Chosing the Cochlear Implant

Quality of life: may I explain to you what I do after I finish my school day? Well, I learned cued speech to work with a student with a cochlear implant but don't do super yet, but listen to this!!! I work with a deaf student, who is learning clarinet, plays in a school band - he is awesome!!! and I have already had the honor of attending and sitting next to him in concert. I don't hear too well myself (hearing aid broke but will get a new one). So back to my clarinet player. All I have to do is point to the notes and tell him how long once in awhile. He is my hero. Need I say more?

I would get the implant if it would not harm him to undergo surgery. He can turn it off later. He'll be deaf at night and anytime it needs to be charged. Even with an implant, it will be a bridge to sound, but not a perfect one. My friend has one - he went deaf after high doses of antibiotics for an infection. He lip reads, uses texts vs phone calls, etc. Your son will still need adaptations and anyone who berates you for choosing the option isn't looking at the whole picture, IMO. Yes, he is deaf. But his parents are hearing and he is a part of both worlds.

not exactly on your shoes, but my daughter is deaf in one ear. she is missing a hearing bone. when she was 5 i opted for the reconstructive surgery, which we did, but it eventually failed (4 months later). she is now 8, and we already have another surgery scheduled for july. this time the surgery will be done in 2 parts over the course of 12 months. i am opting for the surgery because if it is an option i want her to have it. good luck to you

Any time a parent is asked to make a life altering decision on behalf of a minor child, there is going to be concern. This is just as any other such decision -- you have considered how the surgery will affect him, you have considered how it will affect his role in his community and how society will react. I am familiar with the issues this raises as a linguist, although do not have personal experience with the deaf community. I work with foreign languages and tend to view this from that perspective. For me, I feel you've done the work and reflection to make a healthy decision for him. In your shoes, I think it would depend on who around him is also in the deaf community. If you and your husband, your family, your other children, are all hearing, that would inform my decision greatly. It is difficult to be a member of a culture when your own family does not share that experience. If your husband or you were deaf and already a part of that culture, then I would consider not changing his hearing. But if he is the only one, he will learn to fit in and cope, but just like any other child, he should feel fully a member of the culture of the family he is in. If you adopted a child from China, but no one in your family spoke Chinese, you would certainly want to respect and retain Chinese culture, but you would also most certainly teach the child English and that English would become your primary form of communication. You may be fluent in ASL, but if spoken English is the primary form of communication in your family, it will be difficult for him to fully engage in the family culture. You are not disrespecting the ASL community by helping your child integrate fully into the culture of your own family. If he had two deaf parents and they wanted to do a cochlear implant, that would be a different situation. Yes, there is a culture and a language. I would treat it as any culture and language.

For me, this would not be a hard decision, however, I know many deaf people who would disagree with my opinion. They see themselves as a "culture" and not as having a disability.

I've known many deaf parents who've had deaf children and they get along just fine. I've known deaf parents with deaf and hearing children. The hearing children often act as interpreters.

I have terrible eyesight so I rely on my other senses. Hearing is one of them. Sight is such a blessing, but I can't imagine not being able to hear.
Not only music, the sound of my children's voices, but smoke detectors, being able to communicate on the phone, hearing birds singing or the roar of the ocean.

This is how I think of it. When I close my eyes, it's the sound of things that conjure up memories for me.

Thankfully, I've never had to make this choice, but there really are so many wonderful things to hear. Even if you can't see, the sense of sound is such a blessing.

This is just my opinion and I mean no offense to anyone who is hearing or sight impaired.

If it was my child, I would do the surgery. I really would.

It sounds like you have really taken your child's personality into this and are making the right decision. I am fairly familiar with the deaf community and at least somewhat understand where you are coming from, but have never had to make a decision like this with my own child.
You have probably already seen "sound and Fury" but if not, you might relate to it.

The deaf community has members that are just as judgmental and unaccepting as any other. Do what you feel is best for your son, and those that don't like it can take a flying leap.

I am sure you have seen these documentaries.. The Sound and the Fury And the Sound and the Fury, 6 years later.. I have only seen the first.

http://www.soundandfuryfilm.com/

I thought it was very thought provoking. I can sympathize with the members of the deaf community that do not want their way of life lost.

One of my best friends has a cousin who is deaf, married to a deaf man.. One of their children is deaf the other has perfect hearing.. They have these conversations over and over.

The one thing I noticed on the video, was that so many of the deaf community that were against the cochlear, wear eye glasses. Made me wonder why this was ok, but not the cochlear..

Anyway.. I think you know your child the best. so follow your mommy heart and bran..

Personally, I think you are doing the right thing. I think you will open a whole new world for him. How beautiful is that! I also understand how difficult of a decision it is. Good luck. I think when you see his face the first time he hears you, you will know you made the right decision. Hugs to you.

No question, I would proceed with the surgery. Being deaf is a disability and given the choice I just could not choose this for my child given the option. If I suddenly became deaf, you bet I would do anything and everything possible to restore my hearing. I would do no less for my child.
Have you watched the youtube videos of babies that have their hearing restored and hear their mother's voice for the first time. It is a beuatiful thing. Best of luck!

I have a friend whose daughter has cochlear implants. I'm pretty sure that she'd be willing to email with you about your decision as she is well versed with the benefits and trials of them. She's even working on a book about it. I know part of the issue is with cochlear implants is, your son may not quite belong to the deaf community (and may be shunned), but also not be a total part of the hearing community. He'll be a part of the cochlear implant community, which is small. There are also many benefits, as he will have hearing.

PM me with your email and I can connect the both of you. Here is her blog: http://thestotts6.blogspot.com/

I am not deaf, and don't know the deaf culture. I don't think of deaf people as less than because they cannot hear. But at the same time, deafness is a function of a part of the body that isn't working correctly. I see nothing wrong with fixing something that is broken. Your BOY isn't broken, his EARS are. You are being a good mom by fixing the broken part.

I had a conversation with a woman who was hearing but her brother was deaf. She was very aware of the deaf community. She made me aware of how HARD it is for the deaf to function because they miss out on so much of what is absorbed from background noise, etc. Reading is harder, their word base is smaller because of lack of exposure, it's just VERY challenging. The fact that the community exists as a support system is wonderful, but to deny a corrective procedure to me is not logical. Would you hesitate to fix his heart if you could or wait until he can choose? It is the same - though not life threatening, being deaf will hamper him and to deny that isn't logical.

If you are involved in the Deaf community, there is no reason to not continue to have him be involved, because his experience will be useful there, I would think. And to have people who can be bridges to the hearing world is also a gift. He may be one of those bridges :)

Wow. I "get " the dilemma you're in.
I think at the end of the day, with this choice, like with every choice a parent makes for their child, we weigh the pros and the cons and conclude the path that is most beneficial to our child's life overall.
Sounds like you've done that.
Don't let anyone or anything cloud your vision.
How can doing what you think is the best choice be considered a mistake?
All the best!

This is a really hard choice. I want to voice a suggestion that's different from what other people on this thread have suggested, but ONLY if you haven't made your decision yet. So, if you want a brief (not rabid) anti-cochlear statement, please PM me. If you've already made up your mind and are at peace with your decision, then go with what you've chosen.