What is your definition? I've heard moms throw this around and I was just wondering what everyone thinks of when they hear this type of parenting style.
LOL...I really enjoyed reading everyones take on it. Especially the one about the Manhattan loft dinner and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. I guess this is what I sometimes see at the playgrounds here in progressive Pasadena :)
LOL well I'm not gonna google it , but if it's anything like Gidget (below) claims it to be I feel sorry for those kids.
It reminds me of the character of Veruca Salt, you know, from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, the little girl whose parents never said no, and never, ever, wanted her to be sad or wanting for anything.
They created a monster...
I had never heard of this before, so I googled it. I came across the same page as Bug, but I disagree with what she wrote. Progressive Parenting is not the same as Attachment Parenting. Rather, it is taking Attachment Parenting even further.
from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaley_Scott
13 Principles of Progressive Parenting
1. Progressive parents fill their children's needs for constant physical contact from birth (breastfeeding, holding, cuddling, etc.). They do not worry about ‘spoiling’ their children, or concern themselves with whether their child’s behaviour is age- appropriate.
2. Progressive parents make every possible effort to meet their child’s unique needs and always try to 'Find The Yes' in any situation.
3. Progressive parents do not use any form of discipline including behaviour modification techniques (time-out, praise, rewards), punishment, discipline, consequences etc.
4. Progressive parents use gentle guidance and modelling as their parenting 'tools', rather than exerting authority over their children. They see their child as requiring an ally or supporter to guide them through their early years.
5. Progressive parents offer encouragement for learning new skills, but do not judge children's performance with either criticism or evaluative praise.
6. Progressive parents try to help their children do the things they want to do in a safe way.
7. Progressive parents make great efforts to listen to what their children are communicating, both verbally and non-verbally. They respond accordingly.
8 Progressive parents model acceptable behaviour and consider everyone's needs in the family when solving conflicts.
9. Progressive parents view their child's voice as equal to their own.
10.Progressive parents take care of themselves and are honest about their own needs and feelings. They do not sacrifice themselves to the point of becoming resentful.
11 Progressive parents are constantly aware of the way they appear to their children, through their verbal and non-verbal language and make conscious efforts to always be respectful and kind in their interactions.
12 Progressive parents hold loving, positive thoughts of their child through life and always assume they have the best of intentions.
13 Progressive parents strive to be aware of the ways in which their own childhood pain interferes with their ability to be good parents and they make conscious efforts to avoid passing on their own hurts to their children.
I found some of those points to be "food for thought," but I could not see me using them effectively. I believe too strongly that children need structure, they need us to teach them to lead disciplined lives and they need consequences for their actions. I believe in being a supportive, nurturing parent, but I believe these principals cross the line and would not work. As parents, we are raising children and guiding them and teaching them to become productive adults. I'm pretty sure strictly following these principals would produce very self-centered, adult age children.
But please do not confuse this with Attachment Parenting which focuses on meeting the NEEDS of children, with a strong emphasis on the adults needing to distinguish between NEEDS and WANTS.
I might offend with this, but if you look at the "13 Principles of Progressive Parenting", I think it's unrealistic.
I think that it's one thing to be mindful about the way you parent and to adopt certain styles of parenting, but to be " constantly aware of the way they appear to their children, through their verbal and non-verbal language and make conscious efforts to always be respectful and kind in their interactions," is a very difficult thing to accomplish. And I don't "view my child's voice as equal to my own." Or maybe I am interpreting it wrong..., but I have years of education and life experience that my kids don't. In some situations, my voice over rides theirs.
Honestly, I see this style of parenting, if performed as written, as a loosey-goosey way to avoid setting boundaries and consequences that children need to be successful in life. There's no discipline or behavior modification used... but "gentle guidance and modeling."
The world does not "find the yes" in every situation. People do judge performance in praise or criticism. People don't consider everyone's needs when resolving conflicts.
We are all human, and most of us have our own childhood issues that enter into our parenting before we even realize it... and certainly can't prepare for it because we've never had kids before. This parenting style assumes that at best, to be able to attempt it, you've either had an idyllic life or years of therapy.
It's synonymous with allowing your child to be your "friend", but end up ruling the house. Makes for kids who grow up not being able to work for anyone because they constantly buck authority. No wonder - they never learned to accept authority when they were children.
I looked it up on wikipedia too, I haven't heard the name thrown around, but it does sound like something the hip moms in Pasadena would be buying in to... ;)
After reading the 13 points, it is so not for me. The NO discipline part? Yikes!!!! I hate when people use the word or idea of "discipline" to be synonymous with punishment. Discipline means teaching and learning. Even as adults we should all still be striving toward solid SELF-discipline. I can't imagine an adult raised with zero concept of discipline. That person would be a lazy, crazy selfish person who was unable to accomplish anything. No discipline. Please.
Thanks, Gidget!
