Question for Moms Who Work Long Hours

I work 10 hour shifts and run a business, which means if I go out on a job with the business I am gone for 2 - 6 more hours that week.

I leave her with family for the side jobs because it helps me feel better about it. During the week we come home, fix dinner and work on homework, watch TV for a bit, and then get cleaned up for bed.

I don't regret it. I feel you do what you have to do to make your household work.

I see a post to pay someone to do things for you...my daughter and I have some of the best talks while I wash the dishes and she stands on a chair. She always starts out with, "Can I tell you something". If you need help, by all means, pay someone but don't give up all your extra money for something that could actually be quality time.

I work 40 hours a week on a grave shift; my wife works 40 on a day shift. Due to this there is always someone home. Good for the kids, but it is rough on my wife and I. I'm not sure if you are married or have any help at home, but on the first half of the week I handle all the household chores as well as the cooking; my wife handles them on the latter half of the week. I do love my job,I get paid well, live is a good home and Sarah and I make up the lost time in other ways; so I don't have any regrets.

I worked a job that had 10-12 hour work days (after leaving my 8-5 job)... I didn't last long. I couldn't stand being away from my family. I was overtired and cranky all the time. I would cry on my lunch breaks because I felt like I hadn't seen my babies in weeks (I was also in my first trimester with my 3rd child, which probably had a little bit of an effect on my emotions)... I couldn't handle it. I probably could do it if my kids were older and didn't need me so badly, but I was so guilt ridden by not helping with homework, not being there to tuck them in, not being the one to pick them up from school if they had a tummy ache... it literally opened my eyes. While there are mom's out there who CAN handle it, and handle it well, I am not one of them. The money was great, and I saved like crazy... it only lasted a few weeks (they fired me as soon as they found out I was pregnant), but it was a few weeks too long, honestly. Those are weeks I can never get back with my children. I don't regret it, but I wouldn't ever do it again. Maybe you can start this senior position and 'try it out' and see if your boss will secure your previous position if it doesn't work out. It won't be easy, but some women do manage... like I said, I just wasn't one of them. I don't see myself as a weak person for not being able to handle it, I mean, I need to work for my kids, but I also need to be there for them. Best wishes in whatever you choose to do!!

I only work overtime for 1 month out of the year - November, leading up to Black Friday. This year I worked 121 overtime hours from Nov 5 thru Black Friday. Not a single day during that time that I didn't work a little bit! Including Thanksgiving (only a few hours that day).

Last year it wasn't so bad. My husband was home, so he could cook dinner & take care of our daughter.

This year, hubby is deployed. I certainly could NOT handle working like that ALL the time!! Unless I hired a maid & a nanny I suppose... haha

Perhaps you could somehow "pretend" you are working long hours for a week or so? See what it would be like & how you might handle things.

I assume moving to a senior position would mean a raise. Obviously what you dont want to give up is time with your kids. If at all possible Pay someone to clean, do chores, chauffer your children, you could probably find someone to cook homecooked dinner for you to pick up on your way home. At first it may seem you're spending your entire raise, but your moving the way you want in your career and not giving up quality fun time with your kids. eventually you want have to pay daycare the kids will get easier and hopefully you'll continue to get raises, make the effort to save weekends for the kids not cleaning and laundry and running errands.

I think it depends on a few things: Is this job something that you want to do? Will it make you feel self-fulfilled and happy? Do you like working or do you do it as a means to an end? How much of raise is it if you include the additional time?

It sounds like from your post you already feel overextended so working more hours will cause further stress.

I worked full time with various hours (usually scheduled 35 hours a week), either 11-8 or 9-7. That did not include my 1/2 hour commute each way and extra hours (generally around 1/2 hour to 1 hour per day) which was extremely common. I also had to go to conferences on weekend.

In doesn't sound like I worked a lot but I was drained. When I started my job I had a 6 week old son. Initially, it was fine because my baby was up all night so I was still seeing him. But once he started sleeping through the night (at 9 months) I would go two or three days without seeing him because of my schedule. Literally not seeing my baby because he was sleeping. And when I was off all we did was run errands so it was not quality time. I work because I choose to and at times find my work full-filling. I went to school for 11 years and worked very hard to get to where I am. I was willing to give it all up because I was miserable. I felt horrible that I never saw my son. After almost two years I went to my boss and asked to work part-time. At first I never thought they would go for it but I really couldn't keep up. I still work long days but less of them (average 25 hours a week), it was ONLY 10 hours but those extra 10 hours changed my life. So an extra 10 hours may put you into a frenzy. I now am relaxed, happy, and am better in my career and as Mom. I really couldn't believe what a huge relief it was and what J. it brought to my life.
I would have regretted if I continued working full-time. As important as my career is for me, I feel family should come first. Yes, I am giving up experience and knowledge by working less, but I feel that I can always get it at a later time.
Best of luck.

