I am re-posting this because I need more help. Sorry. Here's an update followed by my original post.
So I agreed with what you first 2 moms had to say that comforting him was important. So For the last 2 nights I just sat in their room and it was a peaceful night-time. Perfect. But then starting at 11:30 ish both nights it was awful. He must have gotten up and out of his bed running down the hall at least 6-8 times until 530 in the morning. My husband and I took turns going into his room but now we are just so exhausted and not to mention irritable with everything and each other which certainly doesn't help. I really just can't imagine sleeping in his room all night every night. Plus, I could try to take him into the guest room only as long as his brother doesn't notice b/c then he will want to come too and I just don't want to get into that ya know? I asked him what is wrong and he says he is scared of the dark and I ask why and he says because of the noises. But when I try oput a CD on neither of them want it on. I am not trying ot be overdramatic but last year when they moved to beds from cribs it was bad for 4-5 months but not like this. It was just an issue getting them to stay in their bed but once they fell asleep that was it. This is just so much more tiring. I am at a loss.
Original Post: HI! We have twin 3 year old boys. When they turned two and moved into beds we had a good 4-5 month evening "Supernanny" evening of putting them back into their bed sternly and without conversation b/c they thought it was fun to get out of bed (it was new to them). For about 5 months now they go to bed, stay in bed and it has been great. We have our night back and sleep great. We started potty trng on Memorial Day weekend and at night put a diaper on them. One night at 3 am Chris came crying hysterically out of his room and told me he had to potty. I reassured him it is ok and let him use the potty. Then the next night as I went to close their bedroom door over he asked me to leave it oppen. No big deal, so I said ok. A few nights later he came running out of his room in the middle of the night but this time no potty excuse. He just seemd so upset I asked him if he had a bad dream. He said yes although I don't thik he even really knew what I was asking him. Now, when bedtime comes and we turn out the light and leave the door open he freaks. I tried a night light and neither child likes it, so that's a no go. We put the hall light on low and that is not helping either. Two nights ago from 9-1130 my husband and I tried the super nanny thing the whole time while he cried. To me, this is different than last year b/c last year they were havign fun and thought it was a game. This time we are dealing with a new emotion-fear. We tried a CD again last night and it took me sitting in his room to get him to falla sleep. I don't want to start to have to sit in his room every night. Then both nights we woke up at 2, 3, and 4 am running out of his room crying calling for me. I put him back, rub his head and he falls back to sleep...but this is a horroble night sleep! We have tried to tell him(per our pediatrician) that it is ok to be scared but that mommy and daddy are here if he needs us. Our doc said don't tell them not to be scared b/c that is pointless, ratehr validate their feelings. But I feel like I want to comfort him and hold him but afraid that is going to create a bad expectation every night. plus hegoes to bed with me there and when he wakes up I am nto there so he freaks out again anyway. I am at such a loss but don't know what to do. ANY ideas/thoughts etc?
If they're afraid of the dark, they have lamps with nightlight bulbs you can use. There's no reason for the boys to sleep in the dark. Hell, I'm 3- and I can't sleep in the pitch dark because it triggers migraines. I also hate the disorienting feeling of being in the dark. My two younger daughter (6 and 8) require a night light lamp and I have no issues with letting them have it if it means calming night time fears.
I too have twins but were lucky and they were good sleepers. I guess I can only give you ideas of what come to my mind as I never had this problem. First I would say...you shouldn't sleep in their room, that is only creating a much bigger problem for later and to me it's only making this last that much longer.
Second I would suggest making a little bed out of blankets on the floor for him and tell him that if he gets scared he can sleep there. But there is no way I would let him get in bed with you because you talk about trouble later, getting him out of your bed will be worse than this. For co-sleepers that's fine, but if you didn't start out this way, don't start that habit now. Every parent I've ever talked to who did this absolutely regrets it.
I think many, many kids go through that scared phase but no matter how little sleep you get you've got to keep them in their beds as much as possible. If you don't it only creates more problems later.
I answered another post a week ago from another mom who has a son who is 3 and a half having trouble at night.. This is the age, when they really have become aware of what is going on around them.. Their imaginations are very real to them.. Here is what I suggest.
He sounds extremely bright. This is why he is so scared.. His imagination is so brilliant he is freaking himself out.
If you all are religous, when you say your prayers at night emphasize that he is praying to be watched over and loved by God.
I would get him a sound machine for his room. This will help block out the sounds in and around the house. (If your son balks, hide the machine and turn it on BEFORE he goes to his room at night)
Also make sure he has his own flashlight. Our daughter went through a stage of being afraid of shadows.. Even during the day. So we gave her a flashlight and she learned very quickly, there was never anything there.. she also learned SHE was making shadows with her own flashlight. We made sure each night it was next to her in bed.
We also had "dream coins". To you and me they looked like quarters, but to her they were "talisman" to help protect her from any bad dreams or scary thoughts. Placed under her pillow, they were always protecting her.
