Proper Timing of Gift After Death of Newborn

Ask her if this would be ok, The couple should tell you if they want it or if the size is appropriate for them.

Sorry if that came off as rude. I lost a baby 11 years ago in Nov and a gift like that wouldn't have gone over well for me that soon. Now 11 years later I think I would be ok with this but not for Christmas. I'm not saying she wont want it for years, she may want it right away but ask her before you spring it on her.

This will be a wound that will never heal so proceed with caution. Good luck.

I'm usually all for thoughtful gifts, but my gut instinct tells me this isn't a good idea. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child...I just can't imagine, so a photo from the actual memorial is definitely crossing over to the land of the unknown. You can sympathize with them, but you really don't know what they're feeling. Just be there for them as a friend for now and sleep on the gift idea for awhile. Maybe somewhere down the line it will seem like a better idea, but for now, I just don't believe so.
Lynsey

I don't think I would give this as a Christmas gift. This just seems like something that needs to be kept separate from the holidays if that makes any sense.

I would talk to the mom and tell her what you have for her. Ask her when she wants it. Tell her you have it when she is ready. I think that would a considerate and thoughtful way to approach it.

I would assume that all of your posters so far have never lost a child (and I haven't either). I have lived long enough, though, to know that different things have different meanings to different people. If you're good enough friends with them to want to 'gift' them, you are close enough to talk with them about their personal sentiments, feelings, wishes, etc. ASK if they'd like to have this picture or not. They are the only ones who know whether they would or wouldn't, and you can accommodate them and abide by their wishes. It IS 'the thought that counts', but everyone has different thoughts (and perceptions of others' thoughts)!

I also know that most people who lose a baby WANT to talk about and process their loss, but everyone ELSE usually doesn't know what to say and are afraid they'll say too much or the wrong thing, so they say NOTHING (which makes the bereaved parents feel that no one else thinks of their loss as significant).

Again, I say: ASK the friends what they'd like, and you can tell by their reaction if they're being truthful or just trying to be nice.

I'm not sure I would want a picture to hang in my home. However, maybe you could place the picture in a locket for the mother to wear around her neck, or on a bracelette? Maybe place the picture in a memorial christmas ornament...perhaps an angel ornament?

Honestly because this is something so close to the heart, I would tell them that you would like to do this for them and see if they like the idea. If they say no then ask if there is anything else they might like, if yes then you can go woth the idea. If you want it to be a special suprise for them I would say "I would like to do something special with the picture that you took, would this be something you would like?" and then go from there. Everyone deals with grief differently so I would leave it up to them. It is very thoughtful of you and you seem like a very caring friend. ((HUGS))

It sounds beautiful, but honestly, if it were me, I would never put it up. Every time I looked at it it would only remind me of my pain. I would need several years before I could display something of that nature and not cry every time I walked into the room.

I agree- it might be too much to see everyday. Might I suggest something similar?

What about purchasing a small tree for them to plant in the yard (you can help with this or hire someone to do it for you). It is something they can care for and watch grow to remind them of their little one.

I know this might not be as sentimental, but I giving gift cards for food, home cleaning, or something that may help them with their daily activities might be great for them. Since the baby passed just this last month, they may still need help with those things while they grieve.

My condolences to them- I wish them peace :)

distasteful no but way way way to soon next christmas the first christmas is going to be the hardest. my step son died and please not this christmas. christmas is going to be hard enough on the parents. they are probably still in the depression mode. I wouldnt even consider this for at least 6 months and depending on the parents maybe longer. wait till they accept the death. and have come to terms they will never heal but acceptance is something else.my step son died in january he has come to accept it I might be able to do something like that this christmas but I wouldnt try till next christmas. or for the babys birthday might be acceptable but not sure on that one either.

I'm sorry but I just don't think this is an appropriate gift. It is very nice of you to want to do something special for your friend, but I agree with the others who have posted that it would probably not be something she'd want to hang in her house.

Even though this sounds like a very beautiful picture, it is of such a painful event, I wouldn't want to hang it in my home.

To each their own but I would not want pictures from my newborn's funeral or memorial service if it were me.

