Preparing for Divorce

Talk to your lawyer and accountant first. I got burned at the end of the year, paying taxes on my ex's business accounts even tho I didn't get any money from them.

Some men try to get as many parenting days as possible - on paper, to minimize the child support they have to pay. They end up not taking all their time, pay less and have fewer kid related expenses. Be realistic about this. If you husband spends most of his free time pursuing other women, will he really have time to devote to your children and do you want to encourage them to spend time with him and his latest fling?

Going through a divorce is emotionally and physically draining. If you don't already have a counselor, it's worth it to schedule regular appointments with one so help keep your emotional balance through the process. Good luck.

Make sure you know how much is in his 401k. You may each be allowed 50% of the other's 401k (or you may each decide in the divorce to keep your hands off the other's...at the least, it's a negotiation point, and you need to know how much it is worth).

If you have a safe deposit box, you might want to check its contents before the divorce is in progress.

Until you retain legal council (who works for YOU only, not both of you), all of these "preparations" maybe be in vain. Every divorce is very specific to the individual married couple. You need a lawyer so you can understand your rights and responsibilities in your specific situation.

So a consult with a good divorce attorney is the first order of business. And well worth the fee.

:)

so sorry you are going through this. Do you have a lawyer?

Do you have kids? I guess that wouldn't really affect anything, except that you will need to consider visitation etc.

As far as moving your money..... yes, you should. BUT - will it screw up the money? You don't want to move money around in a "sneaky" fashion. That will potentially look bad in front of a judge, if it goes that way.

Are you guys seeing a counselor? That might be the best place to break the news.... A counselor can help you work through your exit strategy - especially because you are bound to be emotional during the process (I would imagine).

Are you renting or owning? Who is moving out? That might also be a consideration.

Is his name on your 401K or work documents? if he is your beneficiary, you will need paperwork for him to sign so you can designate someone else. What about health insurance?

Are any of your cars in both names? When I divorced my husband we had to trade in both our cars and get 2 new cars because we were both on each car and we were upside down.... so we couldn't 'refinance' without a TON of money out of pocket.

If I think of more, I'll update.

Good Luck.

Have your Dad/Brother/Cousin come over and whoop his A$$ as your walking out the door?

~Have you spoken with a lawyer? Are you sure taking your name of the credit cards is a good idea? It wont erase your portion of the debt and it *could* potentially damage your ability to regain credit in the immediate future, if you want it? Not sure about that? I would ask a lawyer for a check list. How much time are you looking at before you leave and are you leaving or are you having him leave? I am also not sure about opening up a separate bank account? You do not want to appear to be 'hiding' money...out in the open anyway...I would rather start tucking away a few hundred bucks or as much as wont be missed, in cash, somewhere stashed that you can get to it...that plan sounds better, IMO.

Best of luck!

Make sure you have copies of all tax documents, marriage license, birth certificates, insurance policies, investments portfoilio, school records for kids and yourself if needed, deed & mortgage on house or any other properties, car registrations, bank statements any other legal documents.
Let him pay for copies if he needs them.

Go over all credit card bills and make sure these are your bills. If he paid for anything for his girlfriend, you should not have to take responsibility for those bills.

Document your contribution to the marriage and household vs his contribution. Who did the majority of household chores? What would it have cost him to have to hire someone to do these things. This way if he claims he contributed more than you did but did no or little chores this does count in your favor.

Take your time and make sure you have everything lined up before you proceed. My cousin started getting extra cashback every time she went grocery shopping and stashing it away at a family members house. Cash that can't be traced is not part of the "Community Property". :)
Learn the laws doe your state and know what you are entitled to. Take some time to think it through and write sown what you want.

Best of luck to you.

What wild one said. I would be very careful about hinting or telling him you're filing until you have "your ducks" in a row. Be sure your monies are completely separated and be sure that you take some monies from joint to help retain counsel for your divorce. Also, be sure you have documentation of everything, financial records, legal docs etc. Also, do you have evidence of the affair? Make sure that is documented as well. Your attorney will want proof to help the divorce process. I am sorry you are going through this.

If you have any savings, take half of what's there and open your own savings account as well.

You can't take your name off of joint credit cards. The credit card company is not going to allow that. With both names on there, they can look to either or both of you for payment. You need to close those accounts. (I don't know if you can close them or not with a balance; never tried. I just know you can't just arbitrarily remove your name/responsibility for the debt.)