Relationship Advice, Be Totally Honest Here May Be Long but Please Read

Its time to grow up. (please don't take that wrong). You are an adult, you are a mother, you need to act like one. Take your daughter and go to your mom's house for a visit. Tell her everything that's going on and listen to her suggestions. If its possible, move out of your boyfriend's mother's house immediately. Pack up, take your daughter without a scene and go back home with your mother. Ask your mother to come pick up your daughter so she's not there when you're packing and doesn't become a point of contention.

You need to get out of that house, start your life as an adult. You can't control what your boyfriend is going to do, but you can't let your life pass you by while you sit under the thumb of a controlling boy and his controlling mother. He MAY decide to petition for custody, but he won't win. He will end up with partial custody.

Sometimes our answers are in our own questions... You need to go to your mothers. We always scare for the custody thing but at the end of the day you are MOM. Unless you are an "unfit" mother which doesn't sound like you are, the courts cannot take your child away. You both would have shared custody, but you should be proud that in some way her father will still be in the picture. Let her figure out as she grows if her father is worth a damn or not. Just because you are being treated that way doesn't mean he will do the same to her. Most of us make that mistake and assume.

I am a single mother, living with my mother, going to nursing school, and working as a nurse tech. My sons father is not around at all, though his parents do like to take my son 1x a month for the weekend, which I allow because the more love my son gets the healthier.

Most of use get caught up and think about ourselves instead of our childs benefit. Your daughter will be better off if at the end of the day YOUR happy and there is a peaceful surrounding. She needs her mother to raise her and have outsiders help but not overtake.

I left my sons father because I was not appreciated and felt miserable. I was pregnant at the time and it just clicked that if I stay, my child will be just as miserable. I worried so much about the whole custody issue but its never been an issue. You are going to want help in some way. This child is yours just as it is his. Be happy and appreciate if he wants to be there. Appreciate his parents, although they may get on your nerves. Appreciate the fact that at the end of the day your child will smile going to bed because she is loved.

So go back home, with your daughter. Talk with your boyfriend and his parents about the decision and why. Explain that you still want them in her life as much as they want to be. Start of small and you will see the big results.

Goodluck.

I am sorry if I offend you with this but in my opinion you both sound like you act like children and it is time for you (in the plural sense) to stop mooching off of his parents and take care of your own life. You two are both adults and parents. He is working. You should be able to get a place of your own (whether with state assistance or not) and take care of your daughter without too much assistance from either your mom or his parents. It can be done. It is done all the time. This is assuming you want to continue to be in a relationship with Audrey's father. If you do not want to try to work things out with him I still think you should try making it work on your own. Move out. Live with your mom temporarily if you must but get your own place. You have a lot of work to do before you look like the best parent for the child...you don't have a high school degree or a job or a place of your own, etc. So take care of those things and worry about the custody issue when and if it comes up. Being flexible in custody arrangements/visitation can work in your favor and possibly keep him from filing anything with the court (then you could file once you are on your feet). If you know Audrey isn't in danger consider allowing him to have her on his days off. Just my opinion.

Wow he sounds like my father.

He was always telling my mother what to do, how she should be feeling, how she should look. He used his money to control her. Of course he spent money on anything he wanted. She worked, but had to use her money on necessities and any savings..

They were young when they married and he was insecure. He wanted to make sure she would stay with him,. so he belittled her. Even made her think their friends were really just his friends. Made her feel like a weak mom and made his mom seem like she was the only one that knew anything about babies and children..

My mother was worried about what would happen if she spoke up or if she told him no, because he was so childish and would yell and pout when she did not just do what he wanted. It was not worth the battle.

It took her a while, but she finally realized, they should have a more even relationship and when he refused to go to couples counseling, she realized he was a lost cause.. By this time, it had become a LOT of yelling, threats and it was awful and stressful. Thank goodness she kicked him out..

My father took a long time to get himself together, but now he is living a good life and is regretful. He was a product of his own childhood. He knows better now and is happily married. .. I have forgiven him.

If your daughter was being treated the way you are right now, what would you tell her? What is she learning from this relationship?

This is my advice. Stick it out until you can support you and your daughter. I know it's going to be rough. First work hard at getting your HS Diploma. Then get a job. Will he even let you get a job? Try to save up some money. Talk to your mom about what is going on. You will need to prove to the courts that you are a stable mom and love your daughter very much and can provide for her. Will your mom help babysit her while you are at work? You need to be strong and confident. And you better take him to court for child support. You can do this! You don't want to be with someone that you don't love. I know it is comfortable to be in that relationship because that is what you are used to. But your daughter will see an unhealthy relationship between her mom and dad and will think that is what love is. Eventually when she grows up, she will then marry someone who will treat her the same way....because that is what she knows. Do this for you....for your daughter! So many times we as moms expect to be Super Moms. I feel for you. Good luck!

