Preschooler Potty Training - Dearborn Heights, MI

W., I have 4 children - boys 8,5, and 5 months, and a girl, 3 this week. The two oldest boys were over 3 when they finally potty trained (daytime - they still wet the bed rather regularly at night), and my little girl is still in diapers, though she can use the bathroom and just chooses not to. I have her change her own diapers! Still, the only thing that has worked is waiting on their own time. It will happen, but not till they want it to enought to do it themselves. It is totally normal. Good luck!

Both of mine were past 3 when trained. It sucks to hear it, but it's SO TRUE: they will do it when they are ready. The more you push it, the more frustrated you will be about it. With my second one, I just dropped it altogether and she came to me one day and wanted to wear big girl pants. You can keep trying by being subtle, but don't push it.

Boys do take longer than girls! I`ve had a daycare for years now and also 2 little boys of my own...4 and 7. The never had interest in it til just after 3. My 7 yr. old wanted to ride in his grandpas "hot rod" and my dad told him when he was wearing underwear and no accidents he would. A week later he was! My 4 yr. old was just scared of the toilet! But he just did it one day also! You are NOT doing anything wrong! It`s when they are ready. Once they are-they most likely will not have any accidents! Don`t worry!
K.

Don't listen to your family. I have a 15 year old son, and I swear, He was probably 4 before I would've called him 100% potty trained. He just didnt' care! it was very frustrating. Here are some things I tried, and if they work for you great...but it seemed that time and him WANTING to do it were the only tricks that worked.
Never use pull ups...they are pretty much just a diaper, the kids don't see a huge difference. pull ups are good for night time though.
have him pick out underwear that he likes and make a big deal out of it!! If there is one with a character he likes, tell him that it wouldn't be nice to "pee on spiderman" ya know?
get some packing peanuts...put one in the potty...have "target practice" if its a game, boys are usually into it!
after i knew that he understood the concept, and that he was just being lazy if he had an accident...i actually made him wash his own underpants out if he had an accident. he didn't like that...but he was almost 4, and he knew...he just didn't want to stop playing with his trains to get up and go to the bathroom.
good luck!

Hi W.,
I noticed you had a lot of responses and I probably won't say anything different but I wanted to say don't worry about it. Kids are all different. Don't let your family bother you. You are doing great.
Chris

As hard as it is, sometimes you need to tell your family to mind their own business either bluntly or tactfully when it comes to raising your own kids. My son isn't potty trained either and he is 3 as well. He will when he's ready and the more you force it the more he will rebel against doing it. Your doctor in this case knows what she's talking about. Good luck.

I just got done potty training my daughter and she is 2. I potty trained my son just before he turned 3.....I used a book that I bought online called "3 day potty training" by Lora Jensen, I swear by it. It totally works!! Basically you dont make them make them go potty, it is really stressful, every couple minutes you just remind them to make sure they tell you when they have to go. It is like asking them but really putting it back on them to tell you. It took me 3 days with my daughter and it took me like 6 days with my son. It says that you should potty train before they turn 2 1/2 and like I said, my son was older than that. Good Luck!

There is nothing wrong with your son. My son didn't fully potty train until he was nearly 4 years old. Boys take longer in general than girls. To possibly get him motivated, go by the boys underwear section and look at them a little. Also ask him if he has to go potty first thing in the morning and about half and hour after a meal. If he still shows no interest, it's okay. He doesn't find the need to go potty yet. Another motivating factor may be if his buddies are potty training, maybe have him tag along to see how they do it.

Truly, though there is not rush. Good luck.

Hi W..
I just thought I would let you know what worked for me. I have a 5 and 3 year old fully potty trained. I read the book Potty Training in less than a day by Nathan H. Azrin, PH.D. and Richard M. Foxx, PH.D. after my aunt said it worked for her and some of her friends. It is a little old fashion and I didnt do everything that it said but it worked. And it is very important to NEVER get mad when he has an accident. Just let him know that you are very sad and disapointed. Getting mad will just frustrate him and you. The book is not very long and has some great tips. I do recamend reading it before you start. And be prepared to constantly be washing pee and poop clothes because there will be alot of accidents. Good luck. It is not the funnest part of parenting and makes for a very long day but he will get it.

