Recent Miscarriage and Marriage Problems

Hi K.,
I have miscarried before... you need to give your body a couple months to heal. While your body is healing, use the time to see a counselor. Your husband might be using the finances as an excuse to cover up some other issue. I know when my husband starts getting worried about money... the underlying issue is his loss of control over something else. The last thing you want to do is force an issue and then create resentment from your husband. Try to dig to the bottom of his fears, the underlying causes, and deal with that.
I am very sorry for the loss of your pregnancy. It really sucks.
Good luck...
MJ

First, I am very distressed at the attacks you have received from some posts here regarding the mention of divorce. While I too think that it is not the right thing to even contemplate right now, no one here should be slamming anyone else! We're here for support, and this mom needs us to give her guidance, not reproach!

BIG HUG!

Get some counseling, counseling for you alone, counseling for your husband alone, and most importantly counseling for the two of you together. If you have a church, get in touch with your priest/pastor. If you don't, find some mental health counseling, hopefully through your insurance, but help exists outside of insurance also. You can call DSHS if you have no other way. Your grief must be overwhelming, and even the healthiest of we pregnant/postpartum moms can be quick with our emotions.

Don't rush into anything. Love your husband and let him love you. Comfort him as best you can, and your son, who was also looking forward to a new baby in the house. Lean on whatever friends or family you have, please! They may be trying to give you space so that they don't pressure you; so call them and let them know that you need help! It's a hard first step, but it'll really pay off.

I wish I could hug you and hold you, but I can't. But know that we here care, which is why we're here. Best of luck to you.

Firstly, I think you should consider some therapy. Grief counseling as well as marriage counseling before you should ever even remotely consider divorcing a husband whose only fault according to what you wrote is that he doesn't want more than one child right now. There are several stages to grieving, and you need to allow yourself to go through all of them. That, plus you need to allow your body to readjust and heal. That is just practical, and recommended.

I realize that right now you are probably speaking through some major hormones, but when I read your request I was pretty astounded. You would actually consider divorce an option, in a marriage that is going fine with a loving husband, all because right now you are grieving your miscarriage and are desperate for another chance right at this very moment. You would seriously take your current son's life and make it a complete hell because that is what divorce does to children, all because you love him so much you want to give him a sibling. Stop and really think about that. Does it really make sense to you? Yes, it is selfish to be thinking that. You have a child that is your priority right now.

Your husband's financial concerns are not something trivial to be blown off. Yes, you could wait forever to be financially secure and sometimes it is better to just "jump in" and deal with the results. Children are wonderful and worth the sacrifice, and you don't need to be rich to have a large family,but you have a partner in life whose thoughts and feelings are also of value.

Perhaps you can sit down and try to understand your husband's concerns further. Maybe even cruch some numbers yourself and figure out where money will come from. It doesn't grow on trees we all know, so how will you pay for a second child? What options are out there or alternatives? What sacrifices are you willing to make to afford that second child, and is it worth the change in lifestyle to both of you to make that happen, because more than likely you will need to cut back somewhere.

That all being said, just let yourself heal these first couple months. Regroup and revisit this after that time. Now is just not the time, emotionally for both of you, and hormonaly and physically for you.

Sounds to me like you are manipulating your husband into trying again for another baby by threatening with a divorce. Sounds like your husband needs some time to grieve a little. Give him some space and time, and then talk again. Not to mention, you should have some space and time to grieve this miscarriage as well. Even if you don't feel like you need it, you do! For a decision like having another baby, you want your husband to be on board 100%. Use this time to just love on your son and husband, and just be for awhile. That is my advice. If you don't have a strong family unit, having more children is not going to make it stronger!

