This is NOT the fallout from "women's lib"!! This is the result of 2 people not communicating what they want and expect. And it's the result of no value being placed on the work done in the home.
Figure out where you can cut some expenses - together. Then decide on an amount of money that is yours to control.
Also determine the number of hours you work every week including nights and weekends and vacations. Place a value on those if you hired someone to do it. Once PARENTS (not mothers) figure out what it really costs for the 2nd parent to go to work (day care, after school programs, more gas & wardrobe expenses, more taxes), they often discover that the 2nd parent is working for between $1.75 and $3.50 an hour.
Also, if he works 40 hours outside and you work 40 hours in the home, then everything else is SPLIT between the 2 parents!! So if you both start your day at 7 AM and he gets home at 6 PM, then you are "done" at 6 PM too! That means that baths and dinner and homework and story time are divided 50-50. Same with weekends.
One of the best things you can do is take a weekend away - with friends, your mother or sisters, a class reunion, anything. It makes him appreciate all you do if he has to take care of his own kids for 48 hours. He'll realize he doesn't know which shoes go with the pink tights or how to do a ponytail, and that lunches are frustrating when the kids don't like what you fixed. He'll figure out that wonderful plans go out the window when a kid gets stomach virus.
It also sounds like he is going through something - worried about aging? Worried about retirement money or college costs? Worried about his job being taken over by a buy-out or younger workers? Have him get a check-up, and tell his doctor beforehand about the issues you see. His doctor may not be able to talk to you (unless your husband has given permission) but he can LISTEN to you.
And you probably could both benefit from some family or couples counseling - it sounds like there is more fighting than communicating, and there's something he's not sharing. Your doctor can refer you to a counselor who accepts your health insurance. Learning to "fight fair" is a big enlightenment.