SAHM Question

I am not a SHAM but a mom that also works full time. Something similar happened to me. My mom passed away unexpentaly a couple of years ago & she was the one that watched my daughter. I too had a hard time with who is going to watch my daughter that I trust. To make a long story short, I found a private sitter. I love her to death & leave my daughter with her with no worrys at all. It took a while to find someone I felt I could trust but it is so worth not to worry all the time.

I've been able to stay at home with my kids since my youngest was born in May of '02 because I babysit. I make more babysitting than I would if I worked full time and had to pay a full time sitter. I've also been lucky enough to babysit really good kids and my kids loved always having playmates at the house. I'm finally going to be able to go back to work in the real world in the Fall if my daughter gets chosen for all day kindergarten. If you can swing it, it's definitely worth it being able to stay home. I made enough every month to make the house payment and my van payment so my hubby couldn't complain. Although now we're in the process of divorcing so if he does complain I don't have to hear it! :)

Honestly, I stay at home because if I worked we'd end up losing money between taxes and childcare.

It helps that my husband has a very generous salary and I am very good about being thrifty.

A.- I have been a SAHM since my first son was born more than 6 years ago. My husband does not make a lot of money. He is a mechanic and, don't get me wrong, he works hard and he makes a good living but we are by no means living the high life. I think I make sacrifices and I am thrifty too. I shop at Aldi ($80 for a weeks worth of groceries for a family of 5) I hit Kroger on Super double coupon days. I drive a '97 minivan that we paid out right for (no car payment) I buy my clothes at Goodwill, and there are many other little things that add up, but we still have cell phones, and internet, and digital cable, and other little things that make life nice. It is not easy to stay at home, but pajama pants are cheaper than suits, and fixing all your meals is cheaper (and healthier!) than eating out. And I think you would be happier knowing that your daughter is raised the way you want. I also do things to help my hubby with the bills, I sell Tupperware and I sometimes fill in as a substitute at my old job when people call off (I also keep my hotel discount that way to save $$ when we travel). I also have a friend who watches kids out of her home in order to stay home, she finds it stressful but worth it. I think if you are frugal and give up some stuff for a while you can always make it work. There are other things I could suggest but I have babbled on long enough. One last thing...If you decide to stay home, join a mom's club, or playgroup or something where you get to actually spend time with adults every now and again, this will help with the culture shock and loneliness that many moms feel when they first stay at home. Good Luck, I hope it works out for you!!!

I was a sahm for about 2 years and had mixed feelings about it. I looked at it in the end about the daycare expenses. If you look at your budget and feel you can make it on one income you can do it. It will be a big change for the first few months getting used to one income.

An idea, see if you can take a leave from your job for a few months(1-3) without pay. If you can make it in that time without the extra income than you should be fine.

One other thing, if you do become a sahm, make sure you take time for yourself. After a while the walls feel like they are caving in on you and you become stressed.

Hope this helps!

You are not in the same boat as I am b/c I am in school getting my nursing degree, so I tell my husband that w/ the job i would get right now, it wouldn't even cover day care, so its pointless. I would just be straight up w/ you husband about your concerns, and hopefully if he feels you a genuine about them, then he will make an exception. My husband has a good paying job also and it lets me stay home AND live comfortably...so just talk to him.

My husband and I made the decision to go down to one income when I was pregnant. Prior to our son being born, we both made a fairly decent amount of money, and after Aidan was born, it was quite an adjustment for us to move to a one income household. The biggest obstacle is for the two of you to come to a common ground on ALL monetary issues. What is acceptable spending, what isn't, when can you splurge, and one of the biggest things is realizing your needs vs. wants. We have cut out almost all frivilous spending, ie. eating out, excessive shopping, and things of that nature. also, my husband runs a part-time landscaping gig in the summer. It allows us to make extra money without him having to stay away from home any more than necessary. Another thing to consider is, how much is daycare costing you? When you add up child care costs, gas for transportation, are you working just to pay for her daycare? That happens to be a lot of families. Good luck with everything. I hope you can figure out a way to make ends meet!