One morning I noticed a pile of coins under her pillow, I asked her why there were so many under her pillow.. She said she had a really, really bad dream!
Another mom here on mamapedia says they have "Monster spray". It is a small squirt bottle filled with water.. When sprayed in all corners of the room or under the bed, it keeps all monsters away from the child.
Maybe instead of you going to your child's room, have your child come into your room and sleep on a blanket on your floor next to the bed.. This will not last long, they get tired of the floor..
Two thoughts jump out at me as I read your request.
1. A white noise machine might work better than a CD, which could get annoying if the child doesn't love the music. White noise (or trickling brook, ocean waves, etc.) tend to be more calming and repetitive for many people, and will probably significantly mask other night sounds.
2. A lack of sleep actually makes it much harder to sleep. Overtired kids don't tend to sleep well. Would an extra daytime nap be possible?
3. I've known a number of people (I'm one of them) who can NOT sleep if there are chemical contaminants in the house. This can include air fresheners, fabric softeners and scented detergents, many modern household cleaners, new plastics, many new fabrics, carpet glues, wallpapers, new furnishing – all of which can off-gas smells that can and do irritate the central nervous system.
Food colors and preservatives can also have this effect, which can last for up to 3-4 days after eating the substance.
We are raising kids in a highly-chemicalized environment that more delicate children do not tolerate well, and the result can include excitability, anxiety, and lack of ability to sleep. Might be worth checking out. (Google terms like "non-toxic home" for lots of information.)
Whenever my kids woke up at night and were scared we let them bring their pillow and blanket into our room and sleep on the floor next to our bed (not in our bed, too disruptive to my sleep!)
This happened off and on from about age 3 to 6, more with my younger one than the older two.
I know some people will say that letting them sleep in your room when they are scared will create a bad habit that will be difficult to break but that just wasn't the case for us, it was just a phase. And I NEEDED my sleep, there was no way I could be up and down all night trying to get a scared kid back to their own bed! Good luck :)
I co sleep and we've never had an issue of crying due to being afraid, or not being able to be comforted if there is a nightmare... my child knows she's safe, secure, comfortable and loved in the family bed. Maybe you and hubby should consider getting a king sized bed and having the boys in bed with you until this very normal fear of the dark and noises in the night passes.
I bet when you wake up alone in the dark, from a scary dream and you hear noises in the dark - you are very happy your husband is lying next to you - to protect, cuddle and make you feel safe. Why would your children - little vulnerable children, NOT feel or want the same?
I agree with the "white noise machine." I like (and use) this one http://www.amazon.com/Graco-Sweet-Slumber-Sound-Machine/d... It has a blue night light on it too.
My son (3 yrs) now reminds me every night for me to turn it on.
When my son was 2 he woke up crying a few times in the middle of the night, unable to explain to me why he was waking up. I think it was due to movies maybe that he was watching and empathizing with. I'm not sure. Anyhoo - we started saying prayers at night that V 'stay in his bed all night long' and 'have sweet dreams.' If he did wake up in the middle of the night I would go in there, hug him for a little while (2 minutes) tell him 'everything's okay' 'you're safe' etc. He's either outgrown it or something. But that's all I got for ya. Good luck!
added: I agree with a lot of the posts. But I would disagree with 'monster spray' as this IMO would be telling your kid that there ARE monsters and this spray is keeping them away.
Hi C.-
I was blessed with pretty good sleepers...but I feel your pain!
You mentioned they are twins...are they in the same bed? If not, you might try that...If they are...maybe separating them would help?
I 'co slept' with babies...and they each transitioned to a bed easily for me...
Failing all other suggestions (white noise...sleeping bag for you on their floor...or sleeping bag for him in your room etc) All I can say is that it will be good training for the teenage years while YOU are awake waiting for them to come home!!
Sorry not more help!
Best Luck!
Michele/cat
I remember as a child I was really afraid of the dark and had a re-occurring nightmare about being kidnapped. I use to sleep at the end of my bed sometimes. (sort of like a hiding place). My grandmother always left the door cracked a little, with a light on in the hallway.
Something that might help is give your little guy (maybe both of them) a tiny flash light. You can tell them it's magic and if they get scared just turn it off and on a few times and everything will be OK.
Also, put a couple of small bottles of water by the bed.
Hope you all can take a nap today.
Blessings...
At that age, our son would wake in the night and want me no matter how comforting his room was.
Eventually he figured if he woke me, I'd take him back to bed and eventually leave again, so he started coming to our room and tucking himself in at the foot of our bed.
We'd wake up in the morning and he'd be there sleeping peacefully holding on to one of my feet.
Try setting up a sleeping bag next to your bed so you can settle him down and stay near you when he comes out of his room in the middle of the night.
Sometimes it's the only way anyone is ever going to get any sleep until he outgrows this stage.
It's a common phase around that age. Your other son might go through it too. My almost 3 yr old is doing the same thing. She suddenly started feeling scared at night when before she didn't care at all. It's a normal part of development.
For us, we just let her sleep in our bed. She sleeps great that way, and so do we.
