Hey parents. I recently discovered I am pregnant again...with baby number 5!! I am struggling with the number (5 is a LOT), my age (37) and economic difficulty (2 income household) etc. Our youngest is one year; we have two in school and freak, there is a lot of school work every stink'n night. The oldest is significantly older (20) and doesn't need a lot of time but all of the kids need it and it's the thing we have the least of. Nearly daily I worry about what we can't do. No matter how you bend and turn things you just can't make more time.
The list can go on and on with what needs to be done and doesn't from cooking a well balanced meal (and getting the kids to eat it) to getting rid of old mismatched linens (I know, low priority but still never get's removed cause it never gets done). I already feel like my face is JUST BARELY above the waterline. I know with one more we will most definitely be submerged.
This stuff causes me great stress, worry and sadness. I want to love my kids, play with my kids, know my kids and be there for my kids....as well as all that and more for my husband. So my question....how do you parents do it? When you both HAVE TO work and you still HAVE TO do all the other?
I eventually quit my job for the reasons you stated above. But it wasn't a spontaneous decision. We worked with a financial counselor and prepared for the change a year in advance - cutting expenses, paying off debt, moving, ect.... Money is tight, but it was the best decision of my life.
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We have 8 kids, all grown now, and I was 38 when the last was born. The oldest then was 16 but I didn't work out of the home. It is a lot of work and takes time but kids can help out so much. Your oldest child can help out a lot and I don't know if that one is a boy or girl but they can help with the little ones and even do some laundry, etc. They all should have a chore to do for their own good to learn to help and work and also to help out the family. When you are home try to make the time you have count, read to them at bedtime, play a game one evening together and things like that to make memories and less stress. I know the baby will be an adjustment but it will work out too. Just go a day at a time. I thought many times that a day would never end and yet it did and now can't believe time has gone so quickly, they are grown and now the grandchildren are a J. added to the many joys of past days. Be sure to enlist help and chores from you family. It can be fun for them too. One of my daughters, the oldest, begged to set the table for so long and so when I gave that to her for a chore she did it and yet it is now told as her hard work she did. :-) They love it when they are younger. They want to help out. So do it while they are willing and able and it's fun for them.
I know it's so tough but maybe you can make a few adjustments.
Kids need to learn to do their homework without you sitting by their side. It's actually good for them to develop some independence. Give them some of those sticky post-it arrows and have them mark any questions they have, moving on to the next few problems or sentences and then spending 10 minutes with you at the end to go over the areas they are questioning.
Cook SMART on the weekend and involve the kids. There are lots of recipes to double up your productivity. For example, roast a chicken and turn some of that meat into chicken salad or dice it up for tacos or soup later in the week. When you make a salad, chop extra green peppers and onions for a taco bar (like a salad bar). Make a bunch of spaghetti sauce and ground hamburger but make some of it for chili. Bake a few potatoes, serve some "as is" and turn the rest into baked restuffed potatoes with vegetables in there. And so on. Make a week's worth of sandwiches, assembly-line style, for the schoolkids and freeze them. Each morning, just pop 2 out and they will thaw in time for lunch, even with an ice pack in the lunchbox. Defrost some pureed butternut squash and add it to mac & cheese for extra nutrition (kids won't know it's there). Give some to the little one instead of baby food. You'll save money, and Sunday afternoon will be a family day in the kitchen - lots of fun and a good time to talk & catch up.
Linens - I just saw a thing on facebook with a beautifully organized linen closet. When the sheets are washed, put the folded sheets and one pillowcase inside the other pillowcase. They stack so nicely and it's really easy to find all the components.
Kids can sort and match socks (good for color matching as well as fine motor skills) and put away their own laundry. They can sort their own laundry into lights & darks, and they can load the washer. They can also sit in front of the TV with the Sunday paper or the Thursday circulars and cut out coupons.
Set up a standard grocery list on the computer with little boxes to check off what you need. Organize it by aisle in the supermarket. Just check off what you need, or and/or put what you always need in a different color or with the box already checked off. Get a coupon sorter at the stationery store - I got one that's a little oversized and which has a couple of pockets in the front so I can put the coupons I expect to use in the first pocket, and the ones I'm definitely able to redeem in the 2nd pocket (meaning the store had the item, I thought the price was good, etc.). Keep that coupon file in your car with your reusable bags. Reusable bags, aside from their environmental benefit, hold more things and don't rip (thereby making for fewer trips in from the garage) and reduce the plastic bags that you then have to recycle or dispose of.
Don't use pre-packaged foods, where are not only processed, they are more expensive. On family cooking day, the kids can make their own snack bags for their lunches, such as 1/4 cup of goldfish or 6 triscuits, 12 grapes, 4 carrot sticks, whatever, but all from the larger packages. Put all those in a basket on the counter or in a drawer or fridge section set aside for them. Then in the morning, the kids pick 2 bags for their lunches - 1 fruit/veg and 1 cookie/cracker, whatever you allow. Suddenly they are packing their own lunches (with the pre-made sandwiches) and there's no argument that you didn't pack what they like!
Then, cut everybody some slack. Maybe the beds don't need to be made every day, and only the public areas of the house need to be "picked up" every so often. DO enjoy your children, but that can mean no video games in the car so you can chat, reducing screen time so everyone's at the dinner table together, and having everyone contribute to the FUN rather than the stress.
Have the kids collect toys they don't need, and hold a yard sale for the $ or give them away for the tax deduction and the lesson for your kids. Make it a family project. Find cheap or free things to do - nature areas, walks, renting a movie instead of going to the theater.
Cut back to simple pleasures, and you WILL enjoy your family life more!
I am pregnant with #5 and my others are 1, 3, 4 and 6. There is NEVER enough time. I stay at home but still cannot keep up with the housework (and it doesn't help I'm sick to my stomach now each day with morning sickness).
I wish I could cook a balanced meal and get the kids to eat it! We all wear mismatched socks daily, and if it goes on the foot, so be it. I only have 1 kid with homework. But I never had homework until middle school (and even then, hardly at all). Homework isn't going to make a kid smarter so I don't stress. We just try to get it done, somehow.
I was working for the PhD and with baby #4 that got to be too much. I was really close, but I hear you...time just isn't there.
So, I guess it's survival mode most of the time. :)
It will work itself out. You will find the time needed, I promise. Somehow
it always works out. Somedays might be harder than the others, but you
will find the time. I think it is more overwhelming thinking about it. When the time comes, you will wonder why you were so worried. Congratuations.
I have 8. The oldest is 21 and the youngest is 2 1/2. I also have 7 dogs...more work then the kids lol
You will figure it out. It just has a way of falling into place. I think every parent has this worry when it comes to the number of children they have no matter what number child they are on.
I have six age 17 down to 22 months sometimes homework, housework, laundry, good dinners do not get done in an ideal way but what really needs doing gets done. Hug and kiss each kid every day no matter what then help with homework and when someone offers help take it.
Yeah I need two gallons of milk from the store and yeah If you can come over and sit with the the little one so I can do xyz it will ok if you are.
J.