I'm not a stay at home mom but if it helps any I stay home with my daughter all day and work at night. So your husband can still work full time and you could get a part time job at night if you still needed more money and just work a couple days a week. Good Luck with everything

Without knowing you situation, it's hard to give suggestions. You can get advice and help in recinfiguring you lifestyle from someone in your area though. They did a segment on it (primarily for people with major financial difficulties) on Rachael Ray the other day. i bet you could log onto her site and find info about it! I am very fortunate to be able to work very minimally outside the home. I have to admit I snuck it up on my hubby because he had the same kind of opinion as yours, but he is so thankful now! He compliments me all the time on the decision to do it. I think you have to decide what are the things you "want" and what are the things you "need". You don't need alot of the thins that we were brought up to have, and if you are willing to change your thinking, it will be ok. It might be tough at first, but the pay off is great! good luck!

A.,
While I am no longer a stay at home mom, when I was we had to make some sacrifices. You have to choose to make them, like living in a place with lower rent, cutting costs with vehicles, shopping at places like Aldi's and Sav-A-Lot for groceries. ANything you can do to cut costs at home. Less entertainment expenses. It is truely a choice and a compromise so-to-speak to stay home. It is however, the greatest sacrifice you can make. I attended college and did a persuasive speech on this topic. I know and understand taht if you have a mortgage you can't really cut that, or other financial commitments so it is something you and your husband have to sit down and work out together. Just tell your husband that it is possible, even in today's society. I stayed home for the same reasons you have. WHen my oldest was a baby I did not want him in daycare. My school schedule was worked around my husband's work schedule. Now, when I graduated and went to work we arranged our schedules so we didn't need daycare. Opposing shifts. Both my husband and I are going to school for Nursing and have my sister watching our kids while we're there. I really do wish you luck in your search. Remember that whether you go to work or stay home, noone will judge you, or shouldn't as you are doing what you need to to provide for your kids.
Good luck, contact me if you'd like any more advice or info.

K.

I have just recently been able to stay home with my girls. Now 9,13,and 15. I have been a working parent and brought in about 60% of our income. I now work from home and leave at night for 2 or 3 hours at a time a couple days a week. My husband is at home with them at that time.

I was so tired of missing games, school activities, ect. Sometimes my mom would call me from their games and she would do a play by play on the phone for me.

If you would like more information on what I do please contact me and I would be happy to go over the details with you.

Hello A. R

My husband and I were in a similar situation many, many years ago and we had four children, with my job being more steady and paying more. I really felt there was no way that I could stay at home with my children. We tried baby sitter's and eventually, we were able to work different shifts so that one of us would be at home with them at all times. Needless to say, that was very hard on our marriage. We were always looking for someway for me to stop working so that I could stay home with our children. Eventually, my husband landed a good paying job and I came home about 6 mos. later. Well, as fate would have it my husband got injured four months after I resigned and we went through another very stormy time. By this time we had become born-again christians and we had faith that God had another plan, and he did. We found a need and we filled it!!! We had always needed help getting our children to and from school (they were in Christian school), and so were other families. We bought a van and next thing you know we had four vans filled with children who needed rides to private schools). We hired drivers and we did that for ten years, and our own children, by then, were either out of school or in high school.
I said all that to say, that if it's income that you are concerned about, where there is a will there is a way! Pray and ask God how can I supplement your husband's income and stay home and raise your child(ren). It may mean cutting back on some things, but we found out that after we looked at how much we were spending for both of us to work out of the house, we were living on one income anyway!!! (After taxes)!!!

I truly know how you feel and I hope that something I've written will help you in this most difficult decision. But remember, the right decision will always have a "BLESSING" attachment!!!

Mrs. G

It's about giving up somethings in life that are fun to have but not necessary. It's a lifestyle change. You need to make a list of pros and cons. And be honest about it. What will YOU have to give up and what will HE have to give up. Write down all your bills take his salary and see how much is left. It might mean giving up getting your nails done or some place cheaper to for a haircut, less eating out, less entertainment on the weekends, more cooking. Look at what you spend on "non essentials" and go from there. And you have to take the emotion out of it completely. No crying, begging. Figure out what you will be bringing home less daycare (huge chunk), less the gas you will save, dry cleaning (if it applies). Would you save money on lunchs during the week, cuz you tend to carry/eat out? Every little thing that you would save on cuz you are not at work. Most women do realize unless you are a high power exc, you won't be bring home all that much once you pay daycare and other expenses. Is he willing to stay home with a sick child cuz you can't take another day off or have a deadline? Daycare doesn't allow sick kids in. Other things to consider...how does it affect you when you do go back to your career years later? What about health insurance? There's quite a bit to consider and lots to give up. I don't blame anyone who decides that it's just too much to give up, but really if you can afford a decent life without being close to needing assistance, then there really is no reason not to take a chance for a year or two to stay home with your child. It is the years you can never get back and there will be many more years when you can work later. Good luck

