Potty Training Success Stories

Hi Bttrfly,

First of all - don't feel like a failure. the drum I bang all the time is that parents biggest mistake is they turn potty training into something THEY do instead of being something YOUR KID does. Potty training is NO different than walking. Were you a failure if your kid walked later than other kids? Were you a success if they walked earlier? NO. Walking had NOTHING to do with you. She did it when SHE was developmentally ready. You held out your hands, encouraged her, and kissed her when she reached you (or kissed her boo-boos if she fell). Potty training is NO DIFFERENT, so don't make it different.

My daughter is wicked stubborn, so I can definitely relate. I feel like she stood in the stubborn line 3 or 4 times to get extra doses before she was born!!!!! She also had some pretty big anxiety/control issues that we have dealt with off and on since she was little.

She potty trained in about 2 days. And by that I mean after the 3rd day she had NO accidents (except for one time about 6 months later, she peed in her pants in the car at walmart).
I didn't do anything special. And by that I mean I really didn't do anything special.

We didn't do the sit on the potty or try different things or give rewards or any of that.
She came home one day from day care and asked how come Gabby (another girl from daycare) didn't wear a diaper and she had undie pants with princesses on them. I said - cuz Gabby goes potty in the potty - not in a diaper. When you are ready to do that let me know. We will go get undie pants and then you always go in the potty instead of your diaper. She was pretty close to 3 at that point - a month or two away from her 3rd b'day.

SHE came to me and said she was ready. We had a conversation about what that meant (you have to be able to tell BEFORE you have to go etc). She was pretty verbal, so that was helpful.

I definitely advocate letting a stubborn kid own the process (of whatever you are doing). Now, I didn't say CONTROL the process. I said OWN the process. Big difference. You will have less of a headache and they will have more pride and ownership if it's something that comes from them.
I don't advocate starting and stopping, though. I also don't advocate rewards for potty training. She's not a dog who gets treat when she pees in a certain place. She's a human being who has to master a developmental step. The 'reward' is that she gets to go potty in the potty. just like the reward for walking is that she gets to walk.

So at this point I would say to her 'look -we've been trying and I see you are really frustrated. so let's stop for a while and just talk about it every so often and when you are ready you can let me know'.

You can drop into the conversation tidbits like 'cousin jill goes to kindergarten. you'll get to go there one day with bigger kids. And you'll get to be potty trained before you go, so it will be very exciting to be a big girl!"

I also think you can use some reverse psychology on her - the diapers go back on until she's ready. You say to her - diapers are what you wear before you go potty in the potty. undie pants are what you wear when you go potty in the potty. Take the emotion out of it. It's the same thing as 'winter coat is what you wear in december. shorts are what you wear in june'.

Good LUCK!

Hi. We are not yet there as our son is 2 yrs 3 mos, but wanted to say YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE. things happen in their own time and so this issue will resolve itself. You love your child. you are a success and a good mother!

jilly

This is one of THOSE issues (you know, the ones that make the mother crazy). I would drop it altogether for a month (back in diapers, although I would recommend cloth - gives her more of a "feel" as to when she is going), then try again. If it doesn't work, take another month. If that doesn't work, wait until it's warmer and pick a time when you don't have to be anywhere for a week at least. Then let her go naked and have potties available where she might be (I needed one upstairs and one downstairs). Then after a couple of days, try just underwear.
Good luck!
ETA: What I really mean is check to see if she is ready, not really stop and start :)

Well here are my success stories.
Number four, a boy took two weeks. He was 2
Number two ,a girl took two weeks. She was also 2
Number three took 11 years, she had severe anxieties. I did some drastic changes in her schedule, like she is now homeschooled and dry.
Number one a boy, 12 years. ADHD,ODD, extremely intelligent and ornery to the core. He is now a Sailor and is completely potty trained. :o)

Your child will start to go in the potty. Sometimes it takes everything out of you. I know. She is only 3. She has no reason to use the potty if she is at home with you all day. Take heart M.. She will be 18 and by that time she will be out of diapers. I promise you that.

My daughter was all excited about using the potty for about a week and then suddenly decided not to any more. My advice is to avoid the stop-start because she'll learn that if she doesn't feel like it she doesn't have to. I don't mean force her, i just mean make it a part of the routine.
If you're not uncomfortable, show her how mommy goes in the potty. I would take my daughter with me when i went and said "listen, here momma going pee?" then she would listen and of course get a little silly, but then I would ask if she could make the same sound in her potty. I put a little water in her potty chair so it made the sound and it seemed to help. Girls want to be like their mom's most of the time, so just make it cool and grown-up!
Once we started potty training I did away with diapers all together except at night for the first few weeks. I know you end up cleaning up some messes, but they really don't like the feeling of pee running down their legs and tend to want to avoid that feeling. I think switching back and forth gets a little confusing. "Sometimes I go in my pants, but sometimes I don't"
Make a huge HUGE deal out of it if she uses the potty. I mean make a fool of yourself. Dance and sing "you did it, you did it!!" They love that! If she has an accident don't say anymore than "oops, we had an accident. Let's try sitting on the potty while momma gets you some dry pants."
I had a timer set for a while when we first started going without diapers (I don't love cleaning up pee) so every hour when the microwave beeped we'd try to sit on the potty. A PAIN I know, but it totally worked! When she started using the potty I'd space the time out and eventually stopped it all together. Even a special Potty timer is kinda fun!
Hope this helps! It is a lot of work. One of the hardest things about this job, but if you're consistant it will pay off! :)

My son, was already 3.... when one day, he just started to go on his potty chair. We would just leave the potty chair around wherever he was... never forced him... and one day he just went. Then the frequency of it, and him going, increased. Incrementally.... but he was going. It did not matter how often or if every single time... the point was, he was going. On his own, volition. We praised him.
We left his bottom naked. But beyond that, we did not force him.