I am sorry to hear of your loss, and I am sure it is difficult to think about this objectively as you are the one that goes through both emotional and physical results of both pregnancy and miscarriage. You have to understand that your husband cannot do this for you under this kind of duress. A do it or "divorce me" attitude will only alienate him further. He cannot in anyway possibly know how you feel..he's not put together biologically the same as you and there is no way that he can process all of your emotions..the real ones and the hormonal ones you must be experiencing. I believe you do need to find some support in the "real world" and see if you can find a counselor, pastor, support group etc that can help you through this. Really you need the comfort of people that can empathize, and no matter how much your husband loves you and no matter how much he tries he will not be able to "love you enough" to make this happen. Love will see you through but it does not get you pregnant. Remember your body needs time to heal, and your husband will worry about hurting you and about what you feel so much that it could cause problems. Give yourself two months before you try again. I realize you miscarried..and that is sad..but if you want more give your body the normal amount of time one would wait before trying again. (Wait at least eight weeks like they tell you after you are pregnant). Also, in order to get pregnant you need to know when you are ovulating..and other things. Take this time to become very familiar with your body..even though you know from experience what its like to go through pregnancy and the childbirth process each pregnancy is unique to each baby within. So, take your time, take a deep breath..stress won't help you, any potential conception can be affected by stress as well. Get through this...talk to inlaws if you have no family of your own. Your family is what you make of it, so find yourself someone like family or find yourself professional counseling if that suits you..but don't do this alone..any doc will tell you that is the worst way to be in a situation where you feel like you are desperate. Desperate is not a good thing. Anxiety is not healthy if it is over things out of your control. You need to look at your fears and write them down..keep a journal. Maybe you can put it into words better on paper..ask hubby to read it if you want him too, but do tell him you are going to write it and it will contain emotional stuff that some of which will be aimed at him, but you wrote it there so that you could get it off your chest and not bother him with it. (Some issues you do need to bring up perhaps but maybe you will be calmer and more willing to compromise if you vent on someone other than him, as its hard to be a good listener if you feel like the person talking is accusing you of not caring. He obviously cares..so let him care..let him love you and let him do what is necessary for the family. If you cannot afford another child right now, perhap you should compromise and say "I want to try to be pregnant by "May 2010" or whatever...write it down..make it a goal if you will..a new year's resolution. But don't start for at least two months..I'd give it at least three to be safe for your body..and before the "start" time get to know you..get to know your body cycles and get in "tune" with things. Let him in on your preparations so he isn't completely creeped out..which can happen with guys. Appreciate your one child..many aren't that lucky. Hug him every time you want a baby..and tell him you love him, and that daddy loves and even if you have no more..he will always be enough...even if you want more. Good luck..and look to the brighter things in life that keep your marriage strong and healthy..the things beyond procreation for a bit. Perhaps that will help hubby..remember he is hurting too and feels helpless in the face of your sorrow. Help him help you and stop acting like he is not trying..apparently he's just not getting credit for it.

Ok I will start out with the fact that I have never miscarried, but I have been through a divorce. I think you really love him and it sounds like he really loves you...please don't take that option unless it is really necessary. I understand you have a dream, and it sounds like he is willing to pursue your dream. But it also sounds like he needs time. The grieving process is so important - you may feel ready, but he is probably scared and hurt, maybe he even thinks it is his fault. He'll use other excuses b/c men have a much harder time expressing why they really feel the way they feel. Pushing someone into something when they have expressed a desire to do otherwise can cause bitterness and resentment and may lead to a divorce later on (which is hard enough with one child, but very painful with two).
I would highly recommend some kind of counseling to work through this difficult time. Maybe if he has some help to work through this he will want to try again. Finding the perfect man for you is not an everyday thing - just remember that.

I understand where you are coming from, the first time I got pregnant, I also miscarried at 4 months, and it was devestating. I also wanted to get pregnant again right away, and my marriage almost ended because of it. I look back and realize at the time, my hormones were going crazy, in some ways my body still thought I was pregnant, and emotionally, I was unstable. We waited about a year until trying to get pregnant again, and had a beautiful, healthy little girl. If you just hang in there, get yourself right emotionally, there will come a time that you will be ready. Good luck and take care of yourself.

