Potty Training - Montgomery, IL

I personally wouldn't make a big deal out of it. It's not clear how long the divorce has been. But it may be this is his way of trying to get control when the rest of his life seems out of control. I'd put the underwear and potty seat where he can access them, pick a big prize for when he uses the potty for 3 -4 days, and tell him when he is ready to do it everything is ready for him.

I have to agree that Tough Love is the key. My girlfriend is going through the same thing with her daughter. My 2 y/o was almost 90$ trained and went backwards. What I told her to do and what I did with my youngest was exactly what Rose said - make the announcement that no more pull ups will be purchased. Accidents will happen and you all must be prepared to clean up. He will get tired of changing his clothes especially if you put one of his favorite outfits on. My youngest now prides her self in not changing clothes 10 times a day. She is down to 2 times a day.

Here is another trick that I had my g/f use. Her daughter loves to chat on the phone w/ my children. They talk almost daily. She was told that she could call AFTER she sat on the potty (her issue was that she refused to sit on the potty). Find something that he loves or enjoys and let him know that he can have, play or do whatever it is after he has finished taking care of "Potty Business". This worked wonders for her. She has gone from 0% potty trained to 50% in a week. She has a long road ahead of her, but now at least she can see the light. :) Good Luck!

It sounds like you will have to use some tough love with him. Try refusing to buy any more pull-ups and let him know when he is using the last one. If he has an accident make him help clean it up. He is old enough. There is no reason for him not to want to use the potty. The hard part is that EVERYONE has to work together and do the same things. Consistency is the key. If he can manipulate one person it won't work. Good luck.

My suggestion is to get rid of the Pull-ups altogether, except at night. (I mean, if he wants to night-train, more power to him, but first things first.) Make no mistake...Pull-ups ARE diapers. As mom of a daughter who would wear diapers until prom night if she could get away with it, I finally had to lower the boom. There were a lot of accidents, but she eventually learned bladder control and (Heaven forbid) how to sometimes tell us when she has to go.

Oh, and keep him on a toileting schedule of 1 1-2 to 2 hour trips to the bathroom. That helps, too.

Good luck!

At his age it is a power and control thing. I think you need to get rid of the pull ups and go to underpants all the time. He has the ability, right? Can he jump in the air with both feet? If so, he can totally hold it and go when he needs to. Give him rewards for keeping his pants dry and clean. He gets nothing for sitting on the potty because he is expected to do that when you ask and encourage him to do it himself, when possible. Word things to him so that he is impowered. Also when he actually does have a bm or urine in the potty then he gets a mac daddy prize. I bought my daughter princess figurines when she peed and pooped in the potty she got one. Once she got the peeing down (which was one day) then we only had to work on it for poop and that was just a few days longer. She was literally potty trained in 3 days. Give him the choice to go and if he doesn't and then has a mess he has to go change. No for urine that's not a big deal he can do it all himself. I had the kids throw the wet clothes in the tub until I could get to it. If it's a bm I would help him clean up but he had to go get new underpants and clothes and dress himself. Good Luck

I agree with all respondents. I believe the old adage of "they're ready when they're ready" when they are little (like under 3), but once the child truly has the ability, you just have to bite the bullet. Its called training because the caregiver has to be the coach, you can't just let it slide anymore. Stay firm, stay consistent. All parties need to be on board with the process. 2 additional things 1) I read in a great toddler development book (Toddler 411) that after age 4, not being potty trained is a sign of delay, so you might want to check in with your child's doctor. Maybe you could even bring him in and have the "white coat" tell him firmly "you have to use the potty now." This TOTALLY worked with my friend's son - he said "ok" and started going #2 successfully on the potty ever since!! But he wouldn't do it for mom & dad ever (see, power struggle!). So futher to that is to have a neutral party take the lead on the training. Look into the woman who does the "Booty Camp" in the Western suburbs (look her up online...she was even featured on Today show). Again, perhaps if it is coming from someone else other than a primary caregiver, the child will not be as apt to "play" you all.

Next time he messes in his pull-ups hand him a box of wipes and a plactic bag. Put him in the tub and tell him to clean himself up.