Hi A.,

I am a SAHM with two children. Alex is 4 1/2 and in preschool and Chloe is 2. We have family that live down the street but will not babysit for us. My husband has a good paying job so we make ends meet. That's it. There isn't much money left over for the finer things but I get to raise my children. Try this. Figure out how much you spend a month for day care, include gas and daycare costs. Gather all of your bills and figure what your monthly costs are incuding food, gas etc. Take your pay and your husbands and figure how much money you have left after paying your expenses. Now, subtract your pay and the daycare expense and see where you stand. That is the only way to get an idea if you can do it. If you decide to continue to work, think about how much fun your daughter will have a daycare. She will learn social skills and make friends. Some daycare facilities also teach children things they would learn in preschool. You never know, she may actually enjoy being there more than you know.

Hi A.,
When I was pregnant and told my husband that daycare was not an option he agreed but he did not agree that I should not go back to work. Long story short we could not anyone to stay at our house with our son while I went to work part time. It is odd how things work themselves out, I am sure like us finances were the top concern and surprisingly we are doing well. You set yourself on a budget and follow it. Also you will say money and your gas because you will not be traveling to and from work everyday. What if you offered to just work part time and adjust to that financial siuation and then when he sees that is managable push for the stay at home mom. I will try to think of more suggestions and let you know.

P.S. I also had to trade in my lexus for a more pratical car your could offer to make some sacrafices on your end that will not affect him. Good Luck

I am a SAHM to a SSgt in the AF...we don't make much money--in fact we qualify for WIC...however, I feel VERY comfortable. We have 2 cars, and no debt (yep, no credit card debt, no school debt, etc) We put away about $500 a month to IRAs, savings and investments. We have 2 kids.
How do we do it?
First, our cars are older, but we take very good care of them. We 'fix them' when they're sick, but we don't put in stereo systems or DVD systems. They have good tires--that will last.
We don't own a house, but we will...been saving for that. We have a military house...
We cut and use coupons--but only if we NEED that item and if there aren't similar items cheaper.
We don't shop for clothes much and we RARELY shop in the mall...if we need clothes, we look to Once upon a Child/Plato's closet first, or maybe even a thrift clothes (lots of thrift stores have name brand jeans and cute clothes for kids!) We also 'shop' at yard sales.
I never, never, never worry about the cost of good meat, veggies or fruits...and I get as many as I need. We do not skimp on nutrition. BUT, we try not to eat out much...including my husband who I make a lunch for when he goes to work.
When we go out, we get a babysitter--a friend who I will then 'owe'...when she needs to go out, I will watch her children for her.
I have a BS in Math from NCSU. I was in the AF for almsot 8 yrs as a Capt. I have MUCH MORE money making potential than my husband...but...we decided long ago (before kids) that when kids are here, I was going to stay at home--my choice, not his. Its not always easy (trust me, there are days I wanna sell them to the zoo), but it have never felt it wasn't worth it.
A.--it really can be done. If your mommy instinct says 'I wanna be with my child' LISTEN! It sounds barbaric to NOT go to dinner 3 times a week, to use coupons, to have only one car you're paying on, or to turn down the thermostat at night, but just some small corners to cut = the need for only one job.
Not sure how much $$ daycare is costing, but often it takes a big chunk out of the income...
Lastly, you may be able to arrange with your employer a way to work nights only, and part time...or something like that...
Overall, if a mom (or dad) really feels the desire to stay at home with their kids, I think they should. I would hate for life to fly by and my babies leave the 'roost' and then to look back and wish I hadn't worked...so if you truely feel the need, I'd do it--regardless of what my husband thought/wanted. I would just give him a butt load of info on the benefits of staying at home...
HTH!

