I have three beautiful, active boys and I am beginning to have baby fever, but I'm scared. I believed I miscarried before conceiving my first but it was early and didn't know but I believe I did because of the signs and alot of blood, etc. Then I almost miscarried my oldest at 6 weeks but he survived and now he's healthy, active and smart and then I had 2 boys afterwards and then I miscarried this year. I am scared that it may happen again. I had a hard time with the misccarriage since the baby was dead for 2 weeks and it didn't help when I almost died the day they were going to do a D & C because of the injection and then they didn't do it. The day after, baby and all came out and then they sedated me to do a D & C because not everything came out. I was emotionallly, psychologically and physically not alright and now I am fine with some tears here and there, but my husband wants to wait and he's nervous too. Any advice and encouragement what to think and keep in mind when trying for # 4. I want to keep my boys close in age and I know I would feel bad if I go through menopause and didn't have the chance to have #4. I will regret it....
Thanks to those women who responded and may respond after this and I appreciated your opinions but what my husband and I thought was to get myself a complete check up and let the Lord do what He knows best. He knows if we can handle or wants us to have one more blessing, then so be it. I need not to be afraid for He is the One who does not give us the spirit of fear but of love, peace and a sound mind. I will let Him decide, not for us to decide. He knows if we can handle anything more than we think we can. To answer some questions people have asked, I do am not thinking of having another child to replace the one lost because every individual is unique and own person. I want another one because I and we love children, we want to continue our legacy of following Christ and send out more people to witness and lead the people to Christ who is the ONLY One who can give you the peace....I should have looked to Him first and focused on Him. But again, He uses other women to helop one another, encourage one another, etc. Thanks again.
I feel that your "baby fever" has more to do with replacing those you have lost and giving you something to take your mind off your losses, than really wanting a 4th child. Spend time with the children you have and enjoy them.
Have a thourough check up including all your thyroid levels. I had a miscarriage and my endocrinologist thinks it was thyroid related. Also get some counceling to deal with your losses and to help deal with the fear. I have a beautiful 3 week old now but I was so afraid of having another child after my miscarriage I almost "missed out" on her! I tried to convince myself that I was fine and Done having babies but my heart won out over my fear and I am so glad it did. If your husband will see the counselor with you do that it will help your fear as a couple and individually!
Also your faith can be a HUGE help! The Lord is good and will only give us what HE and We can handle together! I kept praying that I could handle less because I thought I had to much on my plate but I got through it by the grace of God and knowing that when I was most down was when I was being carried! If you have a good church find a Prayer partner. Have another woman that you know and trust be a pryer partner too you and you to her. It always help to have that 1 person who will pray with you, for you and love you. She should also be someone who will guide you FROM the BIBLE with verses not to condem you but to encourage your life in the way the Lord would want you to go. Your husband can also be a great prayer partner (provided you share the same beliefs) but another woman is also a great choice. I have a great friend who I can tell ANY THING and she will tell me I'm right, wrong, nuts or just stupid and still love me at the end of the conversation. I know she will be praying for me and supporting me. She may not agree with me and won't be afraid to tell me I'm wrong. My friend happens to be many states away but she will always listen. The Lord gives us good Christian women to be taught by so find that support lady and then be willing to be support to her too!
If you really want another child start praying now and put it in the Lords hands and then find some really good doctors you trust as well. I had someone ask if I was going to "keep the pregnancy" because I had a ba thyroid problem. I told them that the Lord will provide all that I and BABY needs. He did and still does every day!
God Bless You and your family and any future children you add! A. Romans 8:28
S.,
I won't try to tell you what to do in your unique situation. But I will share w/ u the things that struck me when I read ur post. First, even though you say you are fine now, it sounds like u need more time to cope further. U acknowledge that ur husband does, and that should certainly be respected.
Secondly, I couldn't help but wonder why the number 4 is so important. I'm not trying to judge. I just wonder if u could look @ things from a different point of view. I have a dear friend who has been unable to have a single child. Perhaps if u look @ the 3 you have as the blessings they are instead of that u r missing something, maybe that will help u.
Third, it seems that God has spared u (and ur husband and boys) from ur untimely death once. Perhaps it is time to heed the warning and rejoice in ur many blessings, letting go of your plan in order to embrace God's plan.
When I read ur summary following ur post, I also couldn't help but think that u have gone through an awful lot w/in a short time: got married, had three kids, two miscarriages-one of which nearly killed you, and you lost a parent who had been slipping away for some time--all w/in just 5 1/2 yrs! Are u sure you are feeling 'baby fever' and not something else -- like lingering grief for your mom? And even if you are feeling a real NEED for another baby, please consider what I wrote earlier and the potential impact on u and ur family given ur history before trying again.