K., I am truly sorry for your loss. I know how difficult it is to lose a baby. Please remember your husband, too, has lost a baby, and you need to lean on each other right now. I don't mean to seem harsh, but I find it interesting that you would consider breaking up that which you seem to want so terribly. You have a little boy who deserves to have a stable and loving home as much as any future children. Is it possible that you can't see the proverbial forest for the trees? You have a family, K.. And you and your husband are going through a challenging time, no doubt about it. But that's what marriage is. It's working through the bad, while reveling in the good. Most importantly, there's a third person involved. Do you think you can ever be content with just one child? My husband and I wanted more than I was able to carry, but we focus on what we have. This is clearly taking a heavy toll on you. I would strongly suggest you talk to your primary care provider. I'm wondering if you could use a little extra support right now. I'm sure you want to do what's best for your family, right? Please take a minute a step back. Read what you've posted here. Keep a journal in which you write down everything that you don't think you could say to anyone else, as well as what you want your husband to know. Remember to write the good as well as the not so good. Wanting to keep a family growning is great, and I love the idea of lots of kids. But is it really worth risking the family you already have? And, if you do have another baby, how will the financial aspect further strain the already strained situation? Keep talking to your husband, but listen as much as you talk. And remember, there are three of you here to consider. I know it's hard. You're obviously hurting. Please see your doctor. You need to be strong, and when you feel discouraged or unfulfilled, take a long look at that little boy of yours, and then take another long look at the man who created him with you. I have a feeling that your son will get a brother or sister at some point. Sometimes, we just need to let go and allow nature to take its course. I wish you the very best of luck, K.. I'm pulling for you.

K.,
I understand the want for more children as my husband and I just went through that. I decided a happy marriage to the man of my dreams is more important than more children. If you h=give him time and patience he may come around. Is another child worth your older one being with out a daddy. Also remember he is going through the loss too. Just because he is not the carrier of the baby he feels the loss. Give him some time and some hugs and you may be surprised. Good luck.

Dear Kristen,

I am so sorry for your loss.

Miscarriage is extremely difficult on relationships no matter how strong they are. I've learned this from my own experience. The feelings that surround miscarriage are rarely ever just about the baby: there is always so much more.

I agree with what Sue wrote. Time, and counselling, were great healers for myself and my partner. The time and money were the most worthwhile investment in our relationship.

During such a time of loss, you and your partner are bound to have very big feelings about all sorts of things in your relationship. Both of your feelings are okay--it's what you do in response to them that matters. I can't imagine, but from what you've said, I'm sure that both you and your husband are probably feeling pretty scared and anxious and very, very hurt right now. Counseling will help and there are many counselors that specialize in miscarriage and fertility issues.

It took a while for me to come through the storm of that loss. I now have a lovely little boy, but I still think sometimes of that lost baby. Miscarriage is like any loss and very much like the death of a living, breathing person that we knew and loved. We are hurt, angry, in disbelief and torn apart by their passing from us. But we do eventually put our lives back together and move forward. We don't have to forget that person, but the pain does lessen and they always have a special place in our hearts. In the midst of this pain, in our anger and hurt, we must strive not to destroy what we do have. This is a horrible trial by fire in so many relationships; however, if we choose to, we can come through it stronger as a couple and stronger in ourselves.

My heartfelt sympathies go out to you and I'll be thinking of you.

This is something you will have to think long and hard about. I have one child and always wanted 2 or 3. I still do want another one. Much like you, my partner and I both work full time and having a second child would be a financial hardship for us. What makes it worse for me is that I have known my parner for 15 years and dated him in high school. Long story short, I was married and divorced, and my son is not his (and not recieving child support). I desperately want a child with him, but I know we cannot afford it right now. Although I have never misscarried, I can imagine that it would make me feel as though I may never be able to have another child, especially if it took a long time to get pregnant. What we decided was that if, by the time we are able to afford a second child I am not able to safely carry a child, that we will look into adoption. Personally, I would not ruin a marriage because I could not have another child, but you need to decide what is most important for you and for the child that you already share together. If it were me, I would grieve the misscarage, reconcile the marriage, and wait until I was more financially stable to try for a second...and if I was unable to conceive, look into adoption. There are so many options you have right now. I would urge you to at least take the time to grieve for your miscarrage with your husband (and son if he is old enough to understand), and then re-evaluate the situation and your thoughts/feelings/desires. Hope things get better for you.

