My son turned 3 at the end of April. Potty training has been a struggle. We left the issue alone for a couple of months. He has been wearing underwear lately. Sometimes he pees in the potty. Most of the time its been on the floor. Hes not bothered by his wet clothes. I make him clean up his mess. We praise him when he uses the toilet. I don't know what to do when he pees on the floor besides making him clean it up. If I remind him to use the toilet, he gets mad but will go. I try to remind him every 20 to 30 minutes. Bedtime he wears a diaper or pull up.
He knows when he has to go because he will grab himself and ask for a diaper. When I refuse to put one on, he eventually sits on the potty and goes.
Not sure what to do anymore. We tried giving him a special treat after he uses the potty, even if he just sat there but didn't go.
I appreciate all of the advice. I think I was letting it get to me when people around me are telling me constantly that I have to get Nick potty trained. I was getting stressed and Nick feeds off that. Yesterday after he woke up in the morning, I changed him into underwear. I didn't say 1 word to him about using the toilet. He had no accidents. He asked for a diaper once and that was so he could poop and I was fine with that. I put him back in underwear and he did great. I think him peeing on the floor is a result of me pushing the potty issue.
I am nicely going to tell those who have an issue with Nick not being potty trained to let it happen when it does and to please mind their own business.
we had several "false starts" and my son was almost 4 before he really got it. Sorry it's been a struggle. It shouldn't be a weeks-long battle. If it gets to that point, take a breather. It'll be ok.
Going every 20-30 minutes turns this into a battle of wills and a bit huge irritation. He will win the battle of wills, and you both will experience the irritation. He's already mad at you because it's constant. And the treats are no longer a novelty because he gets them all the time.
Put him back in a pull up so he can get if off himself if he gets to the bathroom in time, but not pee on the floor/clothes if he doesn't.
You can't make them eat, sleep, pee or poop on a predetermined schedule, any more than you can make them walk or talk when you want them to or think they should.
Stop discussing it. Really. My kid was well past 4 before he was reliably using the potty.
The other thing you can try is Cheerios/squares of toilet paper to use as "targets" - "Let's sink the targets, honey!!" If it's FUN, he'll go more often. Limit him to 5 Cheerios (put 5 on the back of the toilet or edge of the sink), or put 2-3 squares of TP already torn and separated, so he doesn't decide to sink the whole roll. Show him what's there, and let him know it's up to him. No prizes for throwing stuff in the toilet and pouring a glass of water on it either.
But if he's not interested, why are you making yourself crazy?
Sounds like HE is not ready, and there isn't much you can do to make him do it when he doesn't want to. This is a power struggle right now, and you are not winning, and you are probably driving you both crazy.
Potty training is a breeze when they are ready for it. Just wait for that time....
One thing they rarely mention in the list of potty readiness signs is:
They got to want to.
If they aren't interested - it ain't going to happen no matter what you do.
It takes longer for some kids than others but he won't be going off to college in diapers.
In the mean time - Pullups are a wonderful thing!
It's become a struggle because you've made it into a power struggle and this isn't something you can control.
So, put him in pullups, let him watch you and other family members using the toilet and just back off.
I didn't drag it out. I waited until I was absolutely sure they were ready - probably longer than most people. I picked a long weekend where I could dedicate all my time to making sure they got to the potty on time. I kept them either without pants on at all (on our deck or we had a easy to clean floor where I set up their toys) - or just those thick padded underpants - easy to get off. The minute I saw them having to go, on to the potty they went. A few dribbles down the legs. Which they did not care for. They quickly put 2 and 2 together - the feeling right before having the wet sensation with needing to pee.
I had to have the potty right there with them. Mine never would have been able to make it to the bathroom and take down their pants in time early on. So I just had the potty nearby. By end of the long weekend we were well underway to having them having figured it out, and by the end of a week pretty much good. I just kept the potty nearby for a month or so until we were sure they got it.
I never did much in the way of rewards - maybe a smartie for the first day just for trying. I didn't tie it to success. I think that puts pressure on kids.
I can't imagine my 3 year olds wiping up pee ... I think that's a bit like shaming a kid in my opinion (sorry, but it's not like they can help it).
Good luck :)
I would wait a while longer before trying again when he shows more interest. He doesn't seem like he wants to do it yet. Don't mention anything related to the potty for a while, but give him the option of wearing underwear vs. diapers.
