Your daughter is expressing fear in the form of throwing fits and hitting. When my son was this age I began to teach him how to express himself appropriately. I would begin by empathizing with him by expressing how I understand how much fun he is having when he is doing a certain activity, however, his behavior is inappropriate and must control himself. I explain he can always do the activity again at a later time, if that is the case. Then I finish by teaching him how to verbalize what he is feeling such as, "That was fun...", "I really enjoyed that", "Thank you, I had fun". He can tell us he would like to do it again sometime, but he can't tell us no or grab or throw things or throw himself or hit. I don't ever call him bad, or degrade his character for doing these things. I just inform him that they are bad choices for behavior. Always model good behavior and give examples in how to behave in a situation. Choose a special time during the day, like when you read together and tell your daughter a story about when you were younger and how you behaved when something you didn't like happened. You can even tell her stories about what can happen when you make bad choices and the consequences that come with them. I home school, so when my son behaved inappropiately when moving from one activity to another I would give consequences - like not being able to participate. Teachers in schools give similar consequences. So talk to your daughter about consequences. It takes time, but your daughter will soon be a great model of good behavior herself.