First off - I want to tell you I'm sorry about your misscarriage. I understand the financial bind and worry. I am the breadwinner of the family while my hubby goes to school. I work two jobs to make ends meet. Our son will turn 3 this month and I am wanting another baby - SOON. My husband and I talk about it and everything, we are currently trying. I know financially we probably can't afford it, but there are people out there that have less than us and are making it with more children. So, as a responsible parent - you would want to be financially sound, but really when are you going to be "financially sound"?
As for you and your husband - I think you guys should be on the same page for this big of a decision. I will hope and pray for you and your family.

I'm sorry that you've miscarried and that it's causing so many problems in your life. I've miscarried twice and have been told both times that I needed to wait at least a month and have a normal cycle before I could try again. We now have a lovely daughter and have our second on the way. There are lots of emotions and hormones that go along with miscarriage and it sounds like they're running rampant in your house right now. You all might benefit from family counseling and lots of places offer it at a sliding scale. If that's really not an option, a little time to let things settle would probably be good for you and you husband to get a little perspective. Your husband knows you want a big family, but is it worth losing the family you already have? Instead of either of you "winning" and the other "losing", take the time to agree on what is best for you all.

K.,
i am here for you, i understand and empathise with what you are going through. I have had four miscarriages three befor my son, one in-between, and now have two boys. It can be the saddest thing you'll ever have to deal with in life. People offten ignore the fact that your baby was your baby and died leaving you with the feeling of loss, hopelessness, anger, worry, and sadness. Like what others have said the hormones are a major factor in your issues. I had the problem with sex after our losses, and would cry during and after sex. Even though you typically find males to express there emotions differntly he may be having a hard time relating that to you and with you. He is also coping and in his own way. Its easy to deal with what comes with another child when your pregnant and cant change it but after a loss all kinds of things go through your head, give it some time, as hard as it may be. You, like me will be able to get through this a stronger person and use the opportunity to try to communicate your feelings better with your spouses and help him to do the same. I really am so sorry that you have lost this child, it hurts! Give your body,mind, and heart time. You'll know when and what the right thing to do is, but give yourself alittle more time. I wish you only the best. Hug your son!

I am so sorry that you have had a miscarried. I am sure that both of you are very sad. It seems to me that in the middle of the recovery of that loss you might want to wait for a while to make any decisions. And your husband has also suffered a loss. Please make sure that you give him time to recover from his loss.

Blessings, W.

K.,

Allow yourselves to mourn. This is not the time to make life changing decisions.

Sadly, I have to agree with your husband. Give your body time to recuperate from this loss and get back to normal. I have found that when the stresses of life are reduced fertility tends to increase. Try some meditation tapes/CD's and try to reduce the stresses y'all face at home and see if that helps at all.

Hopefully,
Melissa

{{{Hugs}}}

K. - I am so, so sorry about your miscarriage. I, too, have had difficulty getting pregnant and I know how much it hurts.

It is normal to feel hurt, angry, frustrated and despair when it seems as if our dreams are slipping through our fingers. I don't blame you for feeling so upset.

However, for the sake of your beautiful little boy and any future children you may bring into this world, please try to find a way to get some perspective on this. At this moment, you are trying to make something happen that you are only partially able to control. You can't control how your husband feels. You can't control if your body takes time to get pregnant or if it miscarries.

The grief of the miscarriage, your strong (and understandable) desire for a family, your fear that you'll never get your dream, and your frustration that your husband does not share your feelings at this particular point in time are all boiling together and spilling over into your marriage and your little boy.

It is so easy to think, "I'll divorce him if he doesn't....." or "why did I ever marry him?" - I think most wives have thought something like that at some point in their marriage.

But the truth is divorce is ugly and destructive to both parents and their children. I am not saying divorce should never be considered - sometimes, it is the healthiest option available. But, it is NEVER an easy or smooth option, and it will hurt your boy tremendously.

