Scary Bedroom

Children's imaginations are so vivid, they don't have to be exposed to something scary to imagine something scary. My 3 year old started saying he was scared of something in his room at night so I got him a special stuffed animal and told him he was mommy and daddy's helper and that he would stay with him through the night so he wouldn't be scared. I also showed him the monitor and told him we can hear everything that happens in his room even though we aren't in there. He hasn't had another problem since, unless it is thundering outside.....lol

I noticed you have two girls do they both sleep in the same room? and they laying down with her till she falls asleep sounds good also do you have a night light in her room? that may help also a radio playing soft music works real well my grandson listens to religious music puts him right to sleep good luck

Have you thought about a night light in her bedroom or even leaving her bedroom door open as well? My kids have gone through that even with sleeping with siblings. Listen to your instincts. YOu don't want it to become a huge problem but you also want to create a secure child and maybe a little extra loving would help. I remember growing up and thinking there was a skeleton in the closet every night until my mom explained that they were just clothes hanging on the door with the light hitting them.So you never know what is affecting them. Good Luck!!

Maybe she's just gotten to the age that her imagination is really beginning to take off. Is she scared of anything particular in her room or just being alone? Some things that we don't think of as scary can be scary to children because they don't have the ability to comprehend that what they are afraid of isn't actually reality. For instance, a book like "Where the Wild Things Are" is cute to us, but a child who hasn't experienced things that are illustrated in a book may take it to heart. They don't know that the nearest jungle is far, far away from them. Maybe light that comes through her window casts shadows that she doesn't understand? The only advise that I can offer is what I always did when my children were sick-they had to put their finger on what was bothering them-literally. Maybe you can go in when she's afraid and turn the lights on and see if she can take you to what she is afraid of. Or it may be that this is just an attenion ploy? I see that you have 2 little girls-is the other older or younger? Is it possible that maybe they can share a room for a couple of nights to see if this helps? It's so hard to pinpoint something like this at such a young age because they can't really verbalize what is bothering them sometimes. Just try to have patience until you can figure it out. Maybe make bedtime a little earlier for everyone until you can and everyone can get a little sleep. Best wishes to you. I know how exhausting it can be to keep up with these little people when you're running on no sleep.

R.

Hello, the bast thing to do with your child is use a very bright night light because she is obviously afraid of her room in the dark.

We had issues with my daughter going through this when she was 3, too. Finally, we found a couple of things to work even though it was trial and error and lasted for several months. We took her to a dollar store and let her pick out her own nightlight. Then we went in her room in the dark to see what she saw and found several of her stuffed animals looked quite scary in the shadows, so we took those out. We also played soothing music for her. To this day when she hears Enya's song Watermark, she says " that's the lullaby you played me when I was a little girl", very cute since she is only 4 and half. The other thing we did was start doing night time prayers every night. We prayed she would have peace and rest and God would keep the bad dreams away with his angels. After that she did great. I hope you find some of this useful. Good luck!

my son is going through the same thing. we let him fall asleep with his sister or in our bed depending on her mood, then move him when we go to bed. he still talks about being afraid, but no tears. you could do the same, or just lay down with her--what's the harm? if you let her cry, all it will do is teach her that you will ignore her when she is scared and that you aren't there for her. love her through it and it will pass.

Great question, so glad you asked.

It's not a matter of what she has been exposed to (kudos on not letting her watch tv! You are doing her a tremendous favor - read Marie Winn's The Plug-In Drug for more motivation and reasons not to be a tv family).

It's biological - babies and young children have, throughout our evolutionary history, stayed very close to their parents at all times, or else were easy targets for predators. This is probably why they tend to get upset easily if left to play by themselves for longer than a few minutes at a time, even during the day time. As someone said (I don't remember the source): "those monsters in the closet and under the bed are real. They're just extinct."

Don't let her cry it out. Think of how traumatic it would be to be left alone in a dark room with shadows everywhere seeming so alive and threatening - and on top of that, to feel that she can't count on her parents to save her from her terror. Believe me, it is sheer terror for a tiny child to believe there are monsters all around, and her tears are there for a real reason. She's not manipulating you.

I was going to suggest that you use another night light. But you might need a few or maybe even a low-level lamp would do it, even though it might seem very bright.

