Rambuctious 3 Year Old

Hi B.,

What type of mother would confront a 3 year old little boy? Especially with his mother right there??? And repeatedly???

Obviously the woman doesn't like confrontation or she wouldn't be confronting a 3 year old. Sooooo, I would just confront her! Politely of course. Either she has a problem and admits it or she will dodge you like the plague the next time she see you and your little one can play in peace...if she doesn't back off then I would report her.

I'm angry just thinking about the immaturity of a woman confronting a 3 year old...

Good luck to you!

M.

Hi B.,

It sounds like you have a good view of whats happening in the gym. Mothers are the most protective species in the world. I would inform the gym of whats going on, as when she approched your little guy she crossed the line. Don't punish him by not taking him there anymore. Keep a close eye on the situation and make sure your little guy is protected, as anyone who would approach a 3 year old and say such a mean and hateful thing, I beleive can not be trusted.

Just my thoughts

K.

I have girls who are 3 and worked in daycare for YEARS...boys are wild and play rougher than girls, it's the nature of the beast. Unless your son is dileberately picking on others (throwing toys at them, assulting them, pushing in a mean mannor, hitting, kicking etc.) rough play is part of being a 3 year old boy. I worked the 3 year old room for 5 years, we CONSTANTLY were onto the boys for "wrestling"...anyhow point is she is obviously uncomfortable with her toddler being around agressive older kids...unless your son is just a bully the problem is clearly hers. incidental contact is going to happen in ANY play situation structured or free play, it just happens and she needs to get used to it and deal with it...however picking on your son is wrong. People who have the nerve to confront someone else's child for trivial things is a bully.

I would politely ask what her specific issues are with your child (if she has some GOOD points talk to your son and ask him to tone it down) if she is being unreasonable and is just being snooty because she is judging your parenting style or whatever then POLIETLY suggest that maybey her child is to young to be around older children if he can't handle free play and running around etc.

I kow I would be PO'd if someone did that to my girls, however if I am supervising them and I see them exhibit bad behavior I am ALL OVER them to correct the problem and make sure other parents see that I don't allow them to be rude and disruptive.

so be resonable if she has a point - there is a way to get it across and bulling your child is NOT the way to express her concerns...If you can't work it out I would go to the mediator or whoever is running the place

hope it helps

Three year olds will be three year olds but a grown woman has no business in speaking directly to another child in that manner. I am a special ed teacher and the mother of one very strong willed child so I know about vivacious children. I would take my concerns to the director of the facility and solicit her intervention in the situation. The director can give you input on the behavior of your child but more importantly she can assist with the more inappropriate behavior of someone who does not the inexperience of youth to blame her poor behavior on.

B.,
That mother's comments are inappropriate, mean-spirited and immature. You absolutely must not just hope it goes away. Don't ever punish your child due to other's opinions, you have a right to be there and I would never, ever take a child out due to one parent's awful actions. Your child isn't pushing children down, cursing, a biter or exhibiting other negative behaviors. I'm concerned by you stating that "..I think I have a pretty good handle on my child". Always make sure you give your son boundaries, instruct him on how to act in public and enforce politeness and sharing when appropriate.

As for speaking to this poor mother with obvious issues, go directly to the store manager (the district manager would be even better) and have him speak with her in your presence. Let her know, in no uncertain terms that she will not tell your child where to go and she will cease from harassing him and you. The gym obviously has rules, and she had to adhere to them, as I'm certain bullying by parents and rude/disrespectful behavior or not permitted. Tell her that she is prohibited from interferring with your child's play, and you will not allow it another day. If you need to, and not to pick at you, but you sound a little young and you may want support when you do it, bring your husband, mom, neighbor, sister, or uncle. She is wrong, and she most likely has done this before to other children and/or adults. Stand up for your son and yourself and put a stop to this nonsense today. As your son's first teacher and his protector, you have to do it. I support you in your efforts. Your friend in GA!