I, too, would recommend you talk to someone about all of this - does your company have an EAP program? I don't think you need intensive therapy; just a third party to pour your heart out to during this very intense time.

I also believe you need to back off your husband - give him space while you get your own feelings and thoughts under control. That is easier said than done when we are reeling with strong emotions, which is why finding a third person to share your feelings with first would be very helpful.

My heart truly goes out to you and I will pray for you.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I just want to say that it is normal for a man to worry about the finances. His reasoning may also be a way to avoid to the pain of having to go through another miscarriage. They worry about that too. I have had six miscarriages before the one we are currently pregnant with. Even though he wanted to have another child, he also wanted to stop trying long ago to avoid the pain of losing another.

One thing you never do, hormones or not, is threaten divorce. Ever. I recommended you both get into grief counseling.

wow, you'd risk a good husband and happy family for another child? It seems like one child with a good relationship is far better than more with a bad one. I guess i can't really see why there isn't more room for compromise in your mind. But perhaps that doesn't matter in terms of approaching a solution?

So, by my count, you have four more years before you are technically approaching 'old' for child bearing, and you could conceive for years after that. Four years is a long time, and if your husband needs a bit of time to get ready for trying again, it can be less than four years, and dwarfed by the many years of happiness you can have if you work through this.

Having a miscarriage, especially when you so desire a second child, must be very stressful and painful. Perhaps you and your husband are dealing with this stress and pain differently? There are support groups available for people who have suffered miscarriages, and maybe one of these would help the two of you work through your feelings together, instead of apart?

In the mean time, why don't you see if your husband is willing to discuss the issue in some short amount of time - say, skip this fertile period and talk about it before the next one. The goal of the discusion would be to see if you can come to a agreement about if and when you might try to conceive number two. And then agree to use the next couple of months to be supportive of each other, grieve for your loss, and work on your relationship so the conversation will be beneficial to both of you?

Good luck - i hope you find a nice solution.

I too am sorry for your loss. It's hard, I know. I lost three between my two kids. Someone may have already said something along these lines, but in spite of the saddness and the frustration about maybe not having another child, you have to remember that you have a son that really needs his mom and dad. Divorcing over another child is not thinking about the child you already have. No, it may not be fair to you, but this child should not be put in this situation. I'm sure you are grateful for your son and love him very much (as does your husband), so don't diminish that special relationship by a want for more. Don't get me wrong, it's okay to want more, but if the cost is so drastic is it really right?

I agree your emotions may be fueled by your horomones and it does take time to grief a loss of this magnitude, so be gentle with each other and with yourself. Use this as a time to draw closer to your husband and your son. May your heart find peace and may you be blessed wtih more children when your family is ready.

I hope there are more problems than just the fact that he is nervous about having another child. Be careful with the word "divorce". So... Are you saying you can't be happy with a loving husband and one child? You would rather end up bullying your husband and causing a rift between you so you can have an unhappy marriage with more than one child?
I think you are being selfish too. Have you tried relieving his concerns or asking questions to better understand why he is so worried about trying for another child. Maybe he is thinking "why have children if you both have to work fulltime to support them (and have someone else "raise" them)... Maybe the though of losing another baby is too much emotionally for HIM... Did he say NO MORE kids or does he want to wait a little longer?
Obviously, he loves you. That is more than a lot of women have....

