Pregnant and Feeling Guilty for Being Miserable

A very dear friend of mine was horribly sick through the first six months of her pregnancy. The only thing that helped her was chewing on raw ginger root- you can buy it at most grocery stores. There was a three month period of time when all she could eat were popsicles- so her husband stocked the freezer with the 100% fruit ones.

It is possible that your stress is impacting your ability to sleep. Is your toddler in daycare? If not, could you possibly enroll her for a few hours each day and take that time to do some "light" housework and nap? It sounds like you need some help around the house more than anything right now.

Budgets are very tight, but I would strongly suggest hiring someone to come in for a few hours each week to clean and get some meals in the fridge/freezer for your husband and daughter. We have someone who does this and it has been incredibly helpful. Most housekeepers charge around $20/hour. We did not use a service b/c they typically don't offer someone who will cook. I called some friends and got the names of their housekeepers and we found someone who has been a lifesaver for us!

Good luck and know that the end result of all of this will be a beautiful little baby that you will love!

First of all, don't add guilt to the list of horrible things that you are feeling. Only you control that one. You feel like S*&T - if your husband felt like you did, you wouldn't expect him to be up and about cleaning the kitchen and doing the laundry, would you? Give yourself the same break that you would give someone else. I know that you're feeling bad because you wanted this baby so bad and now you might be regretting the pregnancy a little (not the baby, mind you). Let go of that too - they're not connected. I mean, what are you going to do when that baby takes a sharpie to your kitchen table? You're going to be furious. Doesn't mean you don't love or want or deserve him/her. Just means you're a person with a whole range of emotions.

So that said, get your behind to the doctor, stat. It sounds like you're more-than-normal sick, and you don't want to get dehydrated because then you really won't be able to care for the little one at all (or yourself!) If you're prescribed medication, take it. If you need IV fluids, do it. Pregnancy doesn't last forever, and you do need to take care of yourself while it lasts.

I agree with the poster below. See if you can get someone to come in and help with the house tidying. But don't freak out if you can't. A little dirt hasn't killed anyone. And so your daughter eats frozen food or cereal for dinner for a few weeks - much much worse has happened to other kids.

You haven't said anything about your husband, but if he's not being extra supportive, bring him with you to your doc appointment and have the doctor explain what this level of sickness is like. You can't go grocery shopping? Make a list and have him do it. Yes, he's working. But you're sick as a dog with his baby, so he can step up a little too.

Anyway, sorry if this was worded harshly, but I've been in the throes of "but I wanted this baby so bad and now I feel so terrible" guilt before too. Take it easy on yourself, and work on feeling better, if you can.

Good luck.

Try powerade to stave off dehydration. The sugars should be good for you too, since you aren't able to keep much down.

Then call your doctor. There are medications that can help with severe morning sickness. Because, if you become too dehydrated or malnurished or exhausted, it could impact baby and you both negatively. And when you feel better you'll be able to give your daughter more of that attentio you want to.

Enlist some help for the house. Is your mom (or his) nearby? Or a neighbor or good friend? Someone who can help you with the major things (run the dishwasher or fold laundry with you) and who can also talk and listen and help you feel like your not alone in this. I know it's hard to ask for help, but I think it will help yo feel a lot better - and it's not a sign of weakness!

This is the time to call in favors from any friends or relatives you have! Or call your local high school and see if they can recommend a conscientious student you can hire to be your household assistant after school and on Saturdays. You need help keeping your household going until you feel better. And you will feel better sooner or later.

Don't feel guilty for feeling rotten. Pregnancies don't ever happen exactly the way we expect, do they? Try to roll with the punches as much as you can until your body settles down. Keep your attitude as positive as you can. When I was pregnant with my first, I didn't have morning sickness (I got that with other children), but I was always exhausted. When I was pregnant with my second, I was also exhausted, but I had a little boy to take care of. We did lots of reading together, drawing pictures... anything I could do with him while supine on the couch.

This is a good time to strengthen your sense of humor. It'll be good training for when your children hit the terrible twos, the fearsome fours, and the terrifying teens. :^)

Have you tried Emetrol? It's like a concentrated Powerade/Gatorade syrup and really helps with the gag/vomit reflex. Just 1 tsp can help calm your stomach and allow you to eat soup or something simple. Keep your foods reallly simple and bland, close to the BRAT diet: banana, rice, applesauce, toast and tea.

Also, your doctor can recommend meds for your condition, as you sound pretty severe.