Hi A.! I had also been working full time for many years. When we got pregnant with our second baby (our first was 2 at the time), my husband and I discussed the possibility of me being at home after the baby was born. I remember us looking at our budget and both thinking, "There's no way we could make it work." How wrong I was. We kinda did a gradual transition into me being a SAHM in the last couple years. I went part-time (3 days a week) for about a year, and got comfortable there. Then after we had our second child, I became a SAHM. It's amazing--sometimes I think back to the days when I was working full-time and think, why didn't we save more money when we had it. The fact of the matter is, most people spend what they have. Like the others who have posted here, we have made some sacrifices. A used mini-van, cutting coupons, gently used kids' clothing, less eating out, etc. The one thing I would suggest and I think others have said it already, is be honest with your spouse. Talk it through together. Make sure that neither of you are going to resent the other for sacrifices you'd have to make. You can make it work, really! Trust me, I never thought we could, but we did.

My husband works 2 jobs and still does extra stuff for extra money. Also you cut out the things in life that arent so important like cable t.v. You just manage your monyey wisely and also you could do something from home like watch other children or mary kay or something.

A.,

I understand what you're going through. I'm 23 years old and my husband and I have been married for 2 years. We both worked full time and I worked up until the day before I delivered. My husband had convinced me too that I had to keep working in order for us to survive. It killed me dropping off my 2 month old every morning. After about 3 weeks I told my husband I couldn't handle it anymore. We finally sat down and re-evaluated our expenses. Yes, we've had to make ALOT of sacrifices but it IS doable! We had 2 cars and had to sell one, that REALLY helped. No more car payments, insurance, gas, etc. We now have to coordinate a little better for days I need to take him to work but its' been fine. We've cut back on eating out, found cheaper diapers that work just as well. I go garage sale shopping for my sons clothes (he doesnt know the difference at this age). Really there's a lot you can do. Some people have even learned how to make their own baby food. It's amazing. Hope this helps a little. If you have any questions feel free to let me know.
-A. M

Hi A.,

I'm a 29-year-old SAHM to a 2-year-old. I've been a SAHM basically his whole life - I did take him to a sitter's for 3 weeks. We by NO MEANS are millionaires. My husband works a lot. We even moved to Chicago last year because my husband got offered a promotion that came with a 40% pay increase. I agreed to move as long as I could continue being a SAHM. We now live back in Columbus because it was too hard being away from our friends and family. It's easy as a SAHM to spend lots of money while trying to find things to do to occupy your time. At first, I found myself at the mall a lot just trying to get out of the house. The trick is to find free / cheap things to do like join a playgroup, library storytimes, get annual passes to the zoo, visit playgrounds and parks.

As a family, we spend money only when necessary. Very rarely do we 'shop'. This past Christmas, my husband and I didn't even get each other gifts nor our family. We only shopped for our son. I'm sure others will suggest to use coupons. I'm a horrible coupon shopper.....especially when I have to grocery shop with son. I'm so busy trying to entertain him that I can't pay attention to the fine details of the coupons :-) We don't live in an big 'ole house (we rent a townhome), and we don't drive fancy cars (my husband's car is paid off so no payment there!). Being with my son is more important than how nice our house and cars are. Limit credit card usage!! Only buy what you have cash for! Shop 'Once Upon A Time' for your daughter's clothes. I also shop second hand stores sometimes for my clothes, but have found that Target / Kohl's is just as cheap.

Good luck with your decision!

When my husband and I were about to become parents 5 1/2 years ago, we both really wanted me to stay home full-time but didn't see how it would be possible financially. Well, I don't know if you believe in God, but God definitely worked it out for us and has blessed us tremendously. I initially worked part-time at night, but that got old really fast. My husband had a second job for most of the last 5 years, but he got really burned out and quit his second job last year. I was working on getting part-time work, but before I started working my husband received a promotion at work that put his salary right at what he was making with two jobs! We believe God wants me home full-time and I wouldn't change it for the world. You can't get back this precious time when your kids are little and learning new things every day. I know other people have given you lots of ideas for saving money or making extra money, so I won't be redundant. There are many opportunities for working at home though if you have to(just avoid the scams). If you're good at selling things, there seem to be a ton of business opportunities out there. Just have a little faith and be flexible and thrifty. Your daughter will benefit greatly from having you home and so will you! (Also, tell your husband that you will have time to do most of the household chores and errands that you probably share now during your off-work time. Our evenings and weekends are usually more free to do fun things together as a family because my job is managing the home as well as the kids.)