what it sounds like to me is proper boundaries have not been set - THE NEW MOTHER of the said baby FEELS LIKE HER BOUNDARIES ARE ENCROACHED UPOUN ....AND her need to redirect your 3 yr old speaks volumes .....
she felt like you were not setting proper boundaries so she would . I dont agree with how she handled it ....
sometimes people just dont know how to communicate so they manipulate .
I am a christain counselor - and this is what i saw ...
???
if you were to set boundaries loudly and clearly infront of the other moms ....TELL YOUR child he can play here -BUT NOT HERE ...AND THEN RE-ENFORCE IT ....then ...the other moms including the scared mom would see that your not aloof to the situation .
MY BOYS ARE 7& 8 NOW AND I HAVE TO tell them -NO THROWING YOUR TOY HERE - IT CAN HURT SOMEONE -OR BE CAREFUL OF THIS BABY -PLAY OVER THERE ...AND I SET A BOUNDARY - when they see they are over stepping it -they will remind the other -MOM -SAID "WATCH OUT FOR THE BABY !!"
SO if your 3 yr old is allowed to throw things wildly about the gym then THE SCARED MOMMA may feel she needs to duck and cover and protect her baby from a head injury .
I am very protective of my boys -they were hard to get ....7 yrs of infertility ...so i can see both sides .
but you really should instruct your little guy - of the boundary rules when you arrive somewhere and not just let a free-for all take place and let him run wild -free-play , still means courtesy and boundaries are healthy for children -REMEMBER THEY WILL BE 13 SOMEYEAR ....IT IS GOOD TO SET THOSE BOUNDARIES NOW -AND enforce consequences when proper boundaries are crossed -( AFTER A FEW REMINDERS NATURALLY -HE IS ONLY 3.)
KIDS HAVE SHORT TERM MEMORIES -IT IS EXHAUSTING TO CONTINURALLY RE-DIRECT -AND set the boundary ...but they will respect you and others in the long run.
J. H
COVENANT HOUSE MINISTRIES
CALHOUN,GA .

Hi B.!

My child is only 1 year old and we attend Gymboree here in the Atlanta area where they have the "open gym" a few times a week as well.
I don't think the mother should address your child in any shape or form but should come and speak to you and discuss her worries about your child possibly hurting her child.
It just is not right for a full grown woman to tell children that this child is mean. She is an adult and you don't speak to children about adult issues (just my opinion.)

I was at an open gym one time and one child was jumping around and having a ball. He had tons of energy and was often throwing things over the heads of smaller babies.
What my husband and I did was play with him and direct his energy elsewhere.

I guess that is just my thing, I don't see energetic children as "mean" or "hyper." I see them as human beings who really need to burn off energy.

Could you speak to your son about the possible danger of hurting small children? Could you find a play group or place with open gym that caters to children more his age so you don't even have to worry about this type of thing?

Just some suggestions.

People are crazy and I've met some out there mothers that I wonder why they have children. Sorry, just my feelings I'm sure we've all met them and have formed our own opinion. I think that is this women is telling your child to go to the other side of the room and telling other children not to pay with him, you will not be able to effectively communicate to her in an adult manner in which this situation calls for. I personally feel that you need to go to the director with a witness like your friend that knows about this and told you (it's up to her to be able to confirm this as a witness) which she may want to consider, tell the director of the situation the director should be trained to handle a manner like this (hoping she not a 19 yr old just out of high school going to college) no offense but that maybe a little young to handle this. I don't think you should leave the gym, I don't think a confrintation with this mother would be a good idea it may cause more of a problem and like I said there are some real crazy people out there and she is not to be trusted if she handles situations in this manner. I don't think this situation is going to go away either so hoping that well is like winning the lottery good luck with that. Face this head on with the director make him/her aware of it you don't really know this women and I think there is something unstable about a person that would say things like this to small children. Please let us know what you want to do for you and your child and what the out come is my thoughts and prayers are with you, you realize this is just the beginning you have schools to deal with it will be good experience in this for you (if that helps looking at it in that manner like practice job interviews lol).

Confront, Confront, Confront. I would take her to the side with no one else around and ask her straight out why she thinks your son is mean. If she won't give you the time of day, then at least you tried. Tell her you don't appreciate her talking to your son and if she has a problem with it, she needs to tell you about it and to leave your son alone. If she continues, then I would confront the director. Do you think your son's actions can be portrayed as mean? Maybe have a talk with him and reinforce what is nice and what is mean. Continue to monitor his behavior and maybe not let him know you are watching to see what happens.

Yes, go talk to her but with an open mind. Sometimes because it's our child we can't see things others may see. You have to be able to identify the so called problem in order to fix it. Remember don't go off the deep end listen and then observe for yourself. Also you may consider changing your child’s diet. I'm only saying this because you yourself said he has a lot of extra energy. Sometimes our friends are afraid to be totally honest with us but a stranger is not.

