Potty Training - Lolo, MT

My son didn't potty train until almost 4 months after his 3rd birthday. I agree with the Deb K - you need to just let it go for a few weeks. When you bring it up again, just bring it up casually saying things like, "Oh, only big boys get to do that. Big boys use the potty." And if he doesn't care, then give it a couple more weeks. Continue trying to find something that he really wants (for my son, it was going to preschool) and then tell him he can't have it until he's a big boy. Once HE makes the decision to potty train, it will happen quickly. But pushing him will only make him resist it and frustration all of you. I know, I tried for a good 6-months before I finally just gave up and 2 months later when HE wanted to, my son was potty trained in a week.

Sometimes with boys, it is a good idea for Dad to initiate for him to accompany him when he is using the facilities. Good modeling helps. Reward and Relax it will come. E

It sounds like he's not ready yet. Read some of the responses from past mom's with the same problem.

Back off and just wait. Have cool big boy underwear and encourage him with telling him what big boys get to do. Just do not ask him if he has to go as the answer will always be "no", then just let it be for a week or so. Then just set him on the potty every two hours, even if he doesn't have to go. When he does, make a huge deal out of it. At this point the harder you push the more he will resist. My son couldn't wait to get into his big boy underwear and that was a huge motivator for him. He also wanted a specific toy and he had to earn it. Once he did it was a breeze. Right after his third bday he was done, I mean 100% but I let him wait to tell me he was ready to be a big boy (after a lot of hoopla about how cool it is to be a big boy from his sister and myself)....hang in there..

I had this same issue. It took my Husband to solve it. He promised him a trip to to Carl's Jr. if he made it the whole weekend. (we still did stickers on the potty chart every time) Then my husband stayed with him all weekend taking him to the potty every hour. By Monday he was open to me reminding him and by midweek he was doing it all himself except for me asking him to go before we got it the car. Daddy's doing it work really well with boys (my Dr. clued me into this). None of these things have worked with my little girl!
Good luck

Hi Dawn-
I'm a work from home mom with one kid grown and gone, and my last is 13. My two children were very different, and so their potty training was different. The first one was simple; I told her where the potty was and how to use it, and she did it right away. My younger daughter was resistant. I tried everything, and she appeared to be "ready" but wasn't using the potty. I would say, "But don't you want to be a big girl?" And she would reply, No, mommy--I'm a small girl." Finally I just said, "OK, fine--let's just put your diaper on and you let me know when you're ready." I was tired of fighting about it. Later that same month (and she was just three by now) we visited a pre-school for her. Lizzy's very social, and wanted to be around other children more. She loved the school--wanted to stay right then. I said, "You can start in January. All the children who go to this school use the potty. You can't go there in a diaper." Now, I said this innocently, not manipulating--it was the truth. She potty trained herself in three days. What I got from this is that they're not ready until they're ready in their minds, and if pushing them makes them push back, leave it alone. They will find their motivation and do it, but don't let it become a power struggle.
So that's my experience, for what it's worth. Oh, and enjoy those little ones. You miss those times when they grow up.

My son recently went throught the same thing. His peditrician told us most boys don't get the "signal" to their brains letting them know they need to go until they are about 3 1/2 yrs old. Our son's behavior sounds like your son's , and just this month ours has decided he can go on the potty and wear underwear and has done great for two weeks now. So, my advice is hang in there and let him take his time. We were told 6 months of on and off behavior (like you are describing) is completely normal! Before you know it, he'll just do it all on his own.

When you are getting ready to potty train you can't force your son to go or it will add frustration to a challenging experence and make it worse for both of you. When we were getting ready to potty train our little boy, we would let him watch us go to the bathroom and tell him what we were doing. One of his cousins was also being trained, which is what i think peaked his interest in the first place, because he has seen him go in the potty and wanted to be like his older cousin. We let our little boy pick out fun underware that he got when he could go in the potty and gave him the choice of what he wanted to wear-diapers or underware. Once you switch to underware, you can't go back and need to be consistent. I did read some books and magazines to help. We found little toys and treats to reward him when he went in the potty and if he had an accident, i made him help me clean it up. Pull ups i found were a crutch for him and made things worse for us. they are too much like a diaper and may be easier for clean up, but they learn too fast they can just go to the bathroom in them and keep on playing. we did use them at night for a bit though. When we got to night time training, i put him in the training underware and put a matress cover on his bed and that was it. then when he did have an accident i didn't have to wash so much. One thing i found too is that my little boy wanted to go like his daddy, which can be scarry since aiming would be bad. i tried taking a little piece of tissue and puttin it in the toilet and that helped him to aim for something. sometimes we would use cheerios. We also bought a seat that fits on the big toilet and a stool, which made cleanups easier when he pooped. hopefully some of this helps. good luck.

