some help, or you wouldn't have asked. See a doctor! They can make everything better. It's not your fault, just wacky chemicals. Just like when you were pregnant and had morning sickness (or acne, or gas, or whatever). That wasn't your fault either. It's just an imbalance, and this one is easily fixed. I wish you all the best!

Don't feel bad !!! I had a hard time after my c-section too. A neighbor invited me to a MOPS group soon there after and I got to interact w/ other moms. Interacting with other moms is good ,believe it or not you are not the only one out there feeling that way. Check out the MOPS international website and you can find one in your area. Keep smiling. L.

I'm not sure where you are located, but consider contacting your local ICAN (International Cesearean Awareness Network). I joined this group a little over a year after my C-Section and really enjoyed being able to talk with other women who understand what it feels like to be disappointed after a C-Section. The group is also really great about educating you about how to prevent future C-Sections. I've noticed that even the few people who ended up having repeat C-sections in this group are at peace with the second one because they knew they went through every step possible before deciding it was the only option.

Here's my advice....love that baby, be thankful the C-section was a success and he is home with you! The weight can and will come off!!! I had 2 emergency c-sections, 3 years apart, lost all my weight, then started college, got pregnant and had my third c-section....he was planned but then was sick himself for a couple of months and that added a few pounds. Now, I'm focusing on being healthy!!! Get a membership at the local YMCA, should be relatively cheap, tell dad to watch the little one, and you go get a life!!! Meet other women that have the same goals, getting healthy. So what if you see someone you know??? We have all gained weight and struggled to lose it after a baby. And if they can't accept you the way you are, you are better off without having them as friends. Maybe even the local Curves??? You get to visit with other women for 30 min and it's wonderful! You will feel so much better about yourself and be able to take excellent care of that little one! School is an added stress, not to say you shouldn't go. I would never trade my education but I did postpone it until my son was healthy. I wish you the very best and hope this helps a little. Take care and congrats on the healthy baby boy!

With my first two children the depression was mild...baby blues. I thought the same thing with my 3rd. I tried to help myself by doing what I thought were helpful things...but the depression just got worse. The day everything came to a head I thought of every way possible to take my life, every thing I saw became a possibility. Little did I know the anxiety, lack of patience, inability to sleep, the lack of motivation I felt were not going to fix themselves. Thank God for my husband. It has been 4 years and I still struggle, but things are better. I would seriously talk to your obgyn or doctor so they are at least aware that you are not back to where you should be. In all honesty I am a wonderful mom, teacher, and wife who never in a million years thought anything was really "wrong"

Absolutely! I am proud of you for being honest and saying what a lot of mothers feel but for one reason or another are afraid to admit. There is no shame in getting on a good antidepressant when you need it. As my sweet momma says why feel depressed when you don't have to. She is very honest and will tell people that you wouldn't want to hang out with her when she is out of her medicine. She is teasing, but there is truth in it and she is quick to mention that fact. It may also help you shed your baby weight. It just stands to reason that if your depressed, you eat. And if your depressed you don't feel like getting off the couch to exercise. Treating your depression may end up fixing your other issues. But don't lose heart friend, most of us mommas have been there at one time or another. This too shall pass. I will pray for you and wish you the best. Make sure you find a good doctor that will really listen and help you find what you need.

This is all too familiar a story, esp. after a C-section! I'm so sorry for you. Yes, check out ICAN (http://www.ican-online.org) for more support. Make sure you're getting enough *nutrition* (you are what you eat); try to get some exercise, and particularly get more sunlight (both of these will make you feel better). And if these natural ways don't help, you may need something stronger, like medication. Why don't you see if you can get an appointment, and then in the meantime, work on these other areas. If you get better before your appointment, you can always cancel.

Check out this blog post -- it has some information I think you can use: http://womantowomancbe.wordpress.com/2009/09/06/at-least-...