Hi B.,
I also have a 3 year old loving little boy that is interactive and sometimes can be a little wound up also!! I believe that our children should be able to attend activities without being jugded....but there is always that one individual that needs to be negative!! For a parent to tell another child to play on the other side of the room is completly inappropriate!! I would have suggested you ignore it if she had not approached your child...but she crossed the line when she done that!!!!!!!I would introduce myself to the parent and try to make conversation, then ask that she not confront my child to please come to me if there is a problem, then I will handle it with my child. If that don't seem to work, I would probably report the situation to the director. It seems to me that she is the only one that is having the problem and if that is the case she needs to go somewhere else for her child to play!! I hope this helps.....Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

D.

Little late weighing in.

I would keep a very close eye on him the next few times you're there to be completely sure the other mother's behavior really is baseless. If she has a point, you need to deal with your son. If you don't see anything, I would complain to the gym.

I think that other mother is handling her dislike (which, again, may or may not be warranted) for your son in a very immature way. Perhaps she's afraid to confront you not knowing if you'd be nice about what she has to say. I don't know...

Still, you can be the better person and not let it turn into a confrontation. Clearly, she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you so don't force her.

And maybe even if you don't see the rough behavior she sees, you might talk to him about watching out for and protecting children smaller than him.

As far as that other mother goes, I'd give her a wide berth. She's not handling things from her end very maturely. You don't need people like that in your universe.

By the way, with an age range like that gym has -- is there not a separate place for the pre-walkers to play away from the bigger kids? If I had my baby playing somewhere that I constantly felt he/she was in danger of being hurt by other children who are playing, I'd find another place for my baby to play! Maybe the gym needs to consider that before a child DOES get hurt...

Yes, I would go to her first and ask about her attitude toward your son, She may lie but then she may tell you the truth. However it more than likely is not your son but something she is dealing with in her life.If there is not a timely respond to your question then go to the director. Hope this helps you!

My son is very rammy as well. He will be 5 this summer, so I know I have been where you are. I personally would ignore this other mother. Some people have an unreal view of how children should be. These same people usually have the worst kids in the world! Just keep your son away from her. If necessary tell him not to play around her. If he should somehow blurt it out to her, as children will do, all the better. If she does more things like whisper to your son, then I would make a complaint. Someone getting on your son because he is obviously doing something wrong that you didnt see is one thing, just telling the child he is bad is something totally different, in my opinion.

I do not see anything wrong with the lady asking an active three year-old to play a little ways away from her young baby. I had a boy continue to swing his yo-yo in the direction of my daughter when she was a newborn at the doctor's office, and I asked him the same thing. Take a good look at your son, is he, perhaps, a little too wild? Are you easy to talk to, or do you get defensive and upset if somebody says anything about your child? Perhaps telling other children your son is mean is this lady's way of protecting her baby because she knows you get upset easily. She SHOULDN'T say that to other children, but she may not see any other way. Further, you should not complain about this lady, but do what you wish she would do...confront the other party directly, and do it with an open mind.

If I were you I would talk to her about her approach in dealing with the situation and to work with you and your child directly and ask her to stop spreading rumors about your child, however as you said you can't be everywhere your child is and you can't watch him every momment, and if he is doing something that he shouldn't be doing or treating younger kids unappropriately, she has every right to say something to him to protect her child, esp if you aren't there and aren't paying attn to what he is doing. I don't think you would sit idly by if some kid was hurting your child and not say something. However if I were you I would ask if possible if your child does something that she dislikes to bring it to your attention and to give you a chance to deal with it first.

When it comes to my friends kids if I don't like the way they are behaving, i'll ask them to reel in their kids, if they don't do it or the kids keep acting out, I have no problem saying something to kids whether they like it or not because I am not going to sit there and let them destroy property or hurt another child.