Ok, I might offend, and sorry if I do, but do you have a church home? Can you call the pastor/pastors wife or someone from church? I would start there.

I am a stay at home mom and I have found that when everything seems to be going to ... well, you can fill a descriptor... that calling my pastor to get a new perspective and a safe place to vent where they will not judge my husband, but see us a human.

I hope that helps.

I would IMMEDIATELY file for sole custody, once that is put thru - then move to Mother's house with just you and Audrey.

Your 'boyfriend' seems to treat you as a possession, house slave, child caregiver and not his equal. You both need space to allow him (AND YOURSELF) to grow up. You need to get your GED and hopefully start college. Your daughter needs a household where bad behavior, pissed off attitudes and Father yelling at Mother doesn't happen. You will not get that if you stay.

Find yourself a job - any job, find a good day care for your daughter, and get out.
There is no good reason for him to treat you like you are a child.

I don't have much advice for you, but I did want to say that despite what your boyfriend says, you sound like a very mature young woman and responsible mother. I would only suggest that you start talking to your family about this situation. You do not need to decide anything right this minute. It sounds like the situation is unhappy and not something that will work for you long-term, but it doesn't sound like you are in danger by continuing to live there just a little longer. Just start talking more with people you trust - they won't be able to tell you what to do, but you just thinking out loud will help you come to a decision. I do agree that it sounds like you would be better off with your family, but you need some time to figure out how to make that transition. I know you said it's two hours away, but is it possible for you to go there one day a week and work so you can save some money for yourself? Would you have a relative available to watch your daughter?

I would also suggest you call some local churches. Most places will have someone who is happy to come pick you up. Talking to a minister would be very helpful too, I think. Not just for support - ministers deal with a lot of family issues and may have some very practical advice about what resources could be available for someone in your position. Good luck.

R.,
My advice is the same as most of the other moms. Tell your family what's going on and ask if they will support you in your decision to come home. Have your mom keep Audrey and have your dad (or big brother or large male family friend) go with you to pack your things. But BEFORE you do that, file a petition for full custody. Then you get to keep Audrey with you until the courts say otherwise. You have not been married to him, so that is actually in your favor.

You actually CAN just take Audrey and refuse to let him see her until the courts settle things. I know this, because my niece's husband did that to her. He took their daughter back to his mom's house, and there wasn't anything my niece could do about it. Even after the courts granted weekly visitation rights, he won't allow it, and she doesn't have the money to get a lawyer to help her fight this. So if you do allow him visitation, be aware that he could do this to you.

Obviously, you want your daughter to have her father and her paternal grandparents involved in her life, and I'm sure that they love Audrey very much, but first you need to get out from under that roof.

I hope you continue on your path of education, get a job, and become the responsible adult you will need to be in order to provide your daughter with a positive role model. And if you ARE bi-polar, I hope you are staying on your meds, because if you aren't, and he can prove it to the court, you may very well lose Audrey.

Best of luck to you.

tell your family what is going on and get out of the living situation you are currently in. most courts award the mother with custody in general.

As long as you are living with someone else, they will have a huge influence over the way Audrey is raised.

Of course I have no way of know this for sure, but my guess is that BF's parents don't want you living in their house. I'm sure they get very frustrated at times. It also sounds like BF is not ready to take on the responsilities of being a parent.

As far as the hair dye - you're not working, where did you get "your money". Also, if you do have any money, it should be used to support your daughter.

If you know that it would be best to leave. Then that's what you should do.

Talk to your family.

Would your boyfriend be opposed to counselling? Or maybe sit down w/ him and maybe his family and talk to them? Only you can decide what's best... but I think it would be best for you to try getting a job... maybe even part-time? I've been there before and they will control you as long as they no where you're at every part of the day and that you have no money to do anything w/o their permission. I don't know if it's possible for you to work in your current situation. If you do decide to go... don't worry about him taking her away from you. The courts tend to favor the mother and by the time it got to court you would be settle at your parents and earning an income of your own. As long as you show you can support her then there's nothing to worry about. If he's already saying things like he doesn't want to drive 2 hrs. to see her for a short amount of time... then he may not. I just mean that in the sense that he won't try to take her away. I would try talking to everyone in the house you're at now though. Maybe they don't know how you feel or that they're even stepping on your toes. Good luck!

Be honest with your family, they will be there for you. You do not need a car and licesne to attend church. In fact, there are people there who would be happy to provide transportation and much more.

You need to concentrate on your education and your child. You will be a great parent.

If your child's father doesn't want to improve and step up to his responsibilities, it will be his loss.

Blessings.....