My son is 5 and we have never let him use a public bathroom alone. He currently still goes with me if it's just us, and with his dad if he's with us.
He's fully potty trained and knows how to go potty and all that, but he's never been in a community restroom without us, and we're trying to explain about privacy more...just not sure how exactly.
This week there was an incident at school...his FIRST week :( It was a complete accident, but he still got in trouble. He was in a stall, standing up to pee (and he pulls his pants all the way down to do this...dad is working with him to get him to just pull down what he needs to when peeing), and apparently the door slid open. He turned around (pants still down of course) to hurriedly grab the door shut. Apparently another boy (a fourth grader, we think...which I flipped out about) went and told the teacher that he "showed" his privates. ugh. The whole thing is frustrating and SO not my son. After talking to him and the teacher (who wasn't even there), it's clear that it was an accident and he was completely embarrassed about it.
So, even though this was an accident and just about scared him too death, we're trying to really emphasize privacy, making SURE the door is locked, only pull your pants down just enough to pee (and not get it on himself), etc. And, I can't imagine letting him go to a public restroom (outside of school) by himself, but I feel like we need to talk about this stuff with him. I just have no clue...obviously being a girl (dad is helping too) AND this is my only child.
Any suggestions, help would be greatly appreciated!
ETA - My husband is a teacher as well and made sure that we didn't make the situation any worse than it already was between DS and the teacher. We kept the discussion as brief and as light as possible, so DS seems to be over it.
I remember having a bathroom IN the classroom in kindergarten, but at his school they do not. It's a shared bathroom with all the kindergartners. Teacher said that they go in pairs, but that's it. And in this particular situation, they were in a computer lab in another area of the building and therefore with older kids too, which I was shocked to hear in terms of the bathroom situation.
He'll get it! Hang in there. Let him practice doing everything all by himself at home. And as for public bathrooms...I didn't feel comfortable letting my son go in by himself til he was 7 or 8.
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At my kids' school. EACH classroom, has their own bathroom. Once each for boys and girls.
This is for EACH grade level.
At NO time, should a 4th grader be at the Kindergarten bathroom.
Speak to the teacher/principal.
AND BY THE WAY: your son it seems, was not sent to the bathroom, with another child. As is supposed to be... them going in "pairs."
So, the Teacher, erred. Too.
The 4th grade boy... should have been, reprimanded.
A child, HAS TO BE TAUGHT, in school, to KNOCK ON THE DOOR FIRST... BEFORE ENTERING.
A 4th grader, should know that.
IF the school does NOT teach the kids that, THEN YOU NEED TO TELL THE TEACHER/school/Principal.
It is a BASIC, thing.
Your son, did NOTHING wrong.
I work at a pre school and the kids are not even allowed to lock the stalls. Of course we discourage the kids from looking into the stalls and we definitely do not condone multiple kids in a stall at a time...I have 2 sons and I would be upset that my child was reprimanded, I do not think he should have gotten in trouble...it was not as if he was outside the stall flashing anyone, and he didn't go into someone else's stall...
sounds like the 4th grader is the one who should've gotten the talking to, not your son. Your son JUST started Kindergarten. It's his FIRST week in a public school. He's supposed to be learning the rules (not that he broke any!). The 4th grader should already know.
Wow, a 4th grade boy was upset at seeing a Kindergarten boy's privates? Don't they have urinals where it would be expected that they would see each other's privates? I think this was made into a bigger deal than it needed to be. Just show your son how to go without pulling his pants all the way down, and don't make this a bigger issue.
Oh, my. I don't understand why he got in trouble. Privacy is usually not an issue in bathrooms. Kids should expect to see other kids. Many public bathrooms have urinals and no doors.
I would relax and stop worrying about it. This was a rare incident and is unlikely to happen again. Privacy in a bathroom should not be expected. Hey, I sometimes don't even shut the door. Everyone in there has the same anatomy as me.
By focusing on the issue, your son will be more anxious and more apt to do something that is noticed. Let common sense guide him. Stop hammering the lesson.
Most public bathrooms allow boys in the women's until they're 6. You have another year before you need to be concerned.
relax! The 4th grader was being a jerk....he's waaaay old enough to know the difference between deliberate & accidental exposure. I mean, seriously, 4th grade girls are starting their periods these days!
& for the rest of life, your son will learn to function on his own. He'll be okay, he'll learn to pull out what he needs to pull out.....without dropping those drawers onto the pee-infested floors!
The only part of this tale which surprises me is that he was in a stall & not at a urinal. But I did check with my son (he's 15).....KG had a regular bathroom in the classroom. From 1st grade on, the communal bathrooms had stalls & a bank of urinals. He said nobody ever went into the stalls to urinate....unless they wanted to be made fun of. Aren't kids great? !!
I wouldn't make too big a deal of it with your son, or he may start to have issues everytime he needs to go. Since you already went through the drill with him, maybe you could start going somewhere that is safe, where he can go in himself and use the bathroom so he can get the hang of it more.
I thought little boys used urinals! I think the 4th grader was trying to get attention! The teacher should have put him in his place before ever saying anything to a kindergarten student! He was old enough to know better!
It sounds like ya'll are doing the right thing by just trying to work with him so that hopfuly it does not happen again or very often. I don't know if it would matter how far he has his pants pulled down if someone walks in on him and he turns around. It's hard at that age too cause I know in my son's school they don't have locks on the bathroom stalls. The fourth grader should know to check and see if someone is in a stall before opening the door. My son just started not exposing his butt when he pees and he's 9.
Don't worry about it. If it keeps happening you will need to address the issue with the school.
I think you are doing fine. I'm more shocked to hear that the 4th grader reported the Kindergartener as showing himself. My son is in 3rd grade and would NEVER think that about a Kindergarten. My son would probably be sad that he scared the little boy.
I think my son was about 6/7 when I started letting him go into men's restrooms by himself (with me standing RIGHT outside the door). And honestly, for a while there, I just avoided going out to public places so that we did not have to deal with the issue.
I'm sure everything will be fine with your son.
Good luck,
L.
Don't the teachers take the entire class for potty breaks, and therefore are monitoring behavior in the bathrooms? It seems to me that would cut down on trouble like that.
Does he have a "pattern" of when he goes to the bathroom. Maybe he can take care of it before school and after to cut down on the need to go during the day?
At the very least, it might cut down on chances of him having to go by himeself during the day.
Otherwise, is there a private/single use potty on site he can use? At age 5, if he's in Kindergarten, most schools have the bathroom in the classroom so stuff like this doesn't happen. He can lock the door just like at home.
