Question for SAHM with a Husband in College

Hey C.,

My husband is getting his Masters in Computer Science and works full time. We pay for his tuition cash out of pocket, no school loans. Being a programmer full time is not 40 hours, it's usually 50-60. This semester he's also working on his thesis. When people ask my husband how he does it -- he's the first to say, this is a FAMILY effort. We all make sacrifices so he can accomplish this, but we're doing it because we believe it's best for our family. What we've done from the start is he has been taking 6 hours (full time for a masters is 9) which is still an estimated 20 hours or more of school work, plus thesis research which should be another 15. To keep it from slowing him down, we've also enrolled him in summer sessions every year. This summer is the exception. Since he ready to graduate, he just needs to finish his thesis, we're not paying tuition just for him to be doing research. He will take Thesis 2 in the fall and (hopefully!!) be done.

I am a SAHM. I have been for the last three years. We have three kids - ages 1, 3, and 5. The 5 year old is in Kindergarten. My kids aren't in any kind of daycare. I bought some Hooked on Phonics packets, I buy educational books, dvds, workbooks, and I work with my kids. I manage the money - entirely. I pay all bills, I make household financial decisions. When I stopped working, our income went to less then HALF of what it was. I made it my job to make my husbands income go further. What I found works nicely for us -- I have the money split 4 ways. I have a portion every month that goes into savings, a portion that goes into my budgeted "bills paying" checking account, and then each my husband and I have "fun" money accounts. He has his own account and money he can spend on lunches, books (recreational or research), etc. It's not a lot of money.. but it gives him the freedom to make purchases without me being stressed about my budget and him "wasting" money on .... whatever it is.

As to burn out, he has good and bad days. Just like I do. I'm sure just like you do -- being a Mom is no easy task. Plenty of days I am going 7am until midnight with no real break. We get through by keeping focused on the goal, we're almost there. We're accomplishing something most people would say "can't" be done. People don't get their masters working full-time with three kids! When he needs a break, he takes a break. Even if it's nothing special. A few hours at night tooling around on his laptop. Sometimes when he starts to get cranky, I kick him out of the house (lovingly) and tell him to walk the dog, get some fresh air. Exercise and a little time to yourself go a LONG way.

I don't know if I gave you what you're looking for, but yes - we're doing it too.. and making it. I can't wait until he's done though! (As a side, before he went back to school I was going to finish my bachelors. He started school the year I was finishing mine.)

We've been through this as well,. Husband worked 35 hours a week (but we still got insurance through his company), he also went to school 3 days a week (which was an hour drive there and an hour drive back) AND interned. He was doing all of this back and forth for a few years. In our case though, he had 2 days off during the week, so those were the days he interned, though often times, he still doubled up on days.

He actually, took less hours at work so he could get more hours at school. Maybe that can work for your family? He can get done quicker and have more time. Get a little bit more student loans and pell grants or scholarships to live off of as well.

All the while, I'm at home with 2 toddlers. We never got a credit card, lived off of student loans and his meager paychecks, and lived in a very small, modest, cheap apartment. We found out we qualified for food stamps as well. So that helped out a lot. Turns out, we could have had food stamps for several years but we only used it for about 6 months.

We had to do meal planning and make our food stretch. There are a lot of recipes that are still cheap and healthy you can use that make great leftovers,. I;ll include links below to some threads where I asked the same questions. We shopped second hand, have old used cars, saved as much as we could. We still went to movies and to a restaurant about once a month though to have fun, but we didn't get lots of snacks at the movies and we ate cheap while dining out.

He kept his sanity, by finding a hobby he loved, and doing that a few times a week for short periods of time and spending time with family. Sundays were the rest and relaxation day where we spent time with family and went to church only so that he could rejuvenate.

As a mom too, it can be difficult. Make sure you have friends or family you trust to watch the kids every now and then, maybe to even spend the weekend so he can study in quiet and you can get out too.

Also, when he is able, he can watch kids for a few hours maybe once a week so you can get out of the house alone, run some errands, go walking, whatever so you can have some time to yourself.

Another thing, is we said a lot of prayers, read our scriptures and built our testimonies and served others. It's amazing how much help the Lord can give both physically and emotionally. We had so many miracles answered.

Hang in there, it will get better!

eating poor
http://www.etsy.com/forums_thread.php?thread_id=6498005
http://www.mamapedia.com/questions/13247004279220273153

My hubby is working well over 40 hours, business trips and online school all at the same time. trust me online school isnt easier than traditional it still req's mass amounts of time and we havent really seen my hubby in 3 years hah. Its hard, its been really hard since i have 2 kids under 4 as well. As far as money goes, I would do anything to go back to work to help out. School is super important and if I had to i would work so he can go to school. Im glad you posted this since I have felt so alone through this whole process, we have no family here and just now making friends after 4 years since we move intoa good area. the job has been up and down for my hubby but he does likes it overall. I suggest taking up work for bills if your tight, i know ya said no suggestions but it helps. We are renting out our house since the market blows to help free up cash for me to go to school instead of work. Its a really hard life though, as bad as someone being deployed. yes it is worse when ya can see your hubby but cant touch him or interact with him since he is either sleeping or schooling. It ends eventually tho but it be worth the wait. oh only few more years, my hubby wants a masters and a possible PhD so its gonna be a long road for us.

I feel for you. I am a SAHM as well. My husband is laid off currently, but scheduled to go back to work next week. He is also going to school. However, we both decided to go to school online. That way we do not have a set time we have to go to class, etc... My husband absolutely hates his job. He is working in fast food at the moment and is going nowhere. I have to say some months it is extremely hard to make ends meet. Especially when is business shut down for remodeling and is already low check lowered dramatically more on unemplyment. We are lucky that his parents are very supportive and helped us with our bills this month. We struggle every month, but try very hard to live within our means. All of our bills add up to just over $800 a month. That usually leaves us about $200 a month for gas, diapers, and any other things we need. We are extremely low income so we do recieve food stamps and our 7 month old daughter has medical benefits. Also, we do not have to pay for school out of pocket. We recieve grants and loans for school and books. You just have to be supportive of your husband. I've been looking for something I can do online, etc.. to earn extra money. It is hard to find. I do take surveys for opinion outpost, but I've only made $4 in about 2 weeks. Hope this helps

Wow, good question. Sorry, but I certainly don't know the answer to it. My hubby works 6-7 days a week right now (this is a bit recent - he was staying home with our daughter a couple days a week no too long ago), goes to school at night and online and does homework until 2 in the morning. He's getting burned out too - not from job or school, but just from having too much on his plate and no downtime. We haven't been able to figure it out - I had to go back to work and really never see him. :-( Just wanted to let you know that I feel for you and that I don't know if there's a good answer. Good luck to you!!!