I agree with Rachel...I would not want the constant reminder of one of the worse days of my life around me all the time.

I agree with others that this type of gift seems more like a yr anniversary/birthday gift for her! Not really a Christmas gift. But everyone is different and I think at this point you know your friend the best.

A family friend of ours lost her baby girl a year ago this October and her cousin did a very thoughtful memorial gift that I think would go very well with your photo idea. She sent an email to all friends and family & asked that they light a candle in remembrance of her baby girl on october 15th (thats the national day of loss for children and infants remembrance day) take a picture of the candle and send it to her. She then put them all in an album and gave it to her on her baby's birthday. It was a way to keep a continual wave of light to remember her little Angel! And to let her know that her family and friends will always remember her as well!

Holidays and Birthdays are the hardest when there is a loss of a baby, and everyone grieves differently. My advice is to move cautiously but your heart is certainly in the right place!

My condolences for your friend and her family!

I agree with the others. I've never understood why people take pictures at funerals. I think your heart is certainly in the right place, and maybe you should ask some other people close to them. People DO photograph funerals though, and everyone feels differently about them, so they may like this.

Well I think it depends on how close you are to this friend and her family. A gift like this is extremely personal and coming from a casual friend might be a little odd.

Contrary to the other posters, this IS something I would have in my home - but everyone is different. We have photos from the funerals of all our relatives that have passed and see it as just another phase in life....even if it does occur WAY WAY too soon.

I think it would be a beautiful reminder of the little soul that blessed their lives, even for just a short while.

I don't think Christmas is necessarily a great time for this. Ask your friend what she would like with the gift and the timing (people grieve differently). Perhaps next October around the anniversary/birthday would work better.

I wouldn't want something like this. I lost a pregnancy at 19 weeks and they gave my sister the foot prints on a certificate to give to me after. She told me she had it and wanted to know if I wanted it. I said I didn't want to see it or know that she had it. This was a decision that daddy also had. This happened 7 months ago and I just took out of my house something that belonged to our baby Amy. It is still painful to us. You should ask them, they may be OK or may not.

I think it is very thoughtful of you, to consider a gift in memory. However...and this could just be me...I wouldn't hang it. Do you know her family well? Maybe siblings? If you do, ask their opinion. They might know, if it's a gift she would want. I don't think I could handle a picture, but she might be different. Ask first, though.

I don't know, how large is the picture going to be? I think a very small canvas they can keep privately in their room maybe would be nice. If I were the mother, I would *maybe* appreciate a photo like this for myself only, not for the grandmother and great-grandparents either. This lake has a special meaning to the couple, they probably want to keep it special and not cheapen it by sharing it with everyone else... so I would not give it to the grandparents/great-grandparents at all. But that's just me. I do think it would make a lovely anniversary gift, but not a Christmas gift. Perhaps a locket or something like this:
http://www.etsy.com/listing/60823417/you-make-me-gleam-ma...

I don't know if I would want that on canvas. Perhaps just a 5x7 in a nice frame?

I have lost a baby and I still display the certificate of life in my house to this day with a little area to memorialize my child, but I'm not sure that all people are the same. It was my first child so I was very upset that nobody recognized me as a mother or even acknowledge my baby's life. I think it's a very nice gesture, but not something that should be given as a Christmas gift. If you do decide to give it to her I would do it at another time and sit down and show your support for her what she is going through and that you will always be there for emotional support. Some mother's really want to talk about their baby, but don't because many don't understand. However, others don't want to talk about it because it's very painful.

i think it is fine.. go for it.. i love the idea..

I don't think that is a good Christmas gift. But, certainly on an anniversary it would be lovely.
L.

I agree with the majority of responses about not giving the picture to her. My best friend lost her child at 5 days old, 8 years ago. I think the most important thing you can do is just be there for her instead of giving a gift. Many people move on and forget after a few months but she will never forget her baby. I talked to a neighbor who lost her child at birth and asked her what meant the most to her before I did anything for my friend. And she said-don't forget her baby b/c she never will. So what I do is every year at Mother's day and the birth day of her baby I send a card to let her know I am thinking of her and her child. I think those kind of things and the emotional support is much more important than the gift. Don't worry about giving her something right now even though your heart is in the right place-just be there for her when she needs to cry and tallk.

