Potty Training Difficulties - Cumberland,RI

my older son was almost 4 when he finally went. I cried for 2 1/2 years, when he was ready, he was ready. I used a star chart, 1 star for trying #1; 2 stars for trying #2, 3 stars for an accomplishment of any sort. The list of stars was short for the first few weeks. At the end of a row a prize of some sort is given. It worked.

He was originally afraid of going down the drain and did not like the potty seat.

Once we got the star chart going, he did it.

My second child I did not even bring up the subject until he was 3. It took me one week with the star chart and diapers were gone.

Good luck - you are doing nothing wrong. It is there time to shine and they will do it when the feel safe. Also a little power over us at a young age.

All I have to say is thanks for posting this! It exactly describes my son who is just over three. He wants to so bad, and tells me, "it's not working mom!!" and doesn't seem to pee much at all during the... Not sure if he's holding it in, or if he really doesn't have to go. But I'm giving him salty food and lots of drink and still nothing. Just thought I'd let you know that you're not alone! :-)

my fourth will be three in April... guess what he is trying hard some days to potty then we have to run errands and it's just to cold out to let him pee his clothes... sointo a diaper he goes. Then we were doing good a couple of days and he gets flu ew.... So I give up until it gets warmer here... then i think consistancy is the key. and lots of changes of clothes packed for trips... stickers help some.. My othe rthree just did it seemingly over night.. However I am about to rule out a medical reason as well. I had a nephew who needed surgery. scar tissue fromhis one and only bad diaper rash.. I am frustrated myself...hang in there he'll get it :)

The doctor most likely won't check anything just yet. I was worried about my oldest as well. Now I look back on it and it doesn't seem so bad. Maybe his bladder just isn't developed enough yet to control it. Maybe just take a break from the potty training for a little while so there's no pressure and start up again in the summer when he has less clothing to try to take off. This way you aren't stressing over it and he's not stressing over it and you are all nice and relaxed. You can talk about using the potty and read books and stuff to him about it in the meantime. Let him come with you to the bathroom and stuff. Just don't make it something he has to do right now.

M.

Think I might have a check up from his doc first, just to make sure all is as it should be.
(I have a 3 1/2 yo grandson , also not potty trained. But his mum doesnt do much to train him...think it is lack of experience rather than laziness. He is afraid to poo in the pot tho..common for little ones)
With your boy.
First, leave him alone for a bit and let him calm down from all the attempts.
This is very distressing for a little one.
Wait even til spring may be best.
Then I would take his diaper off and put a potty right at hand and available.
If you do this, he will be much more aware of peeing. Really doesnt take long to toilet train.
Can move from no diaper to those makes his tallywhacker cold if he starts to pee, which I think is a pull up thingy.
Then his "big boy" panties.
Now the poo training is a bit more difficult because small children have a sort of innate fear of part of their bodies being flushed down the toilet. Ask him if he is scared of that...not know...in the spring.
You could have his father take him into the bathroom and let the boy flush the toilet. He will see it as a manly thing ( if you have prepped him to) and that Daddy does not disappear down the toilet.
Most of all,RELAX AND DONT WORRY>
Give it a tincture of time, and the child a well deserved recess from the trying.
Some reach levels of accomplishment sooner than others.
Of seven children I had one nearly four before it was accompished.
Also had a daughter who completely toilet trained herself by 18 months. So you see, they do reach certain levels on their own agenda.
Best wishes and God bless
Grandmother Lowell

You may find he will pee pee train himself.

I had the same problem with my son...I tried everything but he just didn't understand what I wanted him to do. What worked for me was to put his potty in the middle of the living room and removed his diaper. He just sat on the potty and watched the movie. Since his body was relaxed and neither one of us was stressing out over trying to go it worked. He went potty then stood up and said 'oh, that's how it works!' From that day on it wasn't a fight to go potty in the bathroom. Good Luck...I am sure you will get some great advise from everyone!

***I responded too early in the morning, because I somehow missed the "peeing" phrase. I was addressing what I thought was a problem with bowel movements. Our kids had no trouble with "peeing" unless they had infections, so I would have this checked, for sure.***

Your child may have encopresis. You might have this checked out. It can happen at any age, and for a variety of reasons, but it isn't usually diagnosed as encopresis until beyond age 4. Here's some more information on it: http://www.emedicinehealth.com/encopresis/article_em.htm

There are a variety of things you can do at home to help, and this site gives you some great links.

Hi,

My daughter was just shy of turning 4, when one day all of a sudden she just yelled "I gotta go" and we ran to the bathroom together. That was the end of pull-ups/diapers. She's now 4 and a half and doing fine with this. Occasionally she still has an accident, but only because she waits too long (usually when she doesn't want to interrupt her play.) Before this, we tried different things, but none of them worked. Somehow, she was just ready, but only of her own accord.
Most of her friends from her weekly playgroup were trained by 3 years old or, in their early threes, but a couple lingered on with her, and after, but by now are all trained.
My thought for your son is to try to let go of it for a while longer and see if he just doesn't decide for himself one day that he's "gotta go."
If, when he goes for his 4 year doctor check up, he hasn't made the move yet, bring it up to the doctor and ask whether or not you should be concerned.

