Quitting Piano - Need Advice!!

I say let her quit. I spent my childhood in piano and hated it so bad that I retained not a single thing. Piano is something that you have to WANT to do. You are wasting time and money otherwise.

I gave my daughter music lessons because she wanted to learn to play. If she had decided she no longer wanted to play, then I would have allowed her to stop then and there. I didn't want making music to become one more item on her list of "damn things I have to do."

Let her quit if that's what she wants to do. I don't get not letting kids decide for themselves, how else do they learn to make choices?

A year seems long enough to me. If you can't get your money back for the first four lessons I'd probably make her do those, and who knows? Maybe she'll get back into it. And if not there are a hundred other activities she could try, another instrument perhaps (?)

I am sad to this day my mother let me quit when I was 8. I think she should have make me work at it a bit more. I think there is a certain hump and learning curve to get past before it becomes enjoyable.

It's a challenging thing when we are confronted with the choice of "stick with your commitments" vs. they just hate something and need to move on. Does she have a real talent for the piano, or not? It sounds like she didn't practice all summer, so she isn't showing much interest.

The compromise of December sounds reasonable, to adults, but you know your daughter best. If mine (now 10 and taking piano lessons) REALLY wanted to quit, she would make these next months a waste of money and a miserable time for all.

How about just doing the 4 lessons that you've already paid for? Not all of us are going to be piano players. I took lessons for a couple of years and I couldn't play a thing. My daughter has taken them for one year and can sit down at a piano and play several nice songs from memory. We either have a talent for music, and this instrument, or we don't.

Did she like the lessons before the summer break? Why doesn't she like them now? Personally, if she still wants to quit after the four lessons you paid for, I would let her. I wouldn't necessarily tell her that until after the four classes are up, just in case this is just an adjustment period. But there are too many other things to try to make her do something that she doesn't really enjoy. That's just time away from helping her find something that she might really be passionate about.

Finish up the 4 lessons. You paid for the first 4 lessons...
That is not much.
But so how come she had to go on to June 2013?

I took Piano when I was a child.
I had to. I had not choice.
I HATED HATED HATED IT.
I would even, runaway outdoors, when it was time to go to my lesson.
After 2 years of that, my parents finally let me quit.

Sure, they wanted to expose me to the joys of music lessons.
Fine.
BUT I HATED PIANO.
I much preferred, other musical instruments.
Which I did do, later.

Your kiddo is 9... what are HER interests or talents or proclivities???
A child, needs to know THEMSELVES too, and nurture their strengths. Too. So they learn about themselves, that way and how to work hard to something THEY LOVE.
My kids, do that.... they take Piano and tennis and Karate. THEY love it.
THEY practice without my nagging. They tell me "I love taking piano..." or "I love my Karate class..." or "I love playing Tennis..." and that is music to MY ears... because I hear my own kids, on their own volition, telling ME that they LOVE doing these things, and practicing, and they are therefore, learning a TON... about themselves and about working hard for it and learning about that activity. It is never forced. It is, natural.

why does she want to quit? if she has good reasons, then maybe you let her out of it. But you tell her she must do at least one "art". maybe drawing lessons, another instrument, choir? that may make her want to stick with it. or you may learn that it's not piano per se but something else that you can fix.

our rule is at least one art and one physical activity - it doesn't have to be a sport like soccer (although it almost always is).

I'd sugest working with her to stick it out until the recital - she may start liking it again. and, keyboard is such a good base for any other music endeavor that it will not be time wasted if she ever does choir, band, or orchestra. if she continues to May, see if you can't keep things going over the summer, even if its only a couple times per month. or a least have her practice over the summer so she doesn't lose so much.

good luck!

If she really doesn't like it and has given it a try, then let her quit. She's been playing for a year and wants to find something else. That's more than enough time to figure out whether or not she wants to commit to an instrument. Most people who truly love playing music would play with or without the lessons. The fact that she didn't play over the summer (on her own b/c it was the fun/right thing to do to maintain her skills) should tell you to cut your losses and let her quit.