That's what I did with my daughter (turned 3 last month) even though I knew that she was able to control her bladder and BMs (when she was given the option of painful catheter or peeing in a cup to check for UTI before she was actually potty trained, she chose the cup and peed in the cup). It was frustrating to see her continue to wear diapers knowing she was capable of using the toilet! But I stuck with it and last Monday, she chose to wear underwear and just began using the toilet for pee and poop as if it's no big deal, although at times she asked for her diaper again. To encourage her to continue using the potty, I did give her M&Ms as reward.
If it was me, I'd just tell him that pee and poop go in the potty, I'd then let him have accidents, and then kindly say," oh sorry sweeite, next time you'll get it in the potty. when you feel pressure here (touch bladder area) or here(touch bottom), go to the potty.
I'd then not mention the potty at all. when home, he'd be naked. When out, in trainers. let him decide to use the potty.
If he can go on the toilet, he is ready. He isn't emotionally, but I think this is because you haven't gotten his buy in. To get him to want to do it, you need to take YOUR emotion out of it. Stop making him clean it up. He's 3. Treat it as you treated him learning to walk. he needs a gently, loving guide here.
Sometimes there is just a child that won't go until they're made to go. I know we want to spend time with the kids and get this done smoothly but it could be he needs to get in trouble to make your point.
I have 7 grand kids and off and on each one has lived with me. Plus I have worked many years of child care and have owned my own facility with over 50 kids enrolled daily.
I have 1 grandchild that absolutely refused to potty train. He would hold it and hold it and hold it until he was about to bust then start crying and have an accident.
I tried rewards, being really nice and supportive, having him clean with me, etc...nothing.
He couldn't even start Head Start due to not being potty trained.
I caught him one time pulling it out and peeing in the bedroom. That was it.
I grabbed him by the upper arm with one hand and gave him a swat on his clothed hiney with the other.
I told him every time he peed outside of the toilet I was going to give him a swat.
I swear, he has never ever had a tiny accident since. He knew he'd pushed me and I'd had it.
He is fine and goes when he needs to now. So it worked. I didn't like putting him in that position but I got tired of the mess and it worked.
Remind him, gently, every time he has to clean up a mess he misses play time or time to watch a movie etc..
Hopefully, he will decide play time or watching his favorite movie or TV program will inspire him to not have accidents.
Honestly, I think every 20-30 minutes is too often. He's 3. He doesn't need to go that often and that creates stress (for both of you). Watch him for signs that he needs to use the potty and when you see the signs, get excited and rush him into the bathroom so he can have success. You can require he attempt to use it at logical times (before you get in the car to go somewhere, before a nap, before bed, before you plan to be outside for a long time playing, etc), but I would drop the clock watching and making him try based solely on the clock. Especially at such short intervals. That's just too much.
I would not give treats for simply sitting on the potty. If you want to give a treat (I gave individually wrapped fruit life savers candies -- and I let them choose their flavor/color out of a big mixed bag of them, so they had some power/control) then do it when he actually pees in the potty. Why do you care if he goes and sits on it? Unless he pees, he hasn't done anything. Don't reward that.
It's like kids who earn trophies for "participation". They KNOW they didn't do anything to earn the reward and it devalues the reward.
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Oh, and have you asked him why he pees on the floor, or is it obvious? I mean, is it rebellious or is it that he just didn't get to the bathroom in time? If it isn't that he was going to the bathroom and had to stop partway there and pee bc he didn't give himself enough time to get there, then ask him why he's peeing on the floor. Frankly, I think peeing elsewhere is something ALL boys do (for some weird reason that I cannot explain, but every mom of a boy that is now grown has told me stories.. peeing in closets, peeing in corners, peeing in toy boxes, you name it). So ask him why (he'll just say he doesn't know, most likely and it's probably the truth) and tell him that he can't do that anymore.
My son, at probably 3 1/2 or 4, used to get out of the bath tub, go in his room (while I was finishing up with his sister and he was supposed to be getting his PJs on) and unbeknownst to me (for a while) pee in his toy box. It dries and crystalizes.. at the bottom, so unless you clean that toy box out all the way to the bottom regularly, it can go unnoticed a bit.
When I walked in on him doing it one night, I was appalled (naturally) and asked what he was doing. And WHY he was doing it. Told him no more. That was all it took. This may not be the same thing your son is doing, but it could be. Other than having him clean it up, have you told him it is unacceptable? (not mean or mad, just factually)
Be sure he is aware that doing that is NOT ok. But make sure why it is happening first--if he's on his way to the bathroom and just isn't quick enough that is different than if he just randomly decides to pee in the kitchen floor or whatever.
step away from the struggle.
put him in pullups and wait a bit.
he's just a little fella. don't turn this into a Big Thing.
khairete
S.
