Postpartum Depression... - Chatsworth,GA

Updated on February 18, 2011
S.A. asks from Chatsworth, GA
8 answers

I think I may have been experiencing or is still experiencing postpartum depression...after about the first month my daughter was born I started to feel really unhappy with everything. My husband, my life,...everything but my daughter really. I felt so unconnected and un happy. My husband tried his hardest ot make me happy, and I never was...I was so irritable and just so distant...I didnt even thing depression was a possibility, I think because my mother has been diagnosed with chronic depression and I didnt want to be like her...well...long story short...it has ruined my marriage..and I dont know how to explain to my husband that I was not intentionally hurting him...that I couldn't help what was happening..and I dont know how ot make him feel better about it...any suggestions? ideas? or help...I dont want to lose my family...

Also...I have told him this is what I think I was going through...but he is having a hard time getting over the hurt I put him through...

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So What Happened?

Thank you everyone for your wonderful comments. Unfortunately, by the time I realized this was happening my husband had decided to leave me. He left for a few months and since then we have been off and on. Our marriage has just not been the same. He can not forgive me for that. He always brings it up, and talks about how I treated him and even though I explain to him I couldn't help it, he still just doesn't seem to understand and just can not seem to forgive me. We are going to counseling (when I can get him to go) and it is helping a little but unfortunately I have no wonderful news to report. However, I no longer feel depressed,and I am trying my best to mend my marriage.

More Answers

C.C.

answers from Sacramento on

Please, please, speak with your doctor ASAP! What you describe does sound like PPD (and a tendency toward depression can and does run in families also). I went through this and it affected every single area of my life, even including my ability to bond with my baby. Well, I finally went to the doctor for something else, and he noticed that I seemed really down and sad. He mentioned it and I started bawling! Anyway, he prescribed an anti-depressant, and I'm telling you, it was like a cloud lifted. Suddenly I felt like myself again. I could cope with life, I realized I loved my husband and our baby... I just felt way, way better. Not happy all the time, or artificially happy or anything like that, but just... like I could deal with life. I couldn't believe I waited that long to get help, and I'm glad my doctor noticed and helped me. Hugs to you! This is a hard time of life - hormones totally out of whack, lack of sleep, adjusting to changes in your marriage... it's no wonder we mamas need a little bit of help adjusting! Please talk to you doctor - this is a solvable situation! Best of luck to you.

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K.K.

answers from San Diego on

i went thru the same thing, about eight months after my baby i admitted it. I told my husband, and it was very hard to tell him bc its something i didn't want to believe for myself. But he understood better, my actions, my words, etc etc. He tried to be not so feisty anymore, still does...and we are getting better. We were going to therapy but it was my idea to stop. I say tell him, and tell him when u started feeling that way... Good luck and God bless

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E.A.

answers from Pittsburgh on

After my son was born, it was actually my husband that brought up the possibility of me having PPD. I felt the same as you; completely unconnected and distant. I just wasn't ready to admit it myself but when he brought it up, I knew I had to do something. So, I went to talk to my dr and was prescribed a mild anti-depressant that really helped.
Have you talked to your dr? Have you taken anything for PPD?
I definitely agree with asking your husband to go with you to the dr (maybe even look into counseling so both you and he could talk and be honest about everything that you both are feeling/going through...?).
Does your husband know that you think it's PPD you're dealing with? Does he understand what it is?
I'm sure he's a little frustrated that he's tried to help you to feel better and it didn't really make much difference. I know my husband was, but he kept a lot in because he didn't want to make me feel guilty or anything.
Do you and your husband get to spend any time together without your daughter? Maybe see if she could spend a night at grandma's house (or another relative) to give you and your husband some quiet, quality time to openly talk. One important thing you could do is mention before anything else that you want to talk and BOTH of you be completely honest with each other... like, make it known that you want both of you to get it all out on the table - and that you won't hold anything against each other once you are both done talking. Make sure that you keep your word too, no matter how hard it may be to hear the things he might say.
Make sure he knows how much he really means to you and how much you need him to help you to get through this tough time.

I wish you nothing but the best.
Let us know what you end up doing! :)

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J.K.

answers from Atlanta on

Google some of this -- it's VERY typical to get into MamaLalaLand and ignore everything but your little miracle. That includes a Husband that I sometimes refer to as "my oldest child":) I was at a birthday party recently and there was a new mother (15 month old) and she was very introverted, (you know, taking care of infant and keeping him occupied), and one of the older guests referred to this is MamaLalaLand -- I'm only now realizing how insulated those first 3 years really are!

Get out a little; walk, even if only to your mailbox or across the yard; get sunshine on your skin, even if only while looking out the window; take 15 minutes each day to breath air alone just for you, even if only in the bathroom:). Take more vitamins, especially multis, B-complex, calcium/magnesium/potassium. Move to the music when you're driving and sing outloud, clap, snap, jump. Wake up your body and your mind will follow -- all the little adds up, and this will help you with your husband and your fog.

Start joking around a little, leaving notes, trying just a little bit each day to be lighter, you'll start to want to hug and kiss and be more loving physically then emotionally with hubby. I had MAJOR trouble too -- but I read that "it" was a lot like exercise: the first few times you just do it and it's enjoyable afterward, and then you begin to look forward to it beforehand.

There's a lot out there that even proposes MamaLalaLand lasts up to 3 or 5 years affecting your libido and focus and such -- I cannot agree more! I have an 8 yr old and a 3 1/2 yr old, and only now coming out of another phase of it.

Crazy and simple, but worked for me. I hope the same for you!:)

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H.W.

answers from Portland on

Please get your own help, and couples counseling. Babies are a tough, big new thing that puts even the strongest marriages through a huge upheaval. Your husband has to cognitively understand what happened to you (in every way, physically, emotionally, chemically) and find a way to reconnect and partner with you. Empathetic listening on both sides can help a lot, too.

He's hurt, and it's going to take a while, but keep at it. These things can change.

K.J.

answers from Atlanta on

S., Your problems can be solved. I highly recommend you seek professional assistance and recommend Licia Freeman MFT. She is a trained psychotherapist who works with couples and specializes in post-partum depression. She has an add here on Mamapedia offering 10% off.
www.liciafreeman.com is her website.

The sooner you make the call, the sooner you will have results.

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D.G.

answers from Houston on

Talk to your doctor, they can help. Also ask about thyroid screening since it is a treatable cause of depression.

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B..

answers from Dallas on

How old is your daughter, now? If she is over 1 year old, you are past postpartum and they will treat your depression differently. Go to your OB and talk with them about this. She can test all your hormone levels, thyroid levels, etc. If needed, she can prescribe you the proper medicine. You could bring your husband with you when you talk to your Dr. The Dr. is a third party and hearing her explain all the things your body is going through, might help him understand your lack of control over this. Postpartum depression is very common and your Dr. will know how to handle this properly. Good luck to you.

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