Progressive parenting creates super bratty kids. It's for wealthy people who can afford to take prescription drugs and hand the brats off so they can escape when they feel like honoring #10. I have friends who do this to the "T". It would almost be OK (all that mindful positivity) except for the total removal of discipline, and that's like, hoooo weee I cannot deal with their kids. At all. They're evil little disrespectful angry jerks who are totally developmentally stunted because their behavior is off the rails.
The last time we ate dinner at their luxury Manhattan loft (not in a hurry to ever meet up again), they could not get their 4-year-old to put his underwear back on, get off the table and stop screaming. They got gentler and gentler and kept asking what he needed and urged everyone else to help him discover the "yes"...no thanks.
I think it is a name people make up because they don't know what to call their parenting and think it sounds cool.
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After reading Bug's response, if anyone ever tells me they practice progressive parenting, I will run, fast!
I'll take a stab at it...
For me, being progressive in any situation is to be as solution-oriented as possible. This means parenting with intention, being aware of our actions, present with our children and spouses (because I believe that if the marital relationship isn't healthy, this does adversely affect our children). Being mindful of how we speak, what we do, and to try not to be arbitrary with decisions when we can help it and to consider the entire family in how we problem-solve. Being progressive is to figure out what each of the stake-holders in any situation NEED first, what they WANT second, and then trying to find a solution which does the most good and the least harm.
You could also call it common sense parenting or positive parenting or whatever you like. I think sometimes we (as a society) get too stuck on the 'styles' of parenting instead of the substance of parenting.
ETA: after reading the above thirteen points of progressive parenting (someone codified this?)... Nice ideal, but in reality, even I cannot find the "yes" in everything! "Yes, you may stay on the sidewalk and not run into the road?" Neither can I always ascribe the best of intentions, esp. after they've been told not to do it twice. I like my idea better, hee hee. :)
And thinking on this for a day: so basically mom and dad have to be super-disciplined and yet the child receives no discipline? A disservice to both parties.:(
Lol - I've never heard of it, but after reading Gidget's 13 points, I would avoid it like the plague, if I were you, unless you want to create some really unpleasant little people. Some of the points have a certain validity, but #'s 2, 3, 5, and especially 9 are just ridiculous; and 11 and 12 crack me up.
Well, looking online...progressive parenting...is another word for "attachment" type parenting. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chaley_Scott
This stuck out to me:
3. Progressive parents do not use any form of discipline including behaviour modification techniques (time-out, praise, rewards), punishment, discipline, consequences etc.
So, basically, to me, progressive parenting means creating the kids I NEVER want to be around. Call me unimpressed by this so called movement.
ETA: Just a note, that I said attachment TYPE parenting.
like most things, PP is a great idea that gets taken too far by well-meaning folks who don't quite grasp it. being tuned into one's child, looking for positive ways to handle difficult situations, trying to avoid reacting from one's own baggage, judging children on their own merits on not by comparing them to others, it's all great stuff, right?
i think the problems arise when parents get so devoted to their system that they lose sight of what's best for the kids. what PP slithers around is how very comforting children find structure to be, and structure includes consequences for ordinary rotten-kid behaviors.
it's a perfectly nice and workable parenting philosophy IF it's applied judiciously and with common sense, and not adhered to grimly even when it's clearly not working.
khairete
S. (who sees this with unschooling and attachment parenting and horse whispering and.............)
Well, this what I found about PP :
13 Principles of Progressive Parenting
1. Progressive parents fill their children's needs for constant physical contact from birth (breastfeeding, holding, cuddling, etc.). They do not worry about ‘spoiling’ their children, or concern themselves with whether their child’s behaviour is age- appropriate.
2. Progressive parents make every possible effort to meet their child’s unique needs and always try to 'Find The Yes' in any situation.
3. Progressive parents do not use any form of discipline including behaviour modification techniques (time-out, praise, rewards), punishment, discipline, consequences etc.
4. Progressive parents use gentle guidance and modelling as their parenting 'tools', rather than exerting authority over their children. They see their child as requiring an A. or supporter to guide them through their early years.
5. Progressive parents offer encouragement for learning new skills, but do not judge children's performance with either criticism or evaluative praise.
6. Progressive parents try to help their children do the things they want to do in a safe way.
7. Progressive parents make great efforts to listen to what their children are communicating, both verbally and non-verbally. They respond accordingly.
8 Progressive parents model acceptable behaviour and consider everyone's needs in the family when solving conflicts.
9. Progressive parents view their child's voice as equal to their own.
10.Progressive parents take care of themselves and are honest about their own needs and feelings. They do not sacrifice themselves to the point of becoming resentful.
11 Progressive parents are constantly aware of the way they appear to their children, through their verbal and non-verbal language and make conscious efforts to always be respectful and kind in their interactions.
12 Progressive parents hold loving, positive thoughts of their child through life and always assume they have the best of intentions.
13 Progressive parents strive to be aware of the ways in which their own childhood pain interferes with their ability to be good parents and they make conscious efforts to avoid passing on their own hurts to their children.
PP wouldn't work for me. Actually, my parenting style is all about respect and love, discipline and nurturing with lots of common sense ......and it works!..I am proud of my kids!
A. :)
