Recent Break up After 2 1/2 Years

ATTA GIRL!!!! if only more women thought so much about their kids to sacrifice like this this would be an unbeatable society.

my hats off to you, and you get all my congratulations today :)

It sounds like you made the right choice and that you know it. Now you just need to go through the grieving process. It is so much better to make the break now than to let it go on and on, and never have him make the effort, and never progress with the relationship. I'm sorry you are going through this, but know that it was the right decision.

WOW! I have to say it is incredibly refreshing to hear a Mom put their child before the BF! You absolutey made the right decision! What is so important in all this is what your Son will learn from it. You sound like an incredible Mom and your son is VERY lucky.

Because of your choices your son will grow up to be a great man =-)

Peace & blessing to you!

C.,

Wow, you are the first woman I have ever known or heard about that actually left a man because her child was more important to her. Most women I know of always seem to put the guy first and their children always suffer. And you could have done that since your boy has such a wonderful relationship with his dad. But you didn't and I am willing to bet that that decision will be one that you'll never regret. That man wasn't meant to be with you or he would have done whatever he had to do to make you happy. Although I don't know you, I am very proud of you. How does your son feel about this? Did he like him? Or did he feel that the guy didn't care much for him anyway?

You are an awesome mom and let me be the first to wish you a very happy Mother's Day on Sunday. You deserve all the wonderful things that the universe has to give you.

((hugs))

He knew the parameters from the very start and did not see the relationship with your child as a priority. Unfortunately (or fortunately) that allowed you to see that there were probably going to be other major differences in priorities later in the relationship.

As long as you are honest and forthcoming about your expectations, then you have nothing to worry about!

You made the right choice and thank you for putting your son first. So you've just ended a relationship with "Mr. Almost Right". Now you know more about what you like and don't like in a relationship. You know a little bit more about what you like and what you don't like and, hopefully, that will give you a little bit more of and edge now in weeding out potential suitors and not wasting too much of your time on the ones that aren't the right match for you.

I'm sorry that you are having to go through this. It is tough, so allow yourself a good cry, but know that you made the right choice and you are smarter and better now than you were before.

Blessings

It doesn't sound like you need any advice really. You are completely right and I think the break up was the right thing to do. Your son is the most important thing right now and you did what was best for him.
Have you SEEN all of the questions on this site regarding blended families/exes/stepmoms/stepdads, etc??? "Nice" isn't stepfather material. You'll know it when you find it.
You're on track. Best of luck and kudos to you for standing firm. You're a strong woman! The world could use more like you!

You made the right decision and will never regret it. Children are a great way to filter those men that are not right for us anyways: differences would have showed up sooner or later in your relationship even if you did not have a son already. Plus, what kind of a person would not want to grow close to a child anyways? Perhaps a child himself, a very self-centered egotistic man. And you would have not wanted such a person as your husband anyways.
It's ok to mourn the end of your relationship with the guy, but i do think you'll find real happiness and harmony with the next one...a more sensitive, open and mature man. Good luck and good job!

Well, it sounds like you made your decision, so what you want advice about isn't entirely clear.

I will say this. Many men do not know how to build relationships with people. You can say "build a relationship" till you're blue in the face, and if they are just operating on guesses and don't really know what that means to you and are afraid to ask (most men are pathologically opposed to questions when they don't already know the answer), you won't see progress and they will just feel nagged. It's rather like telling an ADHD child to clean their room. You can say it hundreds of millions of times. But if they don't get how to proceed and don't get help with it from you, nothing will change, or at best they will hide everything in a closet. They need to have help and constant questions about what do you think you could do with your shoes? What do you think is a good place to keep your bath toys? ... Etc.

If this was his only real sin and he hasn't really given up on you yet, I would be tempted to ask him if he knows what you mean by building a relationship with your son. Ask him what that would look like. Chances are high his idea and yours don't match, and that he was willing buy clueless.

You may have just needed to be A LOT more specific about what you meant. Invite him to do things, just the two of you, take an interest in his homework, ask him how his day was when you get home, etc. He may need that level of specificity and just not realize that's your expectation, and felt he was trying.

