Potty Training - Youngtown, AZ

She just may not be ready. The more you push it on her the more she will push away. Trust me I know all too well from experience, my son seriously took over a year to potty train and he still as the occasional poop accident and still has to wear pullups to bed, he will be 4 in Septemeber. I would back off and let her tell you when she wants to use the potty, that's what happened with my son. Seriously a couple of months after I just went back to diapers and never asked him again if he had to go potty he just flat out told me one day, that he had to pee. So he did and was trained in less than 2wks.

After potty training three with another coming up the line, I have learned this hard truth...kids will potty train when they're ready and not before, no matter what method you subscribe to. The problem you've created in forcing the issue with her (and I speak from experience) is you've made it a battle of wills...and toddlers are EXTREMELY good at these battles! It's also turned the potty training into a negative experience in her world. Here's what I would suggest...

Go back to diapers and bag the whole potty training idea for awhile. When you do reintroduce it (and she may even take the initative here and surprise you!), make it an exciting event...take her out to the store for a special "big girl underwear" shopping day! Visit www.mytimecalendar.com for some great custom charting and calendaring ideas (you can even upload a picture of your daughter or her potty to use! Then have milestone markers...when she finishes a line for example, take her for an ice cream or let her pick a special toy from the dollar store. The most important thing to remember is to PRAISE and never criticize...toddlers thrive on positive reinforcement...don't ever let it become a battle! Good luck!

Hi A.!
Ah, the joys of potty training! Having been through it 4 times myself, I can tell you what worked MIRACLES for us:

1. Potty Power DVD - check your library or order on Amazon.com - Kids LOVE it and it really encourages them to be "big kids" through music, example, kids, stories. 30 min long.

2. Let them go commando! When kids don't have anything to "go into" they will usually learn to hold onto their urine/stool until they can go on the potty. So, no panties/diapers whenever possible.

3. No Pull-Ups! This is basically like a diaper-extension. We never bought any with our kids, and it made a huge difference. Plus, you'll save tons of $$

All the best!
C.

It took my daughter a full year to get potty training down. She turned 3 in June and one day it just clicked with her. We first started with her just getting to know the potty and sitting on it whenever she wanted even with clothes on to get used to the concept. Then we graduated to pull-ups which helped with her learning how to pull her own pants up and down correctly. Then we hit a wall of refusing to poop. She would hold it for days and scream and cry when she finally went and it was aweful! We had to take a break and just get her regular and not afraid of pooping.

She got peeing down first and we found that giving her a treat (a marshmellow) when she peed in the potty and two marshmellows for poopy really helped her. It was not until we put her in real underwear that she started to really get it. Sure they will have accidents but it finally clicked with her that it was uncomfortable to go potty in real underwear so she did not have a choice but to use the potty.

A good diet really helps with holding in the poop too and our doctor recommended a children's multi-vitamin and vitamin c to help her stay loose.

I agree that it is not your mother-in-law's decision to plan potty training. Understand that she is concerned and means well but definitely set the rules and guidelines yourself and communicate them with anyone that spends time with your child to maintain consistency.

I feel your pain!!!! I am curious did your daughter do other things on her terms (like walking late,etc)My son walked at 18 months( he just took his own sweet time-no physical problems-just did not want to ) My son turned 4 on July 12th. Our experience was like yours completely. We had no idea what to do - it was out of our control. I am not sure if anything we did worked- we kept up with the sticker poster, praise, frustration, new underwear, "big boy" comments-all I know is one day he just got it.( 2 months before turning 4)He is very smart, very athletic(so we are told)and a great kid--he just does things on his time. Hang in there it will happen. J.

Well first of all, you need to tell your mother-in-law to back the heck off. Or better yet, have your husband tell her.

Secondly, try not to sweat things too much. I managed to potty-train both of my kids without a single book or chart or anything else. Not that those things don't help, but I'm the type of person that tends to overload myself with information. Which is fine in most things, but potty training is NOT one of them. Honestly, I'm the most laid-back person you will ever meet and I think that approach worked well for my kids when it came to training.

