I live with my significant other and his mum who is helping us with our son. His mum is living with us temporarily. I met him a little over 2 yrs and got pregnant 6mnths into the relationship, he cheated on me and i caught him, of which he denied and asked for my forgineness, on several occassions after that, i found emails that were a little too friendly from ladies he claimed his friends and when i called them they lashed at me and called me the stupid ones, he moved to another stated 1month before our child was born but came for his birth. He got upset with me for being tired and failing to answer his calls in the months following the birth of our child and would fail to contact me for like a month. He convinced me that it would be best if I move over to where he lived, which i did after a while it was agreed that his mum would do as good by coming to help us with our child. Little did we expect what happened. When she came she mistreated me and would do things to upset me irespective of my child. She has told my friends and anyone we introduce her to behind my back how evil I i'm he son would put her off until recently when he accused me of being the problem. When I told him i was going to live as i could not take it anymore, he apologized and saying that he was just stressed out and did not mean to lash out at me. Now he is pushing me into getting married, saying that we should go ahead and start making plans. The truth is, I don't think so but I'm afraid to tell him as he has a temper too and just accuses me of using him. There is a lot to say but this is just a brief summary to kind of show you my situation. Please help with advice, counselling. If you know of any counselling place that is inexpensive too, let me know please. Thank you.
Get out while you can. Forget counsleing! Bad relationships from the start don't get better!! Sorry I don't sugar coat!!! Good Luck!!
first of all before you make any and i mean any decisions you have got to go and speak to this women. her name is barbara kee she is in richardson and she is the most wise wonderful christian counselor i know!!!! (she has a phd by the way and specializes in child developement and marriage, and life coaching. she is $100 an hour but if you absolutely cannot pay or can only pay a certain amount,as long as you are commited to seeing her for a certain amount of time which is what it takes to change your thinking on things in your life and get rid of bad habits like putting up with someone who does not treat you the way God intended!!!! anyway she attends preston crest church of christ and they have a benevolent fund for anyone who is in need (you do not have to go there!) she can get it set up for you for them to pay part or all depending on your need. she can talk to you and you all can come up with a plan. anyway- she is not preachy so don't worry about that unless you are a christian then she will show you where God's word tells you how you should be treated and what characteristics to look for in a Godly man-like putting you ahead of his family for starters and loving you as christ loves the church and died for them-Ephesians 5:25 of cours she will only do this if that is something you want. she is a very wise woman and she will really help you to get the courage to do what you need to do and not too mention she knows alot of people that can help you get on your feet and point you in the right direction. i agree with the other response as you should not marry this man and you definately don't want your son to grow up and treat women as beneath them or worse become abusive!!! you are very smart and i believe you do know the right thing to do and i agree it will be very hard but i truly believe in my soul that your life will be so much better and less stressful away from this mess!!! i truly believe barbara can help you and your life will be so blessed by you knowing her i know mine has-God along with her and my husbands and my hard work-our marriage was saved and now we have two beautiful daughters. here is her e-mail i'm sorry i don't have her number right now but if you can't contact her by e-mail i can get you her phone# just write me back and i'll get it to you. God bless!!!____@____.com
Hi,
There are some questions that you can ask yourself first.
Are you deeply in love with him? Do you think that he loves you?
Can you see yourself living with him for the coming years? Is it the way you want for yourself and your baby?
Good luck!
Hello J. Z,
Let me start off by saying that i think you came to the right place for advice, a couple of months ago i had a life changing situation that the wonderful mothers helped me out with and i listened and my situation got right. so i commend you for coming to us!!!
Of Course, no one really knows whats best for you and your child, BUT YOU. First and formost, if you are scared of this guy's temper and what he might do to you or your child , you should run like the wind, because no man like that is worth being around let alone marrying. Mother-in-laws suck sometimes. They do get into your business and try to run teh relationship, especially when its a son. Ask youself: #1. Do you TRUST him? Is he a momma's boy? do you feel safe with him? do you think that she(mom) would take control over your lives more so, after marrying this guy? Can you picture yourself with him forever? you know, Do you see a future as a family with him, without all of the cheating and extras? believe me once you start with these simple questions, you will come up with others, which in turn will help you think/make this decision.
