I am a step-mum to a 5yo girl and came into her life when she was about 2 and a half. It was a slow and steady process. I was so worried about how she would feel about me (3yos can be intimidating!!).
In the end, I helped her and her father spend more time together. Gave him the courage to request more nights per week with her. Helped him to have the courage to be the father he wanted to be, instead of Mr. Fun-times because he only had her a few nights a week.
Her mother is wonderful. She was never interested in causing trouble and only wanted us all to be happy. She was so happy that her daughter had a wonderful second home and family in her life.
It's had it's ups and downs and will continue to do so. I now have a 7month old and the two sisters adore each other. I even think it's pushed the older daughter to appreciate her Daddy a bit more seeing as she has to share him now.
I guess I just want to hear your stories about being a step-mum or dealing with one. I think it's damn tough being a step-parent and maybe we could learn from each other's mistakes and right choices. I'm interested if anyone started out like I did and what potential problematic years we have ahead of us!
We are currently weekend parents as her school is on the other side of town. We are moving out there later this year so we can have week on-week off care. Also not intending on spending our lives following her Mum around (if she moves away etc.). Anyone have the same situation?
Big love to step-parents who do the right thing and love their steps as much as their bios!
I think it's so wonderful that all the adults in this relationship understood the need to CO-parent the kids. It is really the best thing you can do (speaking as a step-kid/child of multiple divorces). Your kids will love you all even more for this amazing example of love and mature relationship! :)
its hard to know what is right with steps. your kids are used to you and they are not. and get defiant because of it. sounds like you have a wonderful mother father relationship with her.steps do what your normal blood kids will. same phases I hate you and etc. thats not fair etc. expect it it will happen. its really cool she has such a good relationship with all 3 of you. that means you and her parents are doing a fabulous job.
I'm a step-child but I think that what you are doing for him and his daughter is wonderful. Having a step parent can be helpful in learning a different way of life from that which your parents have brought to the table.
My step mom was more financially knowledgeable than my parents and encouraged my sister and I to save more and learn more about what we truly wanted out of life. Not that my parents didn't, but the way she looked at things were different and it was nice to have a different perspective on things that shape your future to help you make the right decisions.
Keep doing what you are doing. Never question her mom in front of her but you don't always have to agree. Keep showing her how much you respect her mom and her dad. and always let her know that she isn't a 'problem or situation' that you have to deal with.
Good luck!!
My older SD is now almost 9 (in just three weeks!) and younger SD is 5, I moved in with their father when they where 6 and 2, and was worried about how they'd feel from the very start. Well, fast forward, I was lucky, it was love at first sight with them. Now, younger SD isn't hubby's bio-daughter, but he's never rejected her b/c of that and has obviously bee around since before her birth.
But hubby's made the HUGE mistake in my opinion, he's followed the kids around since the marriage broke up. She moves once a year at least, but sometimes (like this school year) 3x or more times, usually out of state moves each time. We even did this once after we became serious, but NOT since because it was only three months after begging for us to move down there and help out with the kids (she was having some problems, they stayed with us) that she got a new bf and moved BACK to where we'd moved from.
I love them JUST as much as my own, they are mine too, even if its "just" as SDs, and miss them every day but changing jobs that much, spending the money on moving etc it means STAYING always broke, always paycheck to paycheck barely getting by. I beg all dads and stepmoms to really really think before they do this.
I just wanted to say it sounds like you're all doing an awesome job! Too bad so many others don't follow your example!