As far as specific advice, I would say three words: BRIBE, BRIBE, BRIBE!!! Whenever my kids would manage to go on the toilet, we'd grab them up (after wiping, of course) and dance around the house with them singing "Pee-pee on the pot-ty!" or "Poo-poo on the pot-ty!" (to the tune of a conga line) like they had just won the jackpot on a gameshow. Then we'd give them an Oreo or some other indulgance while bragging loudly to each other about what a big boy/girl they were. The first few times, we even had them call the grandparents to share the good news. Basically, we took "positive reinforcement" to the extreme.

We did this pretty consistently for a few weeks, then started to taper off when the kids got better at taking the initiative and going on their own. And they were so proud of themselves, they didn't even notice the lack of bribe.

Another tip for when your daughter goes poop in her diapers is to have her go into the bathroom afterwards and (carefully) remove her diaper. Then have her watch while you dump the poop into the toilet, telling her that's where it "belongs." And let her flush after, kids love that. It worked well for me, anyway, and after a while they caught on.

And I know it's a little weird, but having your daughter watch while you go once in a while is a fantastic training tool. And if you have a boy, your hubby can help with him when the time comes.

But really, like most of the ladies have told you, one day it will simply click for your daughter. And any agonizing you do now over how old she is and whether or not you're doing it right will count for exactly SQUAT at the end of the day. So give it time and give yourself a break, huh? You deserve it.

Good luck!

When I was potty training my son I was pregnant with my next child. I worked with my son for months, but not a whole lot of success. With a new baby it just got to be too much, so I told him that, since he didn't want to go potty in the toilet, we would let him go ahead and be a baby like his little sister and then we put him back in a diaper. For him, that worked. He decided that he didn't want to be a baby like his little sister and he wanted to be a big boy. He had very few accidents after that.
Sometimes, when we're potty training, we are giving that child so much attention that they don't want to stay dry because it might mean the attention will end, especially with a new baby. It can also become a power struggle if you're not careful.
As you can see from all the responses, no 2 children, or parents are the same. Follow your gut- it's usually right (not always, but usually). Good luck!

I may sound a little harsh here but if I were you (and I was a year ago) I would tell your mother-in-law and anyone else who is judging you to go pound bricks! Last summer my son had turned 3 the end of June. We had tried the whole potty training thing for a few months prior to his third birthday and he just was not getting it. Some days he was fine and others it was pee all over the place! We tried the whole nothing on below the waste for two days and that did nothing for him! We had just adopted our daughter in January so she was about 5 months old and we also had just learned that we were being transferred that August so I just stopped the potty training and waited! We took him to the potty with us when we were out in public, and at home but never pressured him to go. My mother in law and a few of my friends parents had a lot to say about him not being potty trained. It took a lot to tell them to let it go, he was my son but I did it and some were not happy! We moved into our new home Labor day weekend. Once we were in our new home and things had calmed down a bit I started with the potty training. We went and picked out new super hero and handy Manny underpants and washed them all up and put them on! I started with mornings only and made sure he drank water and went to the potty about 10 minutes later. I provided lots of distractions in the bathroom including books and a few travel games. I also would sit on the big potty while he was in there and we would just chat. On Sept 22 he went a whole day without an accident! He has been dry ever since! As for night time training we waited almost another whole year for that one! He was simply not ready and a super heavy sleeper. He turned 4 the end of June and after the company had gone back home we started that one! One night he was getting ready for bed and I told him to go potty we were going to go diaper free tonight! He was a bit nervous but did. He goes to bed at 7pm so at 10 I woke him up and took him potty and then my husband woke him at 1again to go. We continued waking him up once or twice a night for a few weeks and he is now sleeping all night and staying dry.
I have read a lot about how pressuring kids makes them revert back to old habits! There has to be something to this or there would not be such things as pull ups for 10 year olds! Or meds that they can take to help them stay dry at night! I would just relax and let her call the shots! Relax it a bit and don’t let the pressures of others pressure you or her for that matter! Good luck!

Your daughter doesn't sound like she's ready and may need a few more months to get this figured out. If you hound her, you may just be creating unecessary stress for both of you. I'd stop talking to her about it.