I too had a similar issue with my oldest son. But it is true what they say, it will just happen. I found it worse the more I tried to make my son do it. I would continue to encourage and he will do it when he feels he can control the situation. Hang in there!

listen to your doctor and ignore your family members. Many boys are not potty trained at three. Each of them has a neurological system that matures at their own rate. Boys often take longer than girls.... My son took till he was 4...just got so involved with things that he never noticed he needed to go until seconds before he couldn't hold it anymore. Your son needs his own schedule.... if your Dr. says he is fine, believe them - not busy-body, well meaning but poorly informed friends and relatives. L.

Hi there!
My son, who is now 5, was also just over 3 when he was potty trained. I know it's hard to believe now, but it will happen when he is ready. When we got frustrated, he got frustrated. When I could spend a little time with him during my CHristams break, I put his big boy undies on and he had a few accidents, but didn't like it. Going #2 was a challenge, but eventually it all worked out. GOOD LUCK! know that you are not alone! :)

W.,
First of all, don't pay any attention to your family lol. They proably mean well, but you have to do what works for you and your little guy. My son wll be 3 this week and he's been potty trained for almost 3 wks. I was terrified b/c I didn't want people to think I was a bad mom or that I wasn't trying. I was getting pretty stressed about it b/c he wasn't having it for a long time. Anyway, I read about the 20 min. rule. Get a timer, set it to go off every 20 mins. And every time the timer goes off take him to go potty. If he goes, give him a couple m & m's and lots of praise. This way, he'll want to go b/c of the praise and candy and since it's only a couple of m&m's he won't be oversugered. Sticking to it is the tough part. He will pick up on the consistency if it is every 20 mins. Good luck!

Dear W. L.,

Perhaps you could go to a hobby store or to Walmart/Kmart to buy a decal. Drain the toilet completely and scrub it with whatever you use. Let dry completely and then when the toilet is completely dry, place the decal on the bottom and allow it to dry well. Then add the water back in and tell your son to pee on it. Make it a game and it becomes fun. Perhaps a cheerio or M&M for each time he hits the target.
When my kids were young, a lady at our LaLeche did this and it worked well for another little boy. I thought it was such a clever idea that I have been passing it on ever since.
Hope it helps you.

L. C.

Ignore your family. My in-laws were the same way - "He should be talking by now. There's something wrong with him. Take him to the doctor." Then when he started talking shortly after, it turned into, "He should be potty trained. He's old enough to know. He should be going on the potty." It's always something. Go with your gut, leave your son to go at his own pace. I would encourage him and ask him if he wants to go on the potty, but don't stress about it. When he gets it, you'll be surprised at how he just seems to decide overnite that he's ready to go on the potty :)

Good luck,
A.

Hi W.. I have a son who is almost 4. I potty trained him at 2 1/2. First you need to look at if he is showing signs of being ready. I got a book off the internet and it was Great. It said that you would have a potty trained child in 3 days. My son took 2 1/2 days. One thing that it said was to remember that you are not only training your child to go potty on the toilet, but you are breaking them of going potty in a diaper- something that they have done since day one. It would be like taking you from your job now and putting you in a completely different one and telling you to learn. So keep that in mind. For the most part the method I used was to set a timer for every 20 min. when it goes off have the child try to go potty. Use lots of positive feedback even if it is just a good try. The first day my son never made it once. The second day he did a couple times and also missed a ton. The first part of day 3 he was hit or miss so I went and got a bunch of stickers. I put them in a basket and told him that every time he went on the potty he could pick a sticker. He didn't have an accident for the rest of the day. I did this for a day or two and then he didn't care about doing the stickers anymore. He would have an accident now and then but he was fine. I thought that the every 20 min was alot so when he did go, I would set the timer for 30-35 min. But it worked for me. My daughter is 21 months and I have done the same method with her. Not by choice, she just started to refuse to wear a diaper. So I did this same thing with her. It hasn't been as successful, but I think it has to do with her age. But it has been a couple weeks now and I will tell you that it is so much easier to change an accident once or twice a day than it is to put a diaper on a screaming child. Good luck in your adventure!

Hi W.,
I wouldn't worry to mcuh about what the other people say, you can't make him do what he's not ready for. I have a 3 y/o daughter that will still not poop in the potty for whatever reason. I know that I can't make her (even though I try now and then) but when she is ready she'll do it. The same with your son, as long as you show him that when he's ready it's great!
Good Luck!

My daughter was 3.5 before she was trained, and lots of other kids I know were well into their third year before they even started or showed interest. You are not alone. Your child will let you know when he's ready. Just be patient and if anyone else seems to question it, just politely tell them that the doctor doesn't have any concerns about it.

