Relationship - Nashville,TN

What you do is leave it alone. Stay out of it. Be sympathetic but don't tell her what to do. Let them deicde what their relationship is going to be, whether that means getting back together, remining friends, or cutting all ties.

Not your battle to fight. Let your daughter know that she needs to put herself first and do things that will make her happy. She'll eventually stop letting this guy be so important that she's miserable all the time and start moving on with her life. All you can really do is to be there to let her know that she's a treasure to you and will be to someone else too.

Not much you can do. Unless she is a minor it is her life, if she is a minor you were asleep at the wheel letting her seriously date that long.

I think for most people in her situation the healthiest thing for them to do would be to spend some time away from the ex and spend some time getting to know oneself.

I saw several people in college who dated someone for a long time or were always very quick to find a new boyfriend/girlfriend when a relationship didn't work out. It always seemed obvious to me that those were people who needed to just be single for awhile. They needed to learn about themselves - their likes, their dislikes, their passion, etc.

I would think she needs to give herself some space from her ex. Be single for awhile. Meet some new people, and get involved in something - church, club, sport, whatever.

But this probably has to come from her, not you. It might be helpful for the two of you to do some things together. You could even suggest some activities she may not have thought of before - something that could get her involved in something and/or allow her to meet some new people.

But accept the fact that you might not be able to do anything. She has to do this herself. You can encourage and support, but she has to actually take some steps to try and heal and move forward.

Breaks your heart doesn't it? Just maintain a supportive relationship and let them sort it out. It's tough being a Mama!!

K.,

Welcome to mamapedia!!

What's your question? What help do you want?

You don't say how old your daughter is.

If you are asking what you should do? There's not much you can do but there to comfort her and let her cry or be angry...you cannot fix this. You cannot push them back together nor can you keep them apart.

I highly doubt she'd listen to your words of wisdom right now anyway...sorry - but really - she's dated him for 5 years...that's a long time to date and nothing happening - marriage, etc.

I would NOT say "it's a good thing you didn't get married" or anything crass like that - but just be there. Tell her they broke up for a reason and if that reason hasn't changed, the situation won't change - they'll be back in the same boat again - so they will need to make a decision - fix it or totally break up.

Good luck!

This will probably sound callous, and I don't meant it that way at all. But honestly, she WILL get over it. She just needs to go through the whole gamut of heartbreak and grief, and she'll be stronger on the other side. You can't save her from bad feelings this time, and you can't speed the healing process up. What you CAN do, while she's going through all this misery, is make sure she keeps the rest of her life together. Is she in school? Okay, sit her crying self down and make sure homework happens. Is she working? Okay, she needs to get herself out the door every morning, no matter what. That way, she'll have a life to return to whenever she's ready to get on with her life. And she'll learn that hard work is a cure for all kinds of sorrow. The sooner she learns that, the stronger she'll be.

Elaine's right. There really is nothing that you can do.

When I was a teen, and my boyfriend broke up with me (he's my husband now, LOL!), my mom gave me the following poem she found in Dear Abby or Dear Ann Landers (one of the two). I cried reading the poem, but I understood. I don't think that it applies to you, but the point is, my mom recognized that everyone goes through a breakup in their lives and needs to understand that it's normal. And we pretty much have to get past it - our mom can't do it for us...

Forget Him

Forget him,
Forget his name,
Forget his face,
Forget his kiss,
His warm embrace,
Forget the love you once knew,
Remember he has someone new.

Forget him when they played your song,
Remember when you cried all night long,
Forget how close you once were,
Remember he has chosen her.

Forget how you memorized his walk,
Forget the way he used to talk,
Forget the things he used to say,
Remember he has gone away.

Forget his laugh forget his grin,
Forget the dimples on his chin,
Forget the way he held you tight,
Remember he's with her tonight.

Remember the time that went so fast,
Forget the love it's moved, it's past,
Forget he said he would leave you never,
Remember he's gone forever.

oh Thank God I've not had to go through this yet!! I dread it with 4 boys...

How do I plan on handling it when this happens? Be there. Hug. Guide but don't be overbearing with advice. It straddles a fine line, but you can't tell her to go back and you can't tell her to stay away. Talk the break up through with her, why did they break up? why can't she stay away? Ask the questions but don't GIVE the answers...if she asks what would you do? Then tell her what you would do.

Hi K., all you can do is love her, and hold her and help her cry if she wants you too. And ice-cream, that usually helps.

B.

She has to make the choice to stop letting him back in since he clearly does not want to be with her exclusively. I think what happens sometimes is one persons thinks they can still be friends, or even sexual partners, without it meaning more, while the other person sees each time together as proof that the person must really still love them. All you can do is hold her and support her and hope she finds the strength to end it for good.

You don't have to do anything except be there to listen to your daughter and be supportive emotionally. Keep plenty of ice cream in the house.

how old is she? Sounds like you need to get her to talk to a therapist. they can help and she can say things in private to them that she cant say to others