Hi - For what it's worth, when I was presented with that option, I declined. At the time, I was pregnant with baby #2 and had an 18th month old at home. As it was, I felt like I was already missing out on alot with him. When baby #2 was born, we tightened our already-tight bootstraps even more, and I quit my job. I stayed home full time until they were both in school. Our house was literally falling apart around us (leaky roof, broken fence, peeling paint...you name it). But I have to tell you, the stress of 'trying to fit it all in" completely went away. Of course, it was replaced by financial stress...but we just kept reminding ourselves that it was short term and the time with our boys would not be replaceable. We never, ever, ate out and we lived hand to mouth (but, had no debt other than the mortgage). I truly enjoyed and cherished the time with my boys, despite the stress of living VERY frugally.
Fast forward...our boys are now 8 1/2 and 7, hubby just got a year end bonus (whew!), and we are spending money on Xmas presents for the first time in 6 years. I have been back at work, in my field (biotech) part time this year, and it's been PERFECT. I would absolutely, unequivocally, NOT change a THING. The time with my boys absolutely FLEW by and now they are 'little men' (well, first and third graders, but sometimes it seems like they are all grown up...lol)
Anyways, I hope this helps and I wish you all the best with your decision. Happy Holidays! PS just reread this, sorry for all the capitals! haha

For the last 3 months I worked 40 hours, 5 hours in class, add the commute and it was about 55 hours a week.
I have no regrets, because taking the class in addition to my full time job will now enable me to quit and go back to school full time at the end of this month.
However I would have never considered making that a permanent situation. Yes, my daughter was short changed! With two FT incomes we had more money, so we could afford eating out more often. Not the healthiest thing, but you have to let things go when you have limited time.
My daughter got to watch more TV, because frankly after all day working a mentally exhausting job and studying, I had NO energy to play or clean.
All of our housework is done on weekends.
If you have a partner consider the ramifications on your relationship too. Both my husband and I have gone through periods of extra work hours and it is usually quite stressful on the relationship. For the last month or so he has been telling me he cannot wait for me to quit!
Personally, I feel like no amount of money or job-satisfaction can make up for the time I am loosing with my daughter. But I have friends who feel different about this, so it really depends on you and also how you feel your kids will react.
Good luck!

Definitely DO NOT take the more senior position. Being with your kids is waaaay more important than money. This may sound bad, but I don't even work and I feel like I don't spend enough time w/my kids because of all the other stuff that has to be done. I'm impressed by moms like you that do work and do everything else. But please don't take more hours. Good luck w/your decision.

error on the side of less money, more time with family. I don't need experience in this department to know what will fulfill both you and your family the best. Intuitively- more mom, less stuff.

My baby is 2 I am a full time college student and I work full time some times I average 86 hrs in a two week period yes I hate I have to work so long cause I work alot of 12 hr shifts it seems like u miss out on stuff but I recently started not working on the weekend that is me and my baby time it can be stressful

I think it depends on the overtime hours vs increased pay etc. I am an "executive" and make a lot of $ so have a lot of household help. But - my hours aren't all that bad and my job requires very very little travel. I work about 45 hours a week and have some time at work to do kid planning and can run out to attend all their school events etc. It's only 10-15 min to home or school from work. So if you're getting enough of a raise to cover nanny and cleaning help and it's good long term for your career and that's something you care about, it's not a bad idea. And, I think it depends on how involved and helpful your husband is. Even though I'm the primary breadwinner, my husband is super ambitious and is working nonstop. So despite all the positives about my job, I'm about done w/ work. My girls seem to need me almost more as they're getting older (5 and 6) and I'm missing what I consider the more fun years. And my husband barely contributes at home. If he was more involved, it would change the picture somewhat. The other consideration for you is how much more overtime and what your commute is. My total hours away from home are about 48 and that's plenty. I would not want to do more. Actually, I don't want to do this many and I really have a great job that even my father who is very old fashioned says i'm crazy to give up. If you can outsource so much of what you're doing that your life wouldn't be much different than now - just more work work and less "home" work like chores, cooking etc, AND you're coming out notably ahead financially and your husband is pretty flexible at his job, then consider it. If not, I say no way. With a more senior job likely comes more mental strain too - more decisions, more responsibility and that will weigh on you. Like some other people have said, some women do it all well but some can't. You mention one son now but not sure if you're having more. If you do plan to have more, that's another consideration. It gets harder to give each one quality time if you're not home as much.

If you aren't there, someone else will be and you'll soon no longer be the one they turn to. You'll be left out of their activities, out of the private jokes that originate from events happening when you're away, you won't be involved in most any part of day to day life....is money worth it? Hard to say.