The only other thing i want you to understand is that there is plenty of single mothers out there making it happen for thier children and are very happy with the life the have been dealt. it will be hard until you get it together, but you can do it, just pray, believe and have faith. Just dont stay with him for your child, you can be great parents from across the globe. take care and good luck, i will pray for you.
I.
I agree with Moncica about how your son is picking this all up. Do you want your son to treat women like this? Any man worth his weight is going to treat the mother of his child better than this. When he screws up, it sounds like he's putting it on you...blaming you. You're much better off doing this on your own than being stuck with these 2 people. Good luck with everything!
Are you in DFW area? There are lots of places to get counseling. Mom should stay out of it. If he has cheated once, he's likely to cheat again. Its hard being a single parent. I was once a single parent myself. But that may be the road you have to take. It sounds like things aren't great for the two of you. There has been alot of trouble in the short time you have been together. I would seek some counseling if you are truly in love and want to stay together for the sake of the children. Good luck to you.
Any man can have sex and make a baby... that doesn't mean he makes a good father or husband! I say get out while you can. If things are bad now... they will only multiply ten fold after marraige! The question you have to ask yourself is this...
"Not can I live with this man... but can I live without him!"
Him cheating on you is a pretty good indicator that he has no respect for you and your child in the first place. Past behavior is the greatest indicator of future behavior. You and your child would be MUCH better off alone (with a chance to meet a real man) than to waste your life settling with this guy and his mom! Why would you marry someone that you are scared of and that treats you this way? You don't solve a problem by going along with it hoping that it will eventually resolve itself... if you want something to change, you have to make it change. There is a wonderful counseling group in Carrolton... but they have people that can come to an area closer to you. It is $65 a session.
1100 West Jackson Road
Carrollton, TX 75006-1356
PH: ###-###-####
FAX: ###-###-####
If your son was with a woman that did this ... what would you tell him?? GET OUT!! Your life is way too short to put yourself and your child through this. The hardest part is leaving, but trust me the easiest part is waking up knowing that your child and you are safe!!! GET OUT!!!! GET OUT!!! GET OUTT!!
One thing that you have to look at is that your son is watching all of this so when he grows up he is going to think is ok to push a women around. Another thing is that once you have married( should not happen my oppion) is that he will have right and will then own 50% of what is yours. The thing is you know what to do you just dont want to admitt it. You are thinking how are you a single mom going to take care of a child on your own. Well first of all there are alot of places that will help you get on you feet you just have to want to do it and for you mother in law if he plans on getting married then I would make her leave and if he says no then he made he choice.
It's hard to tell someone you don't know what to do with their life. However, since you came to us I'm going to be quite blunt with you. Do you have family or good friends you can go to?
Anyway, I think you know deep inside...the rational thinking side...that this is not a healthy relationship and hasn't been from the beginning. Sometimes we get caught up in a relationship that we think is everything to us when in reality it is all wrong. From the first time he cheated on you you should've known. No, I think you did know but he said everything you wanted to hear in order to keep you 'hooked'. Your life sounds unhealthy and I don't mean to offend you it's just what it sounds like from your request. That woman and her son are not good for you or your baby. Don't let them push you around but be smart and don't get hurt either. He isn't trustworthy in my opinion and he's proven that to you. If you think he's up to something then trust your instincts...HE IS!
If you were my younger sister, I would tell you to be discreet but prepare to leave that situation. No more warnings for him or his mom because they might want to stop you. And PLEASE do not marry him, it'll only make it worse. I think it's great that you want to go to counseling but I think you need it to help you figure out why you're willing to sell yourself short and stay with a man who doesn't and hasn't treated you with respect or love from the beginning. Just think of the possible diseases he could give you by sleeping around.
YOU DESERVE BETTER THAN WHAT YOU DESCRIBED ABOVE. Make a smart decision a healthy decision for you and your child.
I hope things work out for you and your baby. Please let us know what happens to you. I'll be thinking about you.
J. Z girl run as fast as you can. before his temper turns violent. you have hooked with a momas boy, they don't make good partners, he will always side with his mom. you will end up being the evil daughter-in-law. leave him before he loses his temper on ya'lls child. it won't be easy, but its worth the risk. i'll pray for ya'll and hope everything works out for you.