Explain very calmly that it is very disgusting to have to clean up poopies on another person. That you will not clean him up anymore. He is not a baby and should be going on the toilet. Tell him he's too big to be going in a diaper and pullups are diapers. Anything you where to go potty in are diapers. So he's not a big boy as long as he wears them. And if he wants to keep acting like a baby then you will have no part of it. He will have to be a baby by himself and will have to clean himself up all by himself. Then walk out of the bathroom.

Whatever the fit tell him if he wears diapers then you won't have anything to do with it. If he wants your help, then he will need to go on the toilet and then you will help him with that...but that's that.

It worked for me when I was watching my neighbors daughter. I always trained my kids and my regular babysitting kids before 2 1/2, but I started watching my neighbor's daughter when she was three.

The first time she came over I told her that she would have to wear panties and go on the potty because I didn't clean up big kid poopies. I cleaned enough baby butts and wouldn't be cleaning big kid bottoms. So I went to get her some panties and when I got back the little smarty looked at me and said, "I don't need panties I already went poop in my pull-up." So I took her in the bathroom, handed her a bag, a box of pull-ups and told her to clean herself up. She looked at me with this grin and said, "Noooooooo, that's gross." I said, "yep, you're right. It is gross and I'm not doing it." So I took her pull-up off and put a wipe in her hand and guided her hand to clean her own bottom. I should have standed her in front of a mirror and showed her the mess on her bottom and explained that it makes that huge mess when you go in a pull-up and if you go in the toilet it doesn't do that.

Anyway, I kept telling her how gross it was to poop in a diaper (I always call them diapers not pull-ups...kids get it in their head that they are big now because they aren't wearing the old kind of diapers...I let them know real quick it isn't a big kid pant...it is a diaper...they are not big.) I told her that as long as she went in her diaper, she was not a big girl. She was a big baby, but not a big girl. I calmly explained I don't clean big baby bottoms. She was pretty grossed out by all of it. When we were done I put the panties on her and I told her that if she went in the toilet there wouldn't be that big mess and she could wipe her bottom very easily and it wouldn't be so messy.

She had two pee pee accidents that day because she wasn't finishing when she went, but she was trained from there on out.

We made a huge deal out of her going on the potty and wearing big girl panties. I told her NOW she was big.

Now she was a little apprehensive about going poop on the potty, but I realized she had to go the second day and I made her sit on the potty. She cried and screamed a little, but I put my arms around her and kept telling her in her ear that it would be fine and she was okay. Finally she went poop and we cheared and jumped up and down. I wiped her tears and told her, "see it didn't hurt and look it wasn't all messy."

I never had any problems out of her after that.

Now the little girl I trained at 19 months starting holding her poopies so she wouldn't have to go on the potty. She knew that her mom would put a diaper on her when she went to bed and she would just poop in that at night.

So I fed her flax seed in yogurt and a handful of shredded mini wheats first thing in the morning for two days until she had to go...she couldn't hold it. I held her on the potty, put my arms around her and told her in her ear that she would be fine. She cried the first two days, but she was fine after that and I never had any problems out of her after that.

You won't traumatize him by making him do what he should. Do we let our children throw rocks? Are they traumatized when we take the rock away? No. Do they throw a fit when we tell them don't jump on the furniture, don't run in the street, don't throw your food on the floor, share your toys.....Yep!!! But we make them do it anyway.

Me personally I would just tell him that he's too big to wear diapers and I won't clean him anymore. I would make him wear underwear period. If he has a few accidents, I wouldn't make a big deal out of it and just calmly tell him that we have a few accidents when we are first learning. But then after a day or two I would insist that he go on the potty. If he's as smart as you say, he will realize that his lazy days are over and he will go on the potty.

If you want to keep putting him in pull-ups then explain that they are just glorified diapers and you will no longer clean his bottom...big babies have to clean themselves. I'm suspecting that after the first time, he will change his mind about the underwear.