Best wishes in this journey.
Wow, you've been through a lot. But you also have 3 wonderful and healthy children. And you still want more! Sounds like you love kids and love your life. That's so great! For so many people (luckily) pregnancy is a breeze. But for you it's not. And that must be so difficult. But, if you really want baby #4 that says that you are strong enough to take whatever is handed to you in order to bring that baby into the world. You've been through a lot so say to yourself that you are going to go for it and whatever happens, happens and that you will get through it. Also, since you've been through both the good and the bad, you will go in with your eyes wide open. Take your knowledge and run with it. Good luck and feel great!
S.,
Pray about it, and you and your family will see what you need to see. Praying and worrying are opposites, so if you are praying you're not worrying. If you are worrying, you're not praying.
Good luck!
M.
You certainly can wait, 35 is not too old. Give your husband and yourself a little time to relax and take a breather. Give yourself 6 months and slowly work yourself back into it. You have been through a lot, but so has he, and so have the children.
Only you can decide what to do. However, here is my
take. My husband and I wanted six kid. We have four.
The last three pregnancies were terrible. Bedrest for
months, early dilation etc. After number 4, we thought
we were blessed with 4 beautiful children, why chance
another, when the outcome could possibly be bad. So
we agreed our family was 4 kids. Hope this helps. Good
luck.
If you decide to try again, just be emotionally prepared
for whatever problems come your way.
Hi S.,
Sorry it took me so long to write back. I am writing to you as someone who had a miscarriage before going on to have 2 great children (age 9 & 6 now). I remember how anxious I was after my miscarriage when it came to trying again. Having a miscarriage as the ending of my first experience with pregnancy was devastating.
Because of this experience I went on to start a website (www.OurHopePlace.com) with a long time friend who also had a miscarriage (her first pregnancy) to help friends cope, hope and heal after miscarriage. We also have started a blog - http://ourhopeplace.wordpress.com called "Life After Miscarriage - The New Normal."
Please visit our website - there is alot we have tried to express to help others - we feel it offers advice and information which reach out to individual sufferers of miscarriage, as well as to friends, spouses and partners of these women.
Our inspiration for creating Our Hope Place was each other – two women who have experienced miscarriage and have gone on to heal. My friend Sharon and I have known each other for over twenty years and both had miscarriages. We decided to share our friendship, a special bracelet and it's inspiring story to help other women who have also experienced this type of loss. http://www.ourhopeplace.com/BraceletStory.html
This “miscarriage sisterhood” is a group we did not wish to join, but life doesn't always turn out like you plan. Miscarriage is one of the most devastating things that can happen to a woman. There are over 1 million in the US each year but it is a topic rarely talked about. We wanted to change that and demystify miscarriage.
Topics you may be interested in:
- Seven (7) take-away pieces of advice for someone to reference when they want to support and console someone in their life who has experienced a miscarriage. http://www.ourhopeplace.com/6piecesofadvice.html
- Inspiring ways for acknowledging a miscarriage and how they help the woman who experienced the loss. Our idea of sharing our bracelet of hope that acknowledges the woman's loss and ultimately helps her to start to heal. (see a quote below) http://www.ourhopeplace.com/whattodo.html
-How men & women grieve differently and how that affects their healing journey. http://www.ourhopeplace.com/PaulaLevyExpert.html
- Friends helping friends through a devastating life experience – we have known each other since college (20+ years). http://www.ourhopeplace.com/aboutus.html
- How miscarriage affects men and the woman in their life who has experienced the miscarriage. (There is a section in www.OurHopePlace.com where we discuss what the spouse (man) may be feeling and enlighten him about what his wife also may be feeling.)
http://www.ourhopeplace.com/partnertodo.html
What visitors will find on our website www.OurHopePlace.com:
*How we came up with the idea for the website and our bios
*What to say/do, what not to say/do for the woman who suffered a miscarriage
*Specific advice for the spouse, friend and families of these women
*Connecting with the experts & Grieving styles (see a quote below)
*Journal entries from women who have suffered a miscarriage
*Testimonials
*Our inspiring bracelet of hope story
*Seven (7) take-away pieces of advice on how to help & a helpful Perspective Test
*Our Hope Place “in the news”
Our Mission: To provide friends with the confidence and tools to help their friends cope, hope and heal after a miscarriage.
Hello S., you say you trust in Jesus--have you truly prayed for direction about this? Many times we go back and forth, stressing ourselves out when we need to just relax and enjoy the blessings we have before us. Pray and you'll know when it's right to have your fourth. God bless you.
