Seeking Advice!!!!!! - Colonial Heights,VA

God is great right. Put your trust in the Lord and he will provide all your needs. Don't worry about your ssi if your suppose to have it then you will and if not then you wont. My husband and I went threw premarital classes before we got married and it was a gropwing experiance for the both of us. The people that married us did the class I would suggest that and see if this is truley something you want. God will not turn you way as long as you seek his Face. God Bless!!

Hi L. ~

In response to your SSI benefits - You need to definately check with SS Administration. It doesn't sound right to me that you would lose your benefits just because you get married. Now, if you were receiving benefits from your ex husband, or a deceased husband or relative, yes you very well may lose those. My mother never remarried after my dad died because she would have lost his pension and she would have had to take her SS instead of my Dad's (which is larger). Finances are definately something to consider, especially at your age.

In regard to the house situation - consult an attorney about making sure you are protected in regard to your equity. Don't sell your house and land, then move in with this man without having your name on all the deeds/titles (house and land). I had an Aunt who made that mistake. She sold her house, got married and moved into the man's house. The guy was abusive, they got divorced, but because her name was never put on the deed/title of his house, she got nothing. (pre-marital property). BEWARE!

Finally - In regard to marrying someone at this stage of your life, with two teen boys at home. Being a step parent is a hard job. The teen years can be the most stressful and challenging as a parent. You don't say how the boys feel about him, about you marrying him or about moving. You might think that having a man in their life would be good, but they might resent him. You have been the primary care taker and they might not adjust so well. It could end up being a strain on your marriage, as well as hard on your childrn.

If you and your man are both devoted Christians, it shouldn't be too difficult to wait in regard to marriage. You can date until your children are up and out. He will still be involved in their lives, but they wouldn't have to go through so many changes (emotionally mainly). They could come to know and love him gradually. Of course, you know, that living together and having sex before marriage is out. So, be willing to sacrifice this part of your relationship for the time being.

This is all advice for you to consider. Only you know in your heart what is best for you and your children. Just don't make any rash decisions without thoroughly considering the possible consequences and without having all the facts you need in order to make an intelligent decision.

Best Wishes ~ K.

L.,
As I am reading about your situation it seems like you have been in relationships thus far that have not stood up the test of time. I can understand that you feel like you do not want to raise your two boys on your own, however, I do believe that throughout your life you had rough times and that there is a lot of healing that still needs to take place before you can move on. You said that you have only been with your new friend for 3 month and you are already talking about marriage and about moving in. I believe this is way too early. Even though you know his family and you have seen him throughout the years on different occasions, doesn’t mean that you know this man. You mentioned that you go to church. Does he go with you? Does he believe the same things you do? The Bible says that we should not be unequally yoked, which means that a person who believes in God should not marry someone who does not believe, because it will produce conflicts in their marriage (which I can attest to – I have a few friends who are in the same situation; they go to church and their husbands don’t want any talk about God, church, or even don’t want to set foot into one). Also, how will a marriage affect your kids? Talk to them about how they feel and leave your personal feelings out to get an objective picture. You described that your sons don’t have close friendships; get to know their current friends and have opportunities for fun stuff. It can be hard on young teenage boys when family dynamics change drastically. I do agree that it is good to have a male role model for your boys, but this doesn’t mean that you need to get married so soon. Get to know this new man in your life better. See where you both agree on important issues of life and where you completely disagree. Wait until you have the first “real argument” and look at his response. There are so many unanswered questions and I caution you to step into something without looking at everything from every angle. If you really cannot wait – please consider marriage counseling before you go. Your pastor or leadership should know of a good counselor in your community.

I know where you are coming from, I was in a series of abusive relationships before I met my husband. My dad abused me and my mom wasn't much better. I think it is great you are happy and have found someone to love you and your kids. About not comparing them, it is hard. I used to compare my husband to the man I loved most in my life, who also beat me the worst. I never told My hubby i did it, but I would. When we had a fight, I would think, "Gosh, just hit me and get it over with" it was so hard to learn that my husband wouldn't hit me. And eventually, I have gotten over that and we have a healthy relationship.
As for God, you can't go wrong putting your trust and faith in his hands. If he has brought this man into your life again, there is a reason for that. My grandmother used to say that God doesn't give you more than you can handle. Sometimes you just need a friend to help you handle it. Maybe this man is the friend you have been looking for. My husband is my best friend and even when we have a fight, I remind myself that he is my friend and some how, it is easier to talk to him as a friend than a husband. Good Luck!

my friend has ssi benifits and she got married and has not and will not loose her bennifits. so im sure you wont loose your benifits either. I think that if he makes you happy and can offer your children a better life I would do it. you can allways check with someone about your ssi, but im sure that you would be able to kep it. good luck to you

A.

Hey L.!! Thank you for sharing your situation on what's currently going on! First, I like to thank God that you have came out of a hard situation and God has brought you through it all and now you have met someone you've known already that wants to be with you, and your children! As far as your SSI goes, God is your source girl! He will supply all your need accourding to His riches and glory by Christ Jesus!! (Philippians 4:19) Don't let the enemy try to confuse you with the worry of your finances. The enemy loves to try to confuse people and make them try to handle and worry about things on their own instead of Jesus! He died for us, for our sins, he became poor so that we may be Rich girl!! I think that it's awesome that you have a man in your life that cares for you and to accept your children as well. Just continue to pray about the move situation and wait on the Lord's answer. He'll give it to you girl. You and your hubby to be are coming under God's Blood Covenant by coming together as one to get married!! That is so awesome! And I think the move would be great!! When you feel the frustration of wandering in the dark, know that the Lord has already provided the perfect guide for your life. For when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. (John 16:13) So you be blessed and your future hubby be blessed as well okay and be anxious for nothing!! God got it all girl okay!!! Anytime if you and your hubby to be would like to visit any churches if you're in the Richmond area, please come to Faith Landmarks Ministries okay!! Take care and be blessed!!!
P. :)