Reason to Believe My Husband Is Cheating...

Email me if you would like to talk...my ex cheated multiple times, and I might be able to help. My heart goes out to you!

Just posting quickly about my wreck of a marriage. I can honestly say with out my girl I'd split...he wanted to be a da but doesnt act it. He doesnt get up to tell her bye before school! If I got the flu bad I would still get her off to school! Post more later C.

HI A., I am sorry to hear that you married the man if he cheated before you married. You have 2 choices, Leave or stay and work it out. Can you forgive him? Can he be faithful? Good Luck. B.

Hi A.,

I know that your story probably tugged at everyone's heart strings. I see that quite a few responded that they were in a similar situation and gave you advice on how to find out for sure. My question is does it really matter? If he's not cheating, you still believe he's capable of it (and he's proven to be in the past). And that's making you a wreck. I know you would like some solid proof "before you pursue a divorce" but if you're waiting for this one bit of knowledge, maybe you're already there. What I'm trying to get at is that staying married to someone you don't trust just because you have a child together is actually making it worse for the child. Your son can pick up on that and if Mommy's not happy, well, he knows. I'm not some divorce advocate but have been divorced and I actually did it for my kids. (I know that sounds backwards but I couldn't allow my son to see it was OK for a husband to treat his wife like that and I couldn't allow my daughter to see it was OK for a wife to be treated like that.) Since your husband seems to have a history of this sort of thing, I don't know if any counseling would help you trust him again. It might have helped if it was a one-time occurrance but he's done it before to you. My only advice is that you maybe talk to a counselor on your own to give you strength and help you find out what you really want. It might be that you really want to make it work with your husband and then both of you could work on it together. If you can start sorting through your feelings, you'll be one step ahead when it comes time to make any sort of decision. I don't think that you ever healed from the first time this happened so knowing for sure if he's cheating now is probably not as important. You're the one who has to make a decision on the future of your marriage - you're a wreck and can't continue to go on for much longer. You must be exhausted going over everything on your own.

All I can say is that everyone deserves to be happy, including you.

Wishing you strength and courage in whatever you do.

Hi A...well I have been there so I know what I'm talking about. Since you have said he has done this before, you probably already know the signs. I wouldn't waste my money on an investigator. Check the checking accounts, credit card bills, his cellphone if he has one. If he has email and you can get into it, do that if you feel you need proof. My guess is you already know the answer to your question. It's hard going through this situation. Like my mother always said..a leopard never changes his spots. Good Luck!

A.,

I've been through this...but with a little different outcome, so I will share my story.
I am my husband's third wife, so people told me I should have known better, but Y'know, love is blind.
I stumbled on proof that he had been cheating after about five years of a shaky marriage. I offerred him a choice, divorce me or be faithful, he chose the latter.
Fast forward to seven years later, after adopting three kids, two of whom were only 11 months apart, He again started showing those signs.
Financially, I had no real choice, so I just put up with it for a few months, squirreling away what money I could because I was sure he would just not come home one day. After a few more months, he went to our pastor on his own, and started a long road back.
It's seven years later now, we are still married, and he has turned out to be a good dad and a better than average husband.
I'm one of those people who does believe in staying together for the sake of the children, and I believe that the kids and I are happier than we would have been had I divorced my husband.
I know it sounds so childish, but when you have a child, daddys get jealous. Suddenly "their" wife spends more time adoring the child than babying the husband, plus, the child gets all his needs met by mommy, making dad feel a little like a third wheel. In our case, both times my husband felt like I no longer wanted him, and started up other relationships to get "understood".(New relationships are exciting...old ones are boring) I refuse to take ANY blame for his feelings, but I do understand up to a point.
No one can tell you what will be best in your unique situation, but sometimes it helps to look at where other people have been.
When you see people who have been married for a long time, you tend to think they have always been happy together, but this is seldom the case.Most marriages have conflict, and working through that is the glue that holds the family together.
Just as an aside, I refused to have sex with my husband after we reconciled, until he was tested for STDs

A.,
My husband's father has cheated all his life. It has caused so much hurt and this last time my husband, my children and I caught him! I don't for a second believe that someone who cheats can change. There may be a couple of instances out there but I would never be able to trust someone like that ever again. I am sure you are hurt and I am sooo sorry for that, but you can't let your son grow up thinking that is ok. We have basically cut off most visits with this grandpa unless we are all there. My husband lives with the shame that his Dad does this, but my kids don't.

