My son is going to kindergarten next year, just turned 5 in March. Because he has Celiac disease (we just found out in March) he is quite small for his age. Of course, a lot of kids are small just 'cause that's how they're made, but this has just made the new gluten free diet AND the small size TWO things he has to deal as he gets ready for kindergarten.
The size thing never bothered him until recently. Here's why it has started to bother him now. It's not kids picking on him. It's adults who have no clue when they are saying hurtful things to kids and who have no clue how to take a hint and STOP TALKING! Adults keep asking him if he's going to preschool, and he proudly says he is 5 and going to kindergarten next year. That's the adult's cue to drop their jaw, gasp, widen their eyes, start cooing, and say, "Ahh, but he's soooo tiny!" And they go on and on and on despite my repeated attempts to make them stop. And it does hurt my son's feelings. He says to me, " Mommy, I don't want to be so small... when will I get bigger...why am smaller than the other kids?"
I have great answers for him. My question is how do I make these adults be quiet? I have tried preemptive measures like immediately saying, "Yep, he's 5, isn't he big." I've given them the wide eyed glare that says, "Say something stupid and I'll run my shopping cart over your foot." They just don't get it. So, any advice?
"oh my....he's so small!"
"Please don't make him feel bad about his size. He is perfect the way God made him." GLARE
Your son should be the one to respond. Teach him to say in a bold voice "It hurts my feelings when you make comments about my size. It's rude." Standing up for himself in an assertive way now will get him very far in the future. If your son says it, rather than you, they are more likely to realize that their words really are hurtful. If they still don't get the hint and continue to talk about it, then give your son permission to find something to criticize about their appearance.
Well, it's not much easier on this side of the fence - my now first grader looks like a 3rd grader and people expect him to act accordingly.
Simply removing yourself from the conversation or changing the subject works as well as it can.
Adults can be so clueless! I remember taking my son to preschool one day when he insisted on wearing a Darth Vader helmet and an adult in a car was laughing! I was shocked! Did she think he couldn't see her? He was crushed.
Anyway, I'm not sure there's much you can do to stop the adults from being oblivious. I have to agree with the other posters that the best thing you can do is help him to stand confidently.
I would highly recommend the book "Stand Tall, Molly Lou Melon" by Patty Lovell. It is very well written and would be a great book for you to read to him.
Yea.I had my niece over for a week one time and she is pretty small.She is 12 but she looks 9.Her friends dad says right in front of her "So are you turning 7 yet?"And all that.Teachers point out her size all the time.When strangers ask about her size and all that,i say "She is a one of a kind.God made her like this.Don't be so disrespectful please"Or i would just ignore them.Tell your son that he is unique in his own special way.And why would you care about what other people think?Just move one.He is just like everyone else but in a different size.Hope this helps,
They probably mean no harm. My friend's son is petite and she refers to him as "Tiny but Mighty". It describes him to a T! If you are offended then your son will think there is something wrong. My son is tall and people think he is older. No biggie.
I had the opposite. My kids were and still are very very very tall. When people commented OMG she is sa big I would just smile. Your son will take his cues from you. If you ate upset over it he will be. I would just respond yes he is. Good things come in small packages just like a diamond. It is beautiful and shines!
I'd be direct and respond with a request to not talk about his size. When the adult drops their jaw and gasps etc. Say, "yes, he's 5 and I don't want to talk about his size." I suggest that when you say he's big they feel that they have to defend their comment. It may feel like you're contradicting them.
I'd definitely stop them from going on and on. Kindly tell them to stop. Perhaps, just raise your hand in a stop position and calmly say, "stop, please" and change the subject. Even tell them this hurts his feelings.
Definitely teach your son that standing up for himself is the best thing he can do. I'm sure he's well aware that adults are not always right with their words and he should be free to call them out on it. I was a tiny child. Put simply at age 5 I could still fit into many toddler clothes and until I had children I could still appropriately fit into girls size 12/14 clothing.
Please allow your son to vent his annoyance at others when they put their foot in their mouth. Some of the time all it takes is the perspective a child to make one realize how they actually sound to others.