Hi A.

I think it is great you want to SAH! I am a SAHM of 2 plus I go to college part-time for Nursing. We also pay for my schooling out of our own pocket right now(no loans!) so it is a challenge at times, but it is very doable. You just have to budget your money(sounds not so fun) but it is easier and more fun than you think. Go to www.daveramsey.com. That is a great website and you can look around on it, check it out if you want. You CAN get out of debt and stay at home. The basic idea of his system is to make catagories for all of your expenses you have every month and put money into those catagories each time you get paid. Eventually, once you sit down and figure out how much you spend on what each month, you then realize how much money you are spending and if it is off or on track from where you need to be. The idea is to not use credit cards and just use the income you make. It does work! We have been doing it for a year and it is great!
Good reasons to stay at home with your daughter are some of the following: You don't want someone else to raise her, you don't want to miss the milestones, you know she will be well taken care of with you, you don't miss her growing up, you can organize and maintain the house a little while you are home, you prepare her meals so you know she is eating well, babysitters can be expensive so you can save some money be staying home in some cases, and because you want to stay home with her! If you CAN afford to stay home with her and you want to, you should try to because it will be very beneficial for your daughter to be with you and get to spend time with mommy instead of someone else. Most people can afford it, you just have to decide what extras you can live without and outline a budget. Once you do that, it is so easy, you'll see! I hope you do stay home. Good for you!

A.

A., I have seen many many SAHM's over the years that I have been a SAHM. It seems like there are more and more every day. We are able to have me SAH because my DH has a great paying job, for one and I really budget our money for the other. I sit down and figure each week what expenses will be. I plan a two-week meal plan for our family of four. I shop according to that meal plan. I purchase items that are not 'name brand' and it's a whole lot cheaper! Almost half as cheap. I am also very careful about spending money on my kids, ages 7 and 3. I purchase clothing from second hand stores and I've also been known to sell things on eBay. We do struggle financially, but it is well worth it. I have a DH who totally supports me in being a SAHM, that is more than half the battle. Good luck!!

dianne

SAHM make sacrifices. It all depends on what is important to you. I get my haircut about once every year and a half, we don't go out to restaurants unless they have a playground attached, I think I make it to a movie theater about once every two years. I deliver newspapers at 3 am to bring in a little extra cash. This still allows me to be at home to get my daughter off to school in the morning, to be at home with my son and to be there to pick up my daughter after school. It is truly about priorities. Right now it is far more important to me to be here for my kids than to have luxuries. You need to make a decision about what is most important for your daughter, you and your husband. I apologize if I sound like I am being judgemental because I am really not. Good luck on whatever you choose to do.

Hi,

I am also 33 and am the mom of an 22 month old and 16 month old. With the prices of day care I would not be able to afford day care for two without the help of family helping us out. I currently work but I am being downsized in a few months. We are not rich by any means but the key to making it work is:

Does your husband make enough to cover all of the expences such as house payment, cars, groceries, health care, etc.?

Will you still be happy living without the extras? For us that means no vacations, not a very big christmas, no designer clothes for myself, a lot of bargin shopping.

Are you free of debt other than your house?

Technically you should be putting at least 2,000 a year away per child for college from the time of birth.

If you aren't working, who is contributing to your 4O1K?

For me, I plan to try the stay at home thing for a while but I do realize that it is in fact temporary. To give our children the same lifestyle my husband and I had growing up I will definitely have to go back to work by the time they reach the 1st grade.

Good Luck,

L.

Why don't you take the money you would pay at a daycare and pay a "nany" to come to your house and watch her. Or find a SAHM to watch her. There are lots of people who watch kids out of their home.

L.

