Preschool Drama. Blegh.

My daughter and her friends would trade toys but we mothers always told them that they could not trade and we saw that the girls gave the toys back to the original owner.

I think this mother was totally out of line. Preschoolers don't have the intellectual capacity to even understand what a trade actually is. My daughter, at 7, thought a trade was a temporary thing the first time it happened. Later, she'd change her mind and want the toy back, anyway. It's unreasonable to allow trading.

That woman is a horrible mother raising an awful brat. I'm sorry her son caused, and she extended, this altercation. You wonder how criminals are raised? This is how!

OMG, If any decent parent found a toy in their child's backpack that did not belong to him/her, they would return it immediately with apology, with big explanation to their kid that it is NOT RIGHT to take things that aren't yours. And I'm sorry but even IF the kids made a trade or borrow deal, that was NOT approved by the parents, so it is not valid. I'm sad your nephew had to go through such an ordeal. I hope you will talk to the preschool director. I like Dawn's idea.

the center I work at has the preschool children put their show and tell toys in a bucket for show and tell time. they are not allowed to play with them otherwise for this reason! they may have a soft toy that is LABELED with the child's name for naptime. Other toys are discouraged and IF brought must stay in child's backpack or cubby, I don't blame you at all for taking it back and I think the other child's mother should have told him it wasn't ok to trade without grownups ok.

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Good for you...I would have done the same thing.

Nope no trading EVER.. They could allow a child to play with it for a few minutes, but we found (our neighborhood was full of kids the same age) that trading never ended well.

First, I would like to say I own a preschool and do NOT allow toys for any reason to be brought in. We do show and tell weekly and always ask for it to be educational (if the letter of the week is O they bring in something that begins with O) No toys. IMO there are plenty of toys at school to use if she is trying to encourage sharing and that is an everyday process. I think I would ask the teacher if she would rethink bringing things in to avoid this happening again and also my biggest fear was something would be broken or damaged. I have never had a good outcome with children bringing things from home. That mother was out of line for arguing with you in front of the children and making them obviously feel like they did some thing wrong. I would have done the same as you, you did nothing wrong. Children are too young to make those types of decisions like trading toys. Who knows your nephew could have been intimidated by him and that is why he needed you to go to bat for him. Walking away was wise because she didn't seem to be getting it or giving up.

The kids a brat and so is his crazy mother! Who acts like that? I mean, its clear what happened, she needs to pull her head out of her butt and realizes shes creating a little monster. Im sorry your nephew had to go through that. Poor little guy. :(

that mom sounds like a real piece of work.

Yeah, that's nuts. I can't believe the mom reacted like that. Of course you don't honor a preschool trade! My daughter and her friends have interactions like this often. They will come over and play (and this only happens with the boy friends, now that you mention it, weird) and one of them will ask my daughter if he can have it. She of course says sure. Then he will come over to us and say she said I could have this so I'm going to take it home! Uh no. Of course both his mother and I tell him no he can play with it, etc. etc. but not keep it. I think this is totally normal behavior in terms of the boy, but not the mom...sheesh! You did the right thing, but I would clue the teacher in on the rest of the interaction so that she can maybe have a better idea of what's going on during sharing time.

No, I wouldn't "honor trades" at that age, especially when it was obvious that one child did not *really* intend to trade the toy (esp. for nothing, since the other kid had both toys). The other mom needs to grow up.

That is ridiculous and should never have been allowed to happen. Preschoolers misunderstand things so easily. Not only should the teacher have made sure each toy was with it's owner, she should have explained up front there were no trades nor should the class have been allowed to play with the toys. This is actually why toys should never have been brought for a show & tell. The school my children go to, including the PreK that my youngest goes to, discourages bringing toys to school for this very reason (whether for show & tell or not). When it does come to show & tell, they're asked for items they've made themselves, memorabilia for vacations, etc.

That boy has learned a very bad lesson from his mother and I hope she realizes this while he's still young enough to rectify it. It's never ok to steal another persons possession, no matter how much you desire it. Nor is it ok to lie about it. :(

We ran into a similar problem with my youngest son. He was showing up with money (nothing much, just change) but we knew it wasn't his allowance. We asked him about it but he wasn't very forthcoming. Then he showed up with a half dollar. So we sat down for a big family meeting and he explained that another boy didn't have a snack so the boy was paying my son to have part of his snack. When we explained that it was great he was sharing, it wasn't very nice to accept payment for it, even if the other child offered it he felt bad about it. So he's donated the money to our Church. He at least learned a lesson through this and it seems your nephew learned a painful one as well with his experience. :(

I hope the school rectifies their part in this because we can be reasonably sure the other boy's family, from their actions, will think nothing of it and may feel the victims here.

