Preschool Boy on Listening and Doing What Is Asked

Hi, S.. I do not think there is a timeline for children when they start listening the first time. If there is, my son has not hit it yet and he is 8. Just continue to stay firm and give one warning. You sound very consistent, and that is the most important thing. Good Luck!

Depending on what the misbehavior is, I'd suggest trying the counting to three strategy. Since he is usually a well-mannered child, he may respond with just a little extra attention. To begin with, when your child is calm and able to listen, tell him you are going to try something new by counting to three and sending him to time out when he misbehaves. (Explain what a time out is if he doesn't already know). When misbehavior starts, give a warning. If the misbehavior continues, hold one finger up so he can see it and say "Look at me. That's 1". Say it calmly, but firmly using direct eye contact. If it continues, count up to three, in the same manner. Then, send him to time out for 5 minutes. When he's excused from time out, start the process over. Also, start the process over if a long period of time passes. You don't want to count to one in the morning, two in the afternoon and three at night. The child won't understand what he's being disciplined for due to their short attention spans. Don't use this process for any aggressive or dangerous behavior either. Straight to timeout for this type of behavior. Don't forget,the most important part of this strategy is to give him praise when he stops the misbehavior (even if you had to count to two before he chose to behave well-LOL)!

Another option my child's kindergarten teacher used was to rate the child's behavior each day with a happy face, a so-so face or a sad face. Happy faces for good behavior, so-so faces for some misbehavior that responded well to disclipline. Sad faces for those days where nothing worked. If the child had happy faces all week, they could have a small treat. In our home, happy faces were rewarded with a treat each day they were earned. Go with what works for your little guy. Hope you find something that helps!

S. F.

S.,
Children are often out of sorts around the time of 1/2 birthdays or birthdays. Is he around that time of year? Continue to be consistent in what you are asking. Know that each time we don't follow through makes intermittent reward and that is most difficult to extinguish. Conscious Displine is a great program and you can take a local class from ERC to learn more about it.
Is your son enrolled in a preschool? I am the director of a preschool in town and often hear how much better children do at home after they enroll in a part time program. Gives them something to see as their own domain and can shine in it. We offer 2 1/2 hour programs and if you want more info, let me know.

A lot of the other advice is good I think. The only other thing I would add, is to make sure you stay positive most of the time and develop a good relationship with your son. Remember to have fun with him and enjoy each others' company.

When kids (and adults) are constantly being nagged, it all starts to sound the same and becomes ineffective. If you try to stay positive most of the time, then become stern when you really need to, then there will be a bigger difference in your tone of voice and may get his attention more effectively.

Being consistent is vital. If you give a warning with consequences be sure that you follow through.

He may be in need of attention, since you're busy dividing your time between two children, and children will take negative attention as long as it's attention. Be sure to "catch" him when he's being good and when he does follow through with minding you. That will teach him that appropriate behaviors generate attention as much as negative behaviors.

I am counselor who uses play therapy to help children with behavioral challenges. One of the books and accompanying web sites I recommend to parents is : http://www.positivediscipline.com/

I hope you will find the information on the site helpful.

Good Morning S., After reading the other response's, I have a feeling my response will only be for comic relief! When you asked how long will it take for your child to respond the first time when asked my quick response was Oh About 30 yrs!! And then it's still iffy!
When our eldest was very young all I needed to do was snap my fingers say his name and say No honey. When I asked him to do something if he didn't do it immediately, I would walk over to him take his hand and lead him to what I wanted him to do.
Like pick up toys or books etc.

He's soon to be 34 now and if I ask him to maybe help his dad do some heavy lifting he will say sure give me a minute and I will be there. An hour later he still is watching Speed channel or SciFi..lol
Our youngest 32 will come immediately and he lives the furthest away. If he says give me 30 minutes that is when he will arrive, it takes 20 minutes from his home to ours. Our eldest is 3 minutes away. ;)

One Book I read when they were young and it did help in certain area's was Dr. Dobson's "Children are wet Cement". They are still being shaped and molded, and they leak out of the forms we have set for them sometimes.

Good Luck and just hold on, one day he will get it. Our pastor once told us, "You can tell a child to not jump on the bed 100 times but it's when he hears it the 101st time and has banged his head he gets it".

I am up to about 98 times with our 9 yr gr daughter, and her whinning. 75 time with our 7 y/o gr son for his tattling, 30 times with one almost 4y/o gr son for his Leave me alone attitude. Getting close to 50 times with another 3 y/o gr son for hidding under the kitchen table with things HE knows he isn't supposed to have like markers, pen's, sugar bowls, cookies and cake. :)) When I ask him what he is doing, he tells me Sorry Nana I know better! I be good now. lol
Thank you Lord the baby is only 8 mo's lol

Best of everything S. to you and your precious little people.

I have been and am continually helped by the book "how to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk." It's easy to read and has ideas you can implement easily and right away, without being a "one size fits all" book. The authors also have a great book called "siblings without rivalry." I can not recommend enough. As for when it will happen, I think it's very hard to know and depends on all the circumstances. Hang in there. It's better to raise a good person than a well behaved little boy.

K.