Good Luck.

If you feel there is a medical issue than you should discuss it with your ped he may just need some time. Maybe he would do better with one of those peter potty toddler urinals some of my friends had a much easier time with their sons when they used one make it fun everytime he goes he gets a sticker on his chart when he has been successful so many days in a row he gets a little prize and praise him for going or try something else but however you decide to go about it be consistent.

HI S.,

If your little boy is stressing you, he can feel it. Take a deep breath. When mine were little my daughter had a difficult time going on the potty. So with some great advice from a friend she was trained with in days!!! We made a game out of it, we trained her teddy bear. We showed her how to train the teddy, and when she said the teddy went potty.......we had a party for the bear. All that great attention was put on her little teddy, mmmmmmm......worked like a charm! She wanted a party and all that great attention also. Good luck!

I would say keep working on it but relax. My last child didn't get "it" until after he was five and it was about two weeks until kindergarten was starting. I know it is messy but keep him in undies, and just keep offering. Also I would get a couple of books and videos for him to read and watch it might spark something. If you think the problem is medical then take him to a doctor.Knowing if it is or isn't can help in potty training.

S.,

I am also the mother of 4, my youngest is 3 1/2 also. She has been my MOST difficult to potty train. She was completely not interested in the beginning, to the point that she would cry and fight when I brought her to the bathroom just to try. Finally we got the hang of peeing in the potty but she is still reluctant to do anything else. She wears Pullups to bed and so if the timing is right will use those for her bowels, sometimes she will happily announce she has to go and use the potty, most times I catch her with that tell tale look on her face and have to rush her into the potty (often with her crying that she doesn't want to sit on the potty) and occasionally she just poops her pants.

I thought she would be easy, want to be like to big kids....plus she is so mature and cooparative in so many other ways but this has been a long struggle. I'm not sure exactly what your son is going through but I guess every kid is different and no matter how much parenting experience you have, you can still find basic child rearing tasks challenging. I imagine it will be like this all through their lives, some easier than others in some areas and vice versa.

If you are concerned about a medical issue I would check with your pediatrician. I did speak to them early in the game with my daughter but got the same info I did with all the others....it is not something you can force, it is a "control" issue for the child, and you just have to continue with patience and perseverance and not punish them because it will only make it worse. Good luck

Hi S., my name is S. and i'm a nurse (NOT A DOCTOR!!!) However, I don't like that he can go all day without urinating. It could be a urinary tract infection but it could also be a kidney problem too.

I don't want to scare you, but I would call the pediatrician.

If he is drinking fluids during the day, it needs to go somewhere!

Hope this helps!

I'm a mom of two boys, colin is 6 and Ryan is 4 and they both have Hemophilia A

I wouldn't worry about it. The worst thing is still having to buy diapers. My son was a month away from 4 when he was finally potty trained. He just wasn't interested. He also seemed to be able to control it (hold it in). He would be dry in the mornings. On Memorial Day I just decided that that was it. I just put him in underwear and he was fine. He didn't have accidents even over night. It was just that fast and easy and I was thinking to myself why hadn't I just done that a few months earlier. Oh well, maybe he would have had accidents. My son is also highly sensitive (as described in The Highly Sensitive Child by Dr. Elaine Aron)and they are typically later potty trainers.

It's frustrating, but it can be completely normal. Is this child "normal" and on target in every other area? Speech, gross motor skills, comprehension, and so on? Then truthfully, I wouldn't worry. It can be more common in boys, but it can occur in anyone.

My son was like this - just didn't get the "signal" from the bladder to the brain. I did everything you're probably doing - sticker charts and M&Ms & incentives and constantly putting him on the toilet, even wetness alarms on his underwear & pajamas. It made me so frustrated and I tried everything - until I spoke to doctors and preschool teachers and found out he was normal. Part of it could have been that he was just too interested in everything that he was doing and everything that was going on in the world, and he didn't care about the toilet! But the rest of it was truly developmental. It was nothing I was doing or not doing.

In my son's case, even after he was daytime potty trained, it continued at night for many years - that's called nocturnal enuresis which means "nighttime peeing" basically! It's not serious, very common in boys, and I can give you more info on it if that's a problem too. Our pediatrician and a wonderful pediatric urologist gave us great info Very easy to manage. The important thing is not to shame the child or try to force them to do things their bodies just can't do.

Leave it alone, unless there are other issues. It could be stubbornness but it could be completely developmental and nothing you can "train" him/her to do.

Sometimes they get the hang of it in preschool when they see other kids using the toilet, particularly when the whole group goes at one time. But not always.

Other than the expense of diapers, siblings who tease him, and some thoughtless remarks from other people who assume you are doing something wrong, there's no down side to this. I promise you, he will not go to 2nd grade in diapers! He will not graduate from high school in Pull Ups. I know it is frustrating but try not to let it bother you - the child will pick that up and it just doesn't help at all.

Let me know if you want more info. Hang in there!