Touchy subject....need Advice on Gift Idea for 9 Year Old Who's Mom Just Passed

I agree w/ the other posters that the locket is a great idea but that it should be give on a different day than her birthday.

I'm going to side with DanaW on this. IMO, the last thing this kid needs right now is to have her birthday gift defined by her mother's passing. I say give her the gift of being a nine-year-old... a CD, a Target gift card, some funky Hannah Montana doodad. Let her blissfully forget for one day that something so deeply sad and life changing has happened to her. Save the locket for a separate private moment.

Yes that wpuld be a great idea. Tell the dad what it is soo he can do it not in front of everyone. There is a special bond between moms and daughters and this way she can always have her mom with her. I got an idea for the card- Always and Forevers moms are with their daughters either body or spirit.

Let me first state the source of my perspective. My mom died when I was 7. Then my sister died years later days before my birthday and Christmas. I would have loved to receive a locket with either of their pictures in it. But you do need to separate the birthday gift from a memorial-type gift. Give her something that you would normally give her but be prepared for her not to enjoy it for a while. Sometimes you have a guilt about enjoying anything for a while after the passing.
I also agree with the idea of involving her father in giving her the gift. This is a delicate time and you want to be sure he's involved with that. I'd also say something that has stories or videos of her mother would be wonderful. Again, at first it might be difficult for her to look at or read, but she'll cherish them for the rest of her life. I would give anything to have a video of my mom or stories of other people's memories of her, especially stories of how much she loved me. A tragedy such as this fogs your memories, especially when you're so young. Having documented memories will help solidify them forever.

My deepest sympathy to you and your loved ones. It's never easy losing a friend, wife, mom or sister. Your gift in all thoughtfulness is very nice, however it's also very personal. This is something that should come from a close relative and not a "friend". And I also agree with Amy D. let this be a day of happiness for her, don't remind her of the day that has changed her life forever. I'm sure they will be greatful for your thoughtfullness but it shouldn't come from you. Unless you are a lot closer than we are assuming then that can change things but on a different day.

I think it's a beautiful idea and will help her to feel like she carries her mom with her daily. Very appropriate.

You are thinking correctly that the best thing you can do is to help dad and daughter to keep the memory of mom alive instead of trying to bury it because it's painful. If they try to bury it, it'll only cause them deeper problems in the long run.

Perhaps a photo book, something pretty and girly with all the pictures you have of her mother in it. You can save the others that have been added to the FB page on to a disk or a thumb drive and take it to a photo place and get print outs. Sometimes people who are grieving need something of the lost loved one to hold on to for a while. Maybe hand it to her and tell her you loved her mom too and that you'll miss her and if she needs a woman to talk to you'll be there.

I think a locket with her mother's picture would be a wonderful gift. I lost my father and would have loved to receive something like that.

I like the idea, but DO ask dad. He knows his daughter and what she is going through/ how she is handling her grief better. Even a well intentioned gift can, for deeply personal reasons on the part of the recipient, be hurtful. Ask dad.

I like it. I also like the fact that you are letting the father give it to her. That should help them help each other through the grieving process and become closer. Depending on how close you were with the mother, you might want to take an empty journal and write down funny stories about her and also things like how much she loved her daughter...how she was when pregnant, etc. You might even add a few pics throughout. Just an idea.

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I think that is the most lovely gift and she will treasure it. It would be dreadful to hide her mom away, she has been, after all, the center of her universe. This way she can keep her mom close to her. I would tell her dad so that he knows, so he's not taken by surprise, but I do think this is a most appropriate gift for her.

I would do it. My Mom passed when I was 8. I would have loved to have a locket with her picture in it. Make sure the gold chain is durable (to last a long time).

It would have made some times in my life a lot easier.

I agree giving it to her Dad is very wise. So maybe if you can get her something else to open in front of everyone (if she is opening gifts in front of the guests) and then this special gift her Dad can tell her it was from you both.

Stand your ground - it's a great idea.

Also I don't know where they live - but if it's Central Florida I would be more than happy to be an outlet, a friend this young lady could talk to - because I have been there. I would be honored to help. Let me know.

Blessings,

A.

i think that sounds like a beautiful idea :o) I would give the dad a heads up, and let him give it to her or have you give it to her separate from the party, though.
My condolences on your friends passing.

Hey,
it actually is a great idea, but I do agree you should run it by his dad first. He might've have planned to get her one instead? or another family member? If you really want to do this, do it on another occasion... Having lost a few family members in the past year I can tell you that though I want to have things to remember them by, when I see pics or objects that remind me of them, my fun goes out the window... In grieving as in all things, a moment to disconnect is necessary. Just make sure you don't make dad cry on the birthday, as his girl might be having a "good" day...
It's very thoughtful of you to want to honor her so much.

How about give her something more fun for her birthday, but give the locket to her dad to give to her when he feels she is ready for it.?