3 year olds can be a little wound up at times and need the release of energy many times a day. Even good kids get rough sometimes because they don't know how to better manage all their energy. So it's great that you take him to the gym. (Consider whether he is getting enough release or needs it with more frequency.) I think it's correct to make sure he has an outlet to do so, so don't stop taking him to the gym. If you think that he's a bit too bonkers, just imagine what a mom with a little baby might think. To her he might pose as an accident waiting to happen. (Running into her baby on accident which could cause broken bones, or bruises). If you are there and don't think his behavior is a problem, she might not think that she can talk to you about it. Most parents will not say anything to another parent about how to parent but they will tell there kids not to play near a child they believe is out of line. So I'd look at it without judgment. Do you think that your kid is playing rough? If you do, you need to intervene. Sometimes little kids just need reminders, "Play nice." "Don't run." "Don't push." Maybe go over the gym rules quickly before you let him run off.
I would have an open conversation with the director about your son's physical nature and approriateness. If she hasn't heard complaints, maybe she can observe him and provide you with some direction to get him behaving more appropriately if it is a problem. Some boys just have a need to get rid of large amounts of energy, so even if he is asked to leave the program at some point make sure he has plenty of physical activity or it will lead to behavior problems. Maybe going on a walk with him for a half hour/or some other sort of physical activity before the release into kiddieland gym would help him to be calmer when he's playing with the other kids. It sounds like he might be a little rough and need some rules of playground ettiquette reinforced.

I would definaltly not take your child from the situation. Even if he is a problem that is not teaching him anything. When he does something wrong or "mean", as all 3 years olds do at some time, I have one of my own, then dicipline him as you see fit. You are right not all moms see all things and moms of younger kids are going to be more protective, I also have a 4 month old, but she should remove her child from the situation if she is uncomfrontable inless others begin to complain of specifics with your son. If the need arises to confront her do so in a kind loving christian attitude. Always pray before any contact with this mom. God wil see yu through.

I am also the mother of a three year old that can be a little crazy at times. Even when he is all wound up he would never hurt anyone else's child on purpose. Accidents can always happen though and I think if this other mom is so concerned about her child then maybe she should not take her child to this gym. I would be furious that she has told other children not to play with my child(who made her queen of the gym). I would confront her and ask her to stop saying these things and then if that gets no results then file a complaint to the director. This woman can not be a very good mom if she can openly talk about and try to stop other children from playing with your son. She should realize that her own behavior could harm your son and his self esteem. My son would have been in tears after the first time she told other children he was mean and not to play with him. Confront her definitly!

Go to the mom. You are both adults...and you should take the first step to approach the situation that way (she obviously is not going to do so). I understand her concerns. As a mother of the younger child in a playgroup and at the playground, but I also realize that my daughter is the younger child, and I kept an eye out for her and move(d) her out of harms way if need be. Just tell the other mom that you would appreciate her coming to you if there is an issue so that you can instruct and/or discipline your son as need be. But that whispering to your son is not acceptable to you and that she probably would appreciate if you did the same to her child. I would not punish your son by not going to the gym though. It's an adult issue and taking that away from him is not good. If she continues to be a pain, you may have to explain to your son, at his level, to not play where she is because she has a baby and he has to be really careful around babies, so he won't be able to run like he wants. I hope this helps....good luck!

B.,

In my opinion, I think you shoud go the director of the gym. Seems like this mom is somewhat of a of a "drama queen". As the mother of 2 sons, little boys are just plain rambunctious at times. It certainly does not seem fair to take your son out of the gym class.
I certainly understand that no mom wants to see her child hurt so maybe she should remove her child from the class, if she chooses to do so.
Good luck in this situation!

Your child has as much right to be there as her child does. If it were me I would confront this mother and tell her #1- if she has a problem with my child she needs to let me know about it and I'll deal with it and #2- she doesn't need to whisper anything to my child or even talk to my child and if you catch her saying ANYTHING else to your child that you will get authorities involved for harrassment. This may seem a little extreme but you need to talk to her, with a witness or two, maybe your friends that also go there, and if this doesn't work then I would talk to the director or whoever. As for me, nobody would do my child this way. Who else do they have to look out for them but us? My son is 3 years old and he is all over the place when we go somewhere and I have to "calm" him down but NOBODY else is going to do it, that's my responsibility. And who cares if she likes him or not? If he has friends at this place you take him to then, as I said before, he deserves to be there just like everyone else.