I know it would be nice to have your child out of diapers for good but it really doesn't sound as if he's ready. My mom always said a child should be trained by their second birthday. I tried and fought with my son for two more years before he'd go consistantly. As it was he wore pull-ups until he was almost six. (there's a whole other story behind his problem) Some kids, especially boys, take longer to learn. I'd let it go for a month or so and try again. Good luck!!!

Dawn and Ronnie,
I am a mother of 7, yes 7 children! Ages 5-25.5 boys and 2 girls. With my 1st son,(the 25 yr old) I thought it was a reflection on me if my son was potty trained, as well as an indication of his intellect. I pushed and stressed and tried even harder. Did nothing but make me crazy!! By the time boy #2,and #3 came, I figured out MEN all pee the same way when they are older. There is not any award for early potty training(yes, there should be.) I found out the less I pushed it the sooner it happened. Boy #5, wanted to be like all the other 'men' in the house, it seemed to come faster. Let me also say, go to Dr. Phil's website and check on potty training. I did do all the fuss(celebrate with Thomas the Train, called a friend to pretend to be Thomas) with the youngest too, it did happen fast...very fast. So from this old broad.. don't fret... There will come a time when you wish you could change his diaper... I promise.

My sister has 6 kids, she says, put them in big boy underwear and don't give them a diaper option except for naps and bed time.....oh and lots of rewards, make a super big deal about how good they are doing....mm's and stickers have always worked for her. Just 3 days of sugar and some accidents and hopefully you are good to go. She also says take them to the restroom every 30 minutes until they can start telling you consistently that they have to go.

From what I understand, boys are harder. Mine started peeing in the potty when we went camping and he was allowed to pee standing up, aiming at a rock. From then on he peed in the potty standing up. (we had to get a stool small enough he wouldn't fall in)His aim was terrible, but it's easier to clean the bathroom than to deal with a disappointed baby boy. Number 2 happened when he went to underwear full time and figured out (with our encouragement) how gross pooping in his underwear really was.

My son was 3 1/2 before he was trained so I understand what you are going through. My son loved a toy crane a friend had. I bought it for him and it was the reward for using the potty. Each time he used the toilet he got to play with the crane for 15 minutes. I set a timer and when the timer went off the crane went up on a high shelf where he could see it but couldn't reach it. Find out what your son really, really loves and purchase it for him. Make this reward HUGE! The ONLY time he gets to play with it is the 15 minutes after he has used the potty. After a day or two, when the timer went off I didn't have to say "time to put up the crane", he would bring it to me to place on the shelf! My son did manipulate this a little bit by tinkling just a little but I didn't care because sooner or later he was going to get into the habit of going potty instead of wearing diapers. It took us about 5 days to completely train him. Hope this helps!

Little boys love to sink Cheerios in the potty. That can make it fun! Good luck!

If you have hardwood or vinyl floors my advice is to just take his diaper off and have him run around. Many kids will realize that they shouldn't be peeing right on the floor so they'll look a little frantic which is a good sign to put him on his potty chair (bring the chair into whichever room you're in). Otherwise they'll clue in pretty quickly when they see your reaction to the mess they created, even if your reaction isn't directed directly at them and they'll clue in pretty quickly.

Before I had my own kids I was worked in a daycare with the 2 year olds and worked on potty training, I also was a nanny and potty trained one of their boys as well.

Also when the diaper is off you should load him up on liquids, that way he is more likely to make a "deposit" in the potty, even if by chance.

