ok so i googled for a list of sex offender's in my area, and sadly, there's 2 within just blocks from my house. I'm trying to teach my daughter "home alone" ettique, although she and i are not comfortable with her staying home alone any more than 30 minutes MAX if that, and i make sure she's ok, and tell her where i'm going if she is.
I don't want to scare her to not want to stay home alone (she's almost 8-not old enough for long periods at a time, but to run to the store, really quick, yes-and not often, and a little longer when her two older step sister's are there-13 and 15) but at the same time i want to exagerate to her the importance of NOT ANSWERING THE DOOR TO STRANGER'S or even family (yes even family-none of my family will show up without me there unless it's an emergency, and only my mom knows our code word if there is a die hard emergency and needs my daughter to cooperate with her) especially since there are offenders so close to home. We've gone over answering the phone safety, 911, etc and that she is to wait til she hears me or my husband and we have to say our code word on the answering machine before she can answer the phone and IF she's ever home alone and someone is to show up when i'm not there, she is still not to answer unless she hears from me FIRST.
how did you go over this with your child, i'm printing off pictures of these guys so she'll know what they look like and know where they are, etc. but at the same time i don't want to scare her
keep in mind guys, i have not even metioned to my daughter that i was looking them up or anyone for that matter, she's had, the "strangers may try to force you" talk because she's so stranger friendly, i was trying to scare her to quit talking to strangers so easily cause she's such a trusting girl....ok, sometimes but not all the time
also i have told my daughter that under NO circumstances is ANY one allowed to touch her "there" no matter what they say unless it's a dr wearing gloves and mommy is there watching, standing right there she wont even let her dad or step mom touch her there, her dad has had issues with me about that (he's a boy so he's not going to, and doesnt' like that i wont let step mom do it-even though they ensure her it's ok, she tells them my mom said no, i'd rather not-good job sweetness!!) anyway, i explained to her that ANY one tries to touch her there she needs to tell SOMEONE, if she can't tell me, tell mimi, tell teacher, anyone so the problem can be fixed for her.
and yes i know most are "close" to the victim, just like keeping my guard up....such a sick world
sue the reason i myself am scared at the idea, was because my brother and i had an experience...before she came home from work we got a phone call from someone our mom knew..your mom asked me to come get you, we didn't think twice about it, she'd introduced us to her, etc, said ok...thankfully she got home before he came to get us, and we told her, we thought so and so was coming to get us...she said, no i havn't talked to them in a while now. so yes, i'm VERY picky
Tori, yes it'll be a while (years) before i do actually let her stay home alone because of that reason
In my, we do have a dog, that will bark at a mere bike rider (stays outside) he will let you know when someone is there he doesn't know. he's small and will run like a chicken, but he alerts us which is ok, our big dog, is a love bird, she'll lick ya to death...one of the neighbors was walking in their front yard (our back yard and their front blend together, and he was barking up a storm.
I dont think printing off the ugly faces of them and showing them to her is the right thing to do.... it gives me goose bumps just looking at them!
My rule when my kids were home alone was DO NOT ANSWER THE DOOR at all.
I think first and foremost your daughter is way to young to be left alone even for 30 min!! Second of all you can't just say all sex offenders are horriable people, I think anyone that has an offence against a child should burn in hell but you must realize people can be forced to register as a sex offender for public urination, some drunk girl at a bar claims sexual harrasement, or a 18yr old boy has sex with his 16 yr old girlfriend and the parents don't like the guy...etc the list can go on. I agree it's important to be cautious and particular as parents but as Kristi said it's better for children to be informed and not afraid.
I think you've already scared her.
My daughter is 8 and there are only two rules for her staying home alone. No fires (lighters/candles/stove) and call me immediately for any reason. She also knows our neighbors in our condo building and knows how to call 911.
My sister and I were both molested by our older brother, and by our next door neighbor, so locked doors don't keep kids safe. People who know your child are the most likely to attempt inappropriate actions, and the "creepy stranger" is the least likely. My daughter and I have both been training in karate for 3 years. She is learning that she has physical boundaries and the ability to take care of and defend herself. More effective, I believe, than locked, and easily broken, doors.
I agree, no pictures! Rules for answering the door, etc yes. Specific people, no. (it could be others, not those two that comes to your door)
My kids are 9 and 10. Possibly too young to stay home alone but some nights I do allow it (for 1 hour while I go to the train station to get hubby!). They have a cell phone for emergencies (or me) only. They also know that they are NOT allowed to answer the door (family included..they know the only people that have any business coming in have the key - myself and hubby). The third rule is that they are not allowed to stay unless the family next door is home. We live up stairs and have only one other apartment up here. We also have a registered sex offender living across the street and another one further down in the nieghborhood. The way our apartment is set up the kids can stay in the living room the whole time and unless I say something, no one knows they are home.
