I was where you are a few months ago. We started training the bare-bottom method, he went pee on the potty quite well for almost a week, pooped a couple of times, then refused. So we stopped a couple of weeks, he was doing pretty good about a week and a half then flat-out refused. He knows how to go, he knows how to hold it. As with your daughter, incentives are futile. So we have been on hiatus, no pressure, no reminders a couple of months. He will be 2.5 next weekend. he uses the potty to pee occasionally, all on his own. No more rewards like Dum Dum pops or stickers, it's on him to get trained, I'm here to help wipe, help wash hands and encourage.
You've talked it out and when they get like him and your daughter, unless you relish frustrating yourself and her, possibly causing her medical problems by her "holding it," and have her not trained for another year or two, you need to go back to diapers, not say a word, and wait until she wants to use the potty on her own. Their bladders and bowels are something they can control, and face it, who wants to give up control, particularly newly-independent toddlers? And the fact that she knows but doesn't always carry through shows she's not ready yet. Don't feel bad putting her back in diapers, unless you like doing extra laundry.
Leave the potty out, back off completely on potty training, and wait for her to start using it on her own. She knows the basics and will, when she's ready psychologically. Meanwhile find out what her power incentive is, buy it, and when she starts to go potty allow her access to the incentive for 30-60 minutes after going potty on her own, (without you initiating it, taking her or reminding her) but you keep possession of it, otherwise it loses it's value as an incentive. She'll be earning a privilege, rather than a possession, and that will be her incentive to keep using the potty. I wish I had known this concept before, we might have been successful in training!
When she starts using the potty again you make it her responsibility, you don't remind her, it's her thing. When she has an "accident," you have her help clean it up, put the dirty laundry in the hamper, change her sheets, etc.
I put my money where my mouth is. I'm confident, and hoping he will be soon, too. If not, being trained at almost three or three and a half isn't the end of the world ; )