B.,

I would try to address this issue with this other mom who seems to have the most trouble with your child.
I would suggest you even sit by or near her. This way she can see you and you can see her. You will know when your child is around hers and monitor interaction both child to child/ adult to child/ etc. If you address her in any way be sure to take a deep breath before you speak with her so that you can keep your emotions in check. You don't want to make matters worse, but I feel that if you can make a connection with this mom that things will settle down for you and your little one. (It may even dissolve your issue with out any further action). I would not remove your child from his play group b/c of one person's issue. I would suggest you befriend this mom and win her over with kindness. It sounds crazy, but it should really help her to view you as a nice and caring mom (which I know you are). I would also just work with your son on "playing easy around other little ones". You can role play with animals and show him how to watch over little ones around him. Embrace his energy, but help him direct it in a postive way. Good luck to you and keep us posted on your situation with the other mother/child. Ever heard the saying "kill them with kindness".
Could you ever stay mad at someone who is extra and sincerely nice to you and your child? Maybe interact with her child as well and direct interaction between your child and hers. Hope this helps.
God Bless,
A.
P.S. Sometimes mountains can be made out of molehills (an old saying that just means don't make this issue into more than it has to be). I would take things slowly and not act too drastically on this. If it continues to be a problem then maybe go to the director over the play group, but I would recommend this be a last resort.

B. as an adult she doesn't have the right to speak to your child in that manner. She needs to be told that if there is a problem with your child that she needs to come to you with it and not him. Just make sure that you keep as close eye as you can on him while he is there especially when he is in close proxcimity to her and her child. She is really acting like a child by whispering and going to other parents. You need to speak to her; not confrontational but in kindness and concern.

Hello B.,
First off, kudos to you for being a stay at home mom. You are becoming a rare breed out there. It IS the most important job in the world. Don't let anyone ever tell you differently.
I am a preschool techer with a few years of experience under my belt (19 years)and a mother of 4 wonderful children I stayed home 20 years raising them before returning to work to teach.
I think that your 3 year old sounds perfectly normal.
They are rambunctious, loving, playful and impulsive.
My first comcern is the fact that you have him involved ina play activity with such a wide range of ages. Do you really think that prewalkers to 5 years should all be together in a gym setting?? Think about it. At my school, (200 children on a half day program) the playground time is divided into age groups so that those age children can do together what they do best! The 18 mos. and young two's go out together. The three year olds go out together and the 4's and young 5's go out together. There is a reason for that...their ages and development levels.
I would remove him from that environment, especially with a mouthy mom on your turf, and find him a class at your local park with organized and structured play. Kids LOVE structure. They love to know what is on the schedule and what is coming next!
On another note, YOU have the responsibility of teching him how to play with age groups. He must learn about "personal space" and staying out of other friend's faces and keeping his hands to himself (pushing, hitting). I teach Older 2's two days a week and Mixed 3's three days a week. When my 3 year olds arrive at school in September, they get my personal space speech and I know that I give it again another 20 times during the school year. Gentle reminders work best.
I hope this helps. I know you are a good mom. remember to be his mom and not his best friend until he is 22!
Best wishes,
Cathy
Woodstock, GA

hi B.,
i am picturing these gyms, and wonder how old the other mom's baby is...is her child too young to handle the situation of all these other kids running around? has your child knocked over or hit her child? if not, i think she is overreacting, and maybe needs a less hectic environment for her kid. i would stand near her, see if she talks to you...watch really closely next time to see if yours is the only child she is complaining about, and if you feel that your child is not doing anything out of the ordinary (you have to expect a certain amount of craziness at these places) i wouldn't worry about it...certainly not fair to make your son miss out on a playtime he loves because one mom is overprotective. but...if he is pushing, etc...and you hadn't noticed, then i think you should just stay on top of that while he's there, but don't stop taking him there...couldn't hurt to ask the person in charge if there have been any other complaints...good luck!

I understand where you are coming from, but as a mother of a very shy little girl I also understand the other mother's point of view. Although your son may be doing things that are okay with you he may just be a little to rough for some of the younger kids. Sometimes even when older kids are playing they can scare or just be a little rough with the younger ones. I think that rather than saying something to the mother or the gym, maybe you should just keep a close eye on your child. When he gets to close to the other child, you could just redirect him to another part of the gym.

I know as a mother it is difficult to disapline someone elses child, and I dont think anyone ever wants to do it, but if the mother of that child is not around when the behavior is happening, it's hard not to say something.

My thought is to always be within arms reach of your child. That way you can be preventative and limit the interactions with the other mother, or her child.

Confront her, but definately with someone else there. Either the director of the gym or several friends. If she is whispering stuff to other people and telling your son he is mean, then who knows what kind of spin she will put on your conversation...you need witnesses to show you were the adult in the situation and proof to the director that she is being unreasonable. Otherwise she might try to have you kicked out & it will be her word against yours. Hope this helps & good luck!