ok, Im sorry if I write a novel here but here is the shortest version. My husband and I were married for 3 1/2 yrs when all of a sudden he leaves me in August of last year for no apparent reason. He left just a couple weeks after we found out I was pregnant with #2 (#1 unfortunately was stillborn in March of last yr and we wanted to get pregnant again asap, so both pregnancies were planned) When he left it got ugly... he stole all my money and everything. Come to find out he now has a new woman in his life and they are engaged now. He had only been gone for 6 1/2 months before getting engaged... so this was like 2 -3 weeks ago. I found this other womans info and was wondering if I should call her and talk to her. I dont care that they are together, I have no intentions about getting back with him... its a long story but I could never trust him again. However he is quite the liar and I dont know if this other woman even knows that he is actually still married and that he has 2 kids. (BTW Im due with #2 in less than 5 days!!) If I was her I would want to know but I dont know if this would be overstepping my boundaries. I at least feel I should attempt to contact her and then its up to her if she wants the info or not. Not only do I want to tell her about me and him but there is some pretty serious stuff in my husbands family she should know about like the fact that his father is a stalker, molester, pedophile, child abductor, theif, murderer, rapist... the list goes on. (trust me Im not making this stuff up, I wish I knew all this before I got married) even that his dad abused him in every sense of the word. I just wanted to tell her all the details that he might have "left out" so that she knows what she is dealing with. What do you think?
thanks everyone for your input. Im still undecided. One thing I dont understand that has constantly been brought up is to take care of myself and my little one and make us a priority... I dont know what that has to do with me contacting he or not. Its not like if I do decide to talk to her that I wont be doing these things. I dont plan to get caught up with her in every aspect of my life or anything... its just a matter of a phone call or email and then its done. But like I said, Im still thinking about it.
hey T.,
i'm going to be brief. it already seems like you want/feel you should tell her, so tell her. don't expect much as far as reactions are concerned.
sidenote...please DO concentrate on the lil one that you will be having soon. he/she is the most important right now (and you too). hope that helps.
This is a hard one, and I want to commend you for finding the strength to actually care about the well being of the "other woman". I don't think anything you say will change the way she feels about him right now though, considering that they just got engaged, she may think you are just trying to "break them up", and as sincere as you seem, and although your intent is to give her fair warning, this may not be the time for you to do so. If she did what any woman should do before commiting to a relationship, she should already know about his past, at least know that he is still married and has children, if she doesn't, than she shouldn't be engaged to him. Considering that your x will still be the father to the children, if she does marry him you will have more than enough opportunity in the future to share your opinions and family history with her then, do not take it upon yourself to "SAVE" her, if she is that naive, let someone else take the responsibility to bring the information to her attention.
If she comes to you, that's different, but share out of actual concern and not obligation.....
I hope you find the strength you need to conquer this ordeal and that your children continue to be nutured and you all live the lives dreams are made of and this is nothing more than an obstacle for all of you to overcome. I sincerely hope you one day find a man who will open his heart to you and your children and that your lives are lived 'HAPPILY EVER AFTER".....Congratulations on the new little angle, I'm sure he or she will be a GEM!
You don't need to contact her. She is "the other woman" not your best friend. It is not your job nor your responsibility to contact her and warn her. She most likely will not believe you anyway. Be thankful this loser is out of your life and someone else's problem and concentrate on you and your baby. I know it sounds harsh but like others said, it's more important to focus on yourself and the baby. And not the drama going on with the other woman. Best of wishes.
Hm.....I think you should stay focused on YOU. I don't think you need the drama at this time. You sound focused on not wanting him back, so keep moving....you sound strong and prepared to make a life without him. You're ahead of the game!
Hi T., first and foremost, I am terribly sorry that you have to go through this during your pregnancy. I could only imagine the toll it is taken on your body. Please be kind and gentle to yourself until you give birth. But after that, I think it might be a good idea to let the other woman know what she is getting into. I would certainly want to know. Good luck
Hi T.,
There are two parts to my suggestion:
1. As others have advised, your responsibility is to yourself and your child. First, last and always. That someone so, well, evil - based on what you said - is out of your life is a blessing. Any contact, involvement or even thought about such a person can ultimately only hurt or diminish you further. If you want to go out of your way to help someone innocent and unsuspecting- your child certainly qualifies. Change your phone number, even your addresss if you can. Do anything and everything to make sure that person can never find you.
2. If you truly believe that someone else is at risk of being in any way abused by this man, it IS ethically sound to take action to see that they are informed. But under no circumstances should you do so personally. Confide the details of how this woman may be at risk to a close friend or relative or your doctor. Give them every copy of any and all contact info you have for the woman, and ask that they please take appropriate action to warn her of how she may be at risk. Ask them not to mention you in any way. And ask them not to inform you of what, if any, the result was. And don't ask. Ever.
Hi T.,
I understand your dilemma...you feel like you should do the "right" thing, and tell her because you would want to know, and it is very nice of you to care about someone you don't even know. However, I believe that with a baby on the way, you really need to concentrate on yourself right now. You don't really know what kind of drama speaking to this other person might bring, especially if your ex and his family are a little scary. You may feel selfish, but at this point you need to be since your number one priority is that baby. Good luck and congratulations!
Hi, T.,
Based on my experience in a couple of bad relationships, I would probably be inclined to tell the other woman just basic facts about just my husband, not my father-in-law. I might tell her that your husband is still married and has kids with his current wife. The facts might matter to her, but your opinions about your husband and his family of origin will probably mean nothing to her at this point.
I hope that you and the kids have a great life in spite of your husband's abandonment of his family.
Good luck,
Lynne E
If you have her number what would it hurt?
Is he violent? if he doesn't start any trouble then go for it.
She should be warn. Has it might happen to her. It will give you a piece of mine.
He is a dirty little rat!!!