There's a great book called "Mommy I have to go Potty: A Parent's Guide to Toilet Training" by Jan Faull, M.Ed. It's a great resource that I'm currently using while training my daughter. It has lots of great ideas about teaching toilet training, dealing with setbacks and obstacles, etc. Good luck!

My son wasn't to excited about the potty either however when we started putting in a couple of cheerios or fish crackers for him to aim at in the toilet it became a game that quickly turned into using the potty.
S.

I went to a potty training class this week (funny, I know!), and the teachers said that rewards can sometimes be perceived as pressure for the kids. They said to take it easy, that every kid eventually uses the toilet. My son is very sensitive to me pressuring him, so I'm planning on sitting back and being only mildly interested when he does anything...!

I have one son and one daughter. Potty training is a very stressful time for everyone involved. My advice is to relax. I know it's hard, but the truth is, short of physical complications, your child will eventually learn to use the potty. You can count on it!
My son was well into three, maybe even four when he finally started using the potty. I know that in the MOPs group I went to, they sent him to the younger class because he was the only kid in the group wearing diapers.
He is in 4th grade now and uses the potty consistently :)
I didn't have any tricks, I tried them all with him and none worked. Stickers worked well for my daughter, but girls and stickers have a certain synergy. :)
Good luck. Just be patient with him and yourself and it will be ok. I promise.

I am sorry to say it but most boys start getting interested around 3 years old but don't really want to do anything until 3 1/2 to 4 years old. I have two boys and neither were potty trained until at least 3 1/2. I believe that you should wait until they are ready for them and you it makes it easier. But you can train them earlier it just is harder and takes a long time. My girls where easier than the boys. And were ready before the boys as well.

When my boys were ready to potty train we made "bubbles" in the toilet. Of course Dad had to start the bubbles game.. then we asked them, "Do you want to make bubbles?" of course they did. Whenever they made bubbles without wetting their pants we also gave them a candy reward.. candy because they didn't ever get any other than when they used the toilet. hope this helps!

You totally have to go to www.easypottytraining.com . You can download a book that will walk you right through it. I can't remember how much it cost, 17.00 or something like that, but it was TOTALLY worth it. My daughter was completely potty trained in less than a week, and she was only 22 months. That was 8 months ago, and the only accidents she has ever had was when she had diareah really bad, and one time when I was stupid and put her in overalls that she couldn't get off. The key is to keep them drinking, and drinking and drinking, so they REALLY need to go often. And just for my sanity, we would spend most of the day in the bathroom. It sounds kind of boring and gross, but believe me, it's a lot better than having to clean carpets, and couches, and beds, and whatever else they pee on. And the biggest rule is once you start, you can't stop. I was really ready to give up on the night of the fourth day, and then the next morning, she was just woke up potty trained, and we have never looked back. I know people will tell you that you don't need to pay money for a book, but I would pay it again and again after knowing how easy it made things. Plus when you get really frustrated, and believe me you will, you can email the author, and she will tell you when you need to do, and give you the motivation you need to see it through. If your son is showing the signs, then he is ready, he just hasn't "gotten" it yet. That's why you push the fluids so much, so he has every chance he can get to NEED to go potty.

My best advice is to wait until Summertime! Hang out outside without diapers, the mess is so much easier to deal with! My son potty trained a few months before his 3rd birthday, much to my surprise, while on a week long camping trip at a lake. We were in and out of the water so much that he just had his swim trunks on most of the day. We assigned a certain rock near the beach to be his "pee rock" which he loved and never missed a chance to use. We also brought his potty chair, which he would sit on every night after dinner to have a BM. We put it right on the beach and he loved sitting out there looking out at the lake. Luckily we had the beach pretty much to ourselves! By the time we got home, his body had developed the patterns he needed and he transitioned to using the inside bathroom without missing a beat.

Hi, we had our 2 year old potty trained 2 weeks before his second birthday. And we used M&M's and gummy bears. Everytime he sat on the potty regardless of deposit, we gave him a treat for the first couple of days. There were times when we gave him 10 treats. Then we stopped giving him treats when he just "sat" on the potty. So when he sat on the potty, he would say "treat please". We would say "tee tee please" and it would keep going back and forth until he went potty then he got his treat. Sometimes he didn't go so he didn't get one. If he went poo poo he got two treats. But the KEY is to put the candy in a clear jar or tupperware by the potty where he can see it. That way if he runs up to the candy jar and says treat! YOU SAY GO TEE TEE PLEASE!!!!!! It worked amazing! Also the POO POO part was kinda tough. We found ourselves running him up to our potty to go poo because we could spread his legs and it was easier for him to go, otherwise they have more control squeezing their bum together to not go poop.
Hope that helps!

