So I had a baby boy a few days ago. We had a short list of potential names before going to the hospital. When he was born both my husband and I liked the same name for him. We hadn't made it official because we were stuck on a middle name. When my husband told his mom what we liked for the first name, she was less than thrilled. The name is the same as her ex-husband's. I never met the guy because they divorced around the time we started dating. Obviously he is insignificant to my husband if he didn't think of this.
My dillema is do we choose a different name? I feel like this is his name and choosing a different one would be calling him a name that doesn't fit. At the same time I don't want his grandma to have negative feelings toward his name either. If she just didn't like the name I wouldn't care but ex-husband is a pretty big deal.
Update:
The ex-husband is not my husbands father. They were married when he was at least 16 years old (maybe older) so he only lived with him a year or 2 before going off to college. I think they were married to about 10 years and got divorced about 7 years ago. So this man is no relation to my son. Also MIL didn't voice any strong oppinions against the name just that she didn't like because for the reason stated.
Thank you everyone. I shared your answers with husband and we decided we are going to keep the name. now we just need to choose one of 2 middle names.
She'll get over it really really quickly. Like, the first time she looks into her grandson's eyes and says his name.
Congratulations!
Glad you decided to go with the name. We avoided this kind of situation by not telling anyone the name until after the child was born and we had already signed the birth certificate. No one said anything about whether or not they didn't like the names. I feel it was hard enough to agree on a name with my husband that we didn't need to have any other opinions to "try to please" as well! lol
Congratulations!
Here is my feeling, take it or leave it, This child belong to you and your husband. Name the little bundle of joy what you want. Grandma will get over it! If that name is not sending any bad vibes with your husband then let it be what you both agree on. Even though your son's name is the same as your MIL's ex doesn't mean that your child will have a same likeness as him. Your MIL needs to grow up and just be happy you both have a healthy happy child regardless of what name you give him. Blessings to you and enjoy for littlr guy!!!!!!!!!
Hmm, your post makes me realize that my middle son's name (Daniel) is also MY mother's ex-husbands name. Never thought of that before. Who cares?! Daniel is Daniel, my mother has never mentioned it either. Boy did she LOVE my baby Daniel! If the name fits, use it! Congrats!
Is her ex your husband's father? Or another husband?
Hmmm.....I think she'll get used to it over time if you're really set on the name.
OK--since it's not his "absent grandfather" or anything I say use the name unless it is a super-unique name and you know of NO O. else with the same name.
He is your son, but is also your husband's. I wouldn't care if it bothered your MIL, but if it bothers your husband and he really feels like it should be changed, I would change it. If he is ok with it, keep it. But don't put too much into your MILs reaction or opinion, especially since your update says she didn't voice and strong opinions. Good luck!
Your MIL will have to get over it. Don't change your child's name to please HER. I am trying to think about my ex-husband. Would I care if my son eventaully named his child the same name? No. It's not like you're naming the kid AFTER this guy. It's just that they happen to have the same name.
Your MIL probably meets people with the same name and after years of marriage, can't get her ex out of her head. It'll pass and she'll learn to associate the name with her grandson and not her ex.
Name your child what you think fits. She'll get over it.....and if she can't she can call him by his middle name or a nick name. congrats on the baby!
Hmmm, tricky for sure. My MIL and FIL are divorced and my MIL is certainly cordial to him, but would rather not have any contact with him every again! ;) Anyway, we named our son after my FIL and MIL was also less than thrilled, as you can imagine. For the first few months she was kind of funny about it and would jump on anyone who said that he looked like my FIL or acted like him and she would always say Oh no he does not! It was funny but also kind of uncomfortable. Now my son is almost a year and she has come around just fine. She even commented just this weekend on how he sometimes does look just like my FIL...Husband and I were a bit shocked! ;)
The moral to that long story...name him what you want. If you feel like it fits and you both agree and your husband didn't seem to think it was an issue...just do it. I think you should tell MIL how you feel and say we're sorry, we didn't mean to bring up old feelings, but maybe this can give you some happiness associated with that name! ;)
Name your child what you want. She will have to get over it.
You're never going to please everyone with a name. It may have a negative association to all sorts of family members -- the former boss they hated, the bully in school, etc. Go with what name you feel suits your son and be proud of it. It will hopefully bring new positive associations for your MIL.
She'll get over it and love your son for who he is not who he could potentially remind her of. Very few people liked my son's name when we named him but they got over it and all agree that it fits him now.
If you like it, keep it. My son is named after my husband's grandfather and it also happens to be my MIL's ex-husband's name. She has never commented on it, but we loved the name and she loves her grandson, so it was not an issue!
NO! Honestly I get so tired of people not using names they love because of other people's issues. My sister's high school friend's dog's name was that, or my cousin had a one night stand with someone by that name, or my mother in law divorced a guy named steve...WHATEVER!
Its your pride and joy and its the FIRST gift you will give your child. If you want to name him "Steve" then do it. Poor heartbroken MIL with have to get over it. Who knows, maybe she will like the name? IF not oh well.
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
If that is the name you and your husband picked, that should be your son's name. This is his mom, so ask him how he feels.
If you want other suggestions, I like Matthew James or Matthew Charles.
Some good answers below but I just wanted to add that it may depend on the name. Like the example of Daniel someone gave below is a classic name and common enough that you might know ten other people with that name. If the ex-husband has a really unique name (Earl or something) though that will definitely bring back memories of no one but the ex-husband, then you might want to reconsider that. I think that I would stick with the name you picked unless it is so unique that the MIL would never get it out of her mind. But I would think that if it is something like Daniel, Michael, Steven - then the MIL will get over it once she gets to know this new little personality!! good luck!
you have great answers already, but wanted to add my 2 cent:
My husband and I unknowingly (especially on his part) named our first daughter the same name as his ex-wife's middle name (spelled EXACTLY the same, which happens to be a combo between his name and my name!!!)...initially, when I found out, I was like...UGH! but who cares? When we say our daughter's name we don't think about the ex-wife, just about our beautiful little girl. I'm sure your MIL will understand that this has nothing to do with the ex-husband and it will probably soon become a distant memory that your child and the ex has the same name.
Your child
you name him
Your husband has no problems with it
I know a lot of Lori's
som good, some I rather not label
same with any name
Yuor son
you name him
Granda can use the middle name or nickname :)
go with it... it's your baby.... she learn to love him and his name.... ask anyone their opinion.. and everyone has a reason why to choose and reason why not.... It's up to the parents... noone else.. so go for it.. i wanted to name my son Jake.. loved it... but my parents had a dog named jake years ago.... so we didn't name him that... not cause mom said no.. but because myself and hubby fell in love with justin.. didn't tell anyone his name until we named him that...
Even though it's my husband's father, I think that if we named our son Gary, it would be weird for his mom's side since they have been divorced for 25 years. It's your child though, so if it's what you want to do, don't let anyone talk you out of it. He IS the child's grandfather so I don't think it's bad.
I wouldn't change it. He is your child and you will call him by his name far more than anyone else in this whole wide world. On a side note, you have a perfect example of why we chose to not reveal our chosen names for our children until we introduced them to the family. I made that mistake with my first child and got so many opnions that I didn't care to listen to. I figured that once they laid eyes on a new baby, any opnion they had as to the baby's name wouldn't matter...and there would be no reason for them to even offer an opnion.
she needs to get over it, and quick. People have the same names as other people. Hopefully your MIL will be an adult and change the meaning of the name to suit her grandson. I certainly would NOT change it.