You are a top notch mom! You are a role model to so many other single moms out there and should be proud of yourself. Your judgment and the strength to follow through is incredible.

I'm so glad you posted this now so I can wish you a very Happy Mother's Day. You deserve to enjoy this Mother's Day with your son to its fullest!

The moment you have a child life changes from "me" to "us". "Your" needs are now "our" needs. You know in your heart it was the right thing to do. That's not to say you won't mourn the loss of the relationship and companionship you and your ex developed but everyone involved deserves more.

You are so right about this decision. It takes an awesome man to be able to accept a child that is not his biological one. I don't believe many men can fill that need. It is very sad!! I was married a second time and the man wanted to come between my son and I. It was never going to happen! I do not see when a man claims to love the mother that it is so difficult to love the child. I work on the school bus and at the end of the year it is hard to leave the kids. You will find someone who can accept your child as well as you. It takes a big man to fill those shoes but it is worth waiting for.

When we have children, we certainly have to be careful about the choices we make when it comes to romantic relationships.
I'm just thinking that for next time, you might want to be clear about what "building a relationship" with your son means.
The most wonderful man on the planet won't think the way a woman does.
Do you mean playing catch with him in the yard? Do you mean taking him to high school football games? Do you mean the two of them spending the afternoon at the movies together?
Your son has an excellent relationship with his biological father so maybe your boyfriend wasn't sure how to go about also being a father figure to him. Maybe he worried about infringing on your son's father's territory.
Maybe he was afraid to get too close in case the relationship didn't last.
I'm not defending him, Lord knows, my kids and I are a package deal too.
You made a choice and I have no doubt it was the right one.
Friends try setting me up all the time and I won't even pursue anything further if I find out a man is a picky eater, for instance. Neither of my kids are picky so I'm not even going there. A picky man would starve in my house because I would just never cater to that. Someone who WON'T eat garlic or onions or fresh vegetables....check him off the list.....PRONTO!
I'm not trying to make light. I'm serious. One guy told me he would eat meat and potatoes, but not on the same plate and not at the same time. And no spices of any kind.
Sometimes when it's not going to be a good fit, you just know it.

Just make sure you are communicating clearly about what having a relationship with your son means. What are your expectaions and what type of relationship does your son want to have with someone you're involved with outside of his relationship with his father? Some kids don't like people who try too hard or make them worry that they are trying to be a parent when they are fine with the parents they have.
It's not an easy thing to navigate for anyone.

Very best wishes!

C.,

I think you are a wise and wonderful mom. You are right in your decision. Please do not harbor any regrets or second thoughts, you did the right thing. You put your son's feelings and well being first because he is your first priority and that is what a great mom does:) From my experience, if a potential step-parent doesn't really bond with his/her fiancee's child, it can cause problems down the road. Say, you did marry this guy, somewhere down the road as your son became older, you would be caught in the middle between the two of them if conflicts arose and worse case scenario you would have to make a dreadful choice--let your son go live with his dad or leave your marriage which by that time, there would be so much baggage in tow. I think you saved everyone involved from grief in the long run.

Kudos to you:)

M

I am proud of you. I am a mother of four boys. Two from my first marriage and two from the second. I have just left my second husband for many reasons but a huge one was because he never invested time in my two older boys who really wanted a relationship with him.
Yes my older boys visit with their father once a month but they would love to have had the 'father' figure around and interested.
I don't know about you but I find it easier to single parent than carry guilt and struggle with keeping all camps happy. My children are my life and if a man cannot respect that I am a 'package' deal I would rather remain single. These children suffer such abandonment with the loss of a parent to keep putting them through it is not fair.
Good luck with a wonderful bond/relationship with your son and I congratulate you on your decision which I am sure was a tough one to make.
Be proud of who you are and maybe in time you will meet MR RIGHT (does he exist???)

Good for you. Too bad you wasted 2 1/2 years figuring this out. That was time you could have spent with a more promising guy, or at least searching for him. Good luck, and I know it hurts even when you know it was the right thing to do. You'll get through it, though.