My daughter didn't potty train completely until she was 3 1/2. What finally worked for us was putting her potty in front of the TV. That was the only time of day she could watch TV, was when she needed to go potty. Plus, it gave her enough time to just sit, relax and let everything come out, since she wasn't so focused on getting back to playing.

Good luck!

L.
Mom of 4 yr old daughter and 7mo son.

the best thing I have found is to let them run around with out any dipper or pants on that worked with my doughter who just didn't want to take the time to go she seemed to think about it a little more often. She did still have oppses but she did finaly get there.

I am a mother of 2 boys. I have friends that have boys. The general consensus is that it doesn't matter what YOU do to move potty training along. Your son will do it when he's good and ready. Some things that help is for you and your husband to be role models for your son. Let him watch you go potty. Have potty chairs available to him. Let him sit on them, play with them, and get comfortable with them. You have to remember to remind him. That's the tough part. Every hour ask him if he needs to go potty. Boys forget because they get so caught up into playing. And they don't mind sitting in wet or dirty diapers. Let him run around w/o diapers or bottoms. That's for summer time. He'll start making the connection between the sensation and the action. I've tried many things --- such as reward systems. It seemed like the more I pushed, the less he was interested. The best thing you can do is be supportive and loving. No pressure. NO consequences. Make it a positive experience. When he does experience success, have a potty party. I had a potty song. Every time my son used the potty I sang and danced, "So-and-so went pee-pee in the potty! So-and-so went pee-pee in the potty! Woo-woo!" Then togther we would flush the toiliet and say "Bye-bye pee! Bye-Bye poop!" And then we'd clap. Ultimately, this one is out of your control. Good luck!

Hi there... I had to look at the posting twice because your story sounds an awful lot like mine :) My son will turn 3 on 3/19 and my daughter will be 9 months on on 3/17... We have been trying to get our son potty trained too... We have found that giving him something that he really likes helps... Example: He is really into playing on our computers. But for obviouse reasons we don't want him too. So we found an old laptop computer. It doesn't have much on it, just enough to play a computer game. I went to WalMart and bought a couple different PRE-SCHOOL aged games (Winni the Pooh) and told him that he needed to go in the big boy potty before he could play the game. We have been pretty firm. A couple of times he just doesn't want to go so then we tell him that he can't play any other games until he goes in the big boy potty. (This is at bed time and after I know he hasn't gone in a really long time) He hasn't really figured out how to ask or let me know when he has to go. But last night we were at a friends birthday party and our son really wanted a balloon. I told him that he would need to go on the potty twice while we there and then he might be able to get a balloon. The first time dad took him and he went, but was a little reluctant. But a little later he asked for the balloon again and I told him that he needed to go potty again. About 20 min later he said that he needed to go potty. We do a LOT of praising after he goes. I tried potty chairs that stand a lone and he just wanted to play with them, then we had a seat that goes on the big potty and he used it for a while, but now he just likes to sit on the regular seat and hold him self up.
At first he was still in diapers and we would ask him if he wanted to go and he would always say NO, because he new he could go in it. So we took those away during the day and we put BIG BOY pants on (I got CARS and MICKEY MOUSE) he likes those charaters and we say that they don't like to get wet. He really doesn't like it when his underwear, pants and socks get wet. So I think we are on the right track. We still use pull ups at night, but when he woke up this morning it was dry too. I have also learned that if I say "Lets go to the bathroom to potty" he will through a fit, but if I just take his hand and ask him to come with me and not point out what we are doing right away he goes a little more willingly. Sorry I've said a lot but I completely understand what you are going through. Please let me know how it goes. Chris

I would let it go. If he is resistant he will just fight you all the way, and you'll both be miserable. My daughter fought me. I let it go, and one day she asked if she could put on underwear. You don't want it to be a power struggle. Also boys can be harder to train. My nephew was almost 4 before he was completely trained.