Good luck with staying at home. If it is something you really want to do, there are lots of ways to save money. First, you won't have to pay for daycare (!), your tax bracket may be lower, you won't have to buy nicer clothes to go to work in, you will have less wear and tear on the car, you pay less in gas, you can shop more sales for clothes, food, everything. You probably won't eat out as often, and you will probably have a whole lot less stress in your life since one person is home to organize the home front. I read a study that said in order to make it worthwhile, a second income had to be greater than 30K. That was a few years ago, so you may want to surf the web for updated info. Good luck!

your husband is being closed minded and is absolutely wrong. perhaps he doesnt want to pick up the slack...which he probably will have to do to a degree. i am a stay at home mom and niether me nor my husband are college educated and to top it off, we get zero help from the government for food, healthcare or anything else. and we own our home which no one is helping us pay for. my husband works hard for us and is glad to so that we can give our daughter the best possible start. it is not natural for a child to be away from its parents every day.
i dont know your wages or your mortgage and car payments but if you are living paycheck to paycheck on your combined wages, it may be hard to quit working right away. but if you get rid of things you dont need and possibly move in to a cheaper house it will be possible. i know it sounds like a lot to do, but you have to focus on what you want and what is definitely best for the child.
i babysit 2 days per week for just a few hours and that gives me spending money that i dont have to ask my husband for. so you could do that maybe. or just work one or 2 days per week if your employer would agree.

Deciding to staying at home(money wise) is a huge decision. We have six kids and I at one time I had a job that payed $24 an hour, but I worked a lot of hours(60+)some weeks. When we made the jump from two incomes to one, a lot of things had to change. If you are willing to not eat out as much, buy your clothes at second hand stores, clip cupons,ect. then you will be ok. Dropping from one to two incomes calls for an all out, sit down with your husband, get all the bills out, and see if you can even afford it. Remeber to fiqure in the gas money(and other expenses) you will save not working. For us pinching penny's was well worth all the extra time I have had with the kids,and the extra time has turned into a lot of people(teachers,church members, ect.)telling us we have some of the most well behaved and best kids they have ever been aroound. To us this is worth more than all the money in the world. Good luck with what ever the two of you decide.

under no circumstances do you have to be rich to stay home, but with you being used to two good incomes it could be a challenge to cut back what you spend now in oredr to do it and your husband could be conserned with that, I stay home but I provide child care to make ends meet, my hubby has an alright job, but it is jsut alright, I am very thrifty and while my kids may never get anything new unless it is on clearence they don't lack for anything, we just save new toys and games and such for holiday's and such and we save up to do that, look into what you spend on childcare as well as gas and clothing for work, money for lunch or whatever else you spend in a day while you are at work and compare it with your salary, how much are you really making then go through the bills, the stuff you can't live without diapers food ect and see if his income covers all that and go to him with a plan...i'm only bringing in this much money if I stop doing this or give up this we can still do all teh things we always do as well as pay the bills and i can stay home. if it is something you really want to do and he isn't all for it be ready to make some sacrifices that don't include him it'll help show him how serious you are and stop him from feeling like he has to give up everyhting if you stay home, it's very hard in today's world but yes a lot of us do it, it's jsut a matter of how much you are willing to do wtihout in order to do so. good luck,.

Hi A.,
I'm a stay at home mommy and the reason my husband and I chose this life style is because it would be more expensive for me to work than to stay home. Although right now we do not own our own home. We look at it this way by the time we pay a babysitter or for daycare and the gas to go to and from work that all the money I would make would go to paying for the gas and someone to take care of our son who is almost two. Also look at what it would cost to have someone come in and do all that a SAHM does. My uncle figured up one time what it would cost and showed to people he works when they asked him why my aunt didn't work. Hope what I said helps you in your situation! GOOD LUCK!!!

Hello A.. This is what I did with my husband. I figured up how much child care cost, cost of gas, food, and all that good stuff. When I was pregnant with the youngest I had to have at least $30 from my husband's paycheck to pay the sitter. He quickly agreed that I could stay home. True, it can be a struggle and I agree that you need to be on a budget, but there are also other things you can do if it is worth the sacrafice to you. If u live in a big enough city for public transportation, u might be able to get by with one car. Cut down on expenses, such as extended cable, cell phones, eating out, type of internet, etc. When it comes to groceries, I go through the circulars on the net (rarely do I buy a paper) and shop by what is on sale (stock up) and cook around that (coupons became too much trouble) my parents give my sister (a SAHM) thier paper b/c they like to read it. Simple things like that really add up at the end of the year. You could also earn money at home (such as babysitting or helping your grandparents) or work part-time when your husband is home. This might be far fetched, but maybe your g-parents could babysit an hour or so during the day during nap time while u cleaned houses or business after they close when your husband is home. Most importantly, make sure you have savings for emergencies; a general rule of thumb is one months living expenses pluss $1,000. Best of Luck!

