Hello A. W:
Your request about your daughter’s problem is serious and needs to be resolved. I felt very concerned about your anxiety to handle the situation.
I feel it is a psychological issue for your daughter. I also feel she is a healthy child, accidents are due to some reverse logical decision that she has come up with ( unconsciously ).
In the past I have experienced some 8 and 10 year old brothers doing the same. They were even going to school with the same problem.
Some doctors, finding you helpless will recommend ADD medicine for these patterns, which then becomes another problem.
You are the mother, and you have the energy, wisdom, patients, tricks, and tips ( from internet mamasource and etc) and time for your daughter. You can solve this problem for her.
Remember,TAKE A POSITIVE CALM REWARDING AND PROBLEM SOLVING APPROACH. Keep in mind you and your daughter together have to overcome this problem with a plan that you will make. Write that plan after careful thinking and follow it.
Think of your daughters likes and dislikes, what she want to do every day for fun the most.
It could be going to McDonald. It could be a toy, It could be a party for her to invite friends. It could be a DVD or whatever. Make that her reward, doesn’t have to be expensive. Have to be very satisfying and pleasurable to get for her.
Talk to your daughter, in a very happy, positive tone getting all of her attention. Tell her she is a good girl and you like all the things she is doing. Now bring up accidents and tell her that it is not so good for her, give her reasons, why is it bad? Tell her it is not clean and a good girl like her should always be clean. Clean girls look health and pretty…..whatever words you can use to make her feel better. Let her talk and express her feelings about this. Ask her why is she not going to potty by herself? You might find a reason. Then softly with love and affection tell her how you will get her this reward if she starts going potty. I am sure she will say yes to going to potty. Tell her again and again you will only get the reward when you are not making the accident.
Keep your cool and present a plan for overcoming this problem. For example tell her you will take her to the wash room every hour, so she always pee and poop in the potty. ( Just for one day you both can stay home), or whatever suits you. In a day when her mind and body is reconditioned to do so make it easy on her and yourself, and do the same every one and a half hour. Third day do the same for two hours. Make sure you go with her, have patients and keep cool. Once she is not able to go, give her some extra time. Remind her not to make an accident to get the reward.
I am sure your daughter will be back to normal.
It might seem hard to do, but it will not be hard to do, when you see the end result. Lot of extra work to clean up, being frustrated and above all to see you daughter back to normal is a big ha ha moment. It will make your daughter feel confident. It will make your daughter bound with you in a stronger way.
She will get a very important message, always go to mommy for problems.
During the first few days of the training, control everything negative around her, so learning is faster. If you like give her sticker and candy for reward every time she goes in the potty and praise her, hug her.
Your daughter is a very young child and is very adaptable to good behavior and therefore, she will be back to normal within week.
Hope this works
F. A
Oswego IL