Hi W.,

My son is 4 1/2 and just got potty trained 2 weeks ago. We had tried everythng but to no avail. Finally over Spring Break I told him that he was not wearing diapers anymore, just underwear. He fought me for four days peeing all over himself, but I didn't budge. Finally he got sick of it and started going on the toilet. Now, just two weeks later, he is doing it by himself!

Things you have to remember...do not rush them, do not force them. They are becoming independent and will stand up to you. When they have accidents, don't get angry or frustrated. They can feel that from you. Say accidents happen and we'll try again another time. Tell your family to back down...they don't have any say in this. You know your child better than anyone else.

We had also set up a reward chart but he doesn't even need that anymore. He just likes to hear the praise! Even if they just try to go, make sure you give lots of praise. Let him pick out his favorite underwear, make the bathroom his, if possible. Our half bath is just Aidan's with his potty seat hooked on the toilet and his footstool. His favorite dvd is Elmo's Potty.

Your son will do it when he is ready. I know you're worried, we were too with Kindergarten starting in the Fall. You just have to stick to your plan and be patient. Hope this helps and good luck!

Hi W.,

My son will be three in June and he is still not potty-trained. I have to agree 100% with Rebecca's response: the harder you try, the longer it seems to take because the child resists. I bought him a potty chair at 18 mos., but he still isn't ready. I have been trying for a long time (I'm not hard on him, just keeping it fun & positive), and still no success. My pediatrician said the exact same thing as yours did. I believe that most boys train between 3-1/2 & 4 since most of the moms I know who have sons can confirm that. You've gotten alot of great responses here, so I too am going to try what the other moms have suggested.

Eventually we get there!

MC

Hi W.,

I have 2 grown children and I used the same method on both my girls with extraordinary results.

First thing is to read the book, Potty Training In Less Than A Day. I am certain you could find it on Amazon or call Barnes and Noble. My girlfriend used it with great success when her son was potty trained.

Funny thing, I had my oldest daughter trained with this method for a couple of years when I took a psychology class at college. The professor suggested and recommended that exact same book!

It's not hard to do, is based on positive reinforcement, repetition and teaches the child to clean up, change his pants during training, empty potty chair, etc,. It becomes the child's responsibility to learn to go, after he is trained.

Both of my daughters were potty trained in a matter of hours. My oldest daughter had a bowel movement accidently one time after training.
It was because she didn't want to get up in the middle of the night and held it too long and couldn't make it to the toilet!

Other than that, it was smooth sailing, or should I say smooth going!

One more thing, boys usually take a bit longer because of their developmental levels. Three is a good time for boys.

Good luck and let me know!

Talk Soon,
J.

Hello W., Listen to your daughters doctor. She has the degree, not your family. The problem here is not the potty training, but people poking their noses where they don't belong. This is a PARENTING issue. The doc backs up what you are doing, so you arn't doing anything wrong, just let your family know that you payed good money for professional advice regarding this issue and you plan on sticking with it. If they argue with you, repeat, repeat, repeat. They can only argue with you if you join the debate. Don't let them blind side you. Good luck.

And a gazillion other people have different opinions on the subject.
Honestly tho, W., there is no set time. Your doctor's right; don't worry.
The more one pushes the toddler for something he may not be ready for, the more potential resistance. I pushed my oldest when he was a toddler. He wasn't ready, but Ohhhhh because I'd been told that in 18 mos. they should be potty trained. It was not a good experience.
With my second one, he had a degree of interest for it on his own, but PHYSICALLY wasn't quite on the same page. And pushing a little didn't help either. I had to explain that pre-school and starting kindergarten weren't possible if he didn't learn to use the potty. And he wanted to go to school, so he put in more effort.
You know your child. Does he show an interest? You can introduce him to it. "This is mom and dad's potty, but THIS one is especially for you!!!" Make a big deal of it. Take him shopping and let him pick out his own. He'll be more likely to use it if he's got some say in it. And if it's made to be exciting "...because you're a big boy!!!"
I know it's the first rough hurdle for parents, but you'll do fine.