Your not alone. I have a 4 1/2 year old son too that is not potty trained. I have tried everything you can think of. He will go pee on the potty as for having a bm he cries and says that he can't push it out when he's on the potty. So he goes in his pants. We also use pull ups. I have tried telling him we are taking them away no more. That didn't even help. He is very very stuburn when it comes to going to the potty. So just so you know I am in the same boat. Hopefully one day they will start going. Tiffani

His daddy has to step up and do the biggest part. It's important for the child to be referred to as "little man" like daddy. Daddy has to stand next to the potty and they can pee together...that's somehing you can't do with a boy. When daddy sits on the potty, he makes submarines and let the boy slush them away (applause, applause, good daddy, etc.). Now it's the boys turn. Dad can sit on the end of the tub and grunt and groan if he has to to make the little guy poo. When it happens, big congrats and a little treat (healthy)- lots of praise. My son was trained at 13 1/2 months and daughter at 10 1/2 months. It can be done. Your enthusiasm is so important as parents. Good luck. Don't keep him on the potty longer than 10 minutes. You'll see him squat or hear him grunt when he's ready to go, then get him on the potty quick.

If he is 4 and not potty trained, it is time to put your foot down! If there are not developmental issues, it is definitely about his need to control the situation. I would immediately thow out his pull ups and let him know it is only underwear from now on. Kids can be very mean and if he is still having accidents in Kindergarten it will be a very rough year. My son was a little over 3 before we got it down. I think he was ready before then but just didn't want to do it. I had just take the pull ups away and be firm with him. Boys are much tougher than girls. I am sure it will be a struggle, but let him know you will win! Reward his success, and Good Luck!

My daughter is 2 and is fully trained. I just took the diaper off and let her run around naked. She went on the floor a few times, but then I explained that you have to go to the bathroom when this happens and it took 2 days for her to get it. She would have an accident here and there for about 2 months and now she's fully trained. She's 2 and 3 months...

Hi Sheri,

I am in the same boat with my son who is 3, and reading the responses you've gotten has been helpful. But I am actually responding to you for a different reason. I noticed that you stated you are still fighting breast cancer. I was diagnosd last year with breast cancer at at the age of 36, and had a double mastectomy. I am in the last stages of reconstructive surgery; it has been a very long and difficult road... Three years prior to that I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer, and lost both of my ovaries. Yeah, menapause is a lot of fun in your 30's..... :-( Anyway, I just wanted to lend you my support, and tell you to hang in there! I truely know what you are going through. Have you been to any support groups? I haven't been to any, I guess it has been hard for me to find time, and especially with the holidays here, it is always a hectic time of year for me. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one in my age group that has had to deal with this. I know that isn't so, but at times I just feel so alone...Anyway, stay strong, and I wish you a soon full recovery!

Very Truely,

J.

Kids can be so difficult especially when they are strong willed. Be happy that this is a good trait that can be harnessed for so much good when he learns to use it right.

As for potty training. Since he is older and is more willfully refusing my suggestion is one that will require more work (clean up) on your part. Take away the pull ups and diapers. They are a safety net and a way for him to not be uncomfortable. I would put him in big boy underwear and tell him that it's his choice (since he's already making a choice not to try) whether or not to use the potty. Let him make the mess and see how he likes it. He'll learn real quick that he doesn't like the feeling.

My SIL did this with my nephew at the same age and it worked wonders. Good luck.

Have a NO MORE DIAPERS party. Start telling him now, that after Santa comes there will be no more diapers. Decide on a date and circle it on the calendar. Buy a cake and invent a new kind of song (we sing "no more diapers any more" to the tune of Happy Birthday ending with "we're a big boy/girl now"). Then that's it, no more diapers are allowed. No more pull ups, nothing unless he is sleeping.

Also by that age, I would only give him a few days to get the idea that it has to be done in the potty only. He isn't dumb, so don't take the defiance of him soiling himself after the first few getting the idea days. The first day you say it's ok, but tell him from then on he has to use the potty. The second day get a bit angry but tell him he's still learning and he has to get it into the potty. The third day tell him that is the last day accidents are allowed and that tomorrow he will get in trouble if he has them. So, the fourth day if he has any accidents he gets punished (spanking, or being yelled at, or time out, or no big kid toys or something. Remember this is an almost 5 yr old we are talking about, not a younger than 3 yr old.)

This method works.
N.