First you need to see if you are being paid to work or if you are paying to work.

This is what I mean: What is your weekly pay? After taxes
How much do you spend in childcare per week?
Lunch?
Gas?
eating out because you're tired to cook?
car payment for extra car
someone else raising your child.. how much time is she in someone else's care?
Are there any other expenses that you encur because of going to work? when you break it down this way you will see that the actual money that you are able to contribute to your household is minimal!
There are some legitimate work at home oppurtunities to help off set your income. If you are interested I can talk tou you some more about this.

I hope this helps!
K.

I became a SAHM seven months ago when my son was born. Before that, I always worked full or part-time, especially when my husband was going to medical school. He is now a resident working in a hospital, and I worked full-time up until I had my C-section. We waited a while to have our son, and because all of our family is from out of state and I didn't want to put my children in daycare (if possible), we decided to have me stay at home--only if my husband was able to get a job moonlighting in another hospital on the side. He is working both jobs, now, (the moonlighting is only once or twice a month, but it pays better than my office jobs ever did), and so far, we've been able to "make it" financially. I know that some families can't do that, so I feel lucky to be in this position at this time. I guess, to answer your question, it just depends on your financial situation and whether or not you are able to make certain sacrifices in some areas to save money. We don't go out to eat very often, we don't spend a lot on ourselves (though we do buy a lot for our ever growing baby), I try to use coupons and sales whenever possible when shopping, most of our money goes to mortgage, utilities, insurance, food, all of the necessities. Basically, we do try to save money in order to have a comfortable lifestyle with just one of us working. My husband does work quite a bit, but part of that is just the nature of being a medical resident (with being on-call and whatnot). I'm not sure if that helps you, at all. Our situation might be an exception to the rule. If you have any questions, just PM me. Good luck!

I used to work full time when only had two children and my mother-in-law watched my kids when I was pregnant with our third my in-laws moved to Florida so we were faced with either daycare or I stay home, we now have four children and for what daycare or afterschool programs would cost it would take most of my paycheck if I worked full time even if we only had three so I stay home. The thing is you both have to be committed to the idea of you staying home and it has to be important to both of you if your husband does not agree with you staying home he may start to resent having to work full time and the sacrifices finanical it will take for you to stay home, good luck and I hope you do get to stay home. Like I said I worked full time while my first two were babies and it wasn't till I started staying home that I realized how much I was missing.

Hi A.,
I last worked when I was one month before my 9 yr old daughter was born. I worked full time up to then.

True it is a struggle at times. But God has always made a way for me to stay home.

I saw this program once. Figure what you make. This is without your husband's income. Take off what things cost. Do you eat lunch at work, including the snack machine. What do you spend on clothing to go to work. What do you pay for gas and repair on your car. Sick days and vacation time. What if your daughter is sick and can't go to day care. Who would watch her.

It came out for me that it was better to stay at home.

We have our 9 yr old daughter in Girl scouts, and is a competitive cheerleading. We also have private lessons and tutoring. This doesn't include the swimming lessons or the camp this summer for a week.

It is a struggle at times. But I wouldn't give it up for a minute.