My son was 3 1/2 (and a high functioning autistic). I did all the things your not supposed to do and it worked great for me. I bought him several of his favorite drinks (root beer and Propel) and filled a gallon zip lock back with penny candy and cheap toys (i bought them at the dollar store, party city, Michaels and even got a few from Mcdonalds). Let him drink all he wants, wait 20 minutes, then stand him in front of the potty. I ran the water for him in the sink and within a minute we had success. Every time he pee'd, he got a toy or a piece of candy. Devote a whole weekend to nothing but this. He also got a kick out of running and peeing behind the pool pump house at my moms house. Also, let him see dad do it. They always want to be like dad. Good luck

i have only had to potty train girls but what i do is set the stove timer and ever 30 min we try and after two week we are done even at nite but that a girl for you good luck reward for for my sister boys i think she uses hot wheel if they go all day with peeing in the potty they are cheep enuff good luck

I can tell you what I did with my son (he wasn't quite 2 1/2 at the time) and it worked in 2 days... we woke up one morning and I changed him out of his diaper, told him that he was a big boy and put underwear on him. I took him to the potty every hour and he of course had accidents. When he had the accident, we cleaned him up, I told him that it was okay, and next time, let me know when he had to go. After the third accident, he started to go, but the wetness reminded him of what he was doing, he told me, and he finished in the potty. By the middle of day #2, we were done having accidents and he was telling me when he had to go rather than me taking him every hour. I would still remind him, but the time got longer between reminders. It's all about breaking them of the habit of just going when they have to go. I did put a pull-up on him OVER his underwear at naptime and at night to protect the sheets, but not to confuse him and NEVER go back to a diaper... he's a BIG BOY, now! I also put a pull-up on him over the underwear on our first few outings, but we never had an accident. By morning number 3, he woke up dry, but I continued to put a pull-up on him for a few weeks at night. When I realized that I was using the same pull-up over and over for 3 weeks, I knew that he was trained. Now, going poop on the potty took a little bit more. He would go and hide and then come and tell me to change him, so I resorted to bribery. We went to the store, he picked out a toy and we put it back on the shelf. I told him when he went poop on the potty 3 times, we would go back and get it. We were back in 2 days. Good luck!

Try not to let your family members presure you. Three is pretty young for a boy.

Please don't turn it into a struggle just because others tell you he's ready. He'll defiantely give you signs when he's ready.

In the mean time, enjoy the "extra" time you get with him to change his diapers. He'll be in school before you know it, and you'll wonder what you stressed about.

Good luck!

I agree with the other posters and will add this: If you push your son to potty train, it will probably end up taking longer. Kids CRAVE having control over things. That is why they so often have interesting eating habits, they can control what does or doesn't go into their mouth.

A good potty move to make would be to put a small potty in his bedroom and just let him get used to the idea. Take him with you when you use the bathroom and cheer when YOU go. Talk about how you like having dry pants. example: "Yay! Mommy went potty!! I sure do like having dry pants. Aren't dry pants nice?"

My family will occasionally give advice I do want, I nod and tell them I'll talk it over with their pediatrician. I'm sure they are well meaning, but I tend to believe the person with the medical degree.

Good luck!

I think i can say that I just finished training my son... (fingers crossed and hopeing for no accidents) But heres the thing... He's 3 1/2 almost 4... No matter how much people (hubby, grand parents) pushed him, he just wouldn't follow their expectations. But I took the tactic of when he's ready... He will do it. (Less headaches for mommy trying to force it). He finally just started going him self and actually telling us when he had to go.

No one else can make a judgement call on when he's ready. ONLY HE DOES. So if people ask questions or give "the look" just smile... He'll get it.

Each kid is different and each kid masters this BIG step at their own pace. My daughter was 2.5 when she was fully potty trained. Now my son will be 3 in a few weeks and doesn't seem to even know when he goes, even with underwear. PATIENCE is key... it's not easy... hang in there and your little boy will be potty trained...

Ah yes everyone has an opinion about any child not their own.

Here's something you can tell your busy body family. Most boys don't potty train until they are 3.5yrs old. I'm not going to push him to potty train until he's ready, as that has been proven to cause a longer and harder potty training. I assure you he will not be wearing diapers when he graduated from Highschool.

Ah, ignore the family. Just smile and nod at them.
My daughter took almost 4 years, and she's no dummy. Don't stress it. She ended up finally "getting" it after watching a video from the library called "Potty Power" and we used stickers for each success. They eventually learn.
Oh, and if you do try some sort of system like learn-in-a-day, that's fine--it's up to you if you want to try things. (Not others, or family, or doctor.) Just don't give yourself anxiety if it doesn't "work"!