Have her finish out the lessons you have paid for first. At the end of the remaining lessons ask her again if she wants to renew the lessons. If she says "no", then let it go and let her pick another activity!

I played the flute for two years and hated 1.5 of those two VERY LONG years. I stuck with it because my parents made me. I went to my lessons and band rehearsals... but never practiced in between. At the end of the second year they FINALLY asked me if I wanted to continue. No thank you! Instead I focused my energies on ballet and never really looked back. Sometimes I forget that I even played!

I think it all depends on why she wants to quit.

Some kids will want to quit something the minute it gets too hard. She may be discouraged because she was at a certain point before the summer, and is now is having a hard time getting back into it. She may feel like she's gone backward, which is a tough feeling.

Did she like piano before? If she liked piano before, but is having trouble now then I'd make her stick it out until the recital. That might help her push past the "hump." Sometimes in life things get hard, and we need to work a little harder at them to get to where we want.

If she didn't care for piano before, then I'd let her finish the 4 lessons (because you paid for them) and then move on to something else.

Lots of kids take off gymnastics during the summer. When they come back, they are VERY discouraged to find that they can't do some of the skills that they could do before they left. There are so many gymnasts that want to quit because of it! We talk to their parents and tell them to have them stick it out if they liked gymnastics before. 100% of the kids that we tell to stick it out end up loving it again within a month or two after they "get back in the groove." If there is a gymnast we feel didn't like it before, we encourage them to explore a different talent.

Also, if I had let my daughter quit gymnastics every time she came home discouraged and said she wanted to quit, she wouldn't be where she is today! She loves gymnastics, I can tell. Now soccer--she wasn't that enthusiastic about it so after 2 seasons when she said she wanted to quit, we let her. Swimming she loved, so we encouraged her to stick with that through the bad days. Piano she didn't love, so when she said she wanted to quit, we let her.

It's a balance of knowing when to push and when to step back. Letting a child quit just because you were forced to do something and hated it isn't always the right thing to do. Sometimes as parents we have to recognize when they need extra encouragement and when they need to stop and find something else. It's a call only you can make.

Why is it so important to you that she take piano lessons? Sure it's a wonderful skill to have, but it's just not for everyone. If you own a piano, she can pick it up again later if she wants to, right? Maybe she doesn't like the teacher. I would ask her about that.

My Mom bought a used piano when I was 8 or 9. I think it was her dream that my sister and I learn to play because it was something SHE always wanted to do. And becuase my cousins (her older sister's kids) played. Which my Grandma (Mom's Mom) always talked about how much she loved. Though I never really wanted or asked for lessons, I was signed up anyway. I DREADED piano lesson day. All day at school whatever day after-school piano lessons were, I just felt queasy. I was good enough at site reading that I didn't need to practice too much. But if I made too many mistakes during the lesson, my teacher would get angry make comments about my errors and if my Mom was wasting her money if I wasn't going to take it seriously. I always remember feeling nervous, stressed out and/or humiliated. Recitals were like that kind of feeling times 100. I quit as soon as I was allowed to quit (after about 2-3 years). I didn't push too hard to quit because I my Mom always acted so disappointed when I was down on piano lessons. So I guess I'm biased, but in my opinion, piano is an individual activity. She isn't responsible to a group. I would let her quit.

It can be very difficult to get back into the routine especially since we are just getting back into the routine of school schedules etc..... Before she just jumps ship I would make her stick it out until the recital. I think she just needs some encouragement and make sure there are no distractions for when she needs to practice.

This is what I tell my kids when they want to quit..... The more you play, the better you get, the better you get the more you like it, the more you like it the more you play, the more you play the better you get..... and it can go on and on and on! It makes sense and the kids seem to get it. Help her as much as you can and build up her confidence. That may be all she needs! Good luck!