Try putting her in pullups - maybe the cool alert kind so that she realizes when she's going. After a few months, she may start letting you know she's gone potty and soon after, will probably be ready to train.

My daughter did something similar to yours. She could go in the potty but didn't really want to and would hide if I asked her if she wanted to go. After a while, I just backed off and did the pull-up thing. When she turned three, she really potty trained herself.

Don't worry about your mother in law and if you have to, tell her as kindly as you can to back off. You are the best judge of what your daughter is or isn't ready to do. After all, she's only three - what's a few more months?

M.

Dear A.,

In a friendly tone, try giving your mother-in-law a research job on finding the most recent professional advice on toilet training. Hopefully she will back off on applying pressure to you, and instead give you some info you can really use.
One of the few things we adults can not really force little ones to do is void/eliminate. (The other is eating) A battle of wills is really pointless. I would back off and try again later.
Best of luck!
PS: Since you have a 5 month old, you might look at "elimination communication" or also called "natural infant hygiene". It is a way to avoid the whole unlearning of using diapers and best started before the age of 6 months.
It helped me avoid a lot of the "readiness" issues with current advice. Because we started at birth my child never lost the ability to void into toilet. Just an idea.

You need to buckle down, you are the parent, it will be harder for her the longer you put it off. Sit her on the potty once an hour, she cannot get up until she has done something. This will show her you are being the parent, which is what the kids actually want beleive it or not. You should have this completed within 1 week. Also do the same at nite there is no such thing as potty training for day and one for nite the only person you are training is yourself. Stop all liquids a couple hours before bed, make it easy on yourself do it all at one time. Good Luck

Wow, talk about a lot of conflicting suggestions! I think this is one of those "parenting topics" that lots of people have very strong feelings on and sometimes forget that kids and parents are all different and need to approach it in a way that works for them. As far as Mother-on-law goes, you are going to need to figure that out too. For some of us, we can look at MIL and say, unless you want to do this, knock it off with the comments. I would not give her any "assignments" unless you are willing to let her handle it.

Potty training can be very much a power struggle, attention seeking, or difficult thing for any parent/child. I have had 3 kids potty train at 3 1/2 years old, and my fourth is not yet 2, and she is asking to go potty all the time. Kids are different. Your child needs a buy in whether it is from within themselves, or outside (bribe-chart). They also need to be developmentally ready. Do they understand that things go in certain places (toys go in toy box, poop in the potty, etc)? Can they pull up and down their own clothes? (otherwise you are being potty trained, not them). Can they communicate well enough to let you know that they need to go potty?(what if you are in the store and they can't communicate the need to go potty?)

As a parent your attitude affects your child's success in a lot of things not just potty training. Are you ready? Are you overly frustrated?

I expect there are other things to consider as well, but I would be careful with some of the suggestions I read (belittling your child or forcing him will not bring the type of success you want).

Good luck!

As a mom as well as a full time preschool teacher, I've learned that children who are potty trained later have a more difficult time doing it later. Most children not potty trained before or just after the age of 3 are not able to until closer to 4 and later. Have you tried just putting her in big girl underwear? If she has an accident in those, she'll feel it and be more uncomfortable in that than a diaper or a pull up that just pulls the moisture away. Also, the elastic of a diaper and pull up literally triggers a child to go to the bathroom where as underwear doesn't. Good luck!

Considering you have a 5 month old. Don't even think about potty training success until the baby is 10-15 months because the baby does effect your daughter.

Hello,

I feel that you need to keep at it and don't back down because that means she won. Having the baby will be harder but keep at it.

Start an award chart and have a big pay off at the end of the month. Every time she goes to the potty she gets to put a star or sticker on the chart and when she doesn't go she doesn't get one. I think she will catch on pretty quit. Make the chart with everyday of the week and enough space for each days stickers. Then put a goal for the end of the month and say if you go all month in the potty and fill the chart we can go to Build a Bear or a jumpy place or ice skating or Sea World. I think you get the idea.

Most of my friends who have done the chart said that it worked. That their kids got excited everytime they went and got to put something on the chart. My daughter learned in about a week and we never had any problems so it does work.

Good Luck