Pre-School Teacher Problem/question

Definately address it with the teacher. I thought that was common sense in the teaching world not to tell a kid they are bad.I guess not.T.

W.,

I don't think you are over reacting at all. I have done the same thing with toddlers - said - you did a bad thing -not that they are bad. It sends the wrong message that the child is actually bad.

L. M

OMG... what kind of a teacher tells a child that she's bad? I would be talking to the teacher AND the teacher's boss. That sort of thing is totally unacceptable. My daughter is a handful sometimes, but I would never tell her that she is bad. Only that I do not like her behavior and it makes me unhappy when she BEHAVES badly. Shame on that teacher.

Hi W.,
Words matters. We are constantly teaching our children to "use their words", stressing the importance and impact of language. ABSOLUTLY talk to the teacher about refraining from telling her she's "bad". I'm sure the school does not condone the children calling each other names, the same should be required of the teachers. Have the conversation with the teacher, once. If you don't feel satisfied go straight to the school's director. You are not over reacting.

Dear W.- You are not overreacting in my opinion. She should not say she is a "bad girl", that is insulting and will make your little girl feel bad about herself. She has no right saying that she should say her behavior is not good or something. You want your daughter to feel positive about herself! Good luck
C.

Hi W.,
You should absolutely address your concern with the teacher. The teacher may be unaware of the message she's giving to your daughter and likely other children in the class and/or how her feedback is being received and internalized. It's a learning opportunity for the teacher as well. You can let her know that your expectation is that your daughter will learn in a safe and encouraging environment, and while you expect that she will correct inappropriate behavior you don't expect that she will do so in a discouraging or disparaging manner. Sometimes teachers need to know that we are paying attention and absolutely invested in our children's academic experience at every level. It could be as simple as what the teacher said and what your daughter heard are slightly different. But better to address and be on the same page than wonder or be uncomfortable.

Hi,
I am a preschool teacher and also a mom of a 6 month old. It is absolutely not OK for your daughters teacher to tell her that she is bad! She is a child and sometimes doesn't make the best choices, but that does not make her bad. Her teacher should be focusing on redirecting the behavior with positive choices (what she should be doing within the classroom, etc.) Furthermore, as a teacher, part of the job is to help build a positive self image! I think you should address the teacher immediately, if she doesn't stop using this "label" talk to the director of the center.

Good luck!

Hi W.,
I would recommend that you talk with the teacher and express to her how you feel. You don't have to jump on her about it, just explain to her that you've heard her say that and you would prefer she steered away from using the word in that context to her. I tell my son's teacher's when something makes me feel uncomfortable because other wise it will eat you up. And besides, this is your child, and if you don't want some one calling her bad then tell them that, other wise they don't know that you disagree. Take Care!! Good Luck!

Kristin

Absolutely address it. IMHO (in my humble opinion) no child should be told that they're bad. It's such inappropriate language for that age (or any age for goodness sake). When I worked in a preschool that was a big time no no - we wanted the children to feel good about themselves and had to work to find ways to redirect, not admonish.

You are totally within your rights as a parent to request the teacher not tell your daughter she is a bad girl. I agree it sends the wrong message to children. And you are right to bring this to the teacher's attention. She may not know she is doing it and what it implies to your daughter. The teacher, if she is any good will heed the advice. If she is not a good, open minded teacher, then she won't. If the teacher does not stop her behavior, go to someone in charge.
Good luck

W.-

Address it with the teacher. Make sure the teacher understands that you are not against discipline, just the act of calling her "a bad girl." If she does not comply, go to the principle, you are well within your rights here.

E.

Hi W.,

I think you should address this issue. From personal experience, I didn't address some issues that I had with my daughters preschool teachers and I wish I did because every time after such incidents, I always felt as though they were targeting my daughter... there is no harm in addressing it, if you don't, she won't know that it bothers you and she won't make strides to correct it which will irritate you even more. Best of luck. :)

Hi W.,
No you are not reacting at all. I do noth believe that children should ever be told they are "bad". THEY are not bad the beahavior that they are displaying maybe bad but the child is not. I was a teacher for several years before staying home with my children and I NEVER not once told a child they were bad. I'm wondering if this is a young new to teaching teacher who just hasn't figured out the lingo yet. I would address the issue with her in a non confrontational setting so she does not become defensive. I would acknowledge that at times all children can make bad decisions and have bad behavior but you do not believe in telling children they are bad. I think that as long as the teacher does not feel as though she is being attacked she should respond in a positive manner. Good luck!