If I left it up to my kids they probably would stop taking spelling test and never would have learned their multiplications tables.
I also think that stopping lessons over the summer is a big mistake. No wonder your daughter wants to quit, she just took 3 giant step backwards and it must be frustrating to have to re-learn skills that were already mastered.
I also think that people like what they are good at. Unless you are a prodigy you have to work at mastering the piano and that takes years to do.
I personally would not and did not let my daughter's quit at the age of 9. I only ask that they practice for 15 minutes per day. Of course some days we miss but I try to have them at least sit at the piano for 5 minutes. I find though getting to the piano is the hardest part. Once they start practicing they typically can finish out the practice.
My oldest daughter stopped piano lessons in 8th grade right before she turned 14 and I was fine with that. She now plays for pleasure because she got to a level that she actually can play whatever she wants since she is very good at reading music. I am hoping my 9 year old will continue lessons through HS but that will be her decision when she is older.

while i agree with many that letting kids start and quit things on a whim is a bad habit, i can't go along with the popular paradigm of 'if you let them quit ANYTHING they'll grow up to be quitters!'
i must disclose that i'm a borderline unschooler, so my philosophy is 'strew the path with exciting opportunities and let them sample.'
there are certain things that must be followed through. if a child gets an animal, they MUST care for it. if they commit to a team project that cannot work without them, they must see it through. but i don't think that includes t-ball or any beginner-level sport or activity. i think it's so important for kids to be confident enough to try things and understand that not everything is for everybody. if a little fellow wants to try football, hates it, and has to keep slogging along out there for an entire season, will he be willing to try soccer next time?
i'd gently encourage her to continue for the 4 lessons. make it clear that if she quits you will not put her back into it, at least not until she's a good bit older. but i absolutely would not force her to keep playing for the entire year.
i think the much-toasted tiger mama had some really good points about assuming strength in our children. but i think childhood is the time to test-drive a lot of interests in order to make sound decisions about which ones will develop into passions. that doesn't happen by rubbing anyone's nose in it.
khairete
S.

I deal with this same situation with my children weekly. We are now on 7 years! You have to ask yourself..."Is my daughter good at this?" She doesn't have to be great, but is she pretty good? If she is, then it is worth the fight for a little while and then re-access where she is headed. My children are very good and I push them because I know their potential and I know what they could do with this gift down the road. My oldest sister plays for weddings on the weekend and makes $300.00 for an hour! This is such an easy way to make a little extra money.

I think the idea of sticking to December is a good one. I think of the piano as another subject, not just as something extra. So think about what it means to you and to your daughter and after December decide if it is worth it. I do agree, though, that it isn't worth the money if you don't see a lot of potential and everyone is just miserable.

I think that's a good idea. But I wouldn't necessarily tell her she can quit then. I'd tell her to hang in and keep going etc. and after that we'll talk again.

My daughter was about 12 and she wanted to quit taking the clarinet after a few months and I told her no that she needed to stick with it -- just because it's getting hard doesn't mean you quit. I told her to stay with it for six more weeks and give it all she had and then we'd talk about it again. Well she kept with it and went on the play the oboe and flute. She still remembers our converstation and has thanked me for not letting her quit.

Now, I know everyone is different, this may not be the case for her. But even if that is so, I wouldn't let her quit so fast. She has to give more than this. Otherwise you send the message that when it gets tough it's time to quit. She may hate it or she may end up loving it. There is a famous pianist (can't think of his name right now) that said he hated that his mother made him practice every day for two hours because he wanted to be outside with the kids playing ball. But as an adult he gives his mother all the credit for seeing his genius and making him stick to it.

When the going gets tough the tough get going.

I think that is a great idea. It will give her incentive to work hard until then, and she may be ready to quit then. OR, she may decide she really enjoys it.
Piano is like a lot of other things... the learning how to do the mechanics is hard work. But you can't really fully enjoy the thing itself, until you learn the mechanics of it.
A bicycle for example: it's hard scary work learning how to ride one. But you can't have fun with one until you learn how to ride it rather competently. Or swimming: it is scary and difficult, until you learn how and are confident in the water--then it can be loads of fun! Piano is not so different....

I would make my kid stick it out if it has already been paid for and I would not get a refund, but I would not continue to pay for the lessons if they really didn't want them. You can take that money and use t for something she will want to do.