It probably won't end there, though. I think a really good idea would be to agree with your husband to let her sleep with the two of you for a few nights, to give her body a chance to taper down on the adrenaline response that she has developed to the night-time situation (think of how you feel after a scary movie - sometimes everything can scare you as you walk through your house after watching one; this is an adrenaline response). It really is a physical response at this point. Tell her it's only for a few nights till she is more ready to go back to her room, and during those few days and nights, figure out some good night lighting, and show it to her, and show her, during daylight hours, all those things that scare her. Show her that they're not scary. At night, visit them together, while she is secure in your arms, before you take her to your bed. Ask her if she still finds them scary. Play with them, and show the difference between how they look in the light and the dark, and explain that shadows can look scary, but if she starts to feel scared, to remind herself that they're just the same as always, and look away and think about happy things. If these tactics don't work, just put those things out of sight if possible, or, if not, make sure the lights you put in shine on them in a way that doesn't create a dramatic shadow. A light from overhead, or higher up on a dresser, might work better than night lights near the floor, because the shadows will look more familiar to her.

And whatever you do, don't force her to cry it out! In terms of her emotional and psychological health, she really needs your help on this, not for you to turn your back on her through such a trauma (anything that leads to prolonged crying means they need you, so, actually, never make a baby cry it out).

L.

I think this is just a stage, that has nothing to do with outside influences. She is just starting to get her imagination, and it stands to reason that when she is sitting alone in her room her mind will wander. My three year old (now 5) went through this too. Our first thing (after we also slept with her and vice versa) was to just leave her bedside table light on. We phased this out by first putting a string of decorative lights on her bedside table. Then we went and picked out a cool nightlight. It has a light sensor so it only comes on when it is dark. She has 3 nightlights still, including decorative twinkle lights in her bathroom. There might be some book you can find, like 'There's a nightmare in my closet'. My five year old stayed "scared" until we moved her little sister in her room with her. Eventually the 5 year old said she was lonely, and that's why she wanted maggie in with her. Interestingly, my 3 year old (now) is never scared, maybe because she has slept with her sister since this stage was upon us. Good luck ...

A.

You may have tried all these, but my suggestions are to get a small lamp that only uses a chandaleer (spelling?) bulb or brighter night light. You could let a baby doll or new stuffed animal sleep in her bed one night and show to her how happy and fine they were the next morning! They would be VERY excited to have her in the room with them since it's HER big girl room! You can even buy stick on flowers, etc., from the home store to decorate the walls .. even stars that glow when you turn the lights out at first. Good luck!

I would see if there is anything that looks scary in the dark, like was suggested, and I'd just lay with her until she falls asleep. Eventually she will realize she's really sleeping by herself and she'll outgrow it. I don't remember where I read this, but I remember reading that if you lay in their room it teaches them to be more independant than if you allow them to start sleeping in your room. (trust me, a toddler sleeping in your room every night gets OLD).

Good luck!
~K.

Hi Kristin,
I agree with Rachel-our almost 3 yr old will do similar stuff (ask if there are "yo-bots" under the bed-we let her watch Wall-E recently...
She has 3 night lights in her room (all are muted/behind furniture so that they aren't bright where she can see them).
We think the main issue is that she doesn't want to be alone in her room.
We have her routine in place at night:
Change into Jammies, Brush Teeth, Get on Nighttime "Big Girl Pullups", Read for about 10 minutes, Sing 3 songs, and nighttime prayers, then as I leave her room we blow kisses, say "night, night and I Love You and Sweet Dreams".
Some nights she cries and some nights she doesn't.
Most of the time she wants "More Milk" or "needs New water" or has to "poo poo on potty"...
She also doesn't like to be alone in her room playing-we have moved her dollhouse to the main room in our home so she can play near us and she is fine for about 1/2 an hour at a time. If she plays in her room-alone she only plays for about 5 minutes-unless Daddy is across the hall in the office.
Point= Does she seem to not like being alone at other times?? My husband thinks this is a normal stage of development and since she is similar at naptime-just not EVERY nap/nighttime...
We have let her stay up there and just cry some days when we are too tired to go to her room anymore (her room is upstairs).
It might help to reassure her that you and Daddy are always near-by (we still use a monitor in her room as we sleep on different floors) and I tell her that I can hear her in her room and can come there if she needs me to.
We are also trying to instill an idea of consideration-her Daddy gets up about 5am to go to work so if she is up after about 9pm she needs to whisper and needs to be quiet so Daddy can sleep. I also have Migraines and sometimes Daddy tells her Mommy's head is sick and she needs to rest.
I'll bet your girl is a smart girl with a good imagination-even if she doesn't see much on TV-if you read to her she might be making that into something-our girl watches TV-but it's Sesame Street, Dora, Diego, and one or 2 more Nick/PUblic TV shows and Disney Movies...
Only God knows how their little minds work :-).
Can her sister sleep in her room with her-like a sleepover/slumber party?? You mentioned you have 2 little girls...if she is afraid to be alone having sister in her room might help.
I hope this rambling email helps,
Happy New Year
C.