I would absolutely bring that up to the teacher. They know better than to call a child "bad". As you stated their behavior may be bad, their choices may be bad...but no child should ever be called "bad"! Talk about messing with a childs head. If the talk with the teacher does no good...take it up a level and talk with the head of the program. If that doesn't work find another school!

H. Z. (SAHM 5, almost 4 and 15 month old boys)

You are not over reacting. I would mention it to the teacher, but you may want to ask her how she handles it. Your daughter my be reading into the teachers words. However, I would tell her you do not want her to be told she is bad, but her behavior is wrong or inappropriate. It really does so much damage to a child to think when they act up, they are a bad person. That stays with them for a long time. Try to be diplomatic. As a former teacher, it's hard to hear what a parent is saying when they come in with both barrels blazing with out asking any questions. Sometimes kids can be sensitive and hear correction harder then it's given. That may not be the case, just mentioning it from experience!!

You are not over-reacting. The teacher should know better. That's basic childcare. If the teacher can't change, change your teacher!

No, you are not over-reacting. I have worked day care before and you're not supposed to do that! I would definitely discuss it with the teacher. If, after a little bit of time has passed and you feel the teacher is not heeding your wishes, I would go to the director of the pre-school and take it up with them. If all else fails, see if there is another class of children her own age she can be with that has a different teacher or check out other pre-schools in the area.

As teachers in any day care, you're supposed to try to re-direct "bad" behavior by saying something positive. As an example, if we see a child hitting, we're supposed to go over, take their hand and say, "We need to keep our hands to us." or show them "nice" hands. Of course, this varies depending on the age. A 4 1/2 year old, it should be more like, "You hurt Susan's feelings when you hit her. You need to use your words and tell her what she did that upset you." That's how it's supposed to be handled in day care situations.

Best of luck to you! From my own working experience, there aren't many really good pre-school programs around where I live.

If you are uncomfortable with those words then def say something. I agree with you that telling her she is a bad girl is wrong. Its negative and will only make her feel bad causing her to act out even more. Tell the teacher how you handle it when she misbehaves and what works the best for her temperment.

I'm a teacher...address it!!! She should NOT be calling HER a bad girl! That's so dark ages. She should be labeling the bad behavior and KNOW she's a good girl and she can stop the bad behavior. Definitely say something!

I would address it immediately! This teacher clearly has not been trained in child psychology. My understanding is that if your child is told they are bad enough times, they will start to believe it. It could color her world from now on. Seriously, I believe this strongly and would even consider yanking her from the school. It sounds like the teacher is clueless. Just my opinion, but I am a teacher...

Is she teaching in a public school or publicly funded school? I imagine nonsense like that could get her fired.

I agree w/ Erin. I have taught pre for 8 yrs. & am an AD now. You should definetly address the issue but get all your info first. Has your child said she was bad for sometime? Is this a new statement? Sometimes if it is the first time your child has been spoken to, they will take it as "bad". Like Erin said the words can be taken out of context. At my center we use the words "not a good choice" we never use the word bad. Good lluck

i don't think you're overreacting. It's ok to say that the way your daughter is behaving is unacceptable. never to call her bad!!!!!!

Hi W.,

I woud definitely address it, but I would probably go to the director of the school and not the teacher. That is so inappropriate for the teacher to be doing that. Maybe 30 years ago it was ok, but not now. I was a preschool teacher from 1990-1997 and I would never have said that to a child. There are so many ways to handle kids when they are acting up, and telling her she is bad is not one of them. I would say something immediately so that it does not go on any longer.

Good luck!
D.

Hi W.,
You should tell that teacher shes a baaaddd teacher....just kidding:) No, youre not overreacting...remember that they work for you and that you pay them a pretty penny to be sure that they are offering your child at the very least a good healthy environment to be in. I would also talk to the director and see what the school policy is on discipline and make sure that she understands your value system. At 4.5 your daughter knows if she doesnt like how they are treating her and can verbalize it...listen to her to some degree. Kids really have a unique way of seeing things that adults dont, especially in people. Are you friendly with any other parents? What is their feedback? just some ideas. Good Luck.

