Preschooler French Kissed DD...

It can be considered normal based on what her home environment is. If her parents are always kissing like that in front of her, or if they watch movies where there is a lot kissing like that she could think nothing of it.

I am glad that your daughter told you and didn't keep it a secret.

I don't think it's abnormal. My girls have both tried to french kiss me at one point. I mean, come on, it's all over TV. And my husband and I don't mind kissing in front of our kids, even if it's more than just a peck. I just tell my kids, that that kind of kissing is only for Mommies & Daddies, and they will have to wait until they get married to do that. No biggie.

I think you have done all you can do. Its great that you made her feel comfortable to tell you stuff like this... its very important. I also think its great that you talked to the teacher... probably just normal behaviour, but you never know - sometimes children that are sexually abused will display inappropriate sexual behaviour towards others. At least the teacher can talk to the mom and let her know to be aware of it. Thats all you can really do.

I think you handled all of it very well. There isn't really any more that you can do.

There may be very good reasons why this child isn't in with the fives. Perhaps they don't have space. Perhaps she's not as mature as she should be for that group. Perhaps there's something going on in the family and the teachers are choosing to keep the child with this teacher in order to avoid further transitions which might further negatively impact the child. The teacher won't be able to tell you, for reasons of confidentiality. However, I'm guessing that the teacher is likely as concerned as you are about this child.

As a preschool teacher myself, I have seen some wacky parents, to put it bluntly. Not using the toilet at five during the daytime (as opposed to wearing diapers for sleeping) *is* strange. Perhaps the parents are hoping she'll *do it in her own time* or there is a lack of structure at home? Maybe mother has a problem differentiating between 'child' and 'little adult'...it's few and far between, but some parents do follow do the philosophy that a child should be just as autonomous as an adult and call just as many of the shots. These parents may treat their kids more like peers than kids.

Or there could be a developmental delay which the teacher will not be able to share with you.

And then there are some parents who choose to allow their children to be very, very infantile rather than help noodge them to grow--when they insist on more mature behavior, they might be met with enormous tantrums. For some parents, this is overwhelming emotionally for them. Thus, the easier path is the one taken. Also very disappointing to see.

It's really, really sad. But very good that you brought this to the teacher's attention.

If they were younger... Totally normal 'baby smoosh". Gag. I've been slimed.

5? Still probably innocent ... Copying what she's seen in movies (Disney has open mouth kissing... In most of the newer 'classics' and some of the older ones), and obviously a LOT of. 'kid' TV. Also, IRL, of course.

Also... Tongue Touching is a game lots of youngish 5-8 crowd plays because it feels weird. No hormones yet to make it 'fun' jus reeeeally weird feeling. Like licking a slug. Sibs do this ALL the time (not constant, just normal to happen).

Also... 'puppy kisses' for those who have dogs and have gotten slimed from chin to forehead... To gross someone out is pretty common.

So could it be SA / sign of something more? Possibly. But more likely it's just normal 'Eeewwwwww!' fun.

I think it's not entirely surprising. It's something kids see on tv. They may even see their parents french kiss. My boys call it "kissy face" and think it's gross. We've told them that this is something that mommys and daddys can do, but it's not something they should do. Still, they've seen it on tv, so they are bound to be curious.

I think you probably need to let it go. You talked to your daughter about what happened and how she felt and what to do. I think you're done. If you talk about it any more, you'll be making it into a bigger deal than it currently is or that it needs to be.

I don't think I would have talked to the teacher about it, because I'm the type to let most things go. But the teacher knows about it and can talk to the mom and/or dad. I'm not sure there's anything else you need to do at this point.

It sounds like you're a bit concerned about this older child in your daughter's class. If you're right that the girl is a little off (and her mom is, as well) it's possible she's in the class because of this. Sometimes an older child is placed in a class with younger kids because they simply aren't ready to do what kids their age can do.

You've done what you can. I'd let it go and try not to worry about it.

I think that what you did was appropriate, you have done what you can do. Now that the teacher and school are aware of what happened if they find there is anything amiss in this 5 year old's life they will report it to the proper authorities, they're mandated reporters and thus required to. Be glad your daughter confided in you.