When there is work available. I work from home telemarketing. I work for a place in Barberton.

hi A..

you & i have a lot in common. my son is only a little younger than your daughter, i've been married about 3 years & i'm 34. also, my husband has the EXACT concerns as yours.

when i was preg (& even after i had our son), we planned i would return to work. i had a very good career & brought in about 40% of our household income.
when my FMLA was just about up, there was a mix-up at my job that would've required i go back a week earlier than i planned. between that & the anxiety i already had about daycare we decided i would quit & stay home.

now i should say i have ways to earn a little money outside of a commercial job. i am an artist & art teacher & i am in the process of starting my own business. i paint murals & furniture, primarily for kids rooms, etc. i can also sub teach whenever our sitter (we found a nice mom & daughter in our neighborhood) is available. i also tutor art lessons.
so my point is if you have any talents, skills, etc that could earn you some money, think about how you could market yourself.
also, a lot of sahm sell things like avon, long. baskets, tupperware, etc. there's also the option of watching other people's kids in your home for money. lots of people buy things at a bargain & then sell them on ebay.

i'm sure you will encounter struggles but you have to figure out if they outweigh the time you'd like to spend with your daughter. i have such repsect for moms who work outside the home. i know the amount of time & energy that requires. however, in my personal opinion, if you can be with your little one while they're still little, do it!! :)

we've been lucky to be able to have relatives that don't hate us for borrowing money. i've cashed in some of my life insurance. we never go our to dinner (or anywhere). i no longer can get my hair cut at the salon every 6 weeks. we shop with coupons only & only at the bargain stores. we eat leftovers & a lot of sandwhiches. we buy any generic products we can & most of our clothes at goodwill.

i should also mention my husband is a teacher & always gets a second job in the summer during the day & i work at night.

sorry this is so long but i wanted to help :)
i wish you all the best.

L.

The ladies have all given you good advice A.! I was a sahm for 9 years. Then when my kids were in school I started subbing at their school as a lunch monitor. Then I had my 3rd baby last March. Tried going back to the school but really missed being home. Lucky for me we have our own business and my hubby was home to watch her but after a month of work we decided I could stay home again. The money I make at the school isn't much and it basically pays for a few groceries or a car payment so for me to quit wasn't a big deal. So, anyhow, when I first stayed home we didn't have our own business. We sat down and figured out what i was making as a secretary (at that time wasn't much!) and what it would cost for day care and decided it wasn't worth it. My hubby didn't have a good mother growing up and it was important to him for me to be the exact opposite of what he had. We really had to cut back. We rarely if ever went out to dinner and really had to budget our food and bills. No fancy vacations. Now that I'm home again, we still don't go on any fancy vacations. Yes, money is better since we have our own business but then again you have more bills then. I like to shop around! I go to Marcs, Walmart and Giant Eagle (we like the fuel perks, helps w/the gas bill) I've been buying alot of off brands. They just opened a consignment shop here and I've been taking my old baby/kid stuff there ands selling it to her and then I use it to buy Stevie some cloths there. I'll tell you, the things she has are pretty good. It's like going to a garage sale you know?! You don't have to buy all your cloths there, I buy ALL my kids cloths and shoes from there or Walmart or Target. When we do go on vacation we go to Niagara falls. We can drive there and the kids love it. It's alot cheaper than going other places and we're still making memories. We still rarely go out to eat, make alot of cheap dinners at home, pasta etc...

I think unless you're the money maker in the family theres ALMOST always a way to work it out. You just have to be willing to give things up. Maybe your hubby doesn't want to. I've seen that, where both parties work because they want to keep the same lifestyle. You can't really do that if you want to be a sahm in my opinion. There has to be alot of give and take.

Good luck!
S.

My husband and I used to work full time before we had our girls. And, we spent it like we had it!! But, we made the decision that I was going to stay home with the kids when we had them. I didn't want someone else raising my kids...and that's what I think daycare does when both parents work!!! You can't instill the things you want in your children in the 3 hrs you have with them at night!!! Being home all day, you make sure they learn what you want them to, teach them sharing, play games, etc. I see a big difference in the attitude of my girls vs. a friend of mine who puts both her girls (same age each) in a daycare that is out of a home. My girls, so I've been told, are very respectful of others and always say please and thank you! We have done our fair share of sacrificing since I quit my job 4 years ago. No new cars, no upgrades of electronics, used clothes, etc. I purchase 1 new outfit for the girls at their b-days and the holidays, they get all else, new, from family and friends for the b-day and holidays. I purchased 1 new coat for winter time this year, the past 3 years have been hand-me-downs or from consignment shops. You've just got to pinch your pennies...and you can make it!

You may not have all the new stuff that everyone else has, but the love of your child is 10x's more rewarding than "things" you can buy.