K., I am bothered by what you said that if your husband didn't help you get pregnant again right away that you would divorce him. I understand how you feel about the miscarriage. my husband and I have been married for 21 years and have had 21 years of infertility. Over the course of those years I got pregnant 1 time which ended up in a miscarriage. We have since adopted 6 children. I know the desire you have to have another child is very strong but divorce is not the answer. it sounds as though your husband loves you very much and is willing to do what you want to keep the marriage together. Divorce should never be an option!! It is the cowards way out! When you remove that as an option for you then you will be able to work anything out. You husband has the burden of responsibilty for providing for your family even if you are working. If he is stressed you need to understand what he is feeling just like you want him to understand how you are feeling. talk about things together and make the decision together. there will have to be compromise but that is what marriage is about. You have a choice... you can make these problems split you apart or you can come closer together and work as a team... united... to solve your troubles. In the 21 years I have been married my husband and I have gone through major illnesses, death of close family members, infertility, unemployment, adopting all of our children through foster care. (this in itself is EXTREMELY emotionally taxing on both parents)we have had some scary financial problems also but through it all there was no selfishness and no blame and divorce was never an option and we are happier now than we ever have been in our lives. I am a stay at home mom and so we are completely dependant on one income but we are happy and united. Please think about this. I know that you are hurting because of the loss of that baby but I know that you can get passed it and will eventually be able to move on. please don't even consider breaking up your family because you don't get your own way. good Luck in whatever you decide and God bless. J.

I have to agree with the previous posts about time. You definitely need time, your husband needs time. I'm 35 and I felt like time was pressuring me to get pregnant again after a miscarriage in October of 07. It was so hard to know that we had tried to get pregnant, and that it didn't work. Our daughter wasn't even a year old yet, and I had it set in my mind that we HAD to have our kids close in age. My husband didn't feel as strongly and looked at the miscarriage as something to make us really consider how we were approaching things. We decided to wait until spring/summer to start trying again.

It really helped to agree on it, even though I probably could have convinced him to work on it again sooner. I was able to enjoy my daughter's first birthday, Christmas with my family, my birthday (turning 35 yikes!) and not be constantly stressed about ovulation, temperatures, fertility, etc. When we decided to start trying again, we actually got pregnant easier than the other two pregnancies!

Please don't try to put an "ultimatum" on your marriage because of this. What about your "beautiful, happy boy"? Is it worth it for him to have divorced parents because his dad wanted to wait for him to have a sibling longer than his mother? I'm sure you're hormonal, but please consider his feeling/awareness in all of this. Also, just because you have it in your mind that you want a large family--doesn't mean it will necessarily happen. I wanted to have a boy first, and had a girl, I was hoping to have a boy with my second pregnancy, and now know it's another girl. Sure I could have let it disappoint me, but it's not worth it. I'm thrilled my daughter is a happy, healthy, well-adjusted two year old who will get to have a younger sister (something I didn't have). I wouldn't change any of it now.

Life forces us to make adjustments and changes, it is up to us to carry on and look for the benefits/positives, or to sulk and pity ourselves when things don't go our desired way. You have two other extremely important people in your life who love you and care about you and NEED you! You will get pregnant again, your husband isn't telling you no. He just needs to sort things out. Maybe he's concerned about you more than you know!

first off, check out this link:
http://www.babycenter.com/0_coping-with-pregnancy-loss_40...
it might answer a lot of questions for you. baby center also has bulletin boards where you can get in touch with women who have also had a miscarriage. there's a lot of support to be had from people who know what you're dealing with.
i can't say i know exactly how you are feeling, i've had 4 miscarriages but all them were unplanned pregnancies. it's a completely different set of emotions, unexpected and mixed. i have a general idea of the sadness you are feeling. i can tell you that if i were to miscarry the baby i am carrying now (i am on modified bedrest to prevent that), a baby my SO and i have been planning for since last january, i would be devastated. i am so sorry for your loss, no miscarriage is ever easy.
typically, doctors recommend you wait 3-6 months before you ttc again (answers vary). your body needs time to heal! your body is going through so many changes right now, and it needs to adjust back. i know it took 10 months this time, but it's not always going to take 10 months. maybe next time it takes 3 months. there is no surefire way to tell. you are still young, and you still have wonderful chances of having another child, barring medical matters that presently exist.
speaking of adjusting, i think you and your husband need to adjust as well. BOTH of you need to grieve! i know it's hard to imagine that he is having a hard time with this as well, but it is almost certain that he is. that was his child too, and it sounds like this was a child that was very much wanted by BOTH of you. in my opinion, as hard as it is for you to hear, the best thing for the two of you to do is wait. wait and allow the dust to settle before you discuss the subject any further because you aren't going to solve anything while your emotions are running high.
it is incredibly common for men to worry more about money when expanding or talking about expanding the family. in fact, most parenting books for men have a specific section on that very subject.
divorce isn't the answer here. divorce isn't going to get you a big family anytime soon. if you and your husband are still in love, still make a good team, and are simply disagreeing at this point in time, then divorce isn't the answer. i know you're angry, but threatening divorce isn't going to solve anything either. instead of being a team about this, you're going to force him into a corner where he'll do anything to get out. that's not healthy! he's absolutely right, you are being selfish, but right now you aren't yourself. again, your hormones are running wild, your emotions are incredibly fragile, you feel like you are in a corner, and you're grasping at whatever you can to get out. thing is, the corner you're in is self-imposed, and it's up to you to get out of it. threatening divorce, whether you really feel you mean it or not, isn't going to help anything.
i am so very sorry for your sadness. you are going through a lot right now, and i hope that you will be able to find the strength to cope in a healthy manner, and that you and your husband can find strength in each other as well.