I don't think it's abnormal at all. My very typical 7 year old thinks it's silly when she sees "romance kisses" and wants to test them out all the time. On me. She has since she was 4 or 5 years old. She's a goober about it and quite silly, but we've made sure to let her know that "romance kisses" are between mommies and daddies, married people, dating people, etc. and not for children to test out. She rolls her eyes at me and says, "I KNOW Mom... that's why I'm bothering YOU!"

As for why the little girl is five years old and in with the 3 and 4 year olds, I think it's evident that she has some delays that the teacher is bound by law to withhold from you. This little girl doesn't sound like a danger to me, only curious. Her mother does sound like she's hovering quite a bit, but I can tell you as a mother to a special needs child that preschool was a VERY anxiety-ridden time for us. It was pure hell. I would cut the mother a huge, huge break with a slice of pie.

Your daughter did great by telling you what happened, and you handled it really well. From this point on, I would put it out of my head.

I don't really see that you're leaping to a ton of conclusions either, and I also think you handled it pretty well. I'm guessing that the girl must have some delay if she's not potty trained. Her being 5 really isn't that big of a deal...I mean my daughter misses the K cut off and will turn 5 the first week of 4 y/o preschool, so it happens.

Unless your daughter is traumatized by the event, which it doesn't appear she is, I don't know if they necessarily need to be separated next year, but it sounds like that was the teacher's idea...which also leads me to believe that if the teacher offered that up right away, this girl may have had a string of other questionable incidents.

To me it sounds like the girl's mom is trying to figure it out all out. She is probably (I hope!) aware of her daughter's issues which is why she seemed flustered around other kids and other parents. I would say to remain neutral about it and encourage your daughter to be nice to her and the you should continue being friendly to the mom too, she might need a friendly face more than the kid! ;)

Yes, this is unusual and it's good you told the teachers. You daughter is safe, she seems to have a handle on the situation. The fact that this other girl is delayed (potty training issue) and yet showing advanced curiosity and knowledge she shouldn't have just yet, is worrying.

Keep talking to your girl, make sure she understands that she needs to tell you if anything like this ever happens again, with anyone. Aside from that you've done all you can do.

Good luck.

Seriously you don't jump to conclusions? I see a mess of leaps here.

Is it normal, yes. Kids do all kinds of stuff trying to make sense of what they see on TV and in the real world.

About the only conclusion I am willing to jump to reading your story is the five year old appears to have developmental delays. Cut her mom some slack.

You spoke of why the five year old is in the class and went on to describe the mom as less than perfect therefore you jumped that mom is not a good mom, lipstick! oh the horror, and that is why the girl is what she is. Everything you put out here about her and the child is negative. That is a pretty big jump.

You didn't do anything wrong but it is never a good idea to draw a conclusion and then find the facts to back it up.

My son has Autism spectrum, he does some pretty crazy stuff. Still when someone unbiased, ya know not jumping to conclusion, is telling me what happened there tends to be positives and negatives in the story, judging tends to get just negatives.

I want you to know I am in no way judging you, just the words you put out here. You did nothing wrong, I am just hoping I can get you to take a different view of the world as it presents itself.

Okay, the way you told the story it sounded like lipstick on her daughter. Sorry about that.

Hey just an FYI, Andy had a temper tantrum today, 13 years old!! I am probably not in the best of moods today when it comes to developmental delays so this could be all me.

I would think that its not abnormal per say as kids this age are very curious little beings. I would be concerned as to what this child is exposed to at home. I remember my son saying he wanted to kiss me like daddy does ( and we do not do any deep passionate kisses in front of the kids just a little longer i suppose) and i had told him that it was a mommy daddy kiss but i would love to give him a mommy son kiss. Im glad you talked to the teacher about it and that your daughter feels she can talk to you about these things. I think you addressed it correctly and just keep an eye open.

I also am worried about the five year old. The french kissing coupled with the fact that she's not potty trained makes molestation my knee-jerk reaction.

There is really nothing you can do other than what you have one. More evidence would be needed for an investigation. The teacher should be alerted to keep an eye on this child's art work as many children express their feelings through art.

Good thing you and your daughter have such an open and honest relationship. Good work, momma!

well, it's not TYPICAL behavior, but i don't know that i'd call it abnormal. it's pretty normal for kids to want to experience or know more about something they've just heard about. i was older when i first heard about french kissing, and still remember how i was simultaneously fascinated and disgusted.
that's probably all that's going on here. 'i heard about this! gross, right? let's try it!'
sounds like you handled it perfectly and so is the teacher.
khairete
S.