Potty Accidents at Home?

how are potty breaks handled at school - are all the kids expected to go at certain times or do they have to let the teacher know when they have to go? If potty breaks are scheduled, maybe try telling her that certain times are "potty times" (could even have a little chart that lists the potty times) and that if she really needs to go between scheduled "potty times" she can tell you.
What helped with my girls was the "two-minute sit". A friend told me that she would have her daughter (who's about 2 years older than my DD's so my DD's looked up to her) sit on the potty for a couple minutes before they left the house (if she needed to go, it'd happen within the 2 minutes and if she didn't need to go during the two-minute sit, my friend was confident they could make it to their destination without an urgent "I HAVE TO GO POTTY!" cry from her daughter). So instead of asking my girls if they needed to go potty (because it seems that all small children answer "No" to this question), I'd tell my girls it was "time to do a 2-minute sit like Big Girl Sarah" and they'd willingly cooperate. Probably one minute would work too.

Hi Lisa-
I've had a similar problem. My daughter potty trained at 19 months at her own request! I thought I was so lucky... She just asked to go on the potty and in a couple of weeks was rarely having any accidents. Her diapers were even dry in the morning. For seven months, she was totally diaper free. Then, about two months ago, she stopped telling me when she had to go. She'd just pee her pants. So, I started asking her more and more. (Only at home, she was great out in the world). The more I asked, the more adament she was that she didn't have to go and the more she would pee in her pants. I didn't know what to do except keep reminding her and try not to push. Sort of a hard balance. Well, after about a month of me asking, she refused the potty entirely and we were forced to put her back in diapers. I knew she knew how to go, so I just left her alone. Told her she could wear underpants again when she felt like going in the potty and just left it alone entirely. After about a month, she started telling me it was "pee pee time" again and she's been fine ever since. I think she really just wanted to be in control of the situation and was sick to death of being asked. In her case, I really had to lay off entirely. Eventually she got sick of wearing a yucky, wet diaper and came around. Oh- I also didn't change her diaper much... She didn't want me to and I figured the more uncomfortable it was, the sooner she'd be back on the potty. I really had to let go completely, which was tough. I just kept reminding myself what everyone else was saying... Have you ever met a teenager in diapers? Never happens. It's just a matter of time. Good luck!

Hi L.,

I found out early on with my spirited child that if I asked him if he had to go, he would always say no. He wants to be in charge of when he goes. So when I see his tell-tale sign that he has to go, putting his hand down to his crotch area, I say, "let me know if you have to use the bathroom." And sure enough within one minute, he says he has to go.

Toddlers really want to have power over their own bodies...I also prompt him before we get into the car or when we are in a store with the same words. The key is consistency.

I also have been using cloth "training pants" underwear, which are padded to soak up accidents. I have found them at BabiesRUs and they do come in colors and designs.

My daughter did the same thing but in reverse. She was totally using the toilet at home but it took her a while to feel comfortable to go at schoolor other places. I wouldn't push it. Pushing these things have a way of back-firing. I would be very matter-of-fact about it when she does have an accident. Just tell her "oh I see you went pee pee. Next time you need to go in the toilet." and change her or have her change herself and leave it at that. When she does remember to go on the toilet praise her heavily. It'll take a little while but she'll get it. She's making great progress if she's already doing it at school. Good luck!

Definitely do not make it into a power struggle, because your daughter WILL win and you will end up frustrated or angry. Just let her know that she should tell you when she needs to go and that if she has an accident, it is okay, but that she needs to help clean it up. Over time, it will get better. My son still has accidents once in a blue moon and he is 4 and a half! He does the same thing, telling me that he does not need to go and then peeing in his pants. It rarely happens now, but at 3, it happened quite a lot. It has just gotten less and less as he gets older. I am sure your daughter will eventually grow out of this, too. I just tell him to go change and not make any fuss about it.

Hi L.,
I just bought an ebook that was recommended on another question here. It's called 3daypottytraining.com. She also recommends not forcing them. So I explain to my daughter (who seems to be able to hold her pee until she is about ready to burst), I will wake you up to go pee in a little while. So I put her to bed and actually wake her up in an hour or hour and half. She actually went pee last night in the toilet!! Yay!

The only suggestion I have is that instead of asking her if she needs to go, you simply tell her "it's time to go potty" and make it not a demand, but a matter of fact thing that she needs to do.