I am the same along your partenting, it's the act of the decision that is bad not the child. I would approach the teacher and let her know that is not the way you would like your child to be spoken to. If the problem continues meet with the director of the preschool. Good luck!

Singele mother (div) of twin 4 1/2 year old boys!

I would definately let the teacher know how you feel.

definitely speak to the teacher! i do not believe you should ever tell a child that they themselves are bad and that's the message she will be getting when told she's a bad girl. I am a firm believer in choosing your words very carefully when speaking to children. say what you mean and mean what you say. good luck.

Hi W.,
I don't think you are overreacting at all. I would talk with the teacher and let him/her know that this is not a way you want your child talked to (in a nice way !). The way you are doing it at home is much more effective and less damaging to your daughter's spirit than what she is hearing at school. We are our children's biggest advocate, if you don't speak up, who will for your daughter? I am a mother of two wonderful boys, a 5 year old and 1 1/2 year old. I wish you luck as it will take tact and posture to tackle the conversation with the teacher but will be well worth your effort in my opinion.
Take care,
V. D.

sorry it looks like i put my two cents in a little late!!!
glad your talk went well. i couldn't see the 35 other responses until now :)

Adress it!!! No teacher should ever tell a child they are bad. Nothing more to say. Talk to the teacher but also the director of the school.

Good luck

J.

UM that is not okay. I am SHM now, but I was a preschool teacher. That never would have been tolerated where I worked. You need to address this with the teacher/director.

Absolutely address the teacher! If that were my daughter, I would be all over it! If it does not get better, I would yank her out of the class if you can, and get her into another class! The teacher should know better than to call any child "bad", how unprofessional! I would also address the principal and make him/her aware of the situation incase she is saying that to other children in her class! Good Luck!
A.

Hi W..
I don't think you are overracting at all. There is a distict difference between being a bad person and doing a bad thing. As a bad person one does not have the option of changing behavior b/c, overall, she is just bad. When, on the other hand, a decision is bad, and we stress that as a person the child is good, we are empahsizing the child's power over her actions. This encourages her to take control of her environment and her actions and empowers her. Now she knows she is good and is capable of making good conditions. We may think the difference is subtle and imperceptible to a child, but my background in child development has taught me that these nuances have powerful efects. Good for you for picking up on them and stressing them to your daughter's teacher! Good luck!

Definitely address it. Talk to the teacher.

If nothing changes or you feel it was too much already, talk to the director. Also, consider switching to a different school.

You should definately talk to the teacher and tell her not to say that again. It's fine to say she's behaving badly or the other things you say... but never that she's a bad girl.

We do the same thing with our daughter - she's not Bad, that's ridiculous. DEFINATELY have a talk with the teacher, and let her know what the situation is. Teachers shouldn't be telling kids they're bad, anyway - especially PRESCHOOL - C'mon, it's basically a structured playgroup. I do hope you can nip this in the bud!!

I completely agree with the other advice that you should address this, however, a word of caution first. Have you yourself actually heard the teacher say this? If not, it will be hard to prove and your word against theirs. Try to find out from your daughter exactly what happens each day and write down/keep track so you have a record of instances. Talk to other parents to find out how they feel and what they have heard, but do not use this when you speak to the teacher/principal. This is about you and your daughter not theirs. Saying what other parents feel is only going to hurt your case rather than help it (pulling at straws attitude). Finally, do not accuse the teacher. Ask questions instead. "How is discipline handled?" "What do you say when xyz happens?" etc. Inform yourself as much as possible before you take it a step further. Ask to watch the class for a day or volunteer regularly for a little while. You want inside information to build your case on and you want o be sure what you are saying is correct. I am a teacher and I know that words get twisted. I may say "That was a bad choice" but the child may hear "You were bad." Sometimes it is all about interpretation not what was actually said. You don't want to be accusing without really knowing what happened. I can not believe a teacher would tell a child he/she is bad, but unfortunately I am sure things like that happen. A teacher like that shouldn't be teaching, but it will take a lot to prove that. Good luck!

Hi W.,
I, too, would be upset at this. I would recommend that you definitely bring it up, nicely. Or you could ask the director to talk to the teacher about this.

umm adress that!! she isn't a bad girl her action was bad and that's awful! say something your her only advocate! i would find a new daycare/preschool