Question on Relations with Your Husbands Family.

Since your husband supports you, then work out with him how to deal with them. He should be the one to tell them that their behavior is not ok.

Just because they are "family" doesn't mean they have permission to be awful. You DON'T have to spend time with them, especially if your husband is not OK with their behavior.

Stop inviting them. Your husband can tell them why. If there is a family event, attend, but feel free to leave together if they become inappropriate.

Be polite only. You owe them nothing. Do not look to them for a relationship. We can also create "families of choice" - these are people who are there for us, regardless of blood ties.

I never understand this need to be liked by your husband's family. My ex's family were not that rude but they always thought I was beneath them. Didn't bother me because I don't need to be liked. I was polite, they were polite, that was best for my kids.

So they don't like you, so what, clearly you don't like them either you just want to make them like you. Nowhere in this post did I read how much you like them, how you wanted to be a wonderful daughter in law, nothing but they don't like me. So you don't like them, they don't like you, be polite and be happy.

The best thing to do is to stop trying to get along. Draw solid boundaries, demand respectful interaction, and cut people out of your life who do not comply.

My husband would never tolerate such disrespect towards his wife, not even from his own mother. He'd have thrown her out of our home for saying the things your MIL has said to you.

Being related by genetics does not matter. You are adults now. Your real family are those who love, support, and respect. People who treat you like dirt are not family, even if they gave birth to one of you.

You've tried to be friendly with your inlaws and they've made it clear that you will never be accepted. Such a shame but really their loss. My mil was horrid to anyone who married one of her children. After putting myself out there so many times I decided that I had enough of the behavior. My hubby would take the kids over to visit and I stayed home. I would visit once or twice a year (usually her birthday and Christmas) which was fine by me. She probably spoke terribly about me but I didn't care not one little bit.

So I'd say to you that you've done everything you can so its time to cut them lose. Let your hubby deal with them and their hateful behavior.

You do not have to keep toxic people in your life. Since your husband supports you talk to him about standing up for you with them, and about your choice to not keep reaching out just to have your hand slapped over and over. If you decide to cut contact with them I am assuming your husband will keep in touch and let them still be part of your sons life, but talk to him about making sure he does not allow them to speak badly about your or disrespect you in front of your children. If they do speak badly about you in front of the child he needs to make it clear that they will loose access to the child. Best of luck moving forward, inlaws can be hard even when the marriage is not arranged and you have a chance to get to know them first.

So your husband doesn't resent you one day...let him call, let him talk to them and you just happily live your life. You have been through a lot.Take care of you and don't feel guilty about what you do. Just let your husband be the contact with his family.

Find other friends and people you can rely on. Treat your in-laws with politeness and respect, and do your best not to care about what they think about you.

At least your husband is on your side. Focus on your family, and ignore your in-laws' rudeness and put downs.

If I were you, I would make no further efforts. It's his family - let him talk to them. No reason you have to ever speak to them again. I also would not welcome them to my home. When they come to the States to visit, they need to stay at a hotel and your hubby can meet up with them there.

I have a sweet friend who was in an arranged marriage. I was sooo astonished when she told me. It was so alien to me.

She divorced the guy once they got here in the states and her family basically disowned her. She shamed them.

When they divorced he got full custody but he left the kids with her. He sees them a few times per year and takes them to visit his family in the other country and stuff. He has always brought them back to her but if he didn't there isn't anything she can do, if he moved them to their home country anyway. Here in the states she could take it to court and maybe get a court order change.

But anyway, if you aren't happy you can leave. You can find a job and have a good life without him. If you want to stay in your life as it is then you need to decide how to move forward. If your husband does side with you that may be why his mother and sister hate you, that he sticks with you instead of them. Be glad he doesn't beat you for being rude to his family. I had a friend that worked with me that was from Iraq. She would drop everything at 7:55pm and start her husbands dinner, what he had told her he wanted to eat, so when he came home for his dinner break from his second job he could sit down to eat exactly what he wanted. If it was even a minute late he'd beat her to teach her how to be a good/better wife. She didn't get many bruises. She told me it was his job to teach her how to be a good wife...I'd probably use a heavy frying pan or my marble rolling pin to "teach" him how to be a good husband.

If you are being hurt you can leave, you have options. Please find a phone number to a domestic violence hot line so you can find resources near you.

If you need help, it's there.

Now, if you do want to stay married so you can have your home, family, and life then I suggest you and hubby sit down and talk about this. IF he's on your side then you need to not talk to them ever again, okay? You have no reason to submit yourself to them and be less than them. Stand proud of yourself and be the mother and wife, the best you can be so you can be a whole happy person.

There are a lot of cultural issues at play here, so our advice may be worthless. But honestly, my husband would be telling off his family if they ever treated me this way. He would never tolerate it. The fact that he supports your decisions is cute, but not enough. In your culture, perhaps a son can't do that. But he needs to see his family as they truly are and recognize that you are his family now, be a man, step up and tell them to step off.

My husbands mom and 2 sisters were extremely disrespectful to both of us and he basically disowned them, blocked them on Facebook and did not speak to them. Just recently though he feels like he needs to "forgive" them and at least have "open" communication since they are family. That does NOT mean we are inviting them over (they live out of state thankfully) nor are we going out of our way for them or even re-friending them on FB.

I guess if I were you I would just let it be and not speak to them. I would let my husband talk to them. The kids can Skype or talk on the phone with them and if they do come to the states to visit, they can stay at a hotel and hubby can take the kids to see them or you can go as well but for a VERY SHORT time. Just to be polite but not long enough for the drama to start. And if it does, you can leave. That's why you meet somewhere neutral...you can always leave. They are HIS family, and if they don't like you I don't see why you have to continue to make an effort when they don't do the same. But I would NOT speak badly about them to anyone, it just brings you down to their level. JMO. Good luck.

If these women were strangers, would you allow them to treat you like this? No, I don't think so. So now you know what to do. You are pleasant and polite and that's it. No more trying to be a "trained seal" and entertain them. Your MIL stated that she doesn't want you in the family. So whatever you do going forward you know it will not be accepted by your MIL even if it is on point.

Let your husband deal with his family. Make sure that MIL and SIL are not saying bad things about you in front of your won when you are not there. That needs to be nipped in the bud before it causes other problems.

Seek out other people to fill in as family members and associate with them. No one needs to be a slave to another. Have firm boundaries with the in-laws (outlaws) and be happy with what you have.

I trust that your son is well and thriving. You allow people to treat you the way that you want. Stand up and demand to be respected and move on. Don't lower your standards and sink to their levels. This is America and you can do what you want here arranged marriage or not.

the other S.