I'm not sure at what age that happens. I have a 20 year old and a 15 year old. I think it is called selective hearing. If it is something they want to do it is done right away, otherwise who knows. I have found that if I give them a time table when I want things done ie now or by the end of the day or week give them the change to decide for themselves when to do it I have better luck.

Dr. James Dobson's Dare to Discipline. It is a life saver. Have confidence in your parenting and stay consistent. And pray. Kids need all the prayers they can get these days so pray for him. Set aside "mommy time" with your son. It could be 15 minutes a day, a special outing once a week that you plan on your calendar, just something. Make sure he knows that it is his time and only his time. And, sister stays home!

Hi S.-We must be on the same family plan because my son and daughter are exactly the same ages as yours. I'm a teacher, so I'm home during the summer. I, too, have struggled with my little guy listening and following directions. We have been working on and off with that for over a year. This summer I vowed that while I was home with my kids we would get this issue resolved, and I am having some success.

A friend lent me a book, Parenting the Strong-Willed Child. I had seen it quoted in a magazine article in dealing with this same issue. What I have found that is with the second one requiring more attention the first one starts to take advantage of our less attention. Now, my son is EXTREMELY strong-willed, but the techniques would benefit anyone. I actually have him putting himself in time outs now--unheard of when I used to have to physically put him back in time outs regularly!

I guess what it comes down to that it is not natural for the kiddos to do what we ask, so we have to train them...think about it, we like to do what we want when we want. You need to find a strategy the aligns with your parenting philosophy and make it a lifelong parenting change because I don't think this will be the last battle. But, as with anything, consistancy is the key. When you figure out how you want to handle the "not following directions" issue sit him down and tell him what you are going to do, and then follow through. You will gain all the mommy respect that you need.

Best of luck....I know EXACTLY what you are going through!

First, I'd like to point out to those who recommend spanking, that it teaches children that whoever is biggest and strongest gets to make the rules for everyone else. I don't know what "touchy feely discipline" is, but I don't wish to raise children who become bullies to smaller children.

Recently read "Scream Free Parenting" by Runkel. It does not give you a foolproof method for ensuring child obedience, but it does support you in finding ways to help your child grow up into a person capable of making good decisions. I've been finding that helpful.

I highly recommend Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours by Dr. Kevin Leman. (You might want to double check the spelling of his name.) He explains how reality discipline works. Very good.

My intentions are not to worry you, but would like you to please at least think about this. My 1 1/2 yr old daughter had been hearing just fine, but was a "full steam ahead" little girl and just didn't like to follow directions! haha! Lots of fun, full of giggles and smiles! I noticed her speech was not where it should be, but she did pass a speech eval with no problem. I had reported to her pediatritician that something "just wasn't right" several times, but was told "I was not being consistant with my discipline with her". I have two daughters, they are 19 months apart and I have no problems with my older daughter. Well, when she was 2 yrs, 11 months I found out on my own that my daughter was severely deaf in both ears by this time. She ended up having a progressive deafness in both ears and did go completely deaf. I don't know anyone that is deaf, this does not run in my family history, she had no head trama, she was not sick, she had no high fevers, but she did have one mild ear infection. I didn't know anything about deafness and I didn't know anyone that even wore hearing aids unless it was because they were older. I didn't know the red flags for hearing loss either. I know them now. My intentions are not to scare you, but to just give this some thought and maybe have him go in a sound booth just to rule this out? I am sure he is ok, but lets rule hearing loss ok for this little guy. God bless.

I would say the punishment must fit the age. let him know the things you disapprove and then get down on his actual level eye level and let him know he will be punished. say what you mean and mean what you say.
Let him know he is a big brother and she will look up to him someday and maybe do what he does and you want him to be proud of what she thinks of him. Do not compare like be good like your sister. That causes harsh feelings. They are different and need to be treated as such. Its rough mom but you can do it. Good Luck. WOW i remember these times all so well they grow up fast.

We sound like the same person! I'm a sahm, dad busts his butt so I can be home too. I have 6-1/2 girl and 2-1/2 boy and they never listen! I call my daughter "Lizzie 2 Times" because I am constantly repeating myself. My theory is that because kids are so active, always learning, their minds are everywhere, they're taking so much in, and they don't have the attention spans that adults or older children have, that they don't always hear us. Or sometimes they have the intentions to do what we ask but get distracted. The key is consistency. I know this but we are guilty of not sticking to it. I always tell myself that I don't think my mother had the same problems when I was a kid but our generation is different. We have a tendency to not want to hurt their feelings or disappoint our kids. But we need to remember that we know what is best and we tell them what to do for their own good. We tend to give our kids too much freedom and are letting them grow up faster than they should. So much of this is influenced by our society and we can't help it. I think just being aware of these things and trying to stick to our guns, tell ourselves we are doing it for their benefit, is the best thing we can do. On another note, I am also a stickler for good manners and respect. My husband and I were raised in the South so that's a big deal to us and I think, I know, it helps make them better people. I am constantly complimented on my children's manners and it's a shame that alot of kids these days don't respect other people, parents are too busy trying to be their friend. My mother always told me, "I'm not your friend, I'm your mother!" This is a good motto to live by and I try to stick to it. I hope my long winded advice helps and good luck!