They won't do it, just because the parent is frustrated.

Holding her bladder or bowels... for that long (until her diaper is on)... is NOT good. They can get bad kidneys or UTI's or blocked bowels and constipation. That is then, a medical... problem. And never a good trade-off, and will make potty learning...even harder. Because these ailments... causes pain.

And then for night time/nap times and dryness (sans accidents), this takes even up until 7 years old. It has to do with the BIOLOGICAL maturity of their organs. It is DIFFERENT from daytime pottying.
So keep that in mind. You can't 'train' for night-time. It just happens... per physiological, maturity of their brain/organs.

My friend's son was like that too.
Then one day, he just started going.

no judgement, just hugs. try not to be so hard on yourself. We've been working on this too with our daughter that has special needs and I have other children too. All were different. People (no one here- I just think more moms need to grow up and stop the continuation of high school) that act like it should be easy have either never had children, got very lucky, or are totally fake.

She's a smart girl and soon it will click. Hang in there!

This sorta sucks, but I had a girl cousin that wouldnt potty train so they made her nap in the bathtub... she quickly stopped her control issue.
And seriously, how many adults do you know that arent potty trained? she'll get there eventually. she probably needs some peer pressure to help her along. Peer pressure is pretty strong stuff.

Is she in preschool at all? Is she around kids her age? My first guess was she has a baby sibling. so she is competing with a baby not trying to keep up with older kids. I think she needs peer pressure!
If she is wetting her underwear than put her back in diapers until she asks.
but what I read in your post she isnt wetting her underpants just holding it until she gets a diaper then she is clearly physically ready. NO more diapers at nap and bed time. Buy one set of new sheets with her favorite character or color, when those are wet they go in the laundry which could take a few days. and find some kids her age who are in panties!!

Oddly enough, both of my kids were trained at exactly 3 yrs 3 months. My daughter was held up a bit because my son was born or maybe we might have succeeded sooner with her. I was probably where you are right now, had tried most things, she was just incredibly stubborn. Finally I talked to her daycare provider who had 4 kids and was always encouraging parents to potty train. She told me that it was a control issue, most kids in other countries are trained earlier as well as when we were kids, and the diapers now a days are super absorbent so they don't feel wet. She told me to eliminate the diapers, find a good reward that she liked (tastycakes) and tell her that she would be using the potty from now on. Like your daughter, she would hold it all day until she would burst on my living room carpet after preschool. So she told me to keep her in the kitchen until she went. So the next day after school, she came home, I told her she would have to stay in the kitchen until she went potty (we had baby gates up at the time. And we had a TV in there so it wasn't like she was imprisoned). She stood there and looked at me for about 5 minutes stunned, then grabbed her potty, dragged it into the kitchen, slammed it down, and said, "Fine! I went, Are you happy now!" We made a big deal of it, calls to Daddy at work and Grandma, her selection of treat. And voila, she was trained from there on out. Now we did have a potty in the living room for a while in front of the TV, but you take some grossness to get it done. My son, I started earlier, but I had a different daycare provider who worked against me. She believed that boys could not be trained until 3 3/4 and hated accidents and after 3 accidents told me he couldn't come unless he was in a pull up and this was very confusing for him. But one day when he got home from school I could tell he had to go and I insisted he sit on the potty (he wasn't happy about this but did it). He went and it was like a light bulb went off and he finally understood the feeling. From there he was trained and I got to rub it in that director's face. Now pooping is a different story and is mastered later. My advice is to get firm and just go for it. No punishing and lots of encouragement. Find a reward that she likes (my son liked a candy jar with an assortment of candies-our neighbor liked trains so he got to go on our light rail train every time he went), get everyone on the same page, and if she wants, let her pick out her own potty and underwear. At night and at bedtime keep her in diapers until she is dry for a while. this takes longer.

I was just in your position about a month ago-my son turned 3 in July-could care less about going to the toilet at all. He is in preschool-all his friends moved up and he was stuck in the 2 year old room becuase he just didnt want to go. Over Christmas break I tried "the 3 day potty training method" someone gave to me-it worked but on day 4 he held his pee for hours and hours and I got scared so I stopped. The day after we put diapers on him, he would tell me "I'm going pee in my diaper now, not the toilet" with a smile!!! I was so upset! So 3 weeks later, we "sent the diapers to a friend that needed them" and told him he was a big boy and he knew what to do, and figured out a good bribe that I didnt think of before and it worked!! We have our sticker charts and gummies and we are on week 2 with no accidents except for 3 times he woke up wet overnight-he has done amazing. And like you said you cant show frustration because I think that is what did it for my son the first time-they are smart little boogers, arent they! Good luck and keep strong-I thought he would never do it also, but now I am a proud little mama!