I will pray for you!
M.

First let me say for your sake and that of your child I hope you are incorrect, but it does not sound like it. Here are some inexpensive tips for catching a cheater. First, enlist the help of a friend of yours, not a mutual friend. With the help of a friend, not only do you have morale support, but you also have someone else that can follow him. Get a camera, something with zoom and long range is best. If he has a cell phone, check the call log. You can do this by checking the bill or if he is not getting detailed billing, grab the phone one night when he is sleeping or in the shower and check the address book and dialed numbers. If you are unsure how to do this, check the phone models web site and it gives you manuals you can download. I wish you and your son the best of luck. If it is happening make sure you get proof in case it becomes a nasty divorce.

A.
Im a sucker too. We all want to believe that people change and some times they do. That's ok. Talk you your husband and see what you could do to keep him from cheating. Find out why he's doing it. If there's something you could do to spruce things up again. If not move on. I know its hard but honey I work in a doctors office I see alot. HIV, Herpes much more. Keepng him is not worth none of those things. oney these are beuatiful women handsome men. They are not protecting themselves or you.

First and fore most you have to do what is best for you and your son. I would have your son spend the night at someone's house if that is possible and confront your husband. No yelling just a conversation as calm as it can be. You are going to want to scream and yell and cry and right now that won't be productive. Get the "truth" from him and then you can decide weather or not you are ready to leave the marriage. If their is a way to save the marriage try. Kids do better if their is a two parent household. BUT if you are not able to resolve the cheating run!
I know it's hard and you are hurt and acared but the best thing for your son is for you to be happy and secure. Children get their security from their moms. You need to make sure that you are strong enough to walk and to create a happy home for your son.
You will need support; your family, a church group, even co-workers, whoever is near that no matter what have your back. These people should have your best interest at heart, NOT their own agendas. Hell, I am sure any number of women on here will be more than glad to listen, to cry with you, or just sit in the same room with you and hold your hand.
I wish you strength and wisdom.
C.

I started through my divorce with a 2yr old and a 2 1/2 MONTH old. I was what I thought was happily married for almost 6 years and we dated for 6 years prior to that. "Live and Learn" they say. I too put up with "minor" indiscretions during the early part of marriage. Our friends all saw us as that "perfect couple". I suspected he was being unfaithful during my pregnancy with my second child when he kept coming home later and later and then sometimes not at all after my son was born. He used the excuse that he "passed out" at a buddy's house. I asked him if he was still IN-LOVE with me and would be willing to seek some marriage counseling to "strengthen" our marriage. He diclined the couseling and said loved me but with the birth of our second child, it was alot for him and wasn't sure what he wanted. I offered to move out or sleep in another bedroom until he decided. A week later, he asked for me to move out with our two children and give 6 months to a year to decide exactly what he wanted. I made the decision for him. I'll admit, I had no real friends for support and I was scared as hell. BUT, I turned to my family and found that they were higher supporting than I would have imagined. Now, 2 years later I am a much happier person and my ex and I are finally able to start to learn to parent together in different households. I wish you the best and all I can say is find a loving church, God, and try trusting in your family for emotional, spiritual and maybe even a small monetary support system.

I am not sure I can help, all I can do is tell you what happened to me. My husband of 5 years and I went thru a really rough time about 2 years ago. He was faithful while we were dating, however 2 years ago he was fired from his job of 9 1/2 years, it crushed him. He went through a lot with that company, including a terrible accident where the doctors said he would never walk agagin and shouldn't have even made it to the hospital. Anyway, he now barely even limps, you wouldn't know he had a metal rod in his entire leg unless you knew about the accident. Anyway, he is a big time home body, and an intravert and likes his solitude. So he started going out with the "guys"a lot while I was 6 months pregnant with his son, he would go out after work (at his new job) and not want me to go. I would tell him that I would meet them somewhere and he would always find an excuse for me not to go. Like, no it's too smokey in there and I don't want you and the baby around it. I still to this day am convinced that he was cheating. Maybe not sexually, but I do believe he was romancing another woman. I told him I wasn't going to put up with it and I packed my bags, he then realized that I was serious and that I wasn't going to put up with it.
The main concern that I have for you is if he is cheating and having sex with other women that he might get something and give it to you. You are better than that and if you are convinced that he is cheating, your suspisions are probably right. You need not to think of just yourself, but think of your son, you don't want him to grow up and think that cheating is ok because his daddy did it.
Just a few things to think about, I hope this helps.
N.