First of all the people in your family are flat out wrong. There is no perfect ageto potty train- every kid has there own timing and the worst thing you can do is try to force it.
If you are comfortable doing this, one of the best methods I have found is just letting him go naked. Yes you will have accidents to clean up- but it is easier for them to feel if they don't have a diaper or underpants to protect them.
Also be consistent. Pick a method and stick with it. Going back and forth between underwear and diaper is confusing. If you pick a sticker chart- don't jsut drop it if it doesn't work right away. Kids need consistency.
We found a chart online- with Dora on it. It has a spot for 30 stickers. Our DD got 1 for tinkles and 5 for poopies. When the chart was full, she got to pick a prize out of a bucket.
It worked for us, but every kid is different. Be consistent, and I promise, he won't go to college in diapers.

W., I don't really have any advice, but I do want to let you know that I know SEVERAL people whose sons were not potty trained until they were 3 1/2 or 4 years old. I have a friend right now whose son is 4 1/2 and he's only partially potty trained. I'm not telling you this to discourage you that it can take you that long, but I want you to know you are not alone. It generally takes boys longer to be potty trained than girls, in most cases. You know, you can even google this, you can type something like, "4 year old not potty trained", and you will get a TON of hits. I know your son is only 3, but I just wanted to show you that even many 4 year old boys are not yet potty trained. So don't listen to those family members who are trying to make you feel like you are doing something wrong! If you try to force the issue before your son is ready, things will only backfire on you. Good luck!

Listen to the doctor. Each child is different and you can't rush these things. My daughter was almost 4 and she could actually do it, just didn't want to - it was a control thing with her and I. Evenutally, it came. The key is not to stress.

Also, I waited till summer with both my kids (son and dauther) so that they were outside and accidents didn't matter as much. And with my son - he really like "watering" the grass!!

Hope this helps.

K.

Hey W....

I went to the doctor when my daughter was two and a half and he told me that she needed to be potty trained. I left and did nothing. My daughter is now 3 and a half and she is 100% potty trained. When she showed an interest in going into the bathroom with me I took her. When she said she had to pee I would take her into the bathroom. When she said she wanted to wear her big girl underwear I let her put them on. Sure she had a few accidents but I didn't have to fight with her, I didn't bribe her, I didn't reward her in any way. She wore pull ups for about 6 weeks at night because she was still peeing at night but again, she decided when she was done with that too. It has been wonderfully stress free.

I learned this hands off approach from my sister who firmly believes that you can't teach bladder control.

L.
http://www.HealthyFamilyHome.com

When ever mom or dad or a big brother /sister used the bath room they got a few M&M's.We made it a point to make sure baby saw the reward. When baby goes to the bathroom he/she gets the M&M's. They get the idea, but they really have to use the potty and not just go in and come out and say they "did it".

Please do not get upset about this. I had the same problem with my youngest son. We tried everything we could think of encouragement, bribery, we even tried showing him we were not happy when he did not go to toilet and nothing worked. He would even go to toilet when out with family but at home we were at our wits end trying to get him to go. Then just before he turned 4 he started useing the toilet. He would come out and tell us and say 'Does that make you happy now' and give us big hugs we would assure him it did and make a big thing out of it. That went on for a few weeks and then it became just a normal thing he does.

All you can do is continue encouraging him, asking him regularly if he needs to go etc. but don't get discouraged you are doing nothing wrong, it will happen really it will.

You're doing just fine - my son wasn't out of pull ups until he was almost 4 either. With him - it was all about making it fun. First, to encourage it, we put blue tidybowl in the toilet - he thought it was awesome to pee in the blue water and make it turn green! (yellow plus blue is green!) Second, to add a little bribery to the situation once it was a matter of - "we know you can do it, you just have to get out of the pullups" stage. We took him and his cousin to dave & busters during an afternoon over christmas - and he had so much fun, we told him that we had gotten special permission to take him there - that only kids who are potty trained are allowed to go threre and play the games. So we made him a deal - if he could go 5 days in his big boy underpants we would take him back. Let me tell you - he wanted to go back so bad he was obsessed with getting rid of the pull ups.
The main thing to remember is to do things that are going to appeal to your child. For him, colors & DB worked. Your son might like to try sinking cheerios in the potty - you'll find it..and he'll help you find it when he's ready.

have you tried having him go in a coffee can , some times they will be fascinated with the noise and experience worked for me