My Son Is Small And Going In To Kindergarten This Year Too. My Daughter Was Diagnosed With Celiac At 25Lbs 1 Month Before She Turned 5. In One YeAr She Grew Alot With Nutrition She Was Now Absorbing. There Are Also Great Transition Books For Helping Him Explain To Teachers And Friends What He Has And How To Keep Im Safe. Adams Gluten Free.Suprise Is Available On Amazon, The Author Also Is Passionate About Helping To Continue Your Education About It, Answer Questions. My Now 12 Year Old Girl Can Educate Anyone On It, Can Order At Any Restaurant And Let Them Know What She NeEds And Won't Let Anyone Make Fun Of Her Dietary Needs Or Growth Process. A Simple Saying Of "I'm Insulted By What You Just Said Even If He Is Not" Be Frank And Not Rude Yourself And People Will Get A Clear Message.
I just have to throw some humor in here.....
"oooh, but he's so tiny...."
Your response.....
"awww, and yours is so ugly.....i'd rather have my perfect son"
In all honesty, I think you got some great answers here. If I saw him, I'd probably give him a hug and a thumbs up when he said he was going into kindergarten.
I get this ALLL the time, but at the opposite end. Omg he's huge or he's such a big boy, he's so much bigger than his class! Or in the store how old is he? Eight oh I thought he was at least ten or eleven. And yes all of this has happened many times in front of him. Adults can be very hurtful at times without even realizing it. People even used to give us dirty looks in the stores because when he would get upset at a younger age(which was totally reasonable for his age) they would expect him to act older. I have learned to say to people that he is perfect the way he is. And then I tell him he's my dirk : ) because he loves dirk from the dallas mavs. He always gets a kick out of that. We have had plenty of size discussions in the past year, and all you can do as a parent whether their big or small is assure them that they are great/perfect to you in who they are. People come in all shapes and sizes. Hang in there mama! Totally understand your vent.
I'm 5' on a "good day" and have dealt with that my entire life. As a girl, it's not as big of a deal, but until I was an adult ordering wine I was regularly offered the children's menu in restaurants if I was with my parents. Not so funny, really when you're 22.
My son is small (shocking) and people comment on it all the time. He's sensitive about it, but doesn't let it phase him too much. When people say things like "How old is he?" "Really?? 5???" I say "Yes. He's 5." and leave it at that except for one time when a woman was pushing me (like I would lie about my child's age) and I said "Actually he's 2 and incredibly gifted" and walked away from her. Bitchy? Probably, but she started it!
Seriously, don't make an issue out of it. The more attention you give the comments, the more your son will internalize them.
I really like MommyC's advice of teaching your son to stand up for himself and use his own words to tell the adult off. I think that would shock most adults into submission and it would teach your son a valuable lesson to let someone know when they are hurting his feelings. :-)
Good luck!
I know that must be very discomforting for your child. I truly understand what you are saying. My eldest son is short and thin for his age, and he felt the same way when he was little until I realized that I was the one who could change that. I helped him (still do it) to build his self -confidence, and strengthen his self- esteem every single day by showing him who he is, what his strengths and weaknesses are. I tell him how fun it is to be with him, I remind him how many friends he has who comes every day after school to hang out with him (all of them very tall) just because he is a good friend, a good pal and a smart guy, yet I try to be realistic and do not sugarcoat silly things. When he doesn't know how to do something or need my help, I help him, I guide him; I encourage him to try as many times as possible, I tell him that he CAN do it, he CAN try whatever he wants and he will be successful now or later.
What I am trying to say, it is that YOU have the power to change that, the way your kid feels, the way he takes others' comments starting with not making a big deal out of it. Some people do not think actually what they are saying and they're just trying to be nice, so help to build that shield for your child that will make him stronger and happier with what he is. All these problems start from there. Guide him and help him to cultivate his talents and skills and be there for him, but please remember that your expectations always need to be according to his age. In summary, you cannot make other adults be quiet or keep them away, just teach your kid to be strong and say sweetly and firmly :"yes, honey you are thin, but you are my smart pal!" Period.
Take care,
A. :)
While people realize that saying someone is fat is hurtful, they never stop to think that saying someone is skinny or small can be hurtful. I've heard about being "skinny" all my life. I hate it probably as much as others hate being thought of as overweight or fat. I don't know how to educate people not to comment on other's appearances (unless you're helping them select clothing).