A., I don't believe you need proof, if there is even a question in your mind then there is a problem in your relationship. If he is it is a symptom of a bigger problem. You are not to blame, you are both to blame. If you are at the point of hiring an investigator I would forget that and don't waste your time looking for proof, just get together an exit strategy and go. You are never gonna be happy if you are forever worrying about where your husband is. No matter how many times he promises it won't happen again, you will still always wonder and be on high alert for any suspicious activity (as well you should be.) I say, save your money, set up your life and get out. Good Luck

Hi A.,

I too am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I too have been there. My situation started a few months before my first and only child so far was born. I thought that I was just feeling jealous and that he was scared and that was why he was acting so weird. Well one week before my son was born, he told me that he did not know if he loved me anymore. He was buying expensive cologne and new clothes, new underwear and hiding it from me. He was staying out and not coming home from work right away. He would not respond to my pages anymore and he always cleared the caller-ID machine before I got home from work to see who may have called. I would get calls with hang-ups. Everyone said at first that it was just my hormones. My son was born and he was there for the birth but not emotionally and he insisted that he did not love me anymore. Well decided to file for a divorce a week after my son was born and he moved out about a month after that. It was about a week after he had moved out, someone sent me an anonymous letter telling me what he had been doing and giving me information proving who he had been having an affair with during this whole time. He said they did not have an affair but to this day they are married and have one child...he cheated...

I know it will be probably the hardest thing for you to decide and to go through, besides losing a loved one, but just know that there is hope for you and your son. I think that women have insticts and they should listen to them. I am not sure if you need to get an investigator but I would be careful sleeping with him if you believe he is cheating. Don't blame yourself or call yourself names over it but just rather be strong for your child... I am now remarried to a wonderful man and my son loves him very much. So know that there is hope out there and you can get through this. Counseling is a good area to start if you need some profesional advice or someone to help you sort out your feelings. I wish you much luck and hope all works out for you...and your child. God bless you and your child.

I agree with the advice to check his cell phone. If you find a number you don't recognize, jot it down and then you can go to www.anywho.com and do a "reverse search" This will only help you if it is a home number. YOu can't find cell numbers on that site. Good luck and please give us an update!

I have been married to my husband for 18 years and there were several times that he has cheated on me. However, I know for a fact in the last 8 he has not. This is something that you really have to dig down deep and decide if it is worth the fight or not. From most of the women that I have talked to it seems like almost everyone has dealt with a cheater. How they deal with it is the differance. My husband and I now have one wonderful child and are very happy. We married VERY young and both had alot of growing up to do which is probably why we were able to make it work. If you cannot confront him now then make sure you are monetarily stable before you do. Sometimes when you confront a cheater they will come clean, but make sure you have the evidence there to put in his face if he doesn't. Look deep inside yourself to figure out if you can forgive him and trust him. If you don't think you can then work on getting out. I have cried those tears and felt everything thath you are feeling now and my heart and prayers go out to you. If you need to talk email me Good luck

pray to God visit a church and confront him seek advice from a pastor. Im sorry this is a hard situation God will give you stregth seek counseling for you and baby. also try to hire a invertigator you want to make sure this is true I will be praying for you God loves you

I have not been in your situation and I pray that I will never will be. The only advise that I can give you is to make sure you are secure financially before you make any decisions.
Have a checking account in your name. Credit cards in your name so that you have some established credit. Put money away that only you will know about. Not in an account so that there is any record of it. Talk to an attorney to know what you should do ahead of time so that if you do end up filing for divorce you have records of his philandering. You will have to have documentation in case it gets ugly over child custody and alimony. DO NOT MAKE CLOSE FRIENDS WITH AN ANOTHER MALE. You do not want any tables turned on you. Things get ugly and people lie. Look out for yourself and your child.

