Relationship Counselling

Hi, Georgia--

I met with Lori Whittaker a couple of times a while back. She does some Gottman style work which is supposed to be very effective. My relationship was an abusive one so we couldn't work certain things out, but I found Lori to be very gentle and great at communication and others, including therapists, speak highly of Lori. I believe her office is near Lloyd Center which, hopefully, isn't too far from you.

Here is some information on her: http://www.sccpdx.org/sys/therapists/lori-whittaker/

there are so many great counselors out there and I hope you find someone who can help.
There is also supposed to be a male counselor on staff there who is wonderful.

I wish you the best of luck with everything!

Nick Ure is amazing. ###-###-####

He was located in downtown last time I saw him, but i think he moved to the NW area. I live in Gresham, but the drive was worth it. (I'd tried a few others, but was very disappointed.) At that time, his price was about 30% lower than standard. You can ask.

He helped me tremendously, & taught me how to dig deeper to the ROOT of my issues.

I know of a much better alternative to counseling. There is an organization called MarriageTeam (www.marriageteam.org) that sets up couples who need help with coach couples. These coaches have been trained to work with premarital couples, couples who are seriously in danger, or couples who just want to enrich/improve their marriage relationship. It only costs $160 total for 8-12 2-hour sessions of coaching, whereas my counseling experience cost $90 per visit, and we went weekly for 4 months, close to $1440! Couples learn necessary communication skills that will benefit them for the rest of their life and coaches help walk them through resolving issues in ways that work best for the team, so that both members feel loved and respected. My husband and I went through counseling, which was fine. However, the counselor really just listens and offers advice occasionally. Many couples never stop going to a counselor, so there's no lifelong solution to the problem. After going through the coaching process, my husband and I have learned how to speak to each other so that we really listen and how to solve the problems on our own. It is an amazing experience. You are also working with a couple, so you get a man's AND a woman's perspective so both of you will feel comfortable. If you want to call...866-831-4201. It's the best thing my husband and I ever did!

Hi Georgia,

I am sorry that your relationship is hurting. If you are married, and maybe if you are not ( I am uncertain of their thoughts on this) I would look in to Marriage Encounter, or more specifically Retro Vai. It saved our marriage, and gives you the tools with which to put functionality back in to your relationship. There are from the Catholic, but neither my husband or I are Catholic, and they do have a non-denominational format. It is really, really great!

Best of luck!
T.

Hi Georgia,

I highly recommend Dr. James Boyer. He is in downtown Portland. We used him for 9 months of premarital counseling (lots of exstenuating circumstances!). Several of our friends have used him too. The guys really seem to identify with him. He does NOT come off as judgmental or pushy. Instead he is very calm, laid back and logical, but has an amazing way of fixing things without you realizing he has done "therapy on you". He has a sliding scale based on income, too! His phone number is ###-###-####. Good Luck!

I SO feel your pain. My husband and I are in the same stage right now of getting him to agree to a counselor and then finding one. So, I don't have any specific recommendations for you. One way I go about things generally as a consumer is that, initially, I look for a website and see how the info on it sits with me. Of course, there are always exceptions that only trying someone will expose, but I find that a well-organized website indicates professionalism and a certain progressive plugged-in type. A site with good content will give you a decent intuitive feel about the person- enough to start narrowing the list.

About affordability: if you have health insurance, it will cover much of it as long as you are careful. Check with your provider about your specific plan.
- They only cover counselors with certain credentials, such as LPC or LCSW. They will likely have in-network providers that you can see for only a copay. Out-of-network but credentialed often will still be paid significantly.
- They don't cover "couples therapy". You can go to the counselor just as yourself with your own anxiety, etc., then they can see the rest of your family as part of treating that. A counselor who knows insurance billing will know how to handle that.
-The counselor will also need to know other things to determine whether you are covered. As you interview counselors, ask them what you should ask your insurance about coverage, then call your insurance company.

Of course, if you find the counselor you know is right for you and they're not covered, then the insurance factors all go out the door!

Best to you.

Hi Georgia,

Our counselor is retiring otherwise I would refer you to him. I can tell you it's an "Investment" if you want the relationship both parties have to financially and mentally invest. One thing I have learned, a counselor doesn't fix the situation they help you work with your own tools to guide you in ways to fix your own issues. If both are "vulnerable" it can work.

We have been in it for many years and our relationship has gone from bad to AWESOME. We have 2 little ones and we do "date" nights. We act like teenagers and laugh as if we just met. Good luck!

I went through 4 different marriage counselors before I found one capable of making a difference and then my husband quit going...because the last counselor was effective and there was no way he could go and not work on the marriage...but he didn't want to work on the marriage. That's the thing, if he isn't willing to put forth the effort, then no counselor, no matter how good, will help you. You can't make him work on it or want it to work out. What you can do is learn what you can about what went wrong and the role you played in it. I can honestly say that all the reading, soul searching and failed counseling sessions I went through while fighting for my marriage is what made the difference in my life and relationships. Had the marriage worked out, it would have been better and stronger. As it worked out, I now have a wonderful marriage with someone who works as h*** o* it as I do. There are two books I recommend...the most significant of which is Love is a Decision by Gary Smalley.

GC -
After you find a counselor I strongly recommend you both get on PLUS. It helps support our endrocrine system so we can handle stress and our emotions. If he won't do it you can. Our marriage greatly improved 12 years ago after we learned about it and saw the benefits! Let me know if you are interested

____@____.com

I understand! My husband and I have gone through our ups and a lot more downs! Early in our marriage we went to see a counselor and unfortunately it turned out not to be a great experience it just was not the right counselor for us. But this time we found someone that we both could be comfortable with. It took and lot of time and patience to get him to try it again. Counseling TAKES TIME AND EFFORT ON BOTH ENDS! It will take a lot more than just twice. Our first 5-10 sessions were nothing but nit picking at each other, placing blame. We didn’t get to the REAL issues until a few months in to it. But it takes time to get there you are not just going to walk in a spill all of your deep dark secrets to some stranger, you talk about the stupid, it drives you crazy issues, at first then when you both become more comfortable with the counselor you will see the progress. My advice to you is don’t choose one on recommendations. You should go about it almost as if you were looking for childcare. You both have to feel comfortable and be open in the setting counselors are people to they have different opinions and personality traits that may not work for you as a couple. You may consider meeting with multiple for just an introduction session or if that is too much call and have brief conversation with different ones until you get a feel for what you may be looking for. He has to be willing to give it a chance nothing happens overnight; the problems in your relationship did not come out of nowhere or overnight. It takes longer to fix a relationship that it did to break it. My thoughts and hopes go out to you. I hope things work out for the best. I f you do need a stranger to listen feel free to email me.