Potty Training Refusal

My son showed very little interest in potty training before his sister was born. He was almost three when she was born. We tried everything and just gave up. Then at about 3.5 years old he just decided to start going. First it was #2 and then #1 came a little bit later. He still wears a pull up at night. Not sure how to fix that - but have been told by a urologist that some kids don't get full bladder control through the night until they'r 7 yrs old. So, we are good with the pull up. He is now 4.5 and has no accidents throughout the day - unless he has a stomach bug or something. Now, my daughter is almost two and already telling us when she wants to use the potty. Every child is different when it comes to these things. The only other thing I can say is when took the struggle and the anxiety out of it and just let him go at his speed - the whole house was a lot happier. Good luck and hang in there! LIke the other mom said he won't be messing his pants when he's 17. :-)

I don't know what the others have written. I have been in the same situation as you, except with a 4 year old. I tried so many things for a year, I can't remember all the things I tried. I finally broke down and took my daughter to a psychologist. She had the same idea of rewards. So we are doing the rewards again. My daughter is doing exceptionally well, still having accidents. However, it is SO much better than before! I think my daughter is more ready now. Also, the psychologist said she understands that toilet training is for her and not for her mother. Just an idea. I wish you the best with your children!!

Kids just do that when another one comes along. He will do it when he is ready and the more you try, the more he will resist. Just don't worry about it, you have enough to worry about right now. As soon as he is around other kids his age that are using the toilet he will want to be like the other kids. If he is not in pre-school, it would probably do a world of good for him to be around others who are not babies and it would give you some much needed time with your infant too.

the same happened with us...our 3 year old son (middle child) was completely potty trained,except for at night and when our youngest was born he regressed..he's almost 4 now and back to where he was before..it's normal for them to regress a bit when a new baby is born. i figure as long as they're not still messing their pants when they're 17, it'll all work out. good luck :)

Hi S.!

My daughter was almost trained and then she backslid when we moved. I understand that a big change in a child's life can cause a regression in development. It did drive my husband and I nuts, because our logical thinking told us "she knows how to do this-why isn't she?" I finally gave up completely talking about it, focusing on it, and even when she had an accident, I was silent (almost bit my tongue off!). I gave her absolutely no attention whatsoever until she went on the potty on her own. I let her pick out whatever underwear she wanted to wear each day. One thing that might help you is to comment to your infant about how one day they will be old enough not to wear diapers and how great it is to be a big kid in big kid undies, etc etc whenever you change the baby's diaper. try doing a little narrative when you are going potty about how cool it is and how great it is to go in the potty. When he DOES go in the potty, smother him with praise and make a big deal out of it. When he doesn't, just ignore it completely. And if you can, get somebody to help you with the laundry! My mom always told me "nobody ever wore diapers to the prom." What a smart lady she was...

Maybe it has something to do with how much attention you pay him...I think about how often i change my newborn and how many times a day I do it...that's a lot of attention. If your potty-trained son wasn't getting a lot of attention for using the toilet successfully, but gets more from "failing"--then he may just be trying to compete with his new sibling who gets sooo much of your precious attention. I could be completely wrong, though. You could ask your pediatrician for suggestions, too...

First, be kind to yourself. Potty training is not an indicator of your success or failure as a mother.

Second, keep in mind that boys do take longer to become potty trained. At the daycare my son attended, it was very common for the girls to be out of diapers by 2-2 1/2. It was much more common for the boys to be out of diapers sometime after 3.

At every stage of development, my son has taught me that he will do it whenever he's good and ready. I like to call him my little thinker. It's almost as if he practices everything mentally and then just does it. He just turned 3 and I'm sooooooo looking forward to him being potty trained. I just have to remember to be patient.

When he was about 2 1/2, he was doing so good going the the bathroom. That all stopped just as quickly as it started. Today, I posted a new potty chart. This time around, instead of offering stickers for using the toilet, I am simply going to offer a sticker for just sitting on the toilet. If something happens, great. If not, no worries... it will in time. Right now, I just have to lure him back in - he was refusing the toilet for a while there. No stress, no pressure, just making it an available option.

Elizabeth has the right idea, though. As long as we are all not still talking about this when they are 17, we're good :>

We had a baby too but I don't think that is what kept my daughter from going potty. I did all the things you did and then ultimately gave up.

She was 4 years and 4 months. We tried to tell her that she couldn't go to school if she didn't learn how to go potty and although it upset her it didn't change. Then one day we went to my Grandma's house and she hung out with her older cousins who were 6 and 7 and the very next day she went potty. It was the pooping problem that we had a problem with. The only drawback now is that she is 5 years old now and everytime she poops I have to "go look".

I don't know if this will work in your situation but it happened when I least expected it to happen and on her terms. Once I stopped pressuring her and myself (feeling guilty for not being able to figure it out) it just happened. Good luck!