Both of my children have been afraid of the shadows their night lights created in their bedrooms. My daughter said they were ghosts. Perhaps if you let her sleep with a lamp on for awhile, she wouldn't be afraid?? Maybe try to explain how shadows are created, and play shadow puppets on the wall. Then she can learn that shadows are not scary.

My daughter (also 3) has an angel night light sitting on her dresser. We turn it on every night so the angel can keep her safe while she is sleeping. The few times she has said her room is scary, I remind her that the angel is watching her and will keep her safe until it gets light outside. It seems to work well for her.
J.

I'm having the same type of problem with my 2.5 year old. She has done better now when we leave her door half way open (we used to close it all the way). Then when we know she's fast asleep, we close her door to keep out light/noise. She does have a nightlight, and also has no problem at nap time in the afternoon.

Great advice from Rachael C.

I can understand how you feel, Kristin. We've been through this with our son.

Here are some things that we do that seem to really help:

Pray with your daughter in her room (as a family) before bed. Pray the blood of Jesus to cover her and her room.
Ask the Holy Spirit to give you discernment and show you and or your husband if there are items in her room that need to be removed.

My son sleeps in a pitch dark room with no nite light (so no shadows) and has since he was a newborn. Occationally he has night terrors and we go to him immediately and pray with him. We also went through having him sleep with us a night or two. Nightly prayer in his room really seems to help.

Even though we don't allow him to watch movies or TV other than Sesame Street, when my husband and I watch movies, we find that we need to be very careful what WE watch or bring into our home. If it produces FEAR in us or has inappropriate content, it seems to have a negative result in our family..often causing fear in our little one (even though he didn't see or hear the content).

After multiple bouts with our son having night terrors we decided to do a movie / TV fast.

Here are some scriptures I recite, pray, and meditate on when fear arises.

"For God has not given us a spirit of FEAR, but of power, love and a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7).

"Perfect LOVE casts out fear" (1 John 4:18.)

"When you lie down, you will not be afraid; When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet." (Proverbs 3:23-25)

Praying for you and your family right now...for peaceful sleep, wisdom, and loads of love.

Many blessings,
A.

Perfectly normal...all mine went through it, anyway.
Something someone once suggested to me is that perhaps children are so spiritually aware that they actually sense something real..? Might sound like hubbub, but I took it to heart. I prayed a 'special prayer' with my kids at night to keep all the boogie monsters out of the house.
Also, we pretended to throw them out, beat them up, whatever it took. I think the main thing is not to minimize it when discussing it, and be understanding and compassionate, so that her feelings are validated and she's not made to feel silly on top of her fear.
If you are a Christian person, pray with her, and also, you could read to her that "we are not given a spirit of fear, but of love and of power, and of a sound mind".
Therefore any fear comes from the 'other team", and we should ask for God's help with it.
I would pray for her,too. She might need a little help.
Lots of hugs. I'm sure you're doing this : )
Oh, and really think about anything she might be watching on movies or tv that even remotely could be scaring her..
Blessings,
H.

I don't have any advice, just wanted to let you know that my son is 3 1/2 and we are going through the same thing. We have quite a few transitions going on in our house right now, but no scary looking stuff (especially on TV). I wonder if it is just an age thing. Good luck.

Have you considered letting er take a flashlight to bed with her? That way, if there's a shape that she's not sure of, she can shine the light on it and see for herself that it's just her chair, or a pile of stuffed animals or whatever.
My daughter was never afraid of the dark, but she did have nightmares. I told her about dream-catchers, and how web allows good dreams to pass through, but bad dreams get caught and turn to dew, and when the sun comes up, it evaporates them. She and I made one using an embroidery hoop, kite string, and a few beads and feathers from the craft store, and hung it over her bed.

my daughter did this a lot too and still does once in awhile she is also 2.5. We keep reminding her that there is nothing to be scared of, it seems to help a little bit. I think it was some of the shadows. I would try taking some of the things out of her and see how she does. Oh yeah we would have to lay in there until she fell asleep too, but we don't do that anymore because that was the only way she would go to sleep anymore so it would take like 2-3 hours for her to go to sleep. Good Luck!!

Does her closet have a light in it. My daughter went through this and in fact it wasn't her room that she was scared of it was her closet. you might try that. we just turned the light on in the closet and left the doors cracked. I hope this helps!!!!

Hey Kristin, maybe a night light or one of those lamps where the base lights up on a very low wattage. maybe there are strange shadows from light coming in her window or something like that and she's just now realized that they are there. Get something that is a comfort to her like Dora or Barbie, etc. Another thought we be to move her furniture around in her room to eliminate the shadows, etc... Good Luck R.