Hi, K.:

Why did you stop the lessons over the summer?

You know the answer why she wants to stop, because she doesn't
feel successful.

Does she learn by hearing?
Does she have a good memory?

Does she do well as far as doing her practices?

Ask her why she wants to quit?
Encourage her.
Tell her how great she plays the piano.
Tell her that you are proud of her working so hard to learn.

If you thiink she has a natural gift, encourage her.
My g daughter was 8 taking lessons and she was a natural.
She even entered a talent contest. She learned by hearing and a good memory. She was able to be successful and feel successful.
Good luck.
D.

Did she say why she wants to quit? Maybe she thinks it should be "easier" because she took year's worth of lessons and with taking the summer off, it's "too hard." For that reason, I would make her at least stick it out until the recital.

Does she want to do something else in that timeslot? Is she overscheduled? Anything along those lines warrants consideration of just finishing the 3 remaining lessons (or having her pay you back for those lessons).

I begged my mom for piano lessons, and started when I was 5 or 6. Around age 9 or 10, I begged my mom to quit, because I hated practicing. :) She made me stick with it, and I'm eternally grateful. Even if your daughter doesn't stick with it in the long run, there's nothing wrong with having to do something you may not like for a short length of time....

She needs to stay with it until the recital. That's her cut off point. Once she does that she can stop or go.

I truly wish my parents would have listened to me when I begged for piano lessons. I started playing clarinet in 7th grade and played all the way through high school. I received awards and competed, etc....but they said they had paid for them for my brother and sister and both of them quit after a few lessons. I was different, I was already in the band AND I was in the high school choir, the high school community choir, 2 different churches youth choirs too. It's not like I didn't know I would have to practice and stuff.

I took piano as an adult at both OKCCC, OU, and OSU. I still can't play much because I ended up not having a good piano. It is costly to repair and we're not a high income family.

If I had taken piano as a child I could be teaching piano right now making extra income. I could be playing it for fun too. I can play parts of "Do You Hear What I Hear" if I practice a lot, I have small hands and those octaves are hard for my old hands....lol.

I think she needs to stick to it until after the recital, no questions or complaints allowed. It is what she has to do...

I think she'll regret not having them later in life but so it the way withthe past. Hindsight is always 20/20.

I think the idea to stick out until the recital is a good one. That will let her feel some success and maybe she will want to continue. If not, talk to her about what she would like to try next. I wouldn't let her do nothing. I think it's good for kids to be exposed to a lot of different activities. Maybe now it's time to try something more for the body than the soul? A sport? Is there an activity her friends are doing but she can't b/c of piano lessons? If she was wanting to quit a month in then I would say make her stick it out but she has been taking them for almost a year.

Why does she want to quit? Does she hate the lessons, the teacher, the practicing? Is it the time committment or the difficulty or the subject matter? Is the cirriculum not interesting? Is she feeling overscheduled? Is there something else she wants to do instead? Why? That would affect my decision. I am the Mom of an 8 year old, and generally speakingI want my kids to do something fitness and something muscial, I believe in not saying yes to leaving the first time it comes up. I think you have to take it in several month increments. Do it for 6 more months and we will reevaluate. etc. Depending on her reasons, I would probably ask her to stick it out the rest of the year, and then see. Minimally, she will learn to read music better, and probably retain a little skill. She may get over the hump of what is bothering her, and continue. Seriously consider switching music programs too. Perhaps a new environment with new music or a cirriculum that allows you to see progress faster would help. I don't know anything about piano, but my 8 year old has been taking lessons for 4 months in the Faber program and it is pretty cool how musical she sounds already. And her teacher is great, working with her to compose songs, etc. Very engaging. Conversely, she has been doing martial arts for ever 3 years and wants to quit. I told her she needs to continue because I think it is super important she learns to defend herself, but I allowed her to also sign up for ballet and we cut back on martial arts classes. Now of course, we are completely overbooked, but I am hoping it works itself out. We'll see. But I hate to see her give up something she has done for so long and it so good at. So ballet is the carrot to keep going.