Hang in there and STOP feeling guilty. This is a relatively short time in your life. We an can all survive a little more dust and a little less vacuuming...you might give your daughter some Swifter sheets to play with and turn it into a game to run around with the floor with them.

First off, I am sorry to hear you are so sick. That is something that no one wants to deal with, especially when caring for a young child, and expecting a new baby. With that said, I think you need to get to the doctor ASAP... I would see if you can get a prescription for your morning sickness. From what you are describing, it sounds like Hyperemesis. This could potentially become a medical emergency for you... especially if you are dehydrated. You may need an IV to replenish fluids, and medicine to subside nausea. You said you have a bad gag reflex... have you tried phenergran? When I was pregnant with my son, I was given that for nausea and vomiting - and it was available in a wrist gel, so I didn't have to worry about swallowing a pill.

Why is it your responsibility to be the sole one grocery shopping, cooking, cleaning, picking up toys, or doing laundry? I too have a 19 month old, and I am 5 weeks pregnant... I have begun to feel ill lately - and my husband has picked up a lot of the slack. Sure, I may be the one carrying the baby - but I didn't conceive this child on my own. I would talk to your husband and ask for help. He may have a lot more responsibility for awhile, but you both are in this as a team.

I hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself first and foremost, and don't worry about feeling guilty. Your health should be a top priority... above all else.

First and foremost call your doctor asap!! You do NOT need to become dehydrated and if you're doctor isn't willing to do anything about it find a.new one!! I too had hyperemesis w/my latest pregnancy and it is by far the worst thing ever! It is so hard just to function ( had a 3 and a half year old and worked full time) my poor daughter ate a LOT of cereal,cheese sticks, yogurt drinks and juice boxes for awhile. Lol she survived, don't feel bad about that my daughter that it was awesome lol my husband was very understanding about our home being trashed and he cooked. A lot and did the laundry for us. I took 8mg of zofran every day! Most women who need to take an anti nausea med only need it for several months. I took mine until the day I delivered and even while taking it there were still days when I threw up but as long as it wasn't all day long I was ok...now, it took us over 2 years to concive and that was after 2 m/c so....I completely understand the guilt of praying and begging God for another baby n then having that prayer answered and being miserable....this was the hardest pregnancy ever I have a bicournate uterus and therefore he was all on one side of my stomach....I was in constant pain and cried all the time. I would complain to my best friend and then feel like a jerk for doing so. But you must remember that just because you are unhappy right now doesn't mean you aren't excited/thankful for this baby!! You must not worry about that!! You need to get some medicine for the hyperemesis and go from there....and as I am typing I am nursing my almost 8 week old miracle boy who nearly killed me w/the pregnancy but it will be worth it all! I am praying for you! I completely understand your pain/guilt/misery....

I am sorry you are so sick. With my first pregnancy I had hyperemesis and lost 25lbs - had tons of IV's, spent months in bed...When I got pregnant the second time I was terrified not for myself but for my then 18 month old daughter. Thankfully I was so as sick & the sickness didn't last nearly as long but during those bad days it'd take all my strength to care for by toddler. Usually we try to limit TV but when you're that sick - TURN IT ON! Think big picture in terms of TV and food choices during these months when you're not at your best. A few months of tv watching is a small price to pay for giving your oldest a new sibling & a healthy momma. My daughter watched lots of movies in bed with me while I rested next to her.

Also, I got my mom, friends, in-laws to take my oldest on special outings - even just down to the park or playing in the backyard.

Hope you get better soon & can enjoy the last half of you pregnancy!

First, here is permission to let go of the GUILT.
Feeling GUILT isn't going to help you with anything else.
BEGONE GUILT!!

Next, how wonderful that your husband is a cooperative, helpful partner.
Congratulations!

Also, you are (dare I say?) blessed that you have friends
who are willling to do some grocery shopping for you every so often.
ACCEPT this as their opportunities to do a good deed.
You do NOT need to reciprocate in kind until later on.
And, in fact, you can pay it forward later on . . .
there will be lots of opportunities to do so.

In addition to the folic acid, I wonder if you should be taking
various other supplements. Especially, I think you should be drinking
MUCH MORE WATER. If it's uncomfortable or impossible
to eat "real" food, have you tried Jello? clear broth? cooked vegetables?
possibly a little boiled potato WITHOUT butter, maybe some baked yam?

If you haven't already done so, please call the nurse advisor (or equivalent) at your OB's office. She (or he) has heard of this kind of thing before and may have some helpful recommendations.