My 4 year old son still gets scared at night (he did the same thing around 3), and the only way we can get him to sleep at night in his room is to sleep with his older sister. They share the same bed and sleep really good. It's worked fabulously for us! I would put our 3 yr old in bed with them too, but there isn't any room. We'll probably have our 1 yr old and 3 yr old share a bed when baby is old enough. But maybe you could have your twins share a bed?
I definitely wouldn't be spending my nights in there. If anything, I'd bring the scared one to bed with you or put him in bed with his brother. And, I totally agree with your dr to validate his feelings. Whatever our kids feel, they can't help it and it does no good to tell them to stop feeling that way. Validation is important.
Hope that helps some!
We used to let our sons sleep on the floor next to us if they were worried. I made the mistake of me sleeping on the floor by my son and he fell out of bed and about crushed my face! So might be a good idea to keep a couple of feet away, also.
sometimes bad dreams come from traumatic experiences, things he sees or hears. It could be an agrument between you and your husband or someone else. If he is in the car with you, the music you listen to, he can perceive it differently. Books that are read, a confrontation between friends and siblings that can trigger it. There is no real answer. Favorite toy, stuffed animal, soothing music or sounds(jazz, rain, ocean) at bedtime. Being a mom myself, he is grown now (20) every now and then if he had a difficult exam or feels ill, he asks me rub his back to feel that comfort from mom, so he can fall asleep. So our job is never done. IT IS Nothing wrong for you to validate. You are suppose to comfort and hold him, but he can feel your stresses too. By sitting down and having a talk about what's makes him scared, did he see anything on TV or on a movie that scared him. Have to think and talk to him the way he sees it not the way you would. It may not make sense to you but it does to him. You have to explain that he is a "big boy", and its ok to be scared but its excellent to be brave too. Nightlight. Try this: Have him and his twin help you plan the day. Make him more part of your day, with chores, making meals, outings, family time, designate a day for games, tacos, foods that you would eat on a camping trip, camp out in the backyard. Little things. Don't STRESSS! You don't have to seek medical attention for everything. Sometimes you have to talk to other moms, your parents. When raising kids in this present world, you have to re-adopt the "old school mentality'. With no negotiations. Good Luck to you.
Having been raised on homeopathic medicine, I can't say enough good about it. There is a remedy, Aconite, which is for fear. I'd strongly encourage you to find a naturopath or homeopath in your area. The remedies look like small sugar balls (Have you ever seen or used the teething tablets in the drug and grocery stores? Those are homeopathic). They dissolve in your child's mouth or you can put them in their water bottle. There are no negative side effects, and it's completely safe for even infants.
Homeopathic remedies can be found at The Vitamin Shoppe, or the "healthier" grocery stores.
Read Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems by Dr. Ferber. Great tips and as long as the adults follow through it really works! Every time we have an issue we refer to this book and are able to get back on track within about a week. Much easier than the guessing game of trial and error. Good luck.
Hi, I will try to help. My experience with toddlers is that you may have to play detective, by this do a little foot work. You stated earlier that you spent a few nights in your little boys room so that he would sleep. Try that again but with the intent to see or hear what is awakening him. Look for lights playing on the walls from inside or outside. Listen for noises that occur around the time he is awakening. These things may seem like nothing to you but represent horror to a 3 year old. If you find nothing then your only recourse is consistency. Start a bedtime routine read a story, spend a few minutes to talk and then firmly saying good night. Remember when you start to investigate why your toddler is awakening at night try to think like a toddler any little movement or noise could be the menace, Oh and if you do detect something talk with you toddler about your findings explaining what you have found. I hope this will help.
Both of my kids started having bad dreams around age 3. I think it is a developmental thing that they go through -- maybe this is when they first start remembering their dreams and getting freaked out about them? The whole concept of dreams is pretty weird and scary if you think about it. They are 7 and 4 now and rarely wake up (the 4 year old still does occasionally but he is much easier to calm down now).
We tried Calms Forte (a homeopathic remedy), and that helped. We also got little cots (you can get them for $20) to put in our room and let them come into our room if they woke up in the night. Just having the cots ready was very reassuring to them.
Recently I got a book of meditations for children called Moonbeam (by Maureen Garth, I think?) and I wish I had had it when my daughter was going throught the night fears -- it is really wonderful and helps kids go to sleep feeling calm and safe.
If your kids are truly scared, I wouldn't take the "tough love" route that some of the other posters suggested. This is the time to build a foundation of security and comfort. If they are just playing around, then by all means be stern. But don't punish them if they are really scared - that just intensifies the fear for them.
Try 'monster spray'. When my son was that age I would take a trigger spray bottle of water and little of my perfume and spray under his windows and around his bed and by the doorway. I assured him that monsters couldn't cross the spray and bother him. It worked!!
A friend of mine would buy Glade and take a piece of copy paper and write Monster Spray on it and cover the Glade label, then spray her kids room. As long as they could smell the Glade they were okay.
The biggest issue is to really sell it to the kids.