Sounds like the other mother came up, saw her child upset, and went all mama bear on you. Normal reaction... However, once she got her kid calmed down a bit, she should have asked, "what happened?" and then LISTENED. That chick needs to grow up!
I think you did the right thing by walking away. You showed your nephew a great example of not buying into the yelling and fighting, and keeping calm. Nice job!

Forget her and the whole specific incident, and cool off. She saw her kid upset, she naturally got upset, but she was wrong to think kids this young can trade fairly.

Go to the preschool and recommend (without getting all steamed in front of the teacher or director, though, because that will make them ignore the suggestion) that they either do away with kids bringing toys of their own or, as someone else posted, have any show-and-tell toys collected and kept by the teacher during the day and not played with by anyone, including the child who brought them. The practice of playing with other kids' toys is probably intended by your preschool to "teach kids to share" but I would bet this is not the first time that two kids have tussled over toys -- teachers and parents and aunts just haven't caught it happening before. It's not wise with kids this young.

Even if my 5 year old honestly thought he traded something fairly, which would imply that both kids had something if the other kid or parent asked to trade back or said they wanted their item back then I would give it back, no questions asked. It is ridiculous she wouldn't give it back. You did the right thing, she sounds a little unstable to me.

My 8 year old has come home before with toys that have been given to him by his friends at school. They are sent straight back with him the very next day. I don't let my kids take toys to school, although I understand why you did on this occassion, and I tell him to politely say no if a friend offers him to borrow or keep a toy. I would definitely not honor a toy swap between two 4 year olds and cannot understand the parent's response to the situation. Did she honestly expect you just to give Buzz to her son??? Sounds crazy to me.
I agree with what you said, if there is a next time for him to take a toy to school just make sure he chooses one that is not so special to him.

hes 4!! even if he did trade he wouldnt understand what that meant... trade for 5 mins a day ect. you did the right thing that mom sounds nuts!

Sorry to be so late chiming in on this one... but I think the teacher messed up. I have seen incidents where kids HAVE "traded" toys at school and the parents weren't okay with it, even though the kids might have been. The teachers can get VERY up front with the students/parents that "trading" is not allowed at school. Ye olde "You bring it, you take it home" rule.

Things should never have progressed to you having to point out that the other kid had both toys. The teacher should have stepped up when the kid said there was a trade and said "We don't allow trading at school." Period. End of discussion.
That's the easiest way to resolve these things.
And FWIW, that other mom was a JERK. If MY kid had come home with someone else's toy (or had it in his backpack and I saw/heard about it at pick up) I would have IMMEDIATELY made him give it back (to the other kid, or to the teacher if the other child was already gone). Kids don't have any sense of judgment about these things, and I don't want my kids "trading" away nice things we have bought, nor would I want them getting another child to give them something that their parents bought for THEM. No. No. No.

you did the right thing- obviously it wasnt a trade and the other kid's mom should have given it back without any argument. If my son had someones toy in his backpack he would immediately give it back. Maybe you should ask the teacher to just keep a special eye on it next time so this doesn't happen again.

What a brat and a b&%$# of a mother! No wonder that BRAT is the way he is! I think you did exactly the right thing but the next step that needs to be done is that your nephew's mother needs to go to the Director with what happened and the teacher needs to be taught how to handle those situations. The teacher should not have walked away and should have handled the situation with the TRUTH that she should have fully been aware of as a teacher. Your poor nephew, I would make sure that the teacher has a sign in and out sheet for the parents next time there is 'toy day'.

I do not let my nephew "make trades" This has happened before and I have made him take stuff back as the parents were not the ones that said it was ok. He has also had kids let him borrow things. i.e. a DS and a lot of games, case, etc. I called parent and took it home at 9p that night after I got in from classes. The mom had no idea her son had "loaned" it. I think the teacher had good intentions, but lets face it, many kids could do that and it causes problems. There are also the kids who do not have a lot and they may feel embarrassed if they do not have something "good" to bring in. I would call the principal and talk to them so they would know what happened. I told my nephew early on that not all people have the beliefs and values that we have and he should not expect it. A sad day, but it is reality. Good luck.
A.