I wouldn't give this as a christmas gift but simply a gift. My best friend lost her daughter (still born 3 wks before her due date) and she still (5 yrs later) sleeps with the blanket I crocheted for her. I think it's a beautiful and very thoughtful gift. Just make sure you let them know that you don't expect them to display it on the mantel right away but whenever (if ever) they are ready.

I think it is a beautiful idea. I don't know about the timing but you sound like a wonderful friend.

I too lost my son days after he was born and treasure any and all memories I have of him while he was here and still look at the cards and pictures that were sent to me after he was gone. (He would be 17 now.) I think your gift sounds amazing. It comes from the heart and that is what makes it so special. They will be thinking of her always so the timing of the gift to me would not be a problem. My parents and my husbands parents where there during everything and to me they were as devestated as we were so including the grandparnets and greatgrand parents is a beautiful thought. I hope this helps. I also send my thoughts and prayers to you and your friend.

OK--so this is simply a painting of a photo of the flowers on the lake, right? I think it's in poor taste to give for Christmas. No way would I do that.
IF it's a small (I'm talking 5x7 MAX or smaller) canvas photo of flowers on the lake, then MAYBE as a small gift to the mom with a nice easel that she could put on a bookshelf, dresser, etc. but NOT as an "occiasion" gift, like for Christmas. Nope.
This is all too raw and fresh for anything like this....

I would give it a little more time, and not give it as a christmas gift. Christmas gifts should be joyful, and while this a very thoughtful thing you are doing it may be a little painful and not something she'd want to receive for christmas.
I am sorry for your friends loss, how heartbreaking.

I think it is a wonderful gift and the thought that the baby is thought about at Christmas. I say go for it. Christmas will be difficult either way. In a way, it says I understand and I am thinking of him too.

I think this is a good idea but ask them first and this shouldn't be a Christmas gift. A few months ago my sister in law lost one of her twins. He passed before he was born (at 35 weeks)but we all still got to hold him and take pictures. On the way to the hospital, I stopped to get them some hand/foot print kits, box for babies items etc... I was the only one that thought to do this at such a difficult time. They were very grateful. This would be all they had left of this baby. They are having a very difficult time dealing with it but they do have pictures of him and the funeral up in their house. They don't want him to be forgotten or for us to act like this never happened.

If I were you and I might be in your shoes soon as I was thinking of doing something similar, if you are close enough to them I would ask them. And only do it for them, not other relatives.

In talking with different people who have lost a child, the majority of them seem to want to be able to acknowledge their lost child's presence. This might be in the form of talking about the child, memories of special times together, etc. Most people who are on the "outside" of the tragedy, seem to sort of "tip-toe" around the subject of the deceased child, seemingly denying their presence even more. I think your idea is beautiful and sweet, and if I were the mom, I would love it. I don't know that I would give it at Christmas, but maybe in the spring time, when trees and flowers are blooming. I think you'll know when the appropriate time is. Good luck to you.

K.

I think it would be appreciated that you went through the effort to remember her baby! GIVE IT TO HER!

Was going to suggest giving such an item to them on Compassionate Sunday - thought it was in January, but sites say 2nd Sunday in December - *sigh!*

I love this idea, but not for Christmas. A friend of mine lost her six week old son to SIDs and one of the hardest parts for her was that no one wanted to talk to her about it. Everyone just never mentioned his name. I think you could sit down with her and give it to her, but at the same time, let her know that if it's too difficult now or in the future, you can hold on to it for her. Let talk about her baby. On Christmas, I would send her a card and let her know you are thinking of her and moving forward, please recognize those important days--the birth and "angel" day of the baby. You're a wonderful friend.

Sounds like an amazing and very thoughtful gift

Hi,

I wouldn't give it as a gift for Christmas. If you are going to do it, get their approval first and give it separately and privately.

I WOULD NOT GIVE THEM A REMINDER OF THE LOSS OF THEIR BABY. It is too painful and they might be trying to put that memory out of their minds.