She will be dealing with her mothers death for years and in the near future she is going to feel like everyone is focusing on "How she is handling it. "

The best thing to do is treat her like a 9 year old girl with her birthday.. let her have her day.

I think it is a beautiful, thoughtful idea ... Maybe a pic of her mom & her, if you have one. BUT, I do agree with Dana below. Maybe save this for a few weeks from now so it doesn't define her birthday ... Maybe a normal kids' bday gift now and then have the special locket ready in a few weeks where you can give it to her away from her friends.

So sorry to hear about your friends' passing ... I will keep their family in my prayers.

First off let me say that I'm sorry for the loss of your friend. My prayers are with you and her husband and daughter.
I think it is an awesome idea! You could even look into having something engraved on the back of the locket. Something that was special between the mother and her daughter. Men just don't understand sentimental things like this!

Maybe you could give her the locket and let her select the picture she wanted? It could come with a note saying something about how lockets hold a picture of someone who is special to the person. Then she could decide to put her mom's picture in there on her own if she wished?

Ask the 9yr old what she would like for her birthday. Does it have to be a surprise? She may not be in the mood for traditional gifts and a party after having lost her mother. Just a thought!

A few years back, one of my dearest friends passed away from skin cancer, leaving her 2 young daughters behind with thier Dad. She died right before the 4th of July, (which was one of her FAVORITE holdiays with her girls) and about 3 months later I assembled one of those small photo albums for each of the girls with photos of their Mom, some alone, and some of her with them at various ages, and wrote little notes about what was going on at the time to tuck in the pouch behind the photo as well. (I would have put the notes in the pocket next to the photo, but I ran out of pockets since I had so many photos) Their Mother was the one in their house who took all of the pictures so they had very few of her, and at the time of her death their parents were divorced, so Dad didn't have many pictures of her either. I however, am known as a photo "freak" since I am a photographer and go NOPLACE without my camera, so I of course had many, many pictures of their Mom. Also, I used to take care of the girls when they were little, and they were close friends with my 2 daughters, so we had many cute pictures to choose from. Their Mom and I had become close through the girls friendship. When I finished the little photo books with the memories that I had written, I sent them to the girls since we do not live close by, and BOTH girls LOVED them. I got a call from their Dad, who told me that the girls were so thrilled to have them, and it really had helped the younger daughter a lot since she didn't remember most of the events in the books. (I made them both very different and personal for each child) Even though this was still a pretty raw time, it did help with the healing some, and I was very happy with my choice to send them. That being said, I am not sure if I would give a locket with a photo as a BD gift to open at a party. I would save it for a time that is more personal, when the other kids are not there, just in case the child needs to grieve a little and does not want an audience to do it with. As the other posts have said, have the Dad with you, or even let him give it to the child from you both, but I feel that it is a beautiful idea, and one that she will cherish and it will honor her relationship with her Mother! Good luck!

What about a heart locket? That way she can have a picture of her and her mom close to her heart. You could always get her a gift card and she can buy what she wants when she is ready. How sad, but how awesome the dad is for having the birthday party.

I think it's a fabulous idea too! The only thing I wanted to say was that I think you should give it to her yourself. It sounds as if you were all close friends and this gift is from you. I'm sure she has aunts and grandmas, but she may find it very thoughtful (maybe not at 9, but some day!) that you thought enough of her to buy this for her and can represent a strong female figure in her life. Maybe talk to dad beforehand and clue him in or at least "invite" him to be there when you give it to her (again, right on about not doing it at the party) so he can comfort her if necessary, but I truly think it would mean more coming from you.

I can't imagine anything she'd love more.
A photo of her and her mom would be very special.

I think it's a beautiful idea.

I like the idea, but I would too ask the dad first. Just to make sure. Emotions are still raw right now so I would let them decide.

Good luck!

I agree, removing the pictures from FB is a bad idea. But I do think the locket is a precious gift and it could also benefit you to talk to the dad in advance to help locate the perfect picture and have the picture in the locket when you present it to her. I have a locket with very tiny windows so finding the "right" picture and having it scaled down (if necessary and if you have a scanner to help) will help you get the right size picture for the locket. If you feel so strongly about this, then I say it's the perfect gift.

Great idea, go for it! If you want you could also give a small gift that does not relate to her mom. i also like the journal idea of fun things you knew about her mom, memories, photos etc. You could do that at a later date so you more time to put it together.

K. Z.

My sister just lost her son. He was only 5. I can tell you that while it IS painful to see her son's face, she can't survive without it. A locket is something that she can hold in her hand and kiss to her lips when she is feeling sad or lonely. My mother in law gave me a necklace that is a cross and a coin that says "faith" on it after my 2 back to back miscarriages. I wear it everyday and I hold it a lot! I think that it is a beautiful, considerate, wonderful gift to give her. I would give it to her in private though and explain why you did it. If she gets it at her party it may make her emotional.