Hello,

My youngest son refused to potty train until he was almost 3 1/2 he knew what to do and when he had to go but he just didn't want to. Then one day he came to me and told me he was a big boy and didn't want a diaper anymore. And then he potty trained, this was in Aug he just turned 4 a few weeks ago and we have had 0 accidents since then.

Just give him time he will come around when he is ready. One thing I have used with all my boys is sink the cheerios. I would put a few cheerios in the toilet and have them try to sink them. Or show mom how you make bubbles....LOL I tried to make it fun for them, whether in games or my making a potty dance up and little jig to go with it..

Hope this helps

Remember, potty training isn't about when you are ready it is about when your son is ready and you just have to let that happen. My son turned three and the following week declared that he only wanted to wear big boy underware and has ever since. We had a few weeks of daily accidents but all is good. This was only for daytime, we are almost 4 but havne't done much about nighttime yet. His pullup is soaked so I don't see how he's physiologically ready yet.
He will potty train, when he is ready.
L.

My son is 4 1/2, he has only been potty trained for a month or two now. Boys tend to take longer than girls. Most boys aren't trained until 3 1/2 or 4. The more you pressure them the more they resist. I tried everything, rewards, bribes, even taking away the diapers and forcing underwear. He didn't care, because he wasn't mentally/emotionally ready. Then one day my mom offered to take him to a movie if he wet potty for at least three days. A week later my son was potty trained and going to a movie. I had been working on it for 9 months and was starting to give up. I barely mentioned it to him anymore. My mom is my hero, because she knew when h was ready to seal the deal and do it. We only had a few accidents in the first couple of weeks, he even woke up dry. If you have patience and wait til he is ready, it wil be less stressful and more successful. My kid's doctor says he has never seen a kid go to kindergarten in diapers, as long as you meet that goal, it is okay. Every child is different. don't let anyone make you or him feel pressured to do it before he is ready. If he is not ready, it will either not work or he will regress back to it later, and you will have to do it all over again. Just be patient, he will let you know when he is ready. Best of luck.

My daughter didn't potty train til after she turned 3. She was changing her own diapers! I figured if she could do that, she could go potty on the toilet! One day my sis-in-law asked her why she still wore diapers and she said, "because my mom and dad change me." We went, bingo! We told her we were not going to change her diapers any more. We then bought diapers that were 2-3 sizes too small (like I said, she was just changing her own diapers so we had to make it more difficult for her). It was very difficult because she would cry and beg for diapers...one day she actually got the too small diaper on herself (my hubby wouldn't let her wear it). It was a real struggle. Anyway, what ended up working the best was that she wanted to go to school like her big sister. I told her she had to go potty on the big potty if she wanted to go to school. Her pre-school would not take kids who wore diapers or had accidents. So, we combined that with a song another sis-in-law taught her. It goes to the tune of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. She changed the words to Tinkle Tinkle in the potty just for mommy all the way. My dd would sing it while she sat on the potty. We changed it to, just for pre-school all the way. Once she had a goal in mind it became easier. I think it also helped that the school was putting the rule on her, not me. My older daughter helped, too, by making a chart for her. It was kind of like a maze/game board. It had a bunch of squares on it, a start and an end. The end spot had a picture of a school and the "marker" was a photocopied picture of my older dd on her first day of school. The idea being that every time she went potty on the toilet she got to move the marker closer to the school. She really started to do well with it and was completely potty trained pretty quickly after the pre-school goal was made.
I think the key is to make it a goal where they just can't do it until they are potty trained. Oh, another incentive was that both grandmas said they only could sleep over if they were potty trained because they didn't want to change diapers. Pick somewhere your kid really wants to go (Disneyland was one kid's incentive), and just say they can go when they are potty trained. I know people who bought a special gift and kept it in the house saying the child could have it when they were potty trained. I don't think that is the best idea because it's right there and the only reason they can't have it is because YOU won't give it to them. Then YOU are the bad guy. When it's someone else's rule, there is nothing you can do about it.
Anyway, good luck. It will happen eventually.