OK let's step back a minute and realize that your hormones are talking here. I have miscarried twice, so I can relate. I know you love your husband. He is grieving in his own way. Give him a little time. In our case it was the opposite, he wanted to try again right away, I was hesitant. It wouldn't have been fair for my husband to threaten to divorce me though. For better or worse. If you divorcd.....you still wouldn't have a child then...or a husband for that matter. Divorce isn't something to threaten ever! That just makes him insecure in the marriage like he's disposable if you don't get your way. At the moment...yes...you are being selfish...we all do that sometimes. Would you really want to create a child out of love knowing right now your husband needs to regroup? It will be a much more joyous occassion if agreed upon. Less to throw back in your face later anyway........"You're the one that wanted another baby" not that he would say that but in all honesty he'll come back around to another child if he knows you respect his feelings and give him time. For now I think you should let him know you're sorry for saying that, and that you love him. Revisit the baby issure in a couple months.

Most likely your miscarriage has triggered the grief of the loss of others and it's piggy backing on this event. I'm sure you are both suffering your loss and dealing with our world crisis. I'm so sorry your family is hurting and it's normal to want your husband to hear how serious this is for you. Try to use I statements with him. I feel helpless, alone and sad, etc. Buddhist pray for challenges to help them grow because a good life sometimes causes stagnancy. They say treat life like a dance and not like fighting a war. It's easier to take things out on my husband because I know he won't reject me. If you feel unheard express it. Vent to your girlfriends or a counselor because of course you're grieving which takes on the form of anger, disappointment, injustice, etc. You can make it as a family. The first step will be self awareness. I can empower myself to feel this pain because I am safe and loved. Your past is just hanging on a bit as mine creeps up and bites me too. Treat yourself as you would your best friend or your child right now. Recover so your body can rejuvenate enough to carry a child to term. This is nobody's fault and time will heal. The two of you will have another child together but patience will help the both of you be ready for the new love of your life. Thank you for your honesty and bravery to post. You'll get there. I posted once and may not do it again because no one responded. Try to see what you are grateful for and say it aloud, say thanks and try to be forgiving. You have plenty of time. I'm 38 and have a 2 yr old. We may have another child but we have to wait and see. I quit my career to be a SAHM. We cut out caffeine, newspapers, cable, unplug everything every night, etc. to be able to afford one child. Men just deal with grief differently. He may feel scared to lose another baby right now or fear that you are both reeling from this event and knows that you both need some time together to heal. In teaching, I let people know during crisis to do something at the same time everyday to provide consistency. Maybe dinner everyday at 6 or walk the dog at the same time everyday. It helps the family cope. Best wishes to your family.

Hi there K.,
I just had to write..Please remember it takes a while for your body to recover from pregnancy. Give it some time B4 trying to conceive again. The more uptight you are, the less likely you will get pregnant. And don't destroy your marriage by stating it must be NOW!! Give yourself, hubby & time to work on this. RELAX!! You still have time & it may take little longer than what you want...good luck