The kids also know that there is a bad person living across the street ut they don't know what he did. They just know not to talk to him. They are NEVER left outside unattended.
Okay, This may not pertain to your town at all but here it goes.....We live in a town that has had quite a few scenarious such as this. (we have easy access to two Freeways in a lot of places in town) Someone knocks at the door pretending to sell something. No Answer? Break in. A block away in the middle of the day this past Spring this happened to two girls about your step daughters age. They were told not to answer the door. Knock on the door, stayed upstairs not answering. Two guys went around back and broke in. Fortunately they got out of the house and were able to get help from our neighbor to call the police. Now our local police has advised making sure anyone knocking at at the door knows you are home. You have to do this safely without opening the door. UGH, just not fair that our world is becoming this way! I have a sign that says "No Soliciting" and dogs, which can deter this. I don't think my eight year old is ready for this. If she was safe just not answering the door, that may work, but as for the rest of it, I don't think so.
In our old neighborhood, when my son was your daughter's age, there was a registered sex offender living within a few blocks of our apartment complex. I showed my son the house, told him that a adult who may harm children lived there, and that he should never go there nor talk to the man. His friends who lived in the neighborhood were told the same things by their Moms. Honestly, all of the kids would point out the house and the man and knew to stay away from him. Maybe that was wrong, but none of us were taking any chances.
I think educating your children is the best policy. It is unfortunate to have to explain that there are people in the world that would hurt or have hurt children, but knowledge is power and protection.
Also, mine would stay home alone for 20 minutes or so if I had to run out and get milk from the store. He was fine. He knew the rules - Never answer the door no matter who was there, not to leave the house, when in doubt go to the neighbors only.
I think you have covered all your bases.
The only other thing I would recommend, if possible, is to get a big dog! I feel safer with my big dog and so do my kids. Someone knocks on the door and the big bad loud bark comes and it does wonders! I promise! *Added bonus, he works wonders with door to door salesman!
Maybe another thing is to put a keypad on the garage door. Do you have an attached garage? We do, and we and only close family have the code to get in without the car opener...so nobody uses our front door except strangers.
I have always told all my kids...when we are not home you just do NOT open the door, NO MATTER WHAT!
~When I was a teenager my BFF had a person knock on her door and muscle their way in...luckily she was able to bolt out the back door and over to the neighbors house and all that the criminal got was a few things he could grab on his way out. Stupid criminals.
It is scary stuff, it's best to be pro-active and teach the kids, even if it is scary for them :(
First, you gotta remember that it's not just those 2 you have to worry about! I think 8yrs old is too young to be left alone for more than 5 min period! If you want to see if she's following your rules though, test her. I've left my 8yr old son home while walking my daughter to school or getting milk from the 7-11 less than one block away (both only about 5 mins and I can see our house the entire time). When i came back one time, I knocked and knocked and yelled his name and he never came to the door. That made me trust him more.....
Your daughter is way too young to be left alone. For any amount of time. Period. It is unlikely that she would be able to react appropriately in the event of an emergency. And yes, emergencies can happen in 30 minutes or less. Instead of trying to put fear into her, educate her on the dangers of strangers. I think children benefit from being informed, not being afraid.
I also want to add that just because there are or are not registered sex offenders in your area, doesn't mean you can gauge your child's safety on that. What about the people who are currently sexually/physically/verbally abusing people who have not been caught? And what about non-compliant sex offenders?
You've done more than enough already. If she follows the rules, then the sex offenders are a moot point. Stress the responsibility of staying home alone and the need to be safe during that time period. Having a code word is a good idea, but she needs to feel comfortable home alone and not too worried.
Don't overdo it!
is your daughter responsible? Tell her that if she's left alone (even for 10 minutes) not to open the door, unless it's family. Even if it's a close friend or neighbor. No one but mommy, daddy (or grandparents if they are a possibility). We knew growing up that you dont answer the door if no grown up is home.
Also, does it say what they are sex offenders for? There are a crazy amount of people on the sex offender list who are not actually sex offenders. I recommend watching last week's Raising Hope, which did a funny episode about this sad topic. I mean, a 16 year old who has sex with his 15 year old girlfriend can be a sex offender. This actually happened to a guy who lived near a coworker of mine. When they got old enough, they were married and had a baby, and the community ran them out because he was on the sex offender registry. Sad. You can also get on there for public urination. I've even heard of a case in FL where a 5 year old was put on the registry for looking up a little girl's skirt in kindergarten when she stood over him at nap time.