A.,

I am so sorry to hear. Why do you think he is cheating on you? Think about all the reason first then talk to him. Hiring a private investegator is expensive, i would rather spend that money on my baby. If he refuse to talk to you then take him to marriage consultation if you still what this marriage works.

My advice is marriage doesn't change a person, especially he have already committied cheating more than 3 times. Take the child and make him pay for it!

You know the saying, once a cheater, always a cheater? This holds true especially if your instincts are telling you something is going on. If you really want an investigation, you can always get ahold of Cheaters http://www.cheaters.com/ and see if they'll take your case. Just remember that anything you can catch him doing on video will be proof for the judge, if you know what I mean.

Have you tried asking him?

I know this advice is kind of late but I just joined and I wanted to let you know some things. I am 28 and divorced for over a year know and was seperated for over 2 years now with my son who is now almost 3. My ex-husband cheated on me also before we were married and I thought I could change him also. I couldn't and now I am happier than ever with a wonderful man who loves me and my son. I am not saying divorce is the answer but you know your relationship and what you want in life for yourself and your son. If you want to try to work things out than please do it. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. I think the councling is a good idea if he is up to it and both of you work at it. I knew when I needed to leave and if it has come to that point only you will know when that time comes. There is a few things to think about if you stay and you have an unhealthy relationship your son will know and sometimes that is even worse than have a broken home. I know my thing was I never wanted my son to say "hey mom it is about time you left dad." If you do leave him just make sure you find a guy who loves and accepts both of you. If you try to stay I hope it all works out and you are happy. If you ever need to talk let me know I was there and the same age so I know how hard it is when you love someone so much you will do anything for them and they do not do the same for you. Good luck and let me know what happens.

J.

A.,

I am sorry this is happening to you. You already know the truth. I knew after two years, but spent 5 more years in denial. I just couldn't believe it. The bold-faced lies were incredible. The separation anxiety was so painful at first that I thought I was going to die, but after a good cry, I felt so much better for having finally made the break.

I believe in saving a marriage whenever possible, but it doesn't seem like your husband is worth keeping. Make your plans to start a new life. It will be hard, but time will make it better. Don't waste years hoping for change.

Dear A.,

I am so sorry you are in the middle of this. I hope that you are taking care of yourself. I have not experienced this first hand. However, a family member did. She hired a Private Investigator through the yellow pages and got incriminating photos. It was very difficult for her because she felt guilty pursuring this and worried how he would handle it if he were innocent. He was not, which then became another level of issues. 2 years later she is glad she did find out and dealt with it. I am thinking of you. You sound like a very strong person. Your baby is so lucky to have you.

A.: Although I can not relate to what you are going through but I would like to try and offer up some advice. What is your husband doing that makes you think he is cheating? If he has cheated on you numerous times before marriage, the chances are your gut is right. Unfortunately, men don't change after their married. Why waste money on getting a private investigator only to find out that you are right? Take that money and put it away for your son and kick your husband to the curb. Once a cheater, always a cheater..... Best of Luck!

My ex husband did it to me when we were married but I was so naive back then I didn't think about it.Do you have any idea who he may be cheating with? before you hire an investigator I would make sure that your suspicions are real.Could just be some freak consequences. Have some of your closet friends follow him or kind of spy on him. Do you live in Marysville? just kind of sit back and see if his actions get stronger or if they slack off.You can email me or IM me on messenger if you would like to talk ____@____.com

Men Don't Change!

Go with your intuituion, if you think he is cheating he probably is. Before you do anything make sure you have your finacial arrangements in place. You will need to be self sufficient. Do not confront your husband if you decide to divorce him, go to a lawyer first let her tell you what you need to do as far as getting him served and changing the locks on the house, etc.

Be tough, you have a long road ahead of you, but you can do it, I did.

Good Luck,
L.

I am very sorry to hear that. I can relate how much your heart is hurtin. Really. Your heart does not lie. And you deserve a much more trusting partner. Don't cut you or your son short. I guess it depends on how much you feel you can relate to him. Do you want to be happy or do you want to live in doubt? I'm saying it is a personal thing. sucky to go through, I know. There is life without a person you love, but isn't treating you with respect. Just my opinion, from experience. I wish the best for you and your son.

You should go to counseling to deal with everything. There are places that have rates